X-Men Series II = greatest trading cards ever

 

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It might shock you to learn this.  But I was, at one time, the owner of a complete set of X-Men Series II trading cards.

It’s true.

I also collected baseball cards, because like any self-respecting tomboy I played baseball, not softball.  Softball is for chicks.

But Series II was my most favorite set of any kind of cards I ever collected.  (I know this sentence isn’t grammatically correct and yet I choose to type it that way anyway. Deal with it).  The Fleer Ultra series was OK, but it just didn’t have quite the same magic to it.

297274_xmenseries2_2The tall, narrow type on top.  The dramatic action shot below.  The statistical data on the back.  They were pure perfection.  I even had the cards from the cartoon series with the film strip border.  They were great as reference material or for just sitting down and reading.

And then one day my brother stole them.

He also collected baseball and X-Men cards.  It was something we did together as loving siblings.  We would walk up Country Club Lane to the comic book store and buy them and trade them.  We also went through a pog phase but try not to hold that against us.  I kept my cards in the same navy blue binder in nice segmented card protector pages on a shelf in my bedroom.  They never deviated from that spot and I never took them outside.  At some point my brother lost a few.  I remember thinking, damn, that sucks for him, at least I still have all of mine.

The next time I pulled my binder out, the ones he happened to be missing were now missing from my binder.

WTF.

I took mine back.

He stole them again.

death-of-supermanLittle shit.

This went back and forth for years until he finally hid them where I couldn’t find them.  My brother, my own flesh and blood, saw fit to steal and hide my own X-Men cards from me and had the gall to claim that I had stolen them from him.  As if.  This is the kid who opened up his Superman death comic when he was explicitly told not to and the kid next door had a perfectly good opened one he could have read instead.  And he accused ME, who won’t even open the Star Trek Christmas ornament box?  Psssh.

I never did find my X-Men cards after that.

So I stole his star ships.

Three beautiful Enterprise models, the Enterprise NCC-1701, NC-1701 refit and Enterprise NCC-1701-D.  All beautifully hand painted by our Dad.

What?  He didn’t appreciate them anyway.

Red shirt, blue shirt, gold shirt, no shirt

Oh captain my captain, what has time done?

Oh captain my captain, what has time done?

Now there’s a Dr. Suess book I could get behind.

Poor, poor redshirts. They never stand a chance.

If I was a gal going in to Starfleet Academy in the year 2267, I would request a job that required a blue or gold uniform.  Why were the redshirts always the first to go?  I could give you the technical answer about how red uniforms are worn by Engineering and Security personnel and one or more of them would be required to go on away missions to protect the Captain or go in first to investigate.  But let’s be honest.  It’s the “black dude dies first” rule but since Star Trek is so enlightened they had to find another way of going about it.

You know it’s true.

At my first Star Trek Convention in San Francisco we were treated to some short films produced by fanboys.  One of them (and by far the most popular) was one about redshirts.  I don’t know if this was the exact one but it is equally as humorous:

The term “redshirt” has embedded itself in pop culture.  Anyone expendable is now a redshirt.

tracy-expendable1Personally, I like to think about how Ensign Ricky would have felt about all this.  I’m sure his mama would be proud that her brave young son will always be remembered for taking one for the (away) team.

By 2364 the red and gold uniforms had been swapped. I think this was a good move.  Red is more regal and commanding than yellow is.  It demands respect.  The Next Generation understandably didn’t want to become a joke by continuing the redshirt joke.  But they still needed a way to show that the bad guy was bad without killing off the main characters (Tasha Yar being the exception, but hey, she wanted out).

expendability

 

*bitch slap* "Don't you know who I am? I am the Borg! Resistance is futile, A**HOLE!"

*bitch slap* “Don’t you know who I am? I am the Borg! Resistance is futile, A**HOLE!”

This is where The Worf Effect comes in to play.

Worf is the biggest and most badass of the good guys so if a bad guy can throw Worf across the room (which they often do) they MUST be really bad!  Of course, Worf is a Klingon so he never really gets hurt (they leave that to falling cargo containers – far more deadly than the Borg apparently – but wait! He’s got back up organs!)

So the goldshirt never really took off like the redshirt did.  Which is probably for the best.

The blue uniforms have always been for Medical and Science personnel.  Let’s face it.  They are far less interesting.  Sure Dr. Crusher and Councilor Troi were hotties but Crusher covered hers up with a lab coat and Troi ditched hers altogether after the first two episodes in favor of cleavage.  If it wasn’t for Spock, the blueshirt wouldn’t even be purchased by fanboys for ComicCon and Halloween.  It’s a fact.

kirkAnd lastly, the no shirt. Made famous by Captain James Tiberius Kirk.  Whichever Orion slave girl made his uniforms had an ulterior motive because there is no reason for his uniforms to fall apart at the seams during every episode while everyone else’s stay intact.  Even while battling Spock in “Amok Time” Spock’s uniform manages to stay in one piece while Kirk’s is ripped to shreds.  I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that shirt shredding should be equal opportunity amongst all of the handsome men…

…and maybe some of the women.

 

 

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