What I need to survive the zombie apocalypse

Even as a Zombie, I can still work an iPhone... Girls are smarter than boys, even when we're undead :)

Even as a Zombie, I can still work an iPhone… Girls are smarter than boys, even when we’re undead :)

What do you give a girl who’s biggest fear is zombies?

Why, two Samurai swords, of course!

You may have read any number of zombie survival guides.  I know I have.  Because hey, the zombie apocalypse could TOTALLY happen.  I have nightmares about it.  I had one particular nightmare a while back: I was walking down the aisle of the church and everything seemed to be fine.  Just as I reached the altar, zombies started swarming into the church.  I was literally fighting zombies in a wedding dress with a candelabrum.  This got me thinking.  What do I really want/need in the event zombies start to take over our planet?  Here is the list I came up with:

- Two Japanese swords (katana and tachi – although I would totally take a couple of tsurugi’s)

- Some grenades (in case I get surrounded)

- One really good pair of running shoes (uhm, self-explanatory)

- Five ponytail holders (in case some get lost and because rubber bands are really damaging to your hair)

- One water resistant watch (in case of rain, we all know zombies are impervious to water)

- One really amazing sports bra (YOU try running around with 34DD’s)

- Water purification tablets (alas, I doubt I’ll have easy access to my beloved Arrowhead)

- One pair of Maui Jim sports sunglasses (preferably with one of those landyards that hold them to your head)

- One baseball hat (can’t have sun in your eyes while you’re fighting the undead)

- As many MRE’s as I can carry in a light hiker’s backpack (they last FOREVER, my emergency MRE’s are from WWII)

Zombie family reunion

Zombie family reunion

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t really believe in zombies that are dead people come back to life.  I believe in the virus zombies.  The kind where a virus gets out of control and infects everyone but the few unlucky immune who are left trying to save the planet and find a cure if they’re lucky.  It’s pretty bleak but entirely possible.  Just think of how many viruses and bacteria are being worked on, manipulated and created everyday in labs.  Think of all the diseases that are mutating in nature.  Think of the work being done in nano technology!  Any one of these factors could result in a zombie apocalypse.

Why swords instead of guns?  Guns run out of bullets.  Swords don’t.  Japanese swords tend to be lighter then their European and Middle Eastern counterparts.  For a chick, that’s a good thing.  Swords cut off heads.  Zombies are hard to kill but it’s universally accepted that cutting off their heads will get the job done.  They can be strapped to your back for easy two-handed access in a pinch but are still out of the way while walking and running.  They can always be sharpened and won’t jam up when wet.  They are easy to clean.  They are bad ass.

I’ve got everything but the swords and the grenades.

I am currently accepting donations.

18 thoughts on “What I need to survive the zombie apocalypse

  1. I always thought a wetsuit would be a good idea. A little hot & cumbersome perhaps, but what zombie could bite through a quarter inch of rubber? Of course, chainmail will also do the trick, but which are you more likely to find in a deserted sporting goods store? At least, cut up a suit and make sleeves & chaps….

    • Definitely would be cumbersome. I think I’d rather have the freedom of movement a good old pair of jeans and a t-shirt would provide. I wouldn’t mind adding a light weight shield to the list though.

  2. i have 2 hand made 29″ samurai swords, 11 times folded high/medium carbon blend. =) as well as a good supply of ammo to go through for the long distance stuff. so… when the zombies come, head back to esco and cut some undead into ribbons

  3. I always knew you were a girl after my own heart. Katanas FTW. If the zombie apocalypse hits, my 16 years now of kenjitsu training and teaching will pay off almost instantly.

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  5. In leiu of the Katana/Tachi, you could always go with the machete. Maybe not as sturdy or sexy, but it’ll still do the job.

    As for going to the base, good idea in theory.. but, should all hell break loose, I think many would either flock to the base, making it a nice target, otherwise some of those who have families in the area would attempt to protect their families.
    Just my speculation of course.

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  8. - Some grenades (in case I get surrounded)

    Umm… Once you pull the pin, Mr Grenade is no longer your friend. Your new objective should be to get as far away from Mr Grenade as possible in the shortest amount of time. So unless your intent is to go out like Gorman and Vasquez in Aliens, might I suggest a really good mountain bike, to avoid getting surrounded in the first place. Plus, it will let you carry all your gear in some nifty panniers (http://www.rei.com/expertadvice/learn/bike+bags+racks.html).

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  13. I don’t think grenades are a good idea myself. You’d probably be more likely to blow yourself up than save your life with them. Also, Japanese swords are very expensive and it’s very hard to find decent quality one’s. Do you have a backup plan, if the apocalypse happens before you acquire them?

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