What do you give a girl who’s biggest fear is zombies?
Why, two Samurai swords, of course!
You may have read any number of zombie survival guides. I know I have. Because hey, the zombie apocalypse could TOTALLY happen. I have nightmares about it. I had one particular nightmare a while back: I was walking down the aisle of the church and everything seemed to be fine. Just as I reached the altar, zombies started swarming into the church. I was literally fighting zombies in a wedding dress with a candelabrum. This got me thinking. What do I really want/need in the event zombies start to take over our planet? Here is the list I came up with:
- Two Japanese swords (katana and tachi – although I would totally take a couple of tsurugi’s)
- Some grenades (in case I get surrounded)
- One really good pair of running shoes (uhm, self-explanatory)
- Five ponytail holders (in case some get lost and because rubber bands are really damaging to your hair)
- One water resistant watch (in case of rain, we all know zombies are impervious to water)
- One really amazing sports bra (YOU try running around with 34DD’s)
- Water purification tablets (alas, I doubt I’ll have easy access to my beloved Arrowhead)
- One pair of Maui Jim sports sunglasses (preferably with one of those landyards that hold them to your head)
- One baseball hat (can’t have sun in your eyes while you’re fighting the undead)
- As many MRE’s as I can carry in a light hiker’s backpack (they last FOREVER, my emergency MRE’s are from WWII)
Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t really believe in zombies that are dead people come back to life. I believe in the virus zombies. The kind where a virus gets out of control and infects everyone but the few unlucky immune who are left trying to save the planet and find a cure if they’re lucky. It’s pretty bleak but entirely possible. Just think of how many viruses and bacteria are being worked on, manipulated and created everyday in labs. Think of all the diseases that are mutating in nature. Think of the work being done in nano technology! Any one of these factors could result in a zombie apocalypse.
Why swords instead of guns? Guns run out of bullets. Swords don’t. Japanese swords tend to be lighter then their European and Middle Eastern counterparts. For a chick, that’s a good thing. Swords cut off heads. Zombies are hard to kill but it’s universally accepted that cutting off their heads will get the job done. They can be strapped to your back for easy two-handed access in a pinch but are still out of the way while walking and running. They can always be sharpened and won’t jam up when wet. They are easy to clean. They are bad ass.
I’ve got everything but the swords and the grenades.
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