Dear AMC’s “The Walking Dead”,
We’ve been on a couple of dates now and, frankly, I’m a little concerned about the direction our relationship is heading in. I knew going in that you weren’t my type but everyone said you were great so I figured I would give you a chance. I’m just not convinced that we’re right for each other. I was anxious during both dates and had nightmares about future dates. Ten minutes after our last date my hands were still shaking, I just don’t think that’s a good sign of what is to come.
I have to admit that your appearance is a big part of what bothers me. I’m all for focusing on what’s inside, but your personal hygiene is a real turn off. It doesn’t look like you’ve brushed your teeth or bathed for weeks. You’re really starting to smell. Ironically, you seem to be really attracted to the way I smell and when you start to stumble towards me like a drunken idiot, it makes me really uncomfortable. It’s like you’re constantly trying to invade my personal bubble. You also get this look like you want to eat me and there are certain things that even I won’t do in the bedroom. Not that I would invite you into my bedroom anyway, so don’t get any ideas.
I also didn’t appreciate the way you treated that Sheriff on our last date. (spoiler alert, if you haven’t seen it) He seemed like a good guy even though he sounded kind of British a couple of times. And trying to get into the house uninvited? Really? Who DOES that? Ok, I’ll admit that the guy on the roof was really obnoxious. Unlike you, I’m willing to compromise on some issues.
All that being said, I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. Really, you’re a catch! You’re smart and well-rounded. I know it sounds cliche but, it’s not you, it’s me. There, I said it. I’m going to try not to let my friends pressure me into going out with you again, it’s not healthy for either of us in the long run. And don’t you try to pressure me either with your talk of what’s to come, I don’t need any more surprises in my life, it’s complicated enough as it is. I wish you a long, happy life.
Ok, maybe we can still be friends. But no benefits!
Hot Nerd Girl
P.S – credit for all zombified pictures of HNG goes to the amazingly talented Brett DeWall