What Every Nerd Bar Needs

hot nerd girl bartender with background

You could copy Ten Forward, duplicate the bar on Tatooine or “cmd-c” any famous nerd bar but those would all just be facsimiles. And while they would be awesome, I thought it would be better if somehow a bar could be created that, while totally being a nerd bar, could just as easily pass as a normal bar. You can order beer, wine or a little Romulan Ale without beating people over the head with patrol Car 718’s night stick.

Patrol Car 718 "Spock you out" from FuturamaSo here are a few things that I feel would be excellent subtle replacements for items you find in bars all around the world.

Sports Jersey: A lot of bars have jersey’s of famous players on their walls, right? So what kind of jersey would be in a nerd bar? Since we’re going for subtle I’m not sure how good it would be to have a Caprica Buccaneers jersey up there because it just seems too overt. I’m thinking we go with something reeeeeeally obscure. Like a Buck Bokai jersey perhaps? You can all name the episode of DS9 that it’s from right? Ok good 🙂

Buck Bokai from Deep Space Nine

Weapon Above Fireplace: To replace a normal sword, how about a bat’leth or lightsaber? A shot-gun gets replaced by a clumsy blaster or phaser rifle? Or maybe, to get super cool we go with Duncan McClouds katana! That’s right. I dug so deep I hit Adrian Paul.

HighlanderDuncan4

Drinks: As I said before, the alcohol would be important. Klingon Blood Wine maybe? Romulan ale? As long as they have Imperial Stormtrooper Stout on tap, I’m in.

Games: Obviously, it being a nerd bar and all, games will be offered to keep busy nerds buried in RPG or sci-fi minutiae. But what games, you ask? Obviously, some good d20’s would be for sale. And much like darts, if you want to borrow the bars dice you gotta leave your license with the bartender. It should also have assorted classic games like Pacman, Load Runner or Joust available. And if you’re really lucky, maybe even Galaga.

pacman table

from http://inhabitat.com/pacman-dining-table/

Posters: now we’re moving into less subtle territory. A Starship Troopers poster would be way too obvious. But the ‘Firefly’ one below as well as some classics, like ‘Soylent Green’ or ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ I feel we could pull off without making normal folk feel weirded out. Especially since the ‘Serenity’ one is in German. Sci-five!

Serenity, The Day the Earth Stood Still & Plan 9 From Outer Space

 

 

 

 

How to tell the difference between Cally and Kaylee

Yah, yah.

I am aware of the fact that I’ve been writing an awful lot about Firefly and Battlestar Galactica lately.  There are two reasons for this:
 
1. I recently purchased every season of BSG and am treating myself to a personal marathon.
 
2. My Mom just had surgery and, as her weekend nurse I decided that, in my expert medical opinion, a Firefly marathon was necessary to her recovery.

(I may aso be mourning the death of the Help Nathan Buy Firefly movement…so sad)
 
This post stems from a conversation I had with my Mom over the weekend after we had watched a few episodes of FF.  I was trying to explain to her why BSG should be her next marathon and was giving her short descriptions of the characters.  Next thing I know she’s asking about Cally in the Firefly world.  I asked if she meant Kaylee.  She asked which one was the mechanic.  I said both of them.  She asked which one had been shot.  I said both of them.  She got very confused (the Vicodin may have contributed to that) and demanded to know who the heck was who and why they were so dang similar. 
 
So I present to my Mom (and to you) Cally vs. Kaylee.

***

CALLY

Originally little more than a named extra, the producers liked Nicki Clyne so much that they decided to make Callandra Henderson (or Jane Cally, depending on where you’re at in the series) a full fledged character.  The poor girl just wanted to be honorably discharged from the decommissioned Battlestar Galactica and go off to be a dentist.  Instead she watched the vast majority of her civilization destroyed along with her dreams of oral hygiene.  The moment I knew I liked her was when she fought off a criminal would-be rapist by biting off his ear.  He shot her in the gut and that was supposed to be the end of Deckhand Cally. 

Instead she went on to murder a Cylon (who used to have sex with her boss), get beat up (by her boss), knocked up (not by her boss), hitched (to her boss), almost executed (by the big boss) and then murdered (by a Cylon). 

Even though Cally turns out to be not so great a person, I have a soft spot for her.  I mean, seriously, the girl just wanted to be a dentist.

KAYLEE

A genius mechanic with no formal training, Kaywinnit Frye is the heart and soul of the Serenity crew.  She’s pretty much open and honest about everything and jumps on the opportunity to take the mechanic job away from a guy right after jumping his bones.  She accidentally gets shot in the gut by the most incompetent undercover cop ever and is saved by the soon-to-be ship’s doctor who bargains for safe passage with her life. 

The poor girl somehow ends up being the brunt of the guy’s teasing, usually when she displays some behavior that proves she’s a woman under all that engine grease.  Fortunately, the ladies come to her defense, most often in the form of mad dogging the guys.  She develops a fat crush on the doc and even though he seems to like her too, he pretty much screws it up at every opportunity. 

I liked Kaylee from the moment I saw her (how could you not??)  I mean, seriously, the girl just wants to fix things and wear a frilly pink dress.

***

Ok, so let’s review here.  Both are mechanics, both have unrequited crushes on fellow crew members that are eventually requited, both get shot in the stomach and that’s about where the similarities end. 

But it’s understandable how someone doped up on pain meds would get the two confused.

Say yes. 

Don’t make me mad dog you.