Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread

Everything looks better with pixels

Well, I’m on vacation in New York with a wonky internet connection (hence the lovely pixelized pictures) but it seems I just can’t quit you guys. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl!

This time around I’m attempting to make Lembas Bread. 

Key word: attempting.

If you don’t know what Lembas Bread is then allow me to enlighten you.  It’s from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. It’s made by the Elves and given to the Fellowship to feed them on their journey to Mordor.

First, a disclaimer.

When I first saw this recipe I got so excited that I only read the ingredients, not the directions.

HUGE rookie mistake and yet ANOTHER reason why HNG = epic fail in the kitchen.

At least I had fun while failing

I wish now that I had tried the recipe on the website that shows you how to make the leaf wrappings because it fits my idea of Lembas Bread better and doesn’t require special machinery that no one but the Italian Grandma down the street could possibly have in their kitchen. Seriously? A pizzelle press? Give me a break. Plus, the recipe was missing steps.  Really, it was just a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyhooters, here is my utterly ridiculous attempt to make Lembas Bread. Now where’s Tosh.0 so I can get my web redemption?

*side note: keep watching after the credits, I added a little bonus clip at the end.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8xSpsi0by8]

So all of you who suggested that I give baking a try…now you know why that’s probably not the best idea.

Here’s the recipe from The Geeky Chef, but again, I suggest you try the other recipe first.  I think that I will try that other one just so that I can attempt to redeem myself.  I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

Ingredients:
3 eggs1 c. honey3 fruits of the Mallorn tree (kumquats)2 tsp. orange blossom or rose water (optional)

3 oz. chopped almonds or macadamia nuts

¼ c. melted butter

2 ¼ c. flour

½ tsp. salt

Directions:

Put the eggs, honey, kumquats, rose or orange flower water, and nuts in a food processor or blender. Blend on high for 2-4 minutes. Add 1 cup of the flour. Blend for a minute or two. Put mixture into a bowl and add the remaining flour and the salt. Whisk or stir until well blended. Bake lembas on a pizzelle or iron about 15 seconds each or until lightly brown. Cut into desired sized pieces. Wrap in a leaf and tie with a string!

I smile whenever I'm plotting the demise of people who come up with stupid and incomplete recipes.

Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:

Butterbeer

Ambrosia

Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Ambrosia

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3 franchises represented in 1 photo. I love it!

Remember when I told you that cooking was NOT one of my many talents?  Well, it’s about to become very obvious to you.

The Butterbeer recipe was the last one we shot so I had kind of gotten in to the swing of things by then (and had a few drinks…ahem).  Ambrosia, on the other hand, was the first video we shot and I was neither warmed nor liquored up yet.

I don’t know what it is about cooking that causes all of my smarts to fly right out the window.  Give me the newest iphone and I’ve got it figured out within 10 minutes but put a blender in front of me and you’d think I’d just been handed a spaceship.  Actually….I take that back…I am absolutely positive that I could figure out the spaceship before I could figure out the blender.

In my defense, the blender is my mothers and I’d never used it before.  I know, it’s a pathetic excuse but it’s the only one I’ve got so I’m exploiting it wholeheartedly.

Not only did I not rehearse any of these recipes but, in some cases, I didn’t even read the directions beforehand, only the ingredients.

Oops.

What can I say? I like a little adventure in my life!

On to Ambrosia!

Ambrosia is a fancy shmancy alcoholic beverage from Battlestar Galactica that is known for being pretty potent. I like that it’s bright green, it reminds me of Ecto Cooler aka Slimer Juice.  But, you know, for adults.

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mmmmm….. green goo…..

So without further ado, this is how you make Ambrosia:

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A1ES6Jq87E]

Here’s the recipe (from The Geeky Chef):

Ingredients

6 oz Midori

4 oz Blue Curacao

2 oz lime juice

Directions
Add all ingredients to the Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker pitcher (or, in my case, a blender) and add ice as directed in the owners manual. Makes 36 oz. of delicious concoction. Garnish with a stemmed cherry and enjoy!

Screen Shot 2013-11-02 at 6.33.59 PM

I drank a lot of it. Gotta love liquid courage!

PS – the next video will be of actual food, I promise!  Well…it would be actual food if I knew what I was doing…