Star Trek Into Darkness Reviewed

HNG Star Trek Into Darkness

So many nerdy posters but not a single Star Trek one to be found

I know that this review crazy late but I’ve been dealing with some stuff that I might write about later so… c’est la vie, mes chers amis!

There isn’t much in this world that I love more than Star Trek. It excites and inspires me like nothing else. I managed to see Star Trek Into Darkness twice before opening day. My coworker convinced me to enter a costume contest that a local news station was having so I submitted this picture at the last minute and ended up winning the grand prize. No one was more surprised than me, let me tell you! My prize was VIP tickets to a Wednesday night showing, $80 in concessions, and a gift bag full of Star Trek Into Darkness goodies like a sweatshirt, t-shirt, poster, fake tattoos, cups, and some kind of Bluetooth device that I haven’t figured out yet. So I took my Mama and stood at the concession counter while two employees ran around collecting $80 worth of Red Vines and Junior Mints. Then I saw it again with my friends at a Thursday night preview. Both times were in 3D and I will probably see it again in 2D just for the heck of it.

*WARNING: I usually try really hard not to spoil things but I can’t help it when it comes to anything Star Trek related and I spoil the shit out of this so beware. Also, it’s been out a week so you should have seen it by now.


A brief synopsis: Starfleet’s been doing pretty swell since Nero got knocked down but a new threat has emerged and no one seems to know how or why, just that he’s blowing shit up and they want him to stop. It’s up to Kirk and his crew to stop this one man Army using whatever means necessary. They think they’ve accomplished this task until Robocop shows up and turns out not to be such a good guy after all. 72 Augmenticles, 2 starships, a few thousand lens flares, and a half-naked baby mama later and our favorite alternate reality crew is finally off on their five year mission and a third movie.

Kirk into darkness

Kirk (Chris Pine) has the Enterprise. Kirk loses the Enterprise. Kirk gets the Enterprise back. Enterprise loses Kirk. Enterprise gets Kirk back. Some would call this a better love story than Twilight. But I digress. Kirk is riding pretty high at the beginning of this movie. He pretty much thinks he’s invincible and it’s up to Admiral Pike to knock him down a few pegs (or Peggs…?) Just as soon as the message sinks in he’s thrust back into being a rock star and has to save the day from enemies on two fronts. You’d think being thrown out of a trash chute with a genetically engineered superman would humble the dude. It doesn’t, but he learns a lot and by the end of the movie he gets a bit philosophical, saying “revenge is not who we are.” A nice little twist of the “revenge is a dish best served cold” bit of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Speaking of twists…Kirk and Spock’s little sacrificial switch-a-roo kind of annoyed me the first time I saw it. The second time I saw it I appreciated it more even though…..

spock into darkness 2

……Spock’s redux of the famous (and infamous) “KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!” call was only slightly less cheesy than Kirk’s original. Is it just me, or was Spock way too emotional in this movie? Don’t get me wrong, I lurv me some Zachary Quinto, missing earflaps and all, but the crying and the talking about the feelings and the anger were all very un-Spock-like. Like everyone else, I applauded when Spock Prime (Leonard Nimoy) Skyped in to break his own rule and discuss how his crew defeated Khan “at great cost.” I hope he shows up in every post-JJ-era Star Trek flick. Spock got some of the coolest scenes in the whole movie. In addition to fighting with a volcano, Khan, Uhura, and some Klingons, he got to use all his Vulcan tricks: nerve pinches, mind-melds, and leaping great distances in a single bound. His moments with Kirk were especially comedic.

uhura into darkness 2

Uhura (Zoe Saldana) got to be pretty badass in this movie. She stood up to the Klingons and swooped in to save the day when her boyfriend (who she also fought with) was taking a beating. Alternate universe Uhura is turning into the mama bear of the crew. She’s got a fierceness and a gentleness about her that exist in relatively perfect harmony. Her feistiness probably wouldn’t fly in a real-life military but for the movies it’s entertaining to watch her throw her earpiece across the bridge’s console.

mccoy into darkness

McCoy and the metaphors! Bones (Karl Urban) spit out so many that it was almost – ALMOST – too much. He’s lucky I love metaphors, bad puns, and cheesy lines. I drew the line at “Damnit Spock, I’m a Doctor not a torpedo technician!” That was, in fact, too far. However, the scene where he’s trying to examine Kirk on the sly was absolute perfection.

Scotty into darkness 3

Scotty (Simon Pegg) is running. He just thought you should know. Pegg is an absolute and sorely underutilized gem. He’s got more to do than he did in Star Trek (2009) but he needs more scenes to chew on because, my God, the man spits out gold every time he opens his mouth. He’s a little pissed off in this movie. First his ship is submerged in salt water, then transporter technology that he created is being used and abused, then he’s forced to resign his commission over a morality dispute, then “One day he’s been off this ship. One day!” and it’s falling apart. Still, he plays a huge part in saving the day and Kirk declares him “a miracle worker.” Poor guy needs some scotch and a foot massage. His friend Keenser (Deep Roy) pulls a Major “King” Kong and straddles a torpedo but disappears before the real action begins.

sulu into darkness

Sadly, Sulu (John Cho) doesn’t have much to do in this movie, with one major exception. He gets to sit in the Captain’s chair for a while and deliver an announcement to Khan full of truly epic badassery. It’s intimidating and unexpected enough that Bones (having previously underestimated him) looks over and says “remind me never to piss you off.”

chekov into darkness

On the other hand, Chekov (Anton Yelchin) gets slightly more to do. When Scotty resigns, Chekov gets promoted (?) to Chief Engineer and looks truly aghast when Kirk orders him to “put on a red shirt.” He spends most of his time running around with a nifty pair of goggles on (I don’t remember seeing anyone else in Engineering with goggles, but meh).

carol into darkness

The good guys are rounded out by a new addition, Dr. Carol Marcus (Alice Eve). She’s the daughter of Admiral Marcus and the future mother of Kirk’s son, David (if this timeline follows the original timeline). She’s got a gratuitous but not at all offensive (not to me at least, I thought the scene was funny) moment in her underwear and a scream reminiscent of a velociraptor.

khan into darkness

Benedict Cumberbatch can do no wrong. Even his name is amazing. I’m a MAJOR Sherlock fan (though I draw the line at Cumberbitch fangirl status thankyouverymuch) and while, yes, BC is very handsome, I’m far more attracted to his fantastic acting chops. He definitely does not disappoint here. He relishes every line of dialogue and every facial expression. He expresses more in a sideways glance then some actors do in an entire movie *coughcoughKristenStewartcoughcough* I’m seriously considering referring to him as Benedict Skullcrusher from now on. Also, did anyone else notice that he turns into Emo Khan when he’s fighting?

In the movie Khan declares that he’s better than everyone in every way. But he doesn’t really explain why. So if you’re a Star Trek virgin, you’re probably wondering why he’s so much better. Allow me to fill you in: way back in 1992 (you remember, right?) genetically engineered super humans developed a superiority complex and decided to take over the world. They managed to take over about 40% of it with Khan Noonien Singh as their absolute ruler. This resulted in a series of conflicts called the Eugenics or Great Wars. The normal old boring humans managed to defeat the “Augments” in 1996 but about 80 of them, including Khan, went missing until they were discovered in suspended animation aboard the SS Botany Bay by the crew of the USS Enterprise about 200 years later. Here’s how they are “better”: The Augments were designed to be remarkably agile, five times stronger than, and twice as intelligent as a normal human, resistant to sickness and with enhanced senses, possessing heart muscles twice as strong and lung efficiency 50% better. Their blood contained platelets capable of regenerating from any disease or toxin, which could be used to cure or revive medical subjects via transfusion. They also had twice the average lifespan. Even their resistance to energy weapons was improved, as it took multiple shots with a phase pistol to stun one. In combat, they were even capable of resisting a Vulcan nerve pinch and mind meld. Unfortunately, along with those awesome abilities comes a massive increase in aggression, ambition, and all around douchebaggery.

marcus into darkness

Speaking of douchebags…Admiral Alexander Marcus (Peter Weller) is one. Can’t quite figure out where you know him from? It’s Robocop. Sure, he’s been in a few things since then, but trust me, it’s Robocop. You’re welcome. You start off liking Admiral Marcus. He’s no-nonsense and doesn’t mind hearing what the youngins have to say. Then he goes and tries to start an intergalactic war with his brand new supership and you start to change your mind a little. Then he reveals that he’s been planning to murder craploads of innocent people just to further his agenda and you start to understand why Khan squeezed his head until his skull cracked open like a walnut.

noel clarke into darkness

To many folks Thomas Harewood (Noel Clarke) may seem like a minor character. Sure, he gets the action started by blowing up Section 31, but why should we care about him? Because he’s also Mickey Smith, former Companion to the Doctor who was, at one point, thrust into a parallel universe. He did make his way back to our universe eventually but who’s to say he didn’t get a hold of a vortex manipulator and find himself trapped in the 23rd century??

A few final notes:

I like the warp signature effect, even though it reminds me of “the more you know” NBC thing from when I was a kid, what with all the sparkles and tinkling and stuff.

When did the Starfleet uniforms get hats? I don’t ever remember hats but in this movie they were everywhere, especially when paired with the grey dress uniforms. Must be an alternate timeline thing.

The USS Bradbury. I can think of no greater honor.

42 people died when Harewood blew up Section 31. I just always feel the need to point out when the number 42 is used in anything.

The ash rain on Spock at the Daystrom Institute. It was very poetic.

Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds) from True Blood took over Navigation from Chekov. Every time I saw her I pictured a voodoo ceremony.

What happened to the red shirts who went with Kirk, Spock, and Uhura down to Kronos? They swapped out their red shirts for some generic leather jackets, made it to the surface and then were never seen again. I’m assuming they perished in the fight with the Klingons but when?? I like to know/see when Ensign Ricky bites the dust.

Carol mentions her friend Christine Chapel who got as far away from Kirk as she could and became a nurse. This is the second time Nurse Chapel has been mentioned in the new films but we still haven’t seen her.

Spock: “Our options are limited. We cannot fire and we cannot flee.” I LOL’d.

Khan’s speech on board the USS Vengeance was very in keeping with the original Khan.

The shot of the Enterprise regaining it’s thrusters and slowly rising through the clouds was GORGEOUS.

Whudda thunk that a noble Tribble would help to save the day? The shirt I wore the first time I saw it turned out to be very appropriate. Sometimes I’m psychic that way.

I happen to like the lense flares.

I got really excited by stuff like Section 31, pregnant Gorns, and a reference to the “Mudd Incident.”

It was nice to hear Chris Pine give the Star Trek shpeel with the “5 year mission” added back.

No one knew what to expect from the 2009 reboot. Thankfully, it turned out to be magical with just the right amount of inside Trekkie jokes for those in the know. They attempted to recapture that magic here and, to be honest, they just tried too hard at times. They are definitely focusing more on action than substance, which in some ways is a shame because that’s not what Star Trek is all about. It’s about diplomacy and exploration first and violence as a last resort. The conversation between Kirk and Scotty over the torpedoes addressed that which I was grateful for, but the big explosions and fighting cheapen it just a little. That being said, I’m a big fan of action and it’s also helping to attract a crowd that normally wouldn’t give Star Trek the time of day so I appreciate the contribution it’s making to the fandom. The more fans the merrier! It means that much more Star Trek for me in the future 🙂

And so ends my review of The Wrath of Khan 2.0. What did you think of the movie?

4 out of 5 Sci-Fives! (for once my Sci-Five graphic is 100% appropriate)

Four of Five Sci-Fives


If you like pictures like this:

Hot Nerd Girl Star Trek uniforms

Then don’t forget to buy a calendar! It’s got every nerdy holiday you can imagine, plus a super handy convention calendar, and some never-before-seen pictures that will never, ever be seen anywhere else. I know it’s May but it’s worth it to get the 2013 calendar. Besides, if I don’t sell these, then there probably won’t be one next year so, ya know…buy one :) Since it’s May, they’re super discounted (I promise you I’m not making a fortune off of them) and the price includes taxes and shipping within the US and Canada (if you live outside of the US/Canada then email me at AND I’ll sign it if you want.


  1. Robert says:

    “They are definitely focusing more on action than substance, which in some ways is a shame because that’s not what Star Trek is all about. It’s about diplomacy and exploration first and violence as a last resort.”

    I agree with this. Star Trek is supposed to be more ponderous and that is definitely missing in this movie.

    For fun, I sat through a Star Trek marathon of all the original cast movies, followed by the new version, prior to seeing Into Darkness. From the originals, the thing that stands out to me the most is the friendship between Kirk, McCoy, and Spock. They are a trio, but so far, 4 hours into this alternate reality, J.J. Abrams’ has neglected McCoy in this trifecta, who has been demoted to providing comic relief.

    He’s the one that often raises profound moral questions, and the debates between him and Spock, aside from the comic relief they provided, were always very substantive.

    In the special features of the first Abrams iteration, they said they were moving Star Trek (which was far more balanced between action and acting) from classical music to rock and roll. I think we need some more classical music going forward. Character development seems to have devolved into caricature.

    I have to see it again, but I think the thing most lacking is inserting McCoy into the main characters up there with Kirk and Spock.

  2. John says:

    I agree with your opening sentiments about the inspirational qualities of Star Trek but this really isn’t Star Trek. It’s entertaining enough, even daring at times, but lacks the substance of the real thing. Star Trek was at it’s best boldly going forward not this rehash/reboot band wagon the franchise has jumped on.

    The film wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t that good either. Cumberbatch was a better villan than the last one but really the franchise needs to be back in the hands of someone who – like Gene Rodenberry himself – will always ask “how is this Star Trek?” Even at it’s lowest points Star Trek was full of big ideas, this version is full of big effects. I do like that but it needs more.

    My hope is that this keeps Star Trek alive long enough for it grow back into what it was. There’s no reason why we can’t have the big ideas and the big action living long and prospering together on the same screen.

  3. I feel about this Star Trek movie what I felt about The Phantom Menace, in a way. Back then it was “Yes, I see what you extremists are saying about the plot and the characterisation and the intersection of this with established canon, but LIGHTSABRES! SPACESHIPS! ZAP! ZAP! BZZZZZZZRMMMMMM! (that’s a lightsabre noise…)

    In this case, yes, I was a little disturbed by some of it, sad that McCoy is relegated to snarling a disbelieving statement and performing necromancy on Tribbles, unsure of the nobility of Starfleet in this alt universe, and disappointed by the lack of strong female action (Uhura’s scene with the Klingons was the only strongly positive thing a woman was shown doing in the film. The rest of the time she was an emotional band-aid or relationship joke – Oooh, she’s gonna be CROSS with you….) Felicia Day says it better on her blog.
    But it WAS Star Trek, and it has spaceships and phasers, and Scotty and Khan and interplanetary peril. And no sparkly vampires, so YAY!

    1. Charles says:

      Hahaha! “Sparkly vampires” statement got me.

  4. Ashley H says:

    Great review, I agree with a lot of your points. As for the red shirts who go down to Kronos, my friend and I are pretty sure that the one with the beard is the same actor who portrayed “Cupcake” in the 2009 movie (imdb seems to agree, and I’m 95% sure you see him sitting at the security desk when Khan is in the glass cell later in the movie. I think he might be the one that Kirk tells to move Khan to sickbay or wherever? Don’t hold me to it though.

  5. Liam J. Miniter says:

    As you said if your a Star Trek virigin you have absolutely no idea who Khan is. This is one mistake I see repeated over and over again in studio level science fiction stories, that is not providing the back story on the villain. Without that character build up you are not emotionally invested in desiring to see him defeated and thus don’t care as much about the outcome. The CGI makes people want to see it once, but a compelling uplifting story is what draws people to see it over and over again. So sadly, this is in the see it once and forget it exists folder.
    Of all the wonderful stories they could of went with about exploring the unkown, they choose a superficial rehash with almost zero villian character developement; Hollywood you need to fire some writers.

  6. Christopher says:

    I saw it last Saturday and it was great!!!!!! My posting about it will hopefully be up before the end of this week!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. kim says:

    Great movie!

  8. I agree with you on some points and disagree on others, to know more read my review at