I mean seriously, I could totally be a Stark! Right?!
I finally finished reading Book 5 of the Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin (which took me an abnormally long time compared to books 1-4). As I read and finished each book in the series I wrote down my thoughts. Sometimes they are snippets, sometimes they are discussions I’m having with myself, and sometimes it’s just me rehashing something that happened so that I can work it all out in my head. Writing crap like this down is just something I’ve always done. I’m not really sure why.
I did not edit these random thought nuggets so BE WARNED THAT THERE ARE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SPOILERS AHEAD and if you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read those sections. As a bonus I wrote down my brain farts while watching the first season of the HBO Game of Thrones TV show. I’m not including any of my thoughts on the second season because it’s still in progress and some folks wait for the DVD’s to come out, etc etc.
So here you go, a glimpse into the way my brain works 😉
Game of Thrones
Having descended from Nordic peoples, I have a feeling I would totally dig living at Winterfell.
I want a direwolf. Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?
George, I’m not gonna lie, I’m more than a little pissed that you killed off my favorite Lord. I’m sure his death is going to play a huge part in the books to come but I really thought he was going to get out of there and live to fight another day.
I will comfort myself with Ned Stark cake pops
I love Arya. Probably because she reminds me of me at that age, a scraggly, scrawny tomboy running around with all the boys having adventures. I had no use for Barbies except when I needed someone for GI Joe to rescue from the dinosaurs. I would have loved nothing more than to have had a private “dance” instructor back then…actually, that still holds true today.
Dance monkey, dance!
Yeesh Lysa. Somebody get this girl some heavy medication.
This Littlefinger dude is more trouble than he seems.
“No Ser Jorah, it’s totally cool. I’m just gonna walk into this burning funeral pyre, mmmkay? It’s all good.” I can see why Ser Jorah would have his doubts.
Way to find your girl power Daenerys!
So wait, what’s the difference between an “Other” and a “Wight”? Ok, got it.
Wow. Joffrey is an asshat.
Thank gods my brother isn’t like Viserys, I’d probably kill him too. Khal Drogo wins the “most creative way to kill a douchebag” award.
Incest is the best, put your sister to the test. Now please excuse me while I vomit profusely.
Theon, you sound like a sexy beast. I kind of dig it how you smirk all the time as your way of sticking it to the man. You might be my crush in this series.
Clash of Kings
GDit Theon Greyjoy, you little shit. I used to have a sort of crush on my mental image of you with your cocky little smile and your bad boy attitude, but now I just want to go bloody mummer on your ass. How dare you sir! How dare you hurt Old Nan!
Sansa is my least favorite of all the Starks…so why do I cry the ugly cry during her parts?!? I love Arya and she’s going through way more crap than Sansa is but I don’t even get verklempt during Arya’s parts. I think it must be because Sansa is so helpless and defenseless. Arya’s got skillz and can take care of herself but Sansa can only whimper while Joffrey is abusing her. I will say that Sansa has grown on me though. I wanted to strangle her myself while reading Game of Thrones.
Poor poor Bran…oh wait, nevermind.
So wait, Melisandre gives birth to murderous shadow babies? WTF??
Hodor. Hodor? HODOOOOOOORRR!!!!
It's true. Cause he's huge. You'd probably get knocked down. Yeah.
Sucks to be Ser Seaworth. Say that 5 times fast.
Valar Morghulis? Duh. Way to state the obvious.
Craster is fucked up. How do you look at the toddler running around and think, yeah, I’ll bang her in a few more years. I mean WTF?!?? I can’t say I blame Gilly for wanting to get the hell out of Dodge.
The dwarf gets all the best sex. That’s awesome. But for some reason I can’t get the image of Willow banging Sorsha out of my head.
I think I know who Arstan Whitebeard is….I think. But I don’t want to say yet in case it’s BS (see what I did there?) I love a good double entendre.
WHY ARE YOU KILLING OFF ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, GEORGE?????
A Storm of Swords
1000 pages of awesomesauce.
Hell yeah! I was right about Selmy! Self sci-five!
Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that Gendry has a fat crush on Arya.
Geez George, is there anyone you won’t kill?? Is nothing and no one sacred???
Huh. Well Catelyn, I honestly didn’t see that coming. I’d hang all the Frey’s too.
Still not sure what to think of Jojen but Meera is awesome. I’d have a crush on her too, Bran. Why are psychic kids always so creepy?
Valar Dohaeris. Unless you fancy yourself royal.
Always listen to your direwolf.
So are all of the Stark children wargs?
I wonder if House Tyrell is a GRRM nod to the Tyrell Corporation? Either way, the Tyrell women are fantastic. I love the Queen of Thorns. She reminds me of my grandma. Except for the scheming and murdering.
Wow Sansa, you get a lot done in this book. I’m impressed.
Jaime – loses a hand and becomes a man.
Ygritte – I’m glad that Jon won’t die a virgin.
Sam – you fucktard. Making Jon Lord Commander was the worst thing you could have done for him. Although I think you’re right that he was the best man for the job out of the people who were available. Thank God Janos Slynt is dead. I hated that asshole.
Tywin Lannister = biggest hypocrite ever. That kind of surprised me actually. Tyrion wins the “best way to commit patricide” award.
Holy shit Littlefinger. So you’re the puppet master. I knew I needed to keep a close eye on you. I kind of love to hate you. You need to lay off Sansa though, it’s creeping me out.
I’m pretty much convinced that Coldhands is Benjen Stark.
A Feast for Crows
George, I wish that you had stuck with using chronological order. Just sayin’.
So who’s the new Pate? Jaqen H’ghar is my guess. I can’t wait to find out what he’s up to now.
Brienne is my hero.
Oh Cersei. Cersei, Cersei, Cersei. You can talk the talk but you can’t walk the walk. It’s about time karma bit you in the butt.
Damn, Zombie Catelyn, you’re kinda batshit.
Ok, so Littlefinger is a bit of an enigma to me. I’m thinking that he transferred his Catelyn obsession over to Sansa and some warped part of him feels like he can screw over every other person in Westeros so long as he takes care of her. He obviously wants to be king and he’s obviously the master puppeteer in the game of thrones. …. Right?
I don’t have anything nice to say about the Greyjoy’s. Even Asha has lost her appeal.
I do; however, like Dornish women.
I hope this whole Arya storyline goes somewhere super cool because I’m ready for her to move on. Which is weird because I actually really look forward to these chapters. It’s like a different book within the book. I need the kindly man to teach me some patience. And I love how Sam keeps running into all the “dead” Stark kids.
A Dance with Dragons
Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, George, stop killing everyone I love GDit!!!
Ok Asha, I kind of like you again.
And the recipient of the “character who went through the most crap” award goes to….Tyrion Lannister! Holy shit dude. You had, like, 9 lives in this book.
It’s a relief to finally know where Varys stands in this whole thing.
Poor, poor Quentyn. Yeesh, I feel bad for that kid. All he wanted was to make his daddy proud and instead he ended up a crispy critter.
It’s about damn time Dany rode Drogon! That was epic! What followed was not so epic…
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Not my Jon!! And how many times do I have to tell you Stark kids not to leave your direwolves behind? Ugh. Littlefinger was right about you lot in that regard.
Season 1 of HBO’s A Game of Thrones
God bless HBO and their penchant for gratuitous nudity.
Director Tim Van Patten’s brother makes my cat’s food.
Robb Stark. I’d hit that.
Renly’s gay??? That was made up for the show right? Cause I don’t remember getting that impression in the books. But I guess I just missed it.
From now on, whenever I hear the Johnny Cash song “Ring of Fire” I will have a very distinct picture of Dany in my head.
I probably would have avoided this little experiment
Theon, you don’t look like how I imagined you in the books but I didn’t want to punch your face in right away so you’re a good actor at least.
Jon Snow. I’d hit that.
That’s a whole lotta penis and vajayjay. Most were cool but I’m pretty sure I saw Pycelle’s and that was just totally unnecessary.
When you play the game of thrones, either you win or you die. There is no middle ground.
And that wraps up my Game of Thrones wrap up. Sorry if this gives you an epileptic seizure but I thought it was really cool.