Malcolm Reynolds vs. Han Solo

Malcom Reynolds vs. Han Solo by Hot Nerd GirlAs the pressure heats up for Fox to let Nathan buy the rights to Firefly, I realized that there too is another never-ending battle that shall live on in the annals of sci-fi history: Why Malcolm Reynolds is better than Han Solo….. and vice versa.

I was going to take sides, but then I realized that I’d be happier to take a tour around the galaxy with either of these bad asses.  But in the name of science, SCIENCE I TELL YOU, I will put my personal feelings aside and concentrate solely on their attributes.

And maybe their tushes.  But only a little.  And I make no promises about what I’ll concentrate on once I’m finished writing this post.

Let us proceed.

3 Reasons Why Han Is Better Than Malcom Reynolds

Study up. There will be a test later.

1) Han Has A Better Bucket: While Serenity is quite the ship, with folding toilets and all, it still lives in the shadow of the mother of all ships. In the Millennium Falcon we trust. Both have their issues and are pretty much giant buckets of bolts but the Millennium Falcon can make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. Not even Kaylee can make Serenity do that. Plus Joss has even stated in the Firefly extras DVD that Serenity IS his Millennium Falcon. Gotta give credit where credit is due.

Point Han.

2) Han’s Got A Wookie: While Mal flies around the universe with 8 other people, Han only needs one. And why would you need anyone else? With Chewbacca by your side people will be too intimidated to even think about messing with you. Plus, no offense to Jane and Vera, but Chewie’s weapon of choice is a crossbow that shoots lasers. LASERS. “Oh, look, he’s got a cross bow, isn’t that quaint? HOLY SHIT, IT’S SHOOTING LASERS!”

Point Han. (And Chewie, cause sometimes you gotta let the Wookiee win).

3) Han’s Got Leia: Unlike Mal, who can’t seem to get his shit together when it comes to the girl he’s crushing on, Han grabs Leia’s heart with little more than a smile and a swagger. She’s just as hot disguised as a bounty hunter as she is sporting her (albeit forced on her) gold bikini. But regardless of how she got it, gold bikini Leia loves him and really, does anything beat that?

Point Han.

(BTW you should join the “Help Nathan Buy Firefly” fan page!)

3 Reasons Why Malcolm Reynolds Is Better Than Han Solo

1. Mal Shoots First: Anyone that has ever watched Firefly or Serenity has never had any doubt that Mal, when cornered, will always shoot first. Whether it be kicking a bad guy whose hands are tied behind his back into Serenity’s engines or shooting an unarmed Operative of the Alliance, when he knows he’s right he’ll end you. That makes him hot. Han’s good name has now been so sullied by the Lucas re-edit where Greedo shot first that people feel compelled to make shirts about it. Yuck.

Point Mal.

2. Mal Wears a Trench Coat:
The Firefly-verse is a western, sure, this I’ll grant you, but I will counter with the fact that so is the Star Wars verse, at least on Tatooine. Han’s vest is a relic of the influence from the 1950s westerns, hence the fact that his vest is black. It makes him look cool and edgy.  Mal’s brown makes him look rustic and able to blend in better when he’s, you know, riding horses.

Point Mal.

Hot Nerd Girl pinching Nathan Fillions naked ass

I will never get tired of this photo.... ever...

3. Mal Gets Naked: I’m sure that this means a whole lot more to the lady readers than it does to the male readers but I’m a lady and it’s my blog so there.  Sure, sometimes he’s getting tortured when he’s naked but even encased in carbonite, Han is fully clothed. A wasted opportunity, if you ask me.  Don’t get me wrong, Han is damn sexy but I simply can’t judge him accurately without seeing a little more skin.

Point Captain Tight Pants.

Oh, and did I mention that you should join the “Help Nathan Buy Firefly” Fan page? Oh good.

Decisions, decisions…


Lightsabers vs. Phasers

Stop looking at me like that. My "I heart the Dark Side" shirt is dirty.

Stop looking at me like that. My “I heart the Dark Side” shirt is dirty.

All girls, nerd or not, love something big, strong and powerful they can hold in their hands.

I’m talking, of course, about weapons.

What did you think I meant?

In the epic battle between Star Trek and Star Wars, there are a few topics that really get nerd blood boiling.  One is the Enterprise vs. the Millennium Falcon.  The other is lightsabers vs. phasers.  Today I want to focus on weapons.

beam-me-upI’ll start with some of my back story.  I come from a military family and I have four (count ‘em FOUR) Dad’s.  How’d you like to be my boyfriend meeting the parents for the first time?  My biological Dad was career Navy.  He worked in nuclear subs and can shoot a torpedo like nobody’s business.

Don is a direct descendent of Davy Crockett.  He practiced qi gong and kung fu.  He relates to Native Americans and walks a fine line between awesome and crazy.

Popi was a Green Beret and Special Forces during and after Vietnam.  He is a 5th degree black belt in Tang Soo Do, a 4th degree black belt in Hwa Rang Do, a 3rd degree black belt in Hapkido, and a 1st degree black belt in Judo and received some of his training from none other than Chuck Norris himself.

In other words, my Dad’s can kick your Dad’s asses and they didn’t exactly leave me in the dark.  Imagine me coming at you with a weapon!  I stabbed a guy with a fork once during college (he got fair warning) and have witnesses to prove it.  My weapons education started at a young age.  My fascination with science fiction started at a young age.  It is only natural that I would want to possess both a lightsaber and a phaser.  The ultimate sword and the ultimate gun.  *le sigh*

So which weapon is superior?  Both are comprised of energy technology.  Both can be used as tools when not serving as weapons.  Both have nifty designs that seem innocuous when not in action.

The lightsaber is essentially a sword.  An awesome, retractable sword.  It requires years of training to master and when combined with the mental and physical skill of a Jedi, can be a weapon and a shield simultaneously. It is damaging only as far as the Jedi can reach, unless it is being used to ricochet the blast of an E-11 back to its originator. Positives: you build and become one with your lightsaber.  I can imagine a Jedi bestowing the name Tenel on his lightsaber much the way a Marine might name his rifle Betty.  Negatives: you can’t shoot anything out of it so unless someone is firing at you and you can bounce it back, it’s really only good for close range fighting.  Anything it touches is toast so be careful not to activate it while it’s in your pocket.

My my. Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

My my. Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

The phaser is essentially a gun.  An awesome, nadion particle shooting gun.  It takes far less time to learn, anyone can seem to pick it up pretty quickly, although it’s always good to practice your aim.  It’s not one setting-fits-all like the lightsaber.  Phasers can be conveniently adjusted anywhere from “stun” to “kill” to “vaporize on contact.”  The frequencies can also be changed when fighting an enemy with adapting personal shields such as the Borg.  Positives: you can learn how to operate it quickly and can make multiple types of adjustments to the weapon.  Negatives: it’s not really a personalized weapon.  When not in use, it gets stuck back in the closet until the next time it’s needed.  Make sure you know what setting it’s on before you fire or your buddy who’s possessed by an alien entity won’t be making it back to sick bay.

I may be getting myself in trouble with the Star Wars crowd on this one (I AM called Princesstrek afterall) but I gotta go with the phaser.  It’s good for close and distance fighting.  It can shoot a steady stream of laser so you can kill and weld with the same tool.  It comes in multiple styles or “types” including rifle and shuttlecraft versions.  Control-wise it’s not THAT different from a remote control and I can wield one of those like nobody’s business.

Lightsabers are kick ass and I will admit that they are far more attractive than your typical phaser.  But when it comes to practicality and functionality, the phaser wins every time.

Sorry Luke.