Red Dawn reviewed

I was sick with a cold (courtesy of my 4-year-old nephew) for most of the Thanksgiving holiday (yay me) so I pretty much laid low for three days and drank Dr. Pepper (just what the Doctor ordered), downed DayQuil, and read copiously (a book a day, but who’s counting). But I did manage to sneak out and catch a couple of movies.

One of them was Red Dawn.

It’s probably not a huge surprise to you that I went and saw this movie considering my boyf- I mean, Chris Hemsworth is in it. But I had other motives as well. I’m a sucker for patriotic action films and this one seemed like it would deliver.

*Obligatory spoiler warning* I try not to, but ya never know…oh, and because I’m still a little under the weather this review is probably a little snippier than usual. I blame it on my throbbing headache.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6T2Q4bBcUU]

The movie starts out with news clips about a Russian/North Korean communist uprising that no one was paying attention to, apparently. Then it switches gears and gets all Friday Night Lights-ish. Especially once Adrianne Palicki pops her pretty little head in. The big High School football game is happening. The after-partying and underage bar hopping is happening. Little bro is pissed at big bro for joining the Marines and ditching him for 6 years after their Mom dies but he has a smokin’ hot girlfriend so whatevs. Girl who had crush on big bro spots him and makes contact by reminding him how adorably awkward she was, but hey, check it out, she’s super hot now.  It’s all very over dramatic and I’m not using their names because I didn’t even know them for most of the movie. I had to look half of them up on imdb just to write this review. (Something else that look at imdb informed me of? Apparently this is a remake of a 1984 movie I didn’t know existed. Weird, since I was pretty sure I knew about every movie made in the 80’s, especially the ones starring Patrick Swayze. And ESPECIALLY ones that also star Jennifer Grey making googly eyes at Patrick Swayze a full 3 years before Dirty Dancing. Seriously. How did I not know this??? That fact stressed me out for exactly 3.5 seconds.)

Then the power goes out and gets everyone even more pissy. The next morning they wake up to loud booms and when they go outside it’s literally raining men. This is where the movie gets its name. Communism = Red, Morning = Dawn. Chaos ensues but a ragtag bunch of teenagers manage to escape with big bro and use guerilla-style fighting tactics courtesy of big bro’s Marine Corps training (oorah!) to fight the big bad Communists.

Chris Hemsworth plays the big bro aka Jed Eckert. He’s gorgeous, of course. Way more gorgeous than he has any right to be. He’s recently returned from a deployment to Iraq and he’s a jack of all trades when it comes to weaponry and explosives. I’ll have to ask my real life USMC brother if that’s true to life or total bullshit. During the movie I found myself believing he could know most of it but probably not all of it. He’s the oldest and therefore the de facto leader of the bunch. The only kid that puts up a fight about that doesn’t last very long. We really don’t learn much about Jed other than the fact that his little brother is resentful yet respectful of him and Adrianne Palicki’s character wants to jump his bones. Despite that, you can’t help but care about the guy because he’s doing everything he can to fight the Commies while keeping his kids alive.

Josh Peck is little bro aka Matt Eckert. I had absolutely no idea who Josh Peck was. After looking at his imdb page, I still don’t. Apparently he was on a Nickelodeon show or something. To be honest, I didn’t care for him or his character all that much. He’s cocky and disobedient and sneers a lot. And when I say sneer, I mean he has a weird little stoned-looking half smile that he uses when he really wants to piss you off. And it works. A total pesky little brother.

Josh Hutcherson is the whimpy kid that ends up being a badass. Sounds kind of like Peeta in The Hunger Games but it’s not. It’s totally different. He was probably my favorite character in the film because he seriously rose to the occasion. His BFF was none other than Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s kid, Connor Cruise. I assumed that this was his acting debut but when I looked him up I saw that he played Will Smith’s younger self in Seven Pounds. I never saw that movie though so I ceased to care. He did ok. His character had a certain dignity that I found appealing.

Adrianne Palicki played Toni Walsh, the girl with a hard on for my boyf- I mean, Chris Hemsworth. I like Adrianne. I think she’s cute and she was the best part of Legion (after Kevin Durand, of course). She becomes a bad ass chick fighter who’s really good at hiding her fear. Maybe because she’s trying so hard to impress big bro. She steals his beer and that causes problems so I’m a little pissed at her right now.

The other hot chick is Isabel Lucas aka Erica Martin. The object of little bro’s obsession, she seems way too pretty for this movie from the get go. They try to ugly her up a bit but it doesn’t work. The girl is crazy gorgeous. She fit in perfectly in Immortals. In this movie, she’s distracting. Plus, she doesn’t have much to do besides be the damsel in distress. She holds her own when given the opportunity though and I respect that in a fictional character.

The other kids are kind of nameless and faceless, to be honest. You’re supposed to care about them just enough that you’re bummed when bad stuff happens to them but you can’t remember their names so you don’t care as much as you probably should. Really, the only ones who really pass as High Schoolers are Hutcherson and Cruise. The rest of them are obviously in their 20’s.

At one point some “recently un-retired” Marines led by Jeffrey Dean Morgan show up looking for the Wolverines (this  is the High School mascot and the super original name they give their guerilla group). I’m pretty much in love with JDM. First he played Denny on Grey’s Anatomy, a show I haven’t seen in years but that I used to be addicted to. Then he showed up as Comedian in Watchmen and his fate as a hunk was sealed. But who am I kidding? I have a list a mile long of men I’m in love with 😉 He has a few great lines and a few great smiles. Which is all I really need from him anyway. One of his buddies is Kenneth Choi who is seriously adorable and gaining quite the reputation as a military sidekick. I have no idea who the third guy was but he was cool.

The baddies were led by Will Yun Lee aka Captain Cho of North Korea. He zeroes in on big bro within minutes of landing and knows he’s going to be trouble. He’s so determined to smoke him out, he does some pretty dastardly (wow, I can’t believe I just used that word, what is this, a Disney movie?) things to make it happen. But he seriously underestimates who he’s dealing with and you can guess what becomes of that.

I’m not going to say that this movie was bad but it wasn’t great either. The emotions were obviously forced at times, even from Hemsworth and Hutcherson who I consider to be pretty talented in that regard for such pretty men. And some of the dialogue was so cliche as to be laughable. The one major thing it has going for it is that no one is safe. Not even the pretty people. That led to some truly shocking death scenes, one of which I expected but that still made me gasp audibly when it happened.

But who am I kidding? I love gratuitous violence and I have a thing for watching American’s kick some ass (even if those “Americans” are imported from Australia). So I enjoyed it.

3 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

three out of five sci-fives

7 Guys Worth Nerdgasaming Over

Just replace the Tribble with one of these 7 delicious men and I’ll be a happy camper

My sister-in-law and I were at WonderCon on Friday and somehow we got on the topic of “Cheat Sheets.”

And no, I’m not talking about the school variety.

The “Cheat Sheet” I’m referring to is a list of people you’re allowed to get it on with and your significant other can’t hold it against you.  You both get one and the list is full of people you don’t even remotely stand a chance with.  For example, Robert Downey Jr. and Christian Bale are on my SIL’s list.  Isla Fisher and Gretchen Mole are on my brother’s list.  They are only allowed 5 each.

Now, I’ve written a number of articles about sexy women, the 2 most popular being 10 Hottest Babes of Sci-Fi and Maxim’s Hot 100 Lucky 13 but I have yet to write a post about nerd-worthy sexy men.  This kind of blows my mind. It also got me thinking about my own list and who would be on it.  I certainly know it when I see it if I’d hit it…but can I narrow it down to a list?

It’s was a difficult challenge but one that I was willing to accept.

Yeesh my job really sucks sometimes 😉

After much thought, meditation and Google image searching, I’ve put together my Cheat Sheet. I couldn’t narrow it down to 5 so I get 7.  Because I’m HNG and I say so.  So there.  Naturally everyone on my list fits nicely into the nerd ‘verse….cause that’s all I ever pay attention to anyways…ahem.  Sorry if you don’t bat for this team and it’s not your kind of list.  I’m an equal opportunity sexy list maker and I can’t (nay won’t!) neglect the fans who will appreciate this.

So without further ado, here’s my list in alphabetical order:

Orlando Bloom

I studied for my college finals every December for 3 years in a row while waiting in the 5+ hour line for opening day of the latest Lord of the Rings movie.  I graduated Cum Laude so I must have been doing something right.  The first time I saw Legolas on screen I was 100% convinced that I was going to marry him one day.  Then all the teeny boppers jumped on that bandwagon (especially once Pirates of the Caribbean came out) and it turned me off big time.  But still, I can’t help it.  I think he’s adorable.  Thankfully most of those teeny boppers have moved on to RPatz.  I used to see Orlando outside my work sometimes, once with Dominic Monaghan (and cue borderline creepy stalker pic) and my heart would still leap into my throat.  So he stays on the list.

Nathan Fillion

Does this one really need an explanation?  I didn’t think so.  But I’ll give one anyway.  Actually, I wrote a whole blog about it back when HNG was brand spankin’ new and I stand by it.  But aside from the fact that he’s Malcolm Reynolds, Captain Hammer, Richard Castle, The Holy Avenger, etc etc etc…Nathan himself has an amazing sense of humor.  I don’t pay much attention to my Twitter account (although I probably should) but every once in a while I go on and just read back through his tweets for fun.  I’m often told that I look like Stana Katic, Nathan’s source of sexual tension on Castle.  I disagree about the physical similarities but I would gladly trade places with her and experience some of that sexual tension for myself. ….please….?

Tom Hardy

Five of the men on this list are foreigners with deliciously sexy foreign accents.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m as proud an American as they come, but GD I love a good accent.  There’s a scene in This Means War when Reese Witherspoon meets Tom Hardy for the first time and she asks him to say something again because it sounds so awesome.  I could not have said it better myself.  Tom Hardy first came to my attention as the Captain Picard clone in Star Trek: Nemesis.  I went to see it on opening day with about ten guy friends.  About five minutes into the movie I started crying (because I’m a movie psychic and I’d already figured out what would happen to Data) much to the horror of every guy I was with.   I will never forget the moment when the friend next to me asked me if I was ok and I looked over and saw ten grown men staring at me like I had tentacles sprouting from my face.  It was HI-larious.  But I digress.  The other thing that stood out was Tom.  He’s been charming me ever since, crooked teeth and all. Seriously, he was my very favorite character in InceptionI think I’m the only person on the planet that isn’t looking forward to seeing him as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises.  I know he’s going to be brilliant but the thought of him like that just makes me cringe.  But I’ll still watch it.  Over and over and over again.

Chris Hemsworth

If you’ve been following the blog for a while this will come as no surprise.  If you are a newbie, allow me to explain.  I’m a big Thor fan. 1. He’s my favorite comic book character and 2. I’m a ridiculously proud Scandinavian who grew up listening to stories about Odin and Asgard while we made lefse and sauerkraut.  The first time I remember seeing Thor on a movie screen was when Vincent D’Onofrio reluctantly accepted the title in Adventures in Babysitting, one of my very favorite movies of all time. So I had very high hopes for whoever Kenneth Branaugh cast in his Avengers set up.  I wasn’t sure what to think about Chris Hemsworth at first.  I remembered him being Kirk’s daddy in the latest Star Trek and I thought he was mighty cute but not big enough to be the God of Thunder.  Then he took his shirt off and I had a conniption fit.  OMFG.  Seriously Chris, you just have to say the word and it is on like Donkey Kong.

James McAvoy

I think my attraction to James mostly has to do with his Scottish accent.  And his eyes.  And the fact that he’s a brilliant actor.  And his eyes.  And his accent.  All of which I discussed in my review of X-Men: First Class. But aside from all that, he’s uber talented.  Mr. Tumnus is one of those literary characters that is beloved by fans of The Chronicles of Narnia and James did good by our favorite faun.  Plus, he rocks the Jane Austin-type stuff and you know us girls eat that shit right up.

David Tennant

Another choice that needs no explanation.  Easily the sexiest of all the Doctor incarnations, his 3 series and 8 specials are the most popular and well-loved of the long running Doctor Who BBC show.  Then he had to go and seal the deal with Harry Potter and Fright Night, forcing me to adore him forever.  His face is so malleable, he can twist and turn it in countless ways.  But when he just stop and smiles, your heart melts.  David, I am so sorry (see what I did there?), but I just can’t quit you.

Michael Trucco

Now, my brother’s name is Michael and normally I’m totally weirded out by the thought of banging someone with the same name as someone I’m related to but in this case I will totally make an exception.  I fell head over heels in love with Anders the second he showed up on Battlestar Galactica.  Lee who?  Seriously, I wanted to punch Starbuck in the face for the way she treated him.  Even the fact that he was a Cylon could not diminish my love.  It sucked when he went all vegetable and yet I would still probably hit that.  I’m a little grossed out by myself right now but damn, that is a fine ass man.  He also had memorable guest spots on Big Bang Theory and Castle (where my celebrity look alike got to have a nice little love triangle with TWO of the people on my list.  Bitch.)

Runners Up:

Richard Madden – Game of Thrones

Kit Harington – Game of Thrones

Chris O’Donnell – Batman Forever (but never ever ever Batman & Robin *shudder*)

Patrick Stewart – Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men

Henry Cavill – The Tudors, Immortals, Man of Steel

Jamie Dornan – Once Upon A Time

Jason Mamoa – Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones, Stargate: Atlantis

Ben BrowderFarscape, Stargate SG1, upcoming Doctor Who episode

Alexander Skarsgard – True Blood

Ryan Kwanten – True Blood

Joe ManganielloTrue Blood

Tristan MacManus – Dancing with the Stars (I know, totally random, right? But I’m a theatre/dance nerd too and he’s frakking adorable)