Star Trek Into Darkness Reviewed

HNG Star Trek Into Darkness

So many nerdy posters but not a single Star Trek one to be found

I know that this review crazy late but I’ve been dealing with some stuff that I might write about later so… c’est la vie, mes chers amis!

There isn’t much in this world that I love more than Star Trek. It excites and inspires me like nothing else. I managed to see Star Trek Into Darkness twice before opening day. My coworker convinced me to enter a costume contest that a local news station was having so I submitted this picture at the last minute and ended up winning the grand prize. No one was more surprised than me, let me tell you! My prize was VIP tickets to a Wednesday night showing, $80 in concessions, and a gift bag full of Star Trek Into Darkness goodies like a sweatshirt, t-shirt, poster, fake tattoos, cups, and some kind of Bluetooth device that I haven’t figured out yet. So I took my Mama and stood at the concession counter while two employees ran around collecting $80 worth of Red Vines and Junior Mints. Then I saw it again with my friends at a Thursday night preview. Both times were in 3D and I will probably see it again in 2D just for the heck of it.

*WARNING: I usually try really hard not to spoil things but I can’t help it when it comes to anything Star Trek related and I spoil the shit out of this so beware. Also, it’s been out a week so you should have seen it by now.


A brief synopsis: Starfleet’s been doing pretty swell since Nero got knocked down but a new threat has emerged and no one seems to know how or why, just that he’s blowing shit up and they want him to stop. It’s up to Kirk and his crew to stop this one man Army using whatever means necessary. They think they’ve accomplished this task until Robocop shows up and turns out not to be such a good guy after all. 72 Augmenticles, 2 starships, a few thousand lens flares, and a half-naked baby mama later and our favorite alternate reality crew is finally off on their five year mission and a third movie.

Kirk into darkness

Kirk (Chris Pine) has the Enterprise. Kirk loses the Enterprise. Kirk gets the Enterprise back. Enterprise loses Kirk. Enterprise gets Kirk back. Some would call this a better love story than Twilight. But I digress. Kirk is riding pretty high at the beginning of this movie. He pretty much thinks he’s invincible and it’s up to Admiral Pike to knock him down a few pegs (or Peggs…?) Just as soon as the message sinks in he’s thrust back into being a rock star and has to save the day from enemies on two fronts. You’d think being thrown out of a trash chute with a genetically engineered superman would humble the dude. It doesn’t, but he learns a lot and by the end of the movie he gets a bit philosophical, saying “revenge is not who we are.” A nice little twist of the “revenge is a dish best served cold” bit of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Speaking of twists…Kirk and Spock’s little sacrificial switch-a-roo kind of annoyed me the first time I saw it. The second time I saw it I appreciated it more even though…..

spock into darkness 2

……Spock’s redux of the famous (and infamous) “KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!” call was only slightly less cheesy than Kirk’s original. Is it just me, or was Spock way too emotional in this movie? Don’t get me wrong, I lurv me some Zachary Quinto, missing earflaps and all, but the crying and the talking about the feelings and the anger were all very un-Spock-like. Like everyone else, I applauded when Spock Prime (Leonard Nimoy) Skyped in to break his own rule and discuss how his crew defeated Khan “at great cost.” I hope he shows up in every post-JJ-era Star Trek flick. Spock got some of the coolest scenes in the whole movie. In addition to fighting with a volcano, Khan, Uhura, and some Klingons, he got to use all his Vulcan tricks: nerve pinches, mind-melds, and leaping great distances in a single bound. His moments with Kirk were especially comedic.

uhura into darkness 2

Uhura (Zoe Saldana) got to be pretty badass in this movie. She stood up to the Klingons and swooped in to save the day when her boyfriend (who she also fought with) was taking a beating. Alternate universe Uhura is turning into the mama bear of the crew. She’s got a fierceness and a gentleness about her that exist in relatively perfect harmony. Her feistiness probably wouldn’t fly in a real-life military but for the movies it’s entertaining to watch her throw her earpiece across the bridge’s console.

mccoy into darkness

McCoy and the metaphors! Bones (Karl Urban) spit out so many that it was almost – ALMOST – too much. He’s lucky I love metaphors, bad puns, and cheesy lines. I drew the line at “Damnit Spock, I’m a Doctor not a torpedo technician!” That was, in fact, too far. However, the scene where he’s trying to examine Kirk on the sly was absolute perfection.

Scotty into darkness 3

Scotty (Simon Pegg) is running. He just thought you should know. Pegg is an absolute and sorely underutilized gem. He’s got more to do than he did in Star Trek (2009) but he needs more scenes to chew on because, my God, the man spits out gold every time he opens his mouth. He’s a little pissed off in this movie. First his ship is submerged in salt water, then transporter technology that he created is being used and abused, then he’s forced to resign his commission over a morality dispute, then “One day he’s been off this ship. One day!” and it’s falling apart. Still, he plays a huge part in saving the day and Kirk declares him “a miracle worker.” Poor guy needs some scotch and a foot massage. His friend Keenser (Deep Roy) pulls a Major “King” Kong and straddles a torpedo but disappears before the real action begins.

sulu into darkness

Sadly, Sulu (John Cho) doesn’t have much to do in this movie, with one major exception. He gets to sit in the Captain’s chair for a while and deliver an announcement to Khan full of truly epic badassery. It’s intimidating and unexpected enough that Bones (having previously underestimated him) looks over and says “remind me never to piss you off.”

chekov into darkness

On the other hand, Chekov (Anton Yelchin) gets slightly more to do. When Scotty resigns, Chekov gets promoted (?) to Chief Engineer and looks truly aghast when Kirk orders him to “put on a red shirt.” He spends most of his time running around with a nifty pair of goggles on (I don’t remember seeing anyone else in Engineering with goggles, but meh).

carol into darkness

The good guys are rounded out by a new addition, Dr. Carol Marcus (Alice Eve). She’s the daughter of Admiral Marcus and the future mother of Kirk’s son, David (if this timeline follows the original timeline). She’s got a gratuitous but not at all offensive (not to me at least, I thought the scene was funny) moment in her underwear and a scream reminiscent of a velociraptor.

khan into darkness

Benedict Cumberbatch can do no wrong. Even his name is amazing. I’m a MAJOR Sherlock fan (though I draw the line at Cumberbitch fangirl status thankyouverymuch) and while, yes, BC is very handsome, I’m far more attracted to his fantastic acting chops. He definitely does not disappoint here. He relishes every line of dialogue and every facial expression. He expresses more in a sideways glance then some actors do in an entire movie *coughcoughKristenStewartcoughcough* I’m seriously considering referring to him as Benedict Skullcrusher from now on. Also, did anyone else notice that he turns into Emo Khan when he’s fighting?

In the movie Khan declares that he’s better than everyone in every way. But he doesn’t really explain why. So if you’re a Star Trek virgin, you’re probably wondering why he’s so much better. Allow me to fill you in: way back in 1992 (you remember, right?) genetically engineered super humans developed a superiority complex and decided to take over the world. They managed to take over about 40% of it with Khan Noonien Singh as their absolute ruler. This resulted in a series of conflicts called the Eugenics or Great Wars. The normal old boring humans managed to defeat the “Augments” in 1996 but about 80 of them, including Khan, went missing until they were discovered in suspended animation aboard the SS Botany Bay by the crew of the USS Enterprise about 200 years later. Here’s how they are “better”: The Augments were designed to be remarkably agile, five times stronger than, and twice as intelligent as a normal human, resistant to sickness and with enhanced senses, possessing heart muscles twice as strong and lung efficiency 50% better. Their blood contained platelets capable of regenerating from any disease or toxin, which could be used to cure or revive medical subjects via transfusion. They also had twice the average lifespan. Even their resistance to energy weapons was improved, as it took multiple shots with a phase pistol to stun one. In combat, they were even capable of resisting a Vulcan nerve pinch and mind meld. Unfortunately, along with those awesome abilities comes a massive increase in aggression, ambition, and all around douchebaggery.

marcus into darkness

Speaking of douchebags…Admiral Alexander Marcus (Peter Weller) is one. Can’t quite figure out where you know him from? It’s Robocop. Sure, he’s been in a few things since then, but trust me, it’s Robocop. You’re welcome. You start off liking Admiral Marcus. He’s no-nonsense and doesn’t mind hearing what the youngins have to say. Then he goes and tries to start an intergalactic war with his brand new supership and you start to change your mind a little. Then he reveals that he’s been planning to murder craploads of innocent people just to further his agenda and you start to understand why Khan squeezed his head until his skull cracked open like a walnut.

noel clarke into darkness

To many folks Thomas Harewood (Noel Clarke) may seem like a minor character. Sure, he gets the action started by blowing up Section 31, but why should we care about him? Because he’s also Mickey Smith, former Companion to the Doctor who was, at one point, thrust into a parallel universe. He did make his way back to our universe eventually but who’s to say he didn’t get a hold of a vortex manipulator and find himself trapped in the 23rd century??

A few final notes:

I like the warp signature effect, even though it reminds me of “the more you know” NBC thing from when I was a kid, what with all the sparkles and tinkling and stuff.

When did the Starfleet uniforms get hats? I don’t ever remember hats but in this movie they were everywhere, especially when paired with the grey dress uniforms. Must be an alternate timeline thing.

The USS Bradbury. I can think of no greater honor.

42 people died when Harewood blew up Section 31. I just always feel the need to point out when the number 42 is used in anything.

The ash rain on Spock at the Daystrom Institute. It was very poetic.

Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds) from True Blood took over Navigation from Chekov. Every time I saw her I pictured a voodoo ceremony.

What happened to the red shirts who went with Kirk, Spock, and Uhura down to Kronos? They swapped out their red shirts for some generic leather jackets, made it to the surface and then were never seen again. I’m assuming they perished in the fight with the Klingons but when?? I like to know/see when Ensign Ricky bites the dust.

Carol mentions her friend Christine Chapel who got as far away from Kirk as she could and became a nurse. This is the second time Nurse Chapel has been mentioned in the new films but we still haven’t seen her.

Spock: “Our options are limited. We cannot fire and we cannot flee.” I LOL’d.

Khan’s speech on board the USS Vengeance was very in keeping with the original Khan.

The shot of the Enterprise regaining it’s thrusters and slowly rising through the clouds was GORGEOUS.

Whudda thunk that a noble Tribble would help to save the day? The shirt I wore the first time I saw it turned out to be very appropriate. Sometimes I’m psychic that way.

I happen to like the lense flares.

I got really excited by stuff like Section 31, pregnant Gorns, and a reference to the “Mudd Incident.”

It was nice to hear Chris Pine give the Star Trek shpeel with the “5 year mission” added back.

No one knew what to expect from the 2009 reboot. Thankfully, it turned out to be magical with just the right amount of inside Trekkie jokes for those in the know. They attempted to recapture that magic here and, to be honest, they just tried too hard at times. They are definitely focusing more on action than substance, which in some ways is a shame because that’s not what Star Trek is all about. It’s about diplomacy and exploration first and violence as a last resort. The conversation between Kirk and Scotty over the torpedoes addressed that which I was grateful for, but the big explosions and fighting cheapen it just a little. That being said, I’m a big fan of action and it’s also helping to attract a crowd that normally wouldn’t give Star Trek the time of day so I appreciate the contribution it’s making to the fandom. The more fans the merrier! It means that much more Star Trek for me in the future 🙂

And so ends my review of The Wrath of Khan 2.0. What did you think of the movie?

4 out of 5 Sci-Fives! (for once my Sci-Five graphic is 100% appropriate)

Four of Five Sci-Fives


If you like pictures like this:

Hot Nerd Girl Star Trek uniforms

Then don’t forget to buy a calendar! It’s got every nerdy holiday you can imagine, plus a super handy convention calendar, and some never-before-seen pictures that will never, ever be seen anywhere else. I know it’s May but it’s worth it to get the 2013 calendar. Besides, if I don’t sell these, then there probably won’t be one next year so, ya know…buy one :) Since it’s May, they’re super discounted (I promise you I’m not making a fortune off of them) and the price includes taxes and shipping within the US and Canada (if you live outside of the US/Canada then email me at AND I’ll sign it if you want.

10 Hottest Babes of Sci-Fi

There is nothing quite like seeing a hot chick in a hot outfit kicking some alien ass. Maybe it’s the funky hairdos, or the skin tight outfits, or the technobabble being spoken by a pair of ruby red lips. I don’t know, but can you honestly tell me that there’s anything greater? Honestly.


I didn’t think so.

So in honor of these bodacious, bad ass, and brilliant babes (cause brains are important too), here’s my list of the top 10 hottest babes in Sci-Fi.

You’re welcome.

10. Nichelle Nichols

uhuracover_smShe wasn’t the first sci-fi babe but she’s the earliest one on the list and she has the distinction of having broken down several racial barriers as Uhura. Not only was she a main character on a television show who was black (and a female), but she participated in the first ever inter-racial kiss on television in the Star Trek episode “Plato’s Stepchildren.” Of course, they had to make the kiss forced by aliens to get it past the censors but it was a step in the right direction. When the pressure became too much and she was tempted to quit, none other than Martin Luther King Jr himself convinced her to stay on the show. On a personal note, I’ve met her and she’s AWESOME.

9. Carrie-Anne Moss


She wears skin tight leather while kicking some serious ass. Having worn skin tight leather I can tell you exactly how difficult that is. Her main claim to sci-fi fame is the Matrix trilogy (we’ll stick with the first one, shall we?) It’s a movie that revolutionized film making, CGI, story telling, you name it. Some people dig Neo, I dig Trinity. I even dig her slicked back hair which is not something I usually go for (*cough* Jamie Lee Curtis *cough* True Lies *cough) I can think of a couple of trinities involving Carrie-Anne that I wouldn’t mind being a part of.

8. Linda Hamilton

linda hamilton terminator 2

Holy craparoni Batman, talk about ripped. The then Mrs. Cameron worked out like a maniac to prep for her role in Terminator 2: Judgment Day showing a grit and self-discipline totally befitting her character. Any woman who can break out of a maximum security facility with a broom stick and a hypodermic needle deserves kudos in my book. And a giant underground storage bunker full of weapons? Yes please! Very few women look hot with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. Linda Hamilton is one of them.

7. Sigourney Weaver

weaver final

From ripped to Ripley, Sigourney is another bad ass chick with a chip on her shoulder. She may fight aliens instead of robots but, like Sarah Connor, Ellen Ripley keeps coming back for more. She’s also managed to solidify her place in sci-fi history with a couple of other franchises in the form of Ghostbusters and Avatar (personally my favorite character in the movie). After all of that, how could she possibly endear herself to me even more? Oh, I dunno, maybe by starring in one of my very favorite movies ever, GALAXY QUEST. Never give up, never surrender Sigourney. We need you.

6. Famke Janssen

Famke Janssen

Genre-wise most people automatically think of X-Men when they think of Miss Famke and I know I’m walking a fine line here since technically X-Men is a comic book movie, not a sci-fi movie *semi-colon however comma* she’s got some sci-fi cred of her very own. Ok, yes, she is a Bond girl but I’m not referring to that either. Let’s go back about 18 years and remember a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode called “The Perfect Mate” in which Famke played Kamala, an alien that looks kind of like a Trill before we knew what Trill’s were. Kamala is biologically created to become the perfect mate for the person she bonds with. As in, loves football and beer and giving blowjobs.  You name it, she’s on it.  The perfect woman. For this role alone she deserves a place on this list.

5. Milla Jovovich

milla jovovich

Another ass kicker. God I love a woman who can kick some ass. In The 5th Element, Leeloo wore little more than some first aid tape and a bright orange ‘do. It matched Bruce Willis’ bright orange spandex wife beater and I’m pretty sure he saw that as a sign of fate. I know I would. Resident Evil has zombies in it.  I may have mentioned once or twice before that I don’t much care for zombies (stoopid nightmares).  I’ve seen the first movie but none of the sequels.  Anyone who kills zombies is a-ok with me.

4. Marina Sirtis (see also Gates McFadden, Terry Farrell, Nana Visitor, Jeri Ryan)

The Sexy Sirens of Star Trek television. There are many of them and they are all pertiful. However, we’re going to focus on the utterly divine Deanna Troi for the purposes of this list. Originally introduced wearing a traditional lady’s uniform complete with a short hemline (ala Uhura) it was decided after oh, about 2 episodes, that her best assets were a little higher up on her body. Therefore, she became the one and only Starfleet officer ever permitted to not only ditch the uniform but wear cleavage-tastic outfits in lieu of said uniform. Much as it would inspire the troops, I just can’t see the USMC permitting such a thing. Only for Troi was the rule book thrown out. Plus I’ve heard that she cusses like a sailor with her awesome British accent. LOVE her. On a personal note, my brother married a girl named Troi which automatically knocked him up a few notches in my book. Jealous much? You should be, cause she’s AWESOME.

3. Zoe Saldana

Zoe Saldana

I danced for 15 years, and really, it’s how the “Hot” in “Hot Nerd Girl” got there. So I first fell in love with Miss Zoe when she was in the movie Center Stage about a ballet school in NYC. Since then she has become something of a sci-fi “It Girl” with her roles in the new Star Trek movie (soon to be franchise) and Avatar movie (soon to be franchise). An admitted sci-fi geek, she’s not afraid to challenge herself and take on larger than life roles. Oh, and she’s HAWT. She’s got that going for her.

2. Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde

The sci-fi “It Girl” of the not so distant future. Here’s a girl who has yet to be seen on screen in a sci-fi film. All of that will change on December 17th when Tron: Legacy comes out. In a way she’s replacing Cindy Morgan’s Yori with her Quorra and that’s just fine with me. She gets to sport a normal (if slightly Mia Wallace-esque) hairdo instead of a day-glo bald cap which I’m sure she’s pretty dang stoked about. But that’s not all folks. In the works are Cowboys & Aliens with Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford and Now with Amanda Seyfried and Cillian Murphy, both of which look extremely promising. Sci-fi “It Girl” of the future. You heard it here first.

1. Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher

If I didn’t put Princess Leia at the top of the list I’m pretty sure there would be a nerd uprising and I would have my HNG status revoked. If there’s anyone on this planet that can pull off a bronze bikini better than Carrie Fisher circa 1983, I have yet to see them. Star Wars is an iconic film, one that I watched over and over and over again growing up. Part of it was the Ewoks (soooo cute!) and part of it was the fact that I would have given my left pinkie toe to be Princess Leia, cinnabon hairdo and all.

And here’s how you can make it happen! A basic Princess Leia costume goes for about $50.  If I can get enough people to donate up to that amount, I’ll do a photo shoot and post it on the site! So donate below and let’s get this photo shoot happening!

Get me in a gold bikini NOW!

My Sarah Connor impression...uh...if she were to wear heels...which she would never do...meh.