Hot Nerd Girl

Category: Fantasy

Anything that has to do with fantasy in sci-fi/fantasy.

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread

    Everything looks better with pixels

    Well, I’m on vacation in New York with a wonky internet connection (hence the lovely pixelized pictures) but it seems I just can’t quit you guys. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl!

    This time around I’m attempting to make Lembas Bread. 

    Key word: attempting.

    If you don’t know what Lembas Bread is then allow me to enlighten you.  It’s from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. It’s made by the Elves and given to the Fellowship to feed them on their journey to Mordor.

    First, a disclaimer.

    When I first saw this recipe I got so excited that I only read the ingredients, not the directions.

    HUGE rookie mistake and yet ANOTHER reason why HNG = epic fail in the kitchen.

    At least I had fun while failing

    I wish now that I had tried the recipe on the website that shows you how to make the leaf wrappings because it fits my idea of Lembas Bread better and doesn’t require special machinery that no one but the Italian Grandma down the street could possibly have in their kitchen. Seriously? A pizzelle press? Give me a break. Plus, the recipe was missing steps.  Really, it was just a disaster waiting to happen.

    Anyhooters, here is my utterly ridiculous attempt to make Lembas Bread. Now where’s Tosh.0 so I can get my web redemption?

    *side note: keep watching after the credits, I added a little bonus clip at the end.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8xSpsi0by8]

    –

    So all of you who suggested that I give baking a try…now you know why that’s probably not the best idea.

    Here’s the recipe from The Geeky Chef, but again, I suggest you try the other recipe first.  I think that I will try that other one just so that I can attempt to redeem myself.  I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

    Ingredients:
    3 eggs1 c. honey3 fruits of the Mallorn tree (kumquats)2 tsp. orange blossom or rose water (optional)

    3 oz. chopped almonds or macadamia nuts

    ¼ c. melted butter

    2 ¼ c. flour

    ½ tsp. salt

    Directions:

    Put the eggs, honey, kumquats, rose or orange flower water, and nuts in a food processor or blender. Blend on high for 2-4 minutes. Add 1 cup of the flour. Blend for a minute or two. Put mixture into a bowl and add the remaining flour and the salt. Whisk or stir until well blended. Bake lembas on a pizzelle or iron about 15 seconds each or until lightly brown. Cut into desired sized pieces. Wrap in a leaf and tie with a string!

    I smile whenever I'm plotting the demise of people who come up with stupid and incomplete recipes.

    Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:

    Butterbeer

    Ambrosia

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Butterbeer

    Just remember, you've been warned!

    I don’t cook.

    Let me repeat.

    I. do. not. cook.

    I decided a while back that I should at least TRY to learn.  And if I was going to risk setting my kitchen on fire then I wanted to do it while making food that sounded appealing to me and what’s more appealing than food inspired by Star Trek? 

    Mmmmmm….Gagh…..

    So I got out my Star Trek cookbook and thumbed through all of the recipes until I found some I thought I could pull off.  I told a friend what I was doing and he suggested I film my attempts for posterity.

    Uff da.

    THEN I saw International House of Geek’s Thanksgiving post and the recipe for Lembas bread and decided to try recipes from several different franchises.  Really, I just wanted to try the Lembas bread. I explored The Geeky Chef and between the Star Trek cookbook, IHOG and Geeky Chef, I found 5 recipes to try. One entree, one bread, and three beverages. 

    I showed the rough edit of the first video to a family member and her first reaction was: “It’s obvious you don’t know what you’re doing.”

    It’s true.  I don’t.

    So feel free to laugh at my cluelessness in the kitchen.

    Up first, my new favorite Holiday beverage: Butterbeer! 

    (From Harry Potter, in case you didn’t know)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYfAKaYWM94]

    –

    And here’s how to make it:

    Ingredients

    1/4 cup unsweetened condensed milk

    1/4 cup butterscotch topping

    2 tablespoons whipped butter, room temperature

    1 1/2 cups vanilla cream soda

    Directions
    Combine condensed milk, butterscotch topping, and butter in a glass heatproof measuring cup. Heat in microwave for 1 minute. Remove and stir until butter has melted and incorporated into mixture. Meanwhile heat cream soda in another heatproof measuring cup for 1 minute 30 seconds. Divide butterscotch mixture between 2 (10 to 12-ounce) mugs. Fill mugs with heated cream soda and stir thoroughly. Serve garnished with a cinnamon stick or an old-fashioned butterscotch candy stick.

    Enjoy!

    I sure did!

    Look for more Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl videos in the very near future!

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: it just gets stranger and stranger

    Big wall o' pirates

    I know a lot of people who don’t really care for the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise as a whole. They thought the first one was fun and the 2nd and 3rd ones were convoluted pieces of crap. Therefore, I had a hard time finding someone who would see #4 with me. Luckily I have an awesome Mom who just happened to be visiting this weekend. We both like the films for the most part (although I take issue with parts of At Worlds End). I guess I’m just a sucker for action adventure.

    On Stranger Tides is based on a novel of the same name by Tim Powers. It’s appropriately named since it is, well, a bit strange. Power’s novel prominently features voodoo, something that Disney opted to keep and force (not always successfully) into the world of Pirates of the Caribbean.

    Barbossa's spiffy new duds!

    I’m sure you know the basic plot, that everyone is searching for the legendary fountain of youth. It’s not really clear why everyone (especially Captain Jack Sparrow) is trying to find it. For Blackbeard (Ian McShane), it’s because he’s heard a prophecy about his death and he’s trying to escape his fate. Everyone else wants to find it for no apparent reason. We find out later why Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and the Spanish are looking for it but for Jack, it seems to just be something to do.

    As for the fountain, for a secret supposedly taken to the grave by Ponce de Leon, a whole lot of people seem to know all about it. Not just it, but the rather complicated ritual you need to go through to drink from it. By the by, I’ve been to St. Augustine, Florida (PdL was supposedly the first European to set foot in Florida) so I know for a fact that Ponce died and is buried in Cuba and was not left to mummify in a ship perched up on a rock. But whatever, I’m willing to suspend belief a little.

    Fun fact: Ponce de Leon wasn’t looking for the fountain of youth to give him long life…nope, he was more concerned about it curing his impotence (how is one supposed to rape and brutalize the natives if he can’t get it up, right?)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5AqJww06bw]

    The ritual requires a mermaid’s tear which requires capturing a mermaid which requires sacrificing a whole lot of minions since mermaids apparently cross-bred with vampires somewhere along the line. They’re hot and they sing but Ariel they most certainly are not. My mom was a little disappointed by the viciousness of the mermaids and I can see why. As the daughter of a sailor, I learned that mermaids are not unlike the sirens of Greek mythology. They hypnotize sailors with their beautiful singing and the entranced sailors would walk or dive off of the ship in order to get to them, unfortunately drowning in the process. Or the sailors are nabbed by mermaids who forget that humans can’t breathe underwater and accidentally drown them while trying to show them their sweet underwater digs. Personally, if the mermaids of my youth had been more like these gals, I would have pretended to be one more often. There was a certain degree of “girl power” to these half mermaid-half vampire ladies…at least until one actually got captured and needed to be rescued by a big strong man. Then the whole “girl power” message kind of went right out the window.

    How would you like it if your date went from this…
    …to this! yeesh…

    Ah well…at least I still had a strong woman in Penelope Cruz. She can fight! She can seduce! She can command a ship! The only thing I didn’t really care for was her borderline creepy obsession with her Dad. Speaking of which…Ian McShane was solid as Blackbeard thanks to his icy eyes. I couldn’t buy into him being a master of black magic but I got a kick out of seeing him in a non-western setting. Geoffrey Rush could read the phone book and make it interesting. His frenemy relationship with Jack was in full swing. Sadly, the person who felt most out of place was Jack and I think it’s because they tried to force the character into Jack Shandy’s role in the book. Despite Johnny Depp’s best efforts, the two characters just don’t really mesh. I missed most of the crew members from the Black Pearl, although my favorite of them, Gibbs (Kevin McNally) was there. I was uber excited to see Keith Richards again as Jack’s Daddy but was sorely disappointed by his wooden performance. This is the guy that Depp based Jack’s zaniness on after all.

    In the end, it was a fun and entertaining movie but not one that I necessarily need to see again.

    2.5 out of 5 sci-fives

  • I prayed that Priest would be good…

    If it's a staring contest you want Mr. Bettany, bring it on.

    It wasn’t. Wow. What a great way to kick off a review. More detail you ask? Well here ya go…

    To give you a little background, yes, Priest is most certainly a graphic novel adaption as so many sci-fi/fantasy films seem to be these days. It’s set in a world where apparently man and vampire have co-existed forever. And when I mean forever I mean (according to the cartoon that plays out the back story at the beginning) this has literally been going on since man was on horseback, right through up until we created flame throwers. And man somehow was just barely able to fend off vampires this entire time until the “church” was able to create “Priests” who received special training to fight vampires, thus winning the war for humanity.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/JghQgA2HMX8]

    Don’t worry, I haven’t ruined the movie for you since they explain this in the first five minutes of film. Just know that this setup colored my view of the movie all the way through. And that may sound odd coming from someone who is admittedly on Team Edward, but the fact that guns and flame throwers were no match for vampires but one dude with tiny little crucifix-like throwing daggers could mess them up, was just too much for me.

    Then again, this one guy is Paul Bettany. And I love me some Paul Bettany. He did the same growly/dark/brooding thing he did in  Legion/Da Vinci Code, which is fine. I mean, who has a problem with watching Jeffrey Chaucer kick ass? Not me. But kick ass in 3D? That one was a bit of a stretch. A good 90% of the movie takes place in the dark. Without the multitude of colors that you usually see in a movie, the 3D in it just did not work. The added dimensions get lost in the varying shades of black.

    Maggie Q did the usual animatronic acting/fighting. Cam Gigadent was actually pretty good as the young kid who chases after his love interest. And Karl Urban, you get a pass because you’re Karl Urban and I still need to watch Pathfinder.

    Dental floss… not just for G-strings jokes anymore.

    In all honestly guys, I wanted to like it. Dystopian future ruled by the church? What’s not to like? But the execution was just tiresome and the dialogue was like it was written by a fifth grader. Oh well. At least I had fun taking some of the photos for the poster 🙂

    One of out Five Sci-Fives… (but only cause I love you Paul and Karl).

  • Evolution of a Hero, Vol. 1

    What? He’s a monster. Shut up. SAVE ME WES!

    If you’ve read my earlier post about Malcom Reynolds and Han Solo, you know that I have a spot in my heart for bad boys. Seriously, what girl doesn’t? But the thing is, with those characters you never get the full story of how they became such kings of badassery. OK, you get a little bit with Mal in “Serenity” (the episode, not the movie) and “that one episode with the ice planet friend that dies” but they really don’t tell you much about his journey to becoming a hero.

    Lucky for us though, Joss “Is Boss” Whedon did us a favor with his creation of a mousy little man, scared of his own shadow, trying to prove himself to those around him. But by the time his clock ran out he had proved himself a bigger bad ass than most. I’m talking of course, of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, played to perfection by Alexis Denisof. Let us begin.

    Hi. I'm an ass-hat.

    When he began, he came in as Faith’s (Elisa Dushku) Watcher. A sissier version of Giles, he was very keen to do as he was ordered. His tie was straight, he played by the rules, and the thought of getting his hands dirty made this classic fancy Englishman faint. He was a character of little note, just barely a plot point in my opinion, and at one point, just a side character for Cordelia to keep busy with. That is, of course, until he left for Angel.

    Getting warmer….

    In LA, he became a rogue demon hunter. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, it took a little while before he actually developed deeper levels. For me, it was when he finally got shot while working with Gunn that he seemed to achieve a certain amount of darkness and cool. There’s something to be said for men who get knocked down but keep pressing on because they know that what they are doing is the right thing.

    Well hello handsome…
    Why are all Wes's so hot?

    The point at which the hotness scale tipped for me was when Wolfram and Heart was invaded by robbers, led by Wesley’s father. (SPOILER ALERT) By this time Wesley, who was at one point cookie dough, had been carved out of wood. (Oooo, where did I pull that quote from?) When his Dad threatened to hurt Fred, the love of his life, he didn’t hesitate to use his weapon and drop his father. That’s just hot. He knew he was right, his Dad was wrong, and just shot. No begging, no pleading, his father had crossed a line and Wes just went for it.

    There is, of course, more to Wesley’s story, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone that hasn’t watched Angel yet. Great hero’s are not born, they are made through fire and sacrifice. And Wesley, most definitely, is a hero.  At least in the television sense.

    Guys take note: this is what you should be. Ladies, take note: Wesley Wyndham-Price is the guy you want.

    Ok, so maybe not ALL Wes's are hot…

  • Something wicked this way comes

    I'll getchoo my pretty!

     

    Who does your hair?

    Witches have had a pretty bad rap.  Throughout history they’ve been portrayed as ugly old hags bent on evil doing or using magic for profit.  The Stygian Witches personify this stereotype.  Three hideous crones sharing one eye and one tooth between them and practicing cannibalism (although how they managed to eat flesh with one tooth is beyond me).  The Weird Sisters in MacBeth represent darkness, chaos, and conflict.  They manipulate MacBeth into committing murder and destroying lives.

    Good times. 

    Then witches went through a seductress phase.  The Sirens in Greek Mythology were “technically” prophets…a term used to distinguish young, pretty witches from old, ugly witches.  Their mission in life was to make passing sailors jump into the sea to their deaths.  Morgan le Fay in the Arthurian legend is bent on the downfall of her half-brother King Arthur.  In later versions of the story she seduces him and bears him a son named Mordred whom she uses as a pawn in her evil schemes.  In the 1996 movie The Craft, a group of young teenage hotties train as witches.  It’s all fun and games wrecking havoc at their Catholic School until Fairuza Balk goes off the deep end and ends up in the psych ward.

    You know you like it

    Good times.

    More recently witches have undergone a major public relations campaign.  Hermione in Harry Potter, Amelia Broadway in True Blood, any number of characters in any given LJ Smith book.  Good witches performing good acts and cute to boot.  It follows in the footsteps of vampires morphing from bat-like monsters to creepy old dudes with bad hair to sexy young teenage thangs.

    Jail bait no longer!

    We’re so fickle when it comes to our mythological creatures.

    Somehow wizards have never suffered the same disdain.  Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore…all flawed but generally seen as good guys.  And somehow they always seem to have a long grey beard.  Talk about stereotypes.

    Here’s my theory.  The above wizards are a result of the Days of the Druids.  They represent a time long past when magic played a very real part in people’s every day lives.  When Christianity came along and communing with nature was no longer kosher, these wizards were created and idealized as a homage to a previous culture that is still held dear to many people.  If you want proof of this, go to Ireland, where strict Catholics still believe in faeries.

    Burn me and I will cut you bitch!

    Witches, on the other hand, have always represented the evil ways of women.  (Somehow female druids got side stepped on this one).  The story of Eve and how she screwed everything up for Adam is pretty old example of this.  Women are stronger then men in every way except physically.  Men didn’t appreciate this.  Strong women must be manipulative and evil, right?  Eve. Evil.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Hey!  Let’s suppress them!  For centuries, any woman who was not subservient was suspected of and often accused of being a witch.  They were burned and drowned and hung.  Oftentimes only the manner in which they died could prove that they weren’t a witch after all.  But they still died.

    Good times.

    Then you get the Wiccans.  In the strictest sense of the word Wiccans are not witches.  Wicca is a neopagan religion that, while a relatively modern concept in and of itself, has been around since the dawn of man in some form or another.  You can be both or you can be either/or.  Wiccans have a deep appreciation for Mother Nature and all she represents.  Not to be confused with hippies (have I mentioned how much I hate hippies?)  One perk of practicing Wicca for the ladies is that the Goddess is worshipped just as much as the God.  In trying to convert the Pagans, Christianity elevated the Virgin Mary to a sort of pseudo-Goddess-like status.  You know, kind of like how they decided to celebrate Christ’s birthday in December instead of sometime in September.

    Good times.

    In short, my friends, witches represent magic and I think we can all agree that magic makes for a very good time.

    What were they smoking and where can I get some?

  • Twitards Unite

    A couple of years ago I got into a LiveJournal argument with a fellow poster’s friend (arguing online is the BEST) about whether or not Bella was just another sullen teenager and Edward was an abusive boyfriend.  She claimed Stephenie Meyer’s writing was bad for teenage girls because it is sexist, that Bella and Edward were terrible role models, and that it would encourage boys and girls to emulate them.

    Her first mistake: assuming that boys care about Twilight.  Very few of them do and the ones who are into it won’t be beating up their girlfriends if you get my drift.

    Her second mistake: assuming that all teenagers aren’t sullen.  Uhmmm…all of the ones I’ve known are, at least part of the time.  It’s a genetic right of passage.  Besides, the girl has been uprooted, has to make all new friends and lives in a town that’s gloomy and overcast all of the time.  Put yourself in her shoes bitch.

    Her third mistake: she hadn’t bothered to read the final book and had no plan to do so.  So, without getting the full story she formulated a concrete opinion about it and decided she wasn’t going to be convinced otherwise.

    Brilliant.

    Stupid people exhaust me.

    I’m not saying that she’s not entitled to her own opinion, I’m just saying that she should get the whole story before she formulates said opinion and then starts fighting with people she doesn’t know about it.

    Or am I just talking crazy?

    Is this the photo(shop) of a crazy person?

    Here’s why I think she is wrong…

    Edward and Bella, with their “no sex before marriage” policy, sure are bad role models for teenagers, aren’t they?  Of course Bella kinda wants to do it, she has raging teenage hormones and her boyfriend is mega hot (in an ice cold kinda way).  If and when I ever have a teenage daughter *shudder* I hope that her boyfriend has the same respect for her that Edward has for Bella.  Not that I want potential future daughter to get married right out of high school or anything but it would be nice if she waited until then to start doing the deed.

    Regarding the whole Edward the Abuser bullshit argument.  I take real issue with this.  Bella may be whiny but she certainly stands up for herself.  Edward never once attacks her physically or verbally.  Pushing her away from a charging Jasper is not abuse.  It’s panic.  Keeping her from a friend he feels is dangerous is not abuse.  It’s concern.  I love Jacob to death but she does tend to get injured when she’s in La Push.  My boyfriend’s would have been concerned as well and not wanted me to hang out with him.  Nevermind the fact that he IS a relatively volatile young werewolf who has had trouble controlling himself around her.  I will admit that the whole breaking her heart thing in New Moon really sucked for her but everyone has gotten dumped at one time or another and it’s just one of those shitty parts of life.

    The sexism.  Yeesh.  Where do I begin with this one??  It’s not like she keeps her trap shut.  She definitely speaks her mind whether she’s confident about what she’s saying or not.  LJ Girl’s biggest argument was that Bella is always the victim and Edward always has to save her.  First of all, how is that different from most of the stories out there?  Guys are constantly saving the damsel in distress.  Second, if she had bothered to read the last book she would have known that the tables turn and Bella ends up being all bad ass and saving EVERYONE.  Yep, that’s super sexist all right, having the chick be the one who saves the day.

    Twilight is like Harry Potter in that it has gotten kids to read books.  You know, those things made of paper with words in them that seem to elude Generation Me.  Anything that can do that is great and wonderful with me.  I personally love the books and will totally cop to being a Twitard.  They aren’t as juicy as the Sookie books or as well-written as HP but Stephenie Meyer has a way of drawing you in and not letting you go.  Hemingway she is not but there is something magnetic about her stories and her characters that keep me coming back for more.  She’s also sold more than 100 million books worldwide in 37 languages and was the biggest selling writer of 2008 AND 2009.

    So suck on that LJ Girl.