Guess who guest starred on this week’s Hall H Show podcast? This girl!
Listen to the podcast about The International Mobil Film Festival and featuring the festival’s founder, Susy Botello, one of the Directors, Anthony de la Cruz, and yours truly, as interviewed by Aaron Nabus and Alex Benedicto.
Check it out HERE!
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Since I’ve read the book and Geek Outlaw hasn’t, we decided that it would be fun to do a joint review of the movie Ender’s Game from both perspectives. That being said, this seems to be a particularly busy and hectic time for both of us so it’s just now all coming together. We’ll start with Geek Outlaw since his review is shorter and doesn’t have any spoilers 😉
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Geek Outlaw (didn’t read the book)
If there is one thing Geek Outlaw is confident about, it’s that I’m a cheap date.
I confirmed what most people already knew as I decided to take advantage of my local theater’s $5 Tuesday where every pre-hump day movie is $5 per ticket for any flick, any time. Couple that with the 25 cent banana and free bottle of water from work I smuggled in to the theater and it boggles the mind why I’m still on the open market.
It also marked a first-of-sorts as the Outlaw took in Hollywood’s latest sci-fi release, Ender’s Game, all by my lonesome. If memory serves me correctly – and being a male in my 30’s I’m fairly certain it doesn’t – this was the first time I went to a movie theater Han Solo style.
Enough about my deteriorating social life, and more about Ender’s Game, the new Harrison Ford vehicle based on the somewhat controversial novel from author Orson Scott Card. Unlike the likes of my blogging counterpart Hot Nerd Girl, I have not yet read the book so my perspective comes purely from the film it’s based on.
I’m never one to spend too many words on plot overviews, and I’m not going to break any new ground with this review either.
The gist behind Ender’s Game the movie is that Earth is recovering from an invasion from an insect-like alien race. (By the way, why do 99.8% of all alien races look like over-fed bugs that mated with the likes of Keith Richards?)
The audience is told that 50 years have passed and humans are preparing for another potential attack from the flying ants. Unfortunately, us two-legged fleshies got lucky when legendary war hero Mazer Rackham (Ben Kingsley) found the enemy’s weakness. Now, the military is looking to the X-Box generation to find the next “One” (and no not the actual Xbox One) to lead mankind to another victory.
Enter Ender Wiggen (Asa Butterfield), a virtual Doogie Houser in the ways of all things strategy and knowing when an extraterrestrial might have his next bowel movement.
Let’s start with the good. Ender’s Game was an entertaining movie in that it proved riveting. When I say riveting, I mean I wasn’t looking at my watch every 10 minutes and wondering what else I could have done with my $5 and two hour investment (Note: it would have involved dinner at Taco Bell, baby oil and a mechanical bull).
The other positives of note related directly to the special effects, specifically to the scenes in the space arena where the Hunger Games-esque team battles took place
As for the rest of the movie, I can’t say I was impressed by any means. The most glaring issue I had with Ender’s Game may have actually been a result of this being an adaption of a novel, which as I mentioned prior, I’ve never even read a paragraph of. While I never read word one of the original material, the film had a very choppy feel with regards to the story and overall compressed timeline of events.
If I don’t sound like I’m explaining my point well, then it probably wouldn’t be the first time. Nonetheless, Ender’s Game just felt like it had too much story to tell, too many characters to develop and not enough film reel to do it in. In general, relationships seemed to evolve in a matter of seconds – much like they might on The Bachelor – and months of time seemed to be explained in a matter of seconds without even (gasp) a montage!
Another element of the story that struck me as slightly head-scratching, was the odd “are-they-really-just-brother-and-sister” relationship of Ender and his sister Valentine (Abigail Breslin). There seemed to be more romantic chemistry between them than Kate and Leo had on that sinking cruise-liner as it plunged to the ocean floor.
Perhaps the most disturbing part of the film had to have been Harrison Ford’s Hitler-like locks. No lie, every time he appeared on screen I desperately wanted to draw that goofy little Adolf-stach below his nose to complete the entire Gestapo look. Performance wise, Mr. Ford turned in an average performance with a few small moments of sparks seen from some of his better showings.
Even with the semi-predictable twist ending, Ender’s Game failed to deliver the goods where it counted, the characters. In the end, not enough time was spent with the supporting cast, nor was Asa Butterfield’s turn as Ender incredibly convincing. Still, at $5, free water, and a virtually free piece of fruit, the entertainment value was definitely fulfilled given the cost.
More importantly, any women out there looking for a dating partner that won’t break the bank can reach me at GeekOutlaw@Outlook.com. Even the email is free of charge.
2 out of 6 “Spur” of the Moments
Hot Nerd Girl (read the book)
Fair warning: I’m probably going to spoil the crap out of this movie. Mostly because it’s one of those movies where, since I read the book, I don’t know how to review it without bringing up some of the book and to do that I’ll probably have spoilers. You’ve been warned.
I was so so soooooo excited about this movie. The book Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card is considered controversial in many circles. Personally, I don’t find it all that controversial but then, I grew up watching Star Trek where they used sci-fi to push the boundaries of what was considered acceptable topics. It’s one of the magical aspects of science fiction, the ability to teach and discuss without necessarily letting people know that they’re being taught or allowing those who do to have something to talk about.
I loved the book. Mostly because I can feel Ender’s pain while reading it. Like many an avid reader, I can identify with most characters on some level. I grew up in a military household where we moved around a lot and I was often finding myself whisked away to a new place, surrounded by strangers, just when I was starting to feel comfortable somewhere. I was shy and didn’t have many friends. But I was lucky in that my teachers recognized the fact that, even though I was quiet, I was smart, and they placed me in gifted programs. Obviously my experiences as a kid were the barest fraction of what Ender went through, but they allow me to empathize with Ender in a way that many people probably can’t.
In the book Ender is at Battle School for several years, from the age of 6 to (if I’m remembering correctly) 12. I knew going into the movie that they would need to abridge his time there and I was ok with that. What I was looking for wasn’t the amount of time they showed him there (it feels like maybe a few months while you’re watching the movie), but the emotional pain and turmoil that he experiences. It’s what I consider the most important aspect of the entire book. Sadly, that was almost completely missing from the film. Aside from some moodiness and a couple of yelling sessions, you don’t get the sense that this is any great challenge for him; that his childhood has been stolen from him. They try to show you that he’s being manipulated by Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford) and Major Anderson (Viola Davis), but it seems superficial as opposed to heartbreaking. Certain adults, like Sergeant Dap (Nonso Anozie) and Mazer Rackham (Ben Kingsley) seem to alternate between treating him like a grunt as part of the manipulation, and treating him with extreme reverence, like he’s a Jesus figure who is going to lead him to the Holy Land (that analogy is worthy of its very own post). It makes Asa Butterfield’s portrayal of him seem entitled and cocky as opposed to brilliant and humble/unsure.
In the book Ender’s birth is commissioned. There’s a two child limit and his parents already have Peter (Jimmy ‘Jax’ Pinchak) and Valentine (Abigail Breslin). Both Peter and Valentine are geniuses but Peter is a sociopath and Valentine is too compassionate. But because they both showed so much promise, the International Fleet (IF) allows Ender to be born, hoping that he’ll be a good mix of Peter and Valentine. The parents go along with this because the Dad is an “reformed” Catholic and the Mom is a “reformed” Mormon. They both abandoned their religions in order to have opportunities they wouldn’t have as religious outcasts but they never abandoned their beliefs, which include having multiple children. Still, Ender is an embarrassment. Calling someone a “Third” is like calling someone a “mudblood” in the Harry Potter ‘verse. So when he’s chosen for Battle School it’s a relief to everyone but Valentine, the one person Ender feels any real emotional attachment to. The International Fleet gets what they want and need in Ender. He’s got Peter’s violence when necessary and Valentine’s compassion when necessary. It allows him to understand his enemy and destroy them but in the process he grows to know and love his enemy. Because when you truly understand someone, you cannot help but love them. Because of this, Ender can only do what he needs to do if he believes that it’s a game. So the adults don’t tell him that it’s not.
I’m not sure why the filmmakers decided not to use the term “Bugger” for the aliens. The term “Formic” (Formica is Latin for ant) used in the movie wasn’t seen in any of the books until 1999, a full 14 years after Ender’s Game debuted even though the novel we first see it in, Ender’s Shadow (aka the story of Bean) happens at the same time as Ender’s Game chronologically. It might seem silly to someone who hasn’t read the books, but not hearing the word “Bugger” automatically makes you feel like something is missing from the film. I was worried that they’d cut out the Fantasy Game. It would have been an easy cut to make that would have destroyed the film. I wanted to see more of it though. The entire subplot of Peter as Locke and Valentine as Demosthenes is cut which is really too bad. It helps you get a complete picture of the way the minds of the Wiggin children work and why Ender is the way he is.
The special effects were fantastic. I loved the look of the Battle School, the space travel, and the Command School simulator. The nitpick in me wishes that there had been more of the Battle Room and watching Ender work out the strategies in his mind but that would have required two movies so I have to let that one go. It just bums me out that you don’t get the sense of his true brilliance. Also, the Armies are way too small in the movie. There’s supposed to be something like 40 kids per Army and they maybe had half that. That was an issue I had throughout the movie, there were always too few kids.
One of the key parts of the book is that Colonel Graff is constantly trying to keep Ender isolated. He wants Ender to be completely self-reliant with no one he can depend on. He has fleeting friendships with kids like Alai (Suraj Partha), Petra (Hailee Steinfeld), and Dink (Khylin Rhambo). And more complicated relationships with a few other kids, like Bean (Aramis Knight), but they come in and out of his life and he’s never permitted to get too close. Even at the end when they act as a well-oiled battle machine, he never truly knows them on an emotional level except for a few fleeting moments of connection. There are kids who genuinely like Ender and want to be friends with him (like Petra) even though they are scared of him. Most of the kids dislike him altogether, though everyone respects him. Ironically, the one person who knows Ender better than anyone, even Valentine, is Colonel Graff because he’s been inside of Ender’s head practically from birth. Either with the Monitor implanted in the back of Ender’s neck, or the Fantasy Game later on in Battle School and he uses this knowledge to push Ender to the brink over and over again. In most ways, Ender has no idea just how powerful and brilliant he is. But like many brilliant people, he’s quite fragile. Graff sees this and protects Ender from the knowledge of just how much damage he’s inflicted on a couple of his childhood enemies (Stilson and Bonzo). This is something they softened for the book, I’m guessing because they were looking to attract a young audience. But again, it just doesn’t seem right if you’ve read the book.
The final battle was chilling. It actually gave me goosebumps. I guess because I knew what was really going on. I kept wondering if the movie made sense to anyone who hasn’t read the book but my Mom said that she followed it just fine and enjoyed it way more than I did.
The end threw me off a bit. The big mama Hive Queen showing up in the cave was annoying at first but I got over it pretty quickly because I guess it makes more sense for the newbies than watching a baby Hive Queen emerge from the egg sac only to chat with Ender and go right back inside again. What really bothered me about the end was that they didn’t show Valentine recruiting Ender to go with her on the first colonization ship. Their brother Peter sees both of his genius siblings as a threat to his power agenda and, recognizing this, Valentine removes both her and Ender from the equation. Ender can’t go back to Earth. He’s just killed an entire alien race and the people of Earth will never leave him alone for the rest of his life, either because of how much they love him or how much they loathe him. He doesn’t leave on some solo mission to find the baby Hive Queen a new home; he flings himself into the great unknown with others at his side hoping that, eventually, he’ll land on a planet where he can make up for the Xenocide by giving the baby Hive Queen a new home in which to reintroduce her species.
The performances are fine. No one really stood out as being great or terrible. I personally think that Asa Butterfield is a fantastic child actor (watch him as Mordred on BBC’s Merlin) and he made the most of what he was given as Ender. Harrison Ford was gruff as Graff and I wanted to see more of the internal conflict he experiences in the book, but at least he didn’t seem bored like he has in some of his more recent roles. Ben Kingsley’s Mazer Rackham was not how I pictured the character AT ALL in my head but his facial tattoos gave them a nice excuse to reference the next book in the series Speaker for the Dead.
I could go into a whole spiel about Speaker for the Dead and the Xenocide and what the humans, the Formics, the Piggies, and Jane eventually think of Ender but that’s a whole ‘nuther blog post and I’ve probably written too much about it already.
2 out of 5 Sci-Fives!
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It’s been a while since I’ve written a movie review. Mostly because it’s been a while since I’ve been to the movies….sad robot 🙁
Anyhooters, I saw the panel for Gravity at Comic Con and listened to Sandra Bullock describe the process of making the movie and the hours she spent locked in a 9 foot square box every day and, I’m not gonna lie, I got pretty excited.
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It’s hard to say much about this movie without giving it all away. What I will say about the plot (because you can gather as much from the trailers), is that Mission Specialist Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and Mission Commander Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) are on a Hubble Space Telescope spacewalk installing some kind of software for new hospital systems when the Russians decide to blow up a spy satellite starting a deadly chain reaction that sends thousands of pieces of debris rocketing around the Earth directly at them every 90 minutes. Directed, co-written (along with his son, Jonás Cuarón) and co-produced by Alfonso Cuarón and featuring exactly seven actors, five of which are really only voices (including Ed Harris as Mission Control in a lovely nod to Apollo 13 and The Right Stuff), the movie is completely dependent on Bullock and Clooney and, to be honest, it felt like the parts were written specifically for them.
Clooney is all charm as Kowalski, a veteran Astronaut on his final mission. Even in the face of unspeakable circumstances, he stays cool and calm. His ability to see the sheer beauty of his surroundings, the way his good humor instantly turns serious when issuing an order and then flips back again, and his instinct that something bad is going to happen, coincides with so much of what I’ve read about and by real life Astronauts. Despite the nitpicking of Astrophysicist (and personal favorite of mine) Neil deGrasse Tyson, for those 90 minutes, I believed that Clooney was the Mission Commander.
At first, I wasn’t completely convinced by Bullock until it quickly became obvious that Stone was not an Astronaut by choice, but by circumstances. Her knowledge of the system they were installing made it necessary for her to be there and she wouldn’t have been there otherwise. Like her character, Bullock rose to the occasion. I can’t imagine that she won’t be nominated for an Oscar, and by gods, she deserves one for this performance. She carried this movie from start to finish. I want to discuss her metaphysical devolving and re-evolving but I’ll give too much away if I do so you’ll just have to spot those parts and discuss amongst yourselves.
Alfonso Cuarón deserves an Oscar as well. The visuals are breath taking. Truly. I saw an interview with Astronaut Michael Massimino on ABC World News this past Friday and he said that Gravity finally allows him to show his friends and family what it’s like to be in space and look down on the Earth. Massimino’s participation in the final Hubble servicing mission in May 2009, in which he became famous for his difficulty with a stripped bolt and his eventual triumph in removing a handrail with brute force, was one of the inspirations for the movie. Cuarón even made exact replicas of some of Massimino’s one-of-a-kind tools as props. Cuarón followed one of the Whedon rules: “Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.
I was stiff and sore when I stood up after the ending credits. The suspense had me wound up so tight I alternated between chills and forgetting to breath. Twice I looked over at my Mom because she gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth. Little things, like the Marvin the Martian figurine floating out into space, the floating tears, the barking like a dog; and big things, like the continuous shot that makes up the first several minutes of the film, the view through Bullock’s helmet, and the lovely musical score, combine to make a movie that is must, must, must see. I saw it in 3D and I’d like to see it again in 2D. Maybe I had messed up glasses or saw it on a messed up screen, but it seemed a little out of focus at times which hurt my eyes. Despite that, it was beautiful to behold.
My mom asked me afterwards if I still wanted to go to space after seeing the movie and the answer is a definite and resounding YES. I would go in a heartbeat even if I knew ahead of time that I wasn’t going to make it home. Because “either way, it’ll be a hell of a ride.”
5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!
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I was surprised by how much I liked World War Z.
First of all, let me start by saying that I had very low expectations going into this movie. I’d heard the rumors of how the first cut was terrible and they had to refilm huge chunks of it. Plus, I love the book by Max Brooks so I was already wary of it to begin with.
Second, World War Z the movie has absolutely nothing in common with World War Z the novel with the exception of the title and the fact that someone from the UN was a character. Everything else was completely new.
Third, if you know me or have read the blog for any significant amount of time, then you know that my biggest fear is zombies. Hands down. I thought I’d managed to desensitize myself to them thanks to this past season of The Walking Dead. I seemed to be doing better and was actually looking at the screen during the zombie scenes. Well, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, I fully expect to have horrific zombie nightmares every night for the next week. That, and I will likely be very sore for the next couple of days because I was wound up so tight during the whole movie. My friends were laughing at me because I spent half the movie covering my face with my scarf.
***I think I do a pretty good job of not spoiling too much this time but I’m putting up the usual warning just in case***
In the book, a UN Postwar Commission agent is collecting stories from survivors of a zombie war that started 10 years prior. He interviews astronauts, a soldier from the Battle of Yonkers, a Japanese gamer kid turned samurai, a girl who survived cold and starvation in frozen North America, amongst others.
The movie, on the other hand, focuses primarily on a former UN Crisis Specialist named Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) and his attempts to figure out where the plague began and subsequently, a cure for it. He’s recruited by an old work buddy, UN Undersecretary Thierry Umutoni (Fana Mokoena) and assisted by various soldiers and scientists, most notably an Israeli soldier named Segen (Daniella Kertesz). The only other people you get to know for longer than 5 minutes are Gerry’s wife Karin (Mireille Enos), their two daughters Rachel (Abigail Hargrove) and Connie (Sterling Jerins), and a boy they pick up in Newark named Tommy (Fabrizio Zacharee Guido).
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As competent as Lane is, the scientists around him all seem to be smart but clumsy. An ill-fated Virologist (Elyes Gabel) gives a pretty epic speech about Mother Nature being a serial killer before accidentally tripping and blowing his own brains out. Oops. And the guy in charge (Pierfrancesco Favino) at the W.H.O. research facility in Cardiff is physically incapable of not bumping into anything and everything around him which is super annoying. There are notable cameos by David Morse, Matthew Fox, David Andrews, Ruth Negga, Peter Capaldi and others.
At times the zombies are so obviously CGI that it’s almost laughable, especially in the larger group scenes. Other times, they are so detailed and grotesque that it’s hard to watch even if you’re not completely petrified of zombies like I am. This is most apparent in the W.H.O. facility and featured crowd zombies in Philadelphia and Jerusalem.
A few nitpicky things: I saw the movie with a bunch of friends and my brother who’s a Marine. He pointed out that the military plane could never have landed and/or taken off from the aircraft carrier (that’s where the movie lost him) and that different planes were used in different shots. That, and this particular plane never could have reached South Korea from the Eastern Seaboard. It wouldn’t have enough fuel to make it.
I was fine with most of the book not being included in the movie because, honestly, it’s a very difficult book to translate from page to screen, but there are a couple of things I think they could have kept that fans of the book would have appreciated. The Battle of Yonkers, a brief shot of the astronauts watching from the ISS, and some zombies walking around on the bottom of the ocean could easily have been included.
I can’t say much more without spoiling the movie, which I’m trying really hard not to do. But I’ll just end by saying that I’ve never been so inspired by a guy walking down a hallway full of charging zombies. It was a beautiful moment in a movie that was truly horrifying for me to watch. It’s worth it to see World War Z on the big screen; however, if you haven’t read the book, do yourself a favor and read it. Same goes for The Zombie Survival Guide, also by Max Brooks.
3.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!
Don’t forget to buy a calendar! It’s got every nerdy holiday you can imagine, plus a super handy convention calendar, and some never-before-seen pictures that will never, ever be seen anywhere else. It’s worth it to get the 2013 calendar. Besides, if I don’t sell these, then there probably won’t be one next year so, ya know…buy one Since it’s June, they’re super discounted (I promise you I’m not making a fortune off of them) and the price includes taxes and shipping within the US and Canada (if you live outside of the US/Canada then email me at princesstrek@hotmail.com). AND I’ll sign it if you want.
HNG Star Trek Into Darkness
So many nerdy posters but not a single Star Trek one to be found
I know that this review crazy late but I’ve been dealing with some stuff that I might write about later so… c’est la vie, mes chers amis!
There isn’t much in this world that I love more than Star Trek. It excites and inspires me like nothing else. I managed to see Star Trek Into Darkness twice before opening day. My coworker convinced me to enter a costume contest that a local news station was having so I submitted this picture at the last minute and ended up winning the grand prize. No one was more surprised than me, let me tell you! My prize was VIP tickets to a Wednesday night showing, $80 in concessions, and a gift bag full of Star Trek Into Darkness goodies like a sweatshirt, t-shirt, poster, fake tattoos, cups, and some kind of Bluetooth device that I haven’t figured out yet. So I took my Mama and stood at the concession counter while two employees ran around collecting $80 worth of Red Vines and Junior Mints. Then I saw it again with my friends at a Thursday night preview. Both times were in 3D and I will probably see it again in 2D just for the heck of it.
*WARNING: I usually try really hard not to spoil things but I can’t help it when it comes to anything Star Trek related and I spoil the shit out of this so beware. Also, it’s been out a week so you should have seen it by now.
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A brief synopsis: Starfleet’s been doing pretty swell since Nero got knocked down but a new threat has emerged and no one seems to know how or why, just that he’s blowing shit up and they want him to stop. It’s up to Kirk and his crew to stop this one man Army using whatever means necessary. They think they’ve accomplished this task until Robocop shows up and turns out not to be such a good guy after all. 72 Augmenticles, 2 starships, a few thousand lens flares, and a half-naked baby mama later and our favorite alternate reality crew is finally off on their five year mission and a third movie.
Kirk (Chris Pine) has the Enterprise. Kirk loses the Enterprise. Kirk gets the Enterprise back. Enterprise loses Kirk. Enterprise gets Kirk back. Some would call this a better love story than Twilight. But I digress. Kirk is riding pretty high at the beginning of this movie. He pretty much thinks he’s invincible and it’s up to Admiral Pike to knock him down a few pegs (or Peggs…?) Just as soon as the message sinks in he’s thrust back into being a rock star and has to save the day from enemies on two fronts. You’d think being thrown out of a trash chute with a genetically engineered superman would humble the dude. It doesn’t, but he learns a lot and by the end of the movie he gets a bit philosophical, saying “revenge is not who we are.” A nice little twist of the “revenge is a dish best served cold” bit of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Speaking of twists…Kirk and Spock’s little sacrificial switch-a-roo kind of annoyed me the first time I saw it. The second time I saw it I appreciated it more even though…..
……Spock’s redux of the famous (and infamous) “KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!” call was only slightly less cheesy than Kirk’s original. Is it just me, or was Spock way too emotional in this movie? Don’t get me wrong, I lurv me some Zachary Quinto, missing earflaps and all, but the crying and the talking about the feelings and the anger were all very un-Spock-like. Like everyone else, I applauded when Spock Prime (Leonard Nimoy) Skyped in to break his own rule and discuss how his crew defeated Khan “at great cost.” I hope he shows up in every post-JJ-era Star Trek flick. Spock got some of the coolest scenes in the whole movie. In addition to fighting with a volcano, Khan, Uhura, and some Klingons, he got to use all his Vulcan tricks: nerve pinches, mind-melds, and leaping great distances in a single bound. His moments with Kirk were especially comedic.
Uhura (Zoe Saldana) got to be pretty badass in this movie. She stood up to the Klingons and swooped in to save the day when her boyfriend (who she also fought with) was taking a beating. Alternate universe Uhura is turning into the mama bear of the crew. She’s got a fierceness and a gentleness about her that exist in relatively perfect harmony. Her feistiness probably wouldn’t fly in a real-life military but for the movies it’s entertaining to watch her throw her earpiece across the bridge’s console.
McCoy and the metaphors! Bones (Karl Urban) spit out so many that it was almost – ALMOST – too much. He’s lucky I love metaphors, bad puns, and cheesy lines. I drew the line at “Damnit Spock, I’m a Doctor not a torpedo technician!” That was, in fact, too far. However, the scene where he’s trying to examine Kirk on the sly was absolute perfection.
Scotty (Simon Pegg) is running. He just thought you should know. Pegg is an absolute and sorely underutilized gem. He’s got more to do than he did in Star Trek (2009) but he needs more scenes to chew on because, my God, the man spits out gold every time he opens his mouth. He’s a little pissed off in this movie. First his ship is submerged in salt water, then transporter technology that he created is being used and abused, then he’s forced to resign his commission over a morality dispute, then “One day he’s been off this ship. One day!” and it’s falling apart. Still, he plays a huge part in saving the day and Kirk declares him “a miracle worker.” Poor guy needs some scotch and a foot massage. His friend Keenser (Deep Roy) pulls a Major “King” Kong and straddles a torpedo but disappears before the real action begins.
Sadly, Sulu (John Cho) doesn’t have much to do in this movie, with one major exception. He gets to sit in the Captain’s chair for a while and deliver an announcement to Khan full of truly epic badassery. It’s intimidating and unexpected enough that Bones (having previously underestimated him) looks over and says “remind me never to piss you off.”
On the other hand, Chekov (Anton Yelchin) gets slightly more to do. When Scotty resigns, Chekov gets promoted (?) to Chief Engineer and looks truly aghast when Kirk orders him to “put on a red shirt.” He spends most of his time running around with a nifty pair of goggles on (I don’t remember seeing anyone else in Engineering with goggles, but meh).
The good guys are rounded out by a new addition, Dr. Carol Marcus (Alice Eve). She’s the daughter of Admiral Marcus and the future mother of Kirk’s son, David (if this timeline follows the original timeline). She’s got a gratuitous but not at all offensive (not to me at least, I thought the scene was funny) moment in her underwear and a scream reminiscent of a velociraptor.
Benedict Cumberbatch can do no wrong. Even his name is amazing. I’m a MAJOR Sherlock fan (though I draw the line at Cumberbitch fangirl status thankyouverymuch) and while, yes, BC is very handsome, I’m far more attracted to his fantastic acting chops. He definitely does not disappoint here. He relishes every line of dialogue and every facial expression. He expresses more in a sideways glance then some actors do in an entire movie *coughcoughKristenStewartcoughcough* I’m seriously considering referring to him as Benedict Skullcrusher from now on. Also, did anyone else notice that he turns into Emo Khan when he’s fighting?
In the movie Khan declares that he’s better than everyone in every way. But he doesn’t really explain why. So if you’re a Star Trek virgin, you’re probably wondering why he’s so much better. Allow me to fill you in: way back in 1992 (you remember, right?) genetically engineered super humans developed a superiority complex and decided to take over the world. They managed to take over about 40% of it with Khan Noonien Singh as their absolute ruler. This resulted in a series of conflicts called the Eugenics or Great Wars. The normal old boring humans managed to defeat the “Augments” in 1996 but about 80 of them, including Khan, went missing until they were discovered in suspended animation aboard the SS Botany Bay by the crew of the USS Enterprise about 200 years later. Here’s how they are “better”: The Augments were designed to be remarkably agile, five times stronger than, and twice as intelligent as a normal human, resistant to sickness and with enhanced senses, possessing heart muscles twice as strong and lung efficiency 50% better. Their blood contained platelets capable of regenerating from any disease or toxin, which could be used to cure or revive medical subjects via transfusion. They also had twice the average lifespan. Even their resistance to energy weapons was improved, as it took multiple shots with a phase pistol to stun one. In combat, they were even capable of resisting a Vulcan nerve pinch and mind meld. Unfortunately, along with those awesome abilities comes a massive increase in aggression, ambition, and all around douchebaggery.
Speaking of douchebags…Admiral Alexander Marcus (Peter Weller) is one. Can’t quite figure out where you know him from? It’s Robocop. Sure, he’s been in a few things since then, but trust me, it’s Robocop. You’re welcome. You start off liking Admiral Marcus. He’s no-nonsense and doesn’t mind hearing what the youngins have to say. Then he goes and tries to start an intergalactic war with his brand new supership and you start to change your mind a little. Then he reveals that he’s been planning to murder craploads of innocent people just to further his agenda and you start to understand why Khan squeezed his head until his skull cracked open like a walnut.
To many folks Thomas Harewood (Noel Clarke) may seem like a minor character. Sure, he gets the action started by blowing up Section 31, but why should we care about him? Because he’s also Mickey Smith, former Companion to the Doctor who was, at one point, thrust into a parallel universe. He did make his way back to our universe eventually but who’s to say he didn’t get a hold of a vortex manipulator and find himself trapped in the 23rd century??
A few final notes:
I like the warp signature effect, even though it reminds me of “the more you know” NBC thing from when I was a kid, what with all the sparkles and tinkling and stuff.
When did the Starfleet uniforms get hats? I don’t ever remember hats but in this movie they were everywhere, especially when paired with the grey dress uniforms. Must be an alternate timeline thing.
The USS Bradbury. I can think of no greater honor.
42 people died when Harewood blew up Section 31. I just always feel the need to point out when the number 42 is used in anything.
The ash rain on Spock at the Daystrom Institute. It was very poetic.
Miss Jeanette (Aisha Hinds) from True Blood took over Navigation from Chekov. Every time I saw her I pictured a voodoo ceremony.
What happened to the red shirts who went with Kirk, Spock, and Uhura down to Kronos? They swapped out their red shirts for some generic leather jackets, made it to the surface and then were never seen again. I’m assuming they perished in the fight with the Klingons but when?? I like to know/see when Ensign Ricky bites the dust.
Carol mentions her friend Christine Chapel who got as far away from Kirk as she could and became a nurse. This is the second time Nurse Chapel has been mentioned in the new films but we still haven’t seen her.
Spock: “Our options are limited. We cannot fire and we cannot flee.” I LOL’d.
Khan’s speech on board the USS Vengeance was very in keeping with the original Khan.
The shot of the Enterprise regaining it’s thrusters and slowly rising through the clouds was GORGEOUS.
Whudda thunk that a noble Tribble would help to save the day? The shirt I wore the first time I saw it turned out to be very appropriate. Sometimes I’m psychic that way.
I happen to like the lense flares.
I got really excited by stuff like Section 31, pregnant Gorns, and a reference to the “Mudd Incident.”
It was nice to hear Chris Pine give the Star Trek shpeel with the “5 year mission” added back.
No one knew what to expect from the 2009 reboot. Thankfully, it turned out to be magical with just the right amount of inside Trekkie jokes for those in the know. They attempted to recapture that magic here and, to be honest, they just tried too hard at times. They are definitely focusing more on action than substance, which in some ways is a shame because that’s not what Star Trek is all about. It’s about diplomacy and exploration first and violence as a last resort. The conversation between Kirk and Scotty over the torpedoes addressed that which I was grateful for, but the big explosions and fighting cheapen it just a little. That being said, I’m a big fan of action and it’s also helping to attract a crowd that normally wouldn’t give Star Trek the time of day so I appreciate the contribution it’s making to the fandom. The more fans the merrier! It means that much more Star Trek for me in the future 🙂
And so ends my review of The Wrath of Khan 2.0. What did you think of the movie?
4 out of 5 Sci-Fives! (for once my Sci-Five graphic is 100% appropriate)
If you like pictures like this:
Then don’t forget to buy a calendar! It’s got every nerdy holiday you can imagine, plus a super handy convention calendar, and some never-before-seen pictures that will never, ever be seen anywhere else. I know it’s May but it’s worth it to get the 2013 calendar. Besides, if I don’t sell these, then there probably won’t be one next year so, ya know…buy one Since it’s May, they’re super discounted (I promise you I’m not making a fortune off of them) and the price includes taxes and shipping within the US and Canada (if you live outside of the US/Canada then email me at princesstrek@hotmail.com). AND I’ll sign it if you want.
I’m ready Gandalf, let’s go on an adventure!
I really need to stop burning the candle at both ends. I woke up Sunday morning with a horrible sore throat and a pounding headache that is making my head feel like it weighs about 800 lbs. But nothing was going to keep me from seeing The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Nothing. So I opted to see it in 2D because of my head. I’ll go back and see it in 3D once I’m feeling better.
WARNING: I geek out a bit so expect spoilers. But really, y’all should have read the books so I really shouldn’t be spoiling anything for you.
[youtube:http://youtu.be/nOGsB9dORBg]
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The movie takes us through the first 6 chapters of The Hobbit or There and Back Again by JRR Tolkien which means that it took them just under 3 hours to get through approximately 100 pages of a children’s novel. I’ve been arguing since 1999 that The Lord of the Rings should have been six movies instead of three. People who haven’t read The Lord of the Rings might not know that it’s actually six books in three parts. The movies were great, I can’t even count how many times I’ve watched them, but they would have been even greater had they been able to stretch out a bit more. Cuts had to be made, like Tom Bombadil, and that’s fine but a bit sad for those of us who love the books. The Hobbit could probably have been done in two movies as opposed to three, but I, for one, am glad that they aren’t limiting themselves this time around. It means less changes while they try to squeeze in major plot points. They do still make a few changes, which I’ll mention later, but it’s mostly additions that I didn’t mind.
It starts much like The Fellowship of the Ring did, with a back story setting up the adventure that’s about to happen. In this case, it’s the story of how the House of Durin discovered and claimed Erebor, or The Lonely Mountain, as their home. Erebor is pretty rad. It’s got a ton of precious gems and metals and giant hammers that come down from the ceiling and slam together to make golden blocks of something kick ass. They also have the Arkenstone, which is basically like the greatest diamond ever found, second only to the Silmarils (which were made, but that’s a different story). King Thrór, or as I now like to think of him, the Dwarf with the Awesome Beard Bling, becomes so obsessed with his wealth that he starts going a bit batty. His Grandson, Thorin, is the only one who seems to notice this but says nothing. Apparently, insanity attracts evil because one day Smaug, a Fire-drake (or Uruloki) left over from the days of Morgoth, decides that Thrór’s treasure would make a mighty fine mattress. *Totally random side note – maybe it’s because of my life-long obsession with Norse mythology, but did anyone else ever notice that a UruLOKI stole everything from someone named THrOR?
But I digress.
There are a few things that are different from the book; for example, the way in which Bilbo decides to join the adventure at the last minute, the whole Radagast part, the way the Dwarves leave Rivendell, the Orc hunting party, the scuffle with Azog during the burning trees bit, the way the group finds themselves in the hall of the Great Goblin. But you know what? None of that bothered me. Because they are splitting the book into three parts, they are able to keep the storyline line almost entirely intact. Unlike with The Lord of the Rings trilogy in which they had to cut a lot of my favorite parts out and therefore, modify parts to make it all flow. Which they did quite nicely considering it had to be squeezed into such short films (yes, I said short).
Let’s explore the characters, shall we?
Bilbo Baggins
The first time I saw Martin Freeman was when he was playing Tim in the original British version of The Office and I remember thinking, how can you not love this guy?? What is wrong with you Dawn! GO GET HIM!! (If you haven’t seen it, you really need to, it’s brilliant). Steven Moffat once said that Freeman has a way of making “ordinary people fascinating. He finds the poetry in just being ordinary, and that’s an extraordinary gift.” And it’s true. When I found out that Freeman would be playing Bilbo I literally sqee’d. It’s like he was born for this role. He is, quite simply, a revelation. And I don’t say that lightly. Every word, every movement, every mannerism is perfect. It’s lovely to see Ian Holm on the morning of his birthday party at the beginning of the film but I couldn’t wait until they went back to 60 years prior and the introduction of Freeman as Bilbo. Right from the get go his performance is charming and emotionally gratifying. Even when he’s covered in Troll snot. When Galadriel asks Gandalf why he brought Bilbo along he’s baffled and haltingly replies “Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it’s because I am afraid and he gives me courage.” Indeed, Bilbo is simultaneously the mascot, the cheerleader, the little brother and, in many ways, the most capable member of the group, all of which the Dwarves slowly begin to realize the closer they get to Erebor. One of the minor alterations made by Peter Jackson is the way in which Bilbo tries on the ring for the first time. Instead of just slipping it on like he did in the book, they decided to mirror it with Frodo’s first time by having Bilbo trip and fall. As the ring flies through the air, IT makes the decision to slide onto Bilbo’s finger.
Gandalf
Speaking of people who were born to play a role, the same could be said about Ian McKellen and the role of Gandalf the Grey. He’s here in all his pointy grey-hatted glory. One of the biggest differences between the book and the film is the way that the Dwarves leave Rivendell. In the book they depart with Elrond’s blessing on ponies packed with provisions that he has provided. In the movie they slip away in the middle of the night while Gandalf distracts Elrond, Galadriel and Saruman with a Morgul blade and tales of the Necromancer. As per usual, he saves the day on more than one occasion, the most notable of which is with a repeat of Gandalf the Moth Whisperer from LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring. But the best example of Gandalf’s magic? The fact that he never loses his hat. For real, it’s like it’s sewn onto his head.
Thorin
I never understood why Marian went for Robin instead of Guy of Gisbourne. I mean seriously, just look at Richard Armitage, the guy (heehee) is drop dead. I first saw him in the BBC mini-series North & South. Which you should totally watch if you’re at all into British period drama…which I totally am. North & South is my favorite of all the ones I’ve seen and I’ve seen pretty much every one that Netflix has to offer. Then, of course, he was Gisbourne in the BBC series Robin Hood. A show that I found totally hokey at first but that I ended up being completely addicted to. Seriously dudes, the end of the final episode made me cry the ugly cry. Twice. Armitage has a tendency to play brooding characters and Thorin Oakenshield, the King in exile, is no different. He’s stubborn but magnetic and majestic for a Dwarf. If you’re an Armitage fan like I am, you’ll be thrilled by the countless close-ups of Thorin with his hair blowing in the wind. No joke, they pop up about every 10 minutes or so. Let me tell you, he has nailed the art of gazing just to the right of the camera and looking all inspirational and stuff.
The Dwarves
This jovial band of brothers and cousins is filled primarily with relatively unknown actors from New Zealand and Great Britain, there is one that you might recognize, not only because he starred in another favorite BBC series of mine, but also because the makeup people just couldn’t seem to bring themselves to cover up such hotness and he’s got the least amount of prosthetics of any of the dwarves. I’m referring, of course, to Aidan Turner, our favorite tormented vampire from Being Human who plays Kili. The only other name I even recognized was Graham McTavish and that’s mostly because of my love for gratuitous violence. There are a couple of stand outs though. One being Balin (spoiler alert: the Fellowship finds his tomb when they’re walking through Moria) played by Ken Stott. Stott does a masterful job of being a wise and calming influence for Thorin. If you’re not a Tolkienite, it can be easy to miss Glóin son of Gróin (bottom right in the picture collage). He doesn’t feature prominently in either the book or the movie, but he’s notable in that he is Gimli’s Daddy. Gimli, of course, being the sole Dwarf in the Fellowship of the Ring. As a whole they provide some very memorable and chuckle-worthy moments, including a burping contest and a kitchen clean-up job the likes of which have not been seen onscreen since Beauty and the Beast. “Blunt the Knives,” the comical clean up song, is quickly followed by a haunting rendition of “Misty Mountains.” Both songs are in the book and it’s highly satisfying to actually hear them for once. Many of the songs in the book get left out of the film, but the ones that are scored are brilliant.
Radagast
I think that Peter Jackson felt guilty about leaving Radagast out of The Lord of the Rings because he made the part of Radagast the Brown much, much bigger in The Hobbit. In fact, if I remember correctly, I think he’s only mentioned in The Hobbit. You probably know Sylvester McCoy best as the seventh incarnation of the Doctor (the one who got his wardrobe cues from The Riddler). As one of the five Istari or Wizards of Middle Earth, Radagast is the one who is utterly obsessed with animals. He has virtually no contact with other humanoids and names the animals of the forest he protects. He even lets birds nest under his hat and crap down the side of his face. This is both hysterical and disgusting. He’s got a sled pulled by Rhosgobel rabbits who can outrun Wargs and, according to a disdainful Saruman, he eats lots of shrooms. Jackson uses Radagast to introduce the Necromancer. If you’ve read the books then you know who the Necromancer is, but just in case you haven’t, I’m not going to spoil it here.
Gollum
Along the treacherous road to Erebor, the company stumbles on three Trolls. After defeating them by allowing the dawn to turn them to stone, Gandalf and company find the Troll’s cave and three very important swords, Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver, Glamdring the Foe-Hammer, and Sting. When Gandalf hands Sting to a reluctant Bilbo he encourages the Hobbit by telling him that “true courage is not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one.” If you’ve seen The Fellowship of the Ring, then you know that Gandalf alludes to this moment when he scolds Frodo for wishing that Bilbo had killed Gollum when he had the chance. Gandalf replies, “Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.” Andy Serkis returns as the strangely loveable Stoor, Smeagol, in a performance that defies explanation. How someone can talk in that voice for that long is beyond me. Serkis mentioned on The Colbert Report that the “Riddles in the Dark” scenes were the first to be filmed. You’d never know it. It seems as though he and Freeman have been at it for ages.
Thranduil
I don’t know if Lee Pace got a new agent or what, but he has certainly been making the movie rounds lately. His adorkable face is showing up in the most random places. If you’re like me your first exposure to Pace was Pushing Daisies, a brilliant and gorgeously shot TV series about a man who can bring people back to life with a touch, but if he touches them a second time they are dead for good. Then I didn’t see him for a few years and I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him. Then 2012 rolls around and he’s suddenly in the last Twilight movie, Lincoln, and now The Hobbit trilogy as none other than the Elvenking Thranduil (aka Legolas’ Daddy). I gotta admit, his looks are very Elvish and even though the extent of his part in An Unexpected Journey involves him riding a giant moose and cocking his head to one side while looking bemused, I know from past experience that he’s a great actor. I look forward to seeing more of him in The Desolation of Smaug in which he’ll play a much bigger role.
The White Council – Elrond/Galadriel/Saruman
There are a few people on this Earth who are chosen by a higher power to be a part of multiple nerdtastic franchises. Mark Sheppard is one, Benedict Cumberbatch is quickly becoming another, and they are ruled over by Hugo Weaving. As Elrond, he helps the Dwarves discover hidden text on Thror’s Map written in Moon-letters, the Middle-earth equivalent of invisible ink. He brings his usual gravitas to the role. Galadriel shouldn’t even be in this movie but I can’t say I blame Peter Jackson for doing it. I can seriously watch Cate Blanchett and her pre-raphaelite hair all day long. Sheesh she’s pertiful. Also, she has mastered the art of the dress swirl. You know, where she’s standing with her back to you and then she smoothly spins around to face you which causes her dress to do an awesome swirly thing that is the envy of brides everywhere. Saruman is only mentioned in The Hobbit when Gandalf is describing his fellow Istari (there are also two mysterious Blue Wizards who journeyed to the East after being brought to Middle-earth) but again, why pass up a chance to watch Christopher Lee?? The White Council’s surprise regarding the Necromancer is yet another variation from the book but I’m not going to get into that here because this review is getting crazy long as it is.
Lindir aka Aegnor aka Figwit
Way back in 2001 a random elf showed up next to Elrond at the Council in The Fellowship of the Ring. He didn’t appear for long and ended up becoming affectionately known by fans as “Figwit.” The name came from three people who worked on the film who remarked in the commentary “Frodo Is Great, Who Is That??” Voila! F.I.G.W.I.T. was born. His popularity and the mystery surrounding him grew so much that Peter Jackson brought back the young brunette elf and gave him a speaking part. He became Arwen’s Elf Escort and called after her when she ran away and returned to the…uhmmm…well, King. Nearly 10 years later, Figwit shows up in The Hobbit as Elrond’s representative and he’s got an actual name this time, Lindir (he was randomly dubbed Aegnor, aka one of Galdriel’s brothers, in a card game tied in with the trilogy). Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. OMFG, it’s Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords. I have no excuse as to why I didn’t realize it was him in the bazillion times I’ve watched the LOTR triology since Conchords came out other then the fact that I’ve never seen someone look so different without beard stubble. Turns out The Fellowship of the Ring was Bret’s big break and he’s the son of the guy who played Elendil (Aragorn’s 89-great-grandpa). Just thought you should know.
The Baddies – Azog/The Great Goblin
Azog (aka the Pale Orc) played by Manu Bennett, should not be a contemporary character in this movie. Period. He does belong in the flashback of the Battle of Azanulbizar and he did behead Thror, but that was way prior to the climactic battle which he did not survive. He was beheaded by Dáin, a cousin of Thorin’s. The Great Goblin Chieftain of the Misty Mountains played by Barry Humphries does belong, however. He is killed by Gandalf (albeit much earlier in the book than in the movie) and it’s his death that spurs Azog’s son Bolg, the Goblin King of Moria, to confront the Dwarves at Erebor in what becomes known as The Battle of the Five Armies (which you will see in Part 3 There and Back Again).
The movie ends with the thrush (if you’ve read the book then you’ll know what that signifies) and that’s all I’m going to say. Overall, the movie is far more mature than the book. Peter Jackson manages to adapt a children’s novel into something that fits in seamlessly with the Lord of the Rings trilogy he started working on nearly 15 years ago. The cinematography is stunning and the wide shots of the New Zealand landscape are, quite simply, breathtaking. It’s a beautiful film and it needs to be seen on the big screen.
4.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!
I was sick with a cold (courtesy of my 4-year-old nephew) for most of the Thanksgiving holiday (yay me) so I pretty much laid low for three days and drank Dr. Pepper (just what the Doctor ordered), downed DayQuil, and read copiously (a book a day, but who’s counting). But I did manage to sneak out and catch a couple of movies.
One of them was Red Dawn.
It’s probably not a huge surprise to you that I went and saw this movie considering my boyf- I mean, Chris Hemsworth is in it. But I had other motives as well. I’m a sucker for patriotic action films and this one seemed like it would deliver.
*Obligatory spoiler warning* I try not to, but ya never know…oh, and because I’m still a little under the weather this review is probably a little snippier than usual. I blame it on my throbbing headache.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6T2Q4bBcUU]
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The movie starts out with news clips about a Russian/North Korean communist uprising that no one was paying attention to, apparently. Then it switches gears and gets all Friday Night Lights-ish. Especially once Adrianne Palicki pops her pretty little head in. The big High School football game is happening. The after-partying and underage bar hopping is happening. Little bro is pissed at big bro for joining the Marines and ditching him for 6 years after their Mom dies but he has a smokin’ hot girlfriend so whatevs. Girl who had crush on big bro spots him and makes contact by reminding him how adorably awkward she was, but hey, check it out, she’s super hot now. It’s all very over dramatic and I’m not using their names because I didn’t even know them for most of the movie. I had to look half of them up on imdb just to write this review. (Something else that look at imdb informed me of? Apparently this is a remake of a 1984 movie I didn’t know existed. Weird, since I was pretty sure I knew about every movie made in the 80’s, especially the ones starring Patrick Swayze. And ESPECIALLY ones that also star Jennifer Grey making googly eyes at Patrick Swayze a full 3 years before Dirty Dancing. Seriously. How did I not know this??? That fact stressed me out for exactly 3.5 seconds.)
Then the power goes out and gets everyone even more pissy. The next morning they wake up to loud booms and when they go outside it’s literally raining men. This is where the movie gets its name. Communism = Red, Morning = Dawn. Chaos ensues but a ragtag bunch of teenagers manage to escape with big bro and use guerilla-style fighting tactics courtesy of big bro’s Marine Corps training (oorah!) to fight the big bad Communists.
Chris Hemsworth plays the big bro aka Jed Eckert. He’s gorgeous, of course. Way more gorgeous than he has any right to be. He’s recently returned from a deployment to Iraq and he’s a jack of all trades when it comes to weaponry and explosives. I’ll have to ask my real life USMC brother if that’s true to life or total bullshit. During the movie I found myself believing he could know most of it but probably not all of it. He’s the oldest and therefore the de facto leader of the bunch. The only kid that puts up a fight about that doesn’t last very long. We really don’t learn much about Jed other than the fact that his little brother is resentful yet respectful of him and Adrianne Palicki’s character wants to jump his bones. Despite that, you can’t help but care about the guy because he’s doing everything he can to fight the Commies while keeping his kids alive.
Josh Peck is little bro aka Matt Eckert. I had absolutely no idea who Josh Peck was. After looking at his imdb page, I still don’t. Apparently he was on a Nickelodeon show or something. To be honest, I didn’t care for him or his character all that much. He’s cocky and disobedient and sneers a lot. And when I say sneer, I mean he has a weird little stoned-looking half smile that he uses when he really wants to piss you off. And it works. A total pesky little brother.
Josh Hutcherson is the whimpy kid that ends up being a badass. Sounds kind of like Peeta in The Hunger Games but it’s not. It’s totally different. He was probably my favorite character in the film because he seriously rose to the occasion. His BFF was none other than Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s kid, Connor Cruise. I assumed that this was his acting debut but when I looked him up I saw that he played Will Smith’s younger self in Seven Pounds. I never saw that movie though so I ceased to care. He did ok. His character had a certain dignity that I found appealing.
Adrianne Palicki played Toni Walsh, the girl with a hard on for my boyf- I mean, Chris Hemsworth. I like Adrianne. I think she’s cute and she was the best part of Legion (after Kevin Durand, of course). She becomes a bad ass chick fighter who’s really good at hiding her fear. Maybe because she’s trying so hard to impress big bro. She steals his beer and that causes problems so I’m a little pissed at her right now.
The other hot chick is Isabel Lucas aka Erica Martin. The object of little bro’s obsession, she seems way too pretty for this movie from the get go. They try to ugly her up a bit but it doesn’t work. The girl is crazy gorgeous. She fit in perfectly in Immortals. In this movie, she’s distracting. Plus, she doesn’t have much to do besides be the damsel in distress. She holds her own when given the opportunity though and I respect that in a fictional character.
The other kids are kind of nameless and faceless, to be honest. You’re supposed to care about them just enough that you’re bummed when bad stuff happens to them but you can’t remember their names so you don’t care as much as you probably should. Really, the only ones who really pass as High Schoolers are Hutcherson and Cruise. The rest of them are obviously in their 20’s.
At one point some “recently un-retired” Marines led by Jeffrey Dean Morgan show up looking for the Wolverines (this is the High School mascot and the super original name they give their guerilla group). I’m pretty much in love with JDM. First he played Denny on Grey’s Anatomy, a show I haven’t seen in years but that I used to be addicted to. Then he showed up as Comedian in Watchmen and his fate as a hunk was sealed. But who am I kidding? I have a list a mile long of men I’m in love with 😉 He has a few great lines and a few great smiles. Which is all I really need from him anyway. One of his buddies is Kenneth Choi who is seriously adorable and gaining quite the reputation as a military sidekick. I have no idea who the third guy was but he was cool.
The baddies were led by Will Yun Lee aka Captain Cho of North Korea. He zeroes in on big bro within minutes of landing and knows he’s going to be trouble. He’s so determined to smoke him out, he does some pretty dastardly (wow, I can’t believe I just used that word, what is this, a Disney movie?) things to make it happen. But he seriously underestimates who he’s dealing with and you can guess what becomes of that.
I’m not going to say that this movie was bad but it wasn’t great either. The emotions were obviously forced at times, even from Hemsworth and Hutcherson who I consider to be pretty talented in that regard for such pretty men. And some of the dialogue was so cliche as to be laughable. The one major thing it has going for it is that no one is safe. Not even the pretty people. That led to some truly shocking death scenes, one of which I expected but that still made me gasp audibly when it happened.
But who am I kidding? I love gratuitous violence and I have a thing for watching American’s kick some ass (even if those “Americans” are imported from Australia). So I enjoyed it.
3 out of 5 Sci-Fives!
I just got back from a family wedding weekend but I managed to sneak in a showing of The Dark Knight Rises while I was gone. I hesitated about writing this review because it seems so trivial in light of what has happened.
These massacres are beyond tragic. They show us the very worst and the very best of humanity. One deranged human being shot up a movie theatre but countless real life heroes were born that night. For every life lost, three more were saved by the brave actions of those around them.
In the grand scheme of things, no movie or fictional character could ever be as important as the stranger standing next to you in the grocery line. Life is fragile and precious and I ultimately decided to do an abbreviated review of the movie because it’s one of the lessons it tries to teach us at the end. That life and living is what is truly important. We can’t let the bad guys win but we can’t lose ourselves in that pursuit either.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8evyE9TuYk]
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If you haven’t seen the movie yet this is the point where you should stop reading. I try really hard not to spoil anything but I don’t want to risk it without warning you first.
I used to have the biggest crush on Christian Bale when I was a kid. I was a Little Women fan and he played Laurie. I’m not gonna lie, I probably would have had a crush on whoever played Laurie. But it didn’t hurt that Bale was also in Empire of the Sun, Newsies and Swing Kids, some of my favorite movies when I was a youngin. People like to poke fun at the gravelly voice he uses at Batman and I’ll admit that it’s been a little hard to understand at times, but I truly believe that Bale has done right by Bruce Wayne and his tortured alter ego. We’ve learned from past films that not many people have the chops to pull it off. We get to see many sides of Bruce in this climactic end of the trilogy. Broken, curious, humorous, tortured, reluctant, triumphant, peaceful. He is all these and more. A totally evolved human being who has seen the best and the worst that life has to offer.
I’ve been a huge Tom Hardy fan since Star Trek: Nemesis when he portrayed Picard’s Romulan-raised clone. I think he’s brilliant and adorable. Even though I only got to see his unmasked face for about 2 seconds, I think that Christopher Nolan was smart to cast someone who could express Bane’s emotion through his eyes and mannerisms. A lesser actor would not have been able to pull off this role. I guesstimate that they stayed true to about 50% of the comics in Bane’s back story, etc. The Pena Dura prison was portrayed beautifully but his story was combined and mingled with another character for the film so I can see why it would be confusing to the layman/average moviegoer to see such a highly intelligent and superhumanly-strong character if you don’t have any knowledge of the comic books. Still, I thought Bane was well done. The costume/facial gear was intimidating and not cartoonish. His voice was better than I expected it to be, though I probably missed about 1/3 of what he said (can’t wait to watch it at home with the subtitles on). The 30 lbs of weight Hardy put on made him virtually unrecognizable. It had to have been a daunting prospect to follow Heath Ledger’s Joker as the main villain and I think that they succeeded admirably.
I go back and forth on Anne Hathaway. Sometimes I like her and sometimes I’m not impressed. She definitely brought some comic relief as Selina Kyle aka Catwoman. Her smooth, instantaneous transition from frightened maid to sly jewel thief was pretty brilliant. And I really dug how they never called her Catwoman but when she lifted her eye wear-glasses-goggle-thingies they gave the impression of cat ears. Having her masquerade as a cat at the charity ball was another nice touch. The only thing that really bothered me about her getup was the stiletto heels. As gorgeous as they looked and despite their seemingly practical blades and obvious stabbing properties, no woman can run around in those shoes. I’m sorry, it’s just not going to happen. However, this is movieland and not real life so I’m willing to overlook the heels.
Gary Oldman is the shit. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of the best actors of my generation. Michael Caine broke my heart and then stitched it back up again. Marion Cotillard surprised even me. I love Matthew Modine because of Full Metal Jacket but I really wanted to punch him in the face until the epic cops-united scene. I just like to hear Morgan Freeman talk. He has the most amazing voice.
There were times when I was very much aware that I’d been sitting in a movie theatre for 3 hours but I must say that I was deeply satisfied by the ending. It felt like closure while still keeping the story open for future installments with different main players. Certain scenes were very moving because they showed groups of people coming together and demonstrating bravery and goodness despite their bleak and hopeless surroundings. I’m a sucker for those moments regardless but they were definitely made more poignant by the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado.
In Roman mythology, Aurora is the goddess of the dawn. She renews herself each morning and flies across the sky, announcing the arrival of the sun. She represents renewed hope and another chance at life. I’m not an overly religious person but I do believe in a higher power and I’ve been praying for those affected by the massacre. I pray that Aurora holds true to her name and that the residents there can find some hope in the aftermath of this horrendous tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with them. Always.
4.5 out of 5 sci-fives
Let me start off by emphasizing how much I loved the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. Fun, adventurous, perfectly intertwined with historical fact. It was truly brilliant and inspired.
Now let me emphasize how much I didn’t like this movie. I almost can’t believe the script was written by my beloved SGS. I’m kind of at a loss to be perfectly honest. I saw this with someone who has not read the book. He went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised that he enjoyed it as much as he did. I went in with high expectations and was sorely disappointed.
Warning: I spoil the shit out of both the book and the movie so stop reading here if you don’t want to know what happens.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34x6m-ahGIo]
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They skipped the beginning of the book. The introduction in which the transcriber (Seth Grahame-Smith uses his own name here which is awesome) of Abraham Lincoln’s journals describes how much this project has cost him but why it was all worth it. For me it’s like leaving Daniel out of Interview with the Vampire. It’s just not the same.
The entire first third of the book details Abe’s childhood. His relationship with his parents and his sisters, his unstable upbringing, his mother teaching him to read and write and nurturing his love of learning, his illiterate father keeping him on a tight leash and forcing him to work for him for years, hearing the story of how his grandfather was killed, etc etc. The movie breezed through all of that in about 5 minutes and left out at least 95% of it. His dad (Joseph Mawle aka Benjen Stark from Game of Thrones) practically came across as a great dad, which he arguably was not.
The movie had a very strange, ethereal feel to it, like it was filmed through a filter that made everything slightly fuzzy and off kilter. I would like to know if any of the sets were real or if they filmed the entire movie in front of a green screen a la 300 and Sin City. The special effects were kind of weird but kind of beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was watching a video game half the time. Especially during the horse stampede scene.
Hi Ho Silver!Speaking of the horse stampede scene… Up until this point Abe’s fighting skills are relatively realistic (like they are in the book) but when I watched him flip and ride a horse he’d just been pummeled with I literally laughed out loud. When he started running across the backs of running horses and then fell down a cliff and emerged unscathed I threw my hands in the air. Abe’s a tall, scrawny human, not a Goddamn mutant cyborg.
That’s not to say that every fight scene was completely ridiculous. The party fight scene was spectacularly badass. It was filmed in that same slow-fast-slow-motion you’ve seen before but this time with some epic axe swinging. The train fight falls somewhere in the middle of the unbelievability scale. It was pretty awesome and definitely demonstrated the power of teamwork.
What? The bridge is on fire? Do you think we should get off the train?Speaking of the train scene… I felt like I was watching The Little Engine That Could. Seeing the train climb up the burning remnants of the bridge I couldn’t help but chant “I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!” in my head over and over again. This entire sequence was obviously supposed to replace the Jefferson Davis burning house scene in the book.
The guy who plays Abe (Benjamin Walker) happens to be married to Meryl Streep’s daughter in real life. Wow. That’s got to be simultaneously awesome and hugely intimidating. No pressure on the acting front there Benji. Aside from the fact that he has ginormous earlobes (surely those weren’t prosthetics like his nose…right?) he did ok. Playing someone like Abraham Lincoln has got to be difficult. He always looked so stoic in his pictures. How do you interpret that? I can’t fault him in his attempt. He demonstrated some very impressive axe wielding skills. At 6’3” he has the height. Unfortunately, so do a lot of other men these days. Abe never looked freakishly tall next to, well, anyone.
Dominic Cooper (aka Howard Stark in Captain America) was given the role I was most interested in seeing, that of Henry Sturges. Well they certainly frakked that up. Dominic Cooper was fine, charming even, but they felt the need to change his entire history. Why?? They could easily have kept it the same and inserted the new characters created for the movie. The story of his vampiric conversion is 10 million times more interesting in the book and could have taken up the exact same amount of time onscreen. Fail. Also, doesn’t he tell Abe straight away that he’s a vampire? In the movie Abe stumbles across Henry feeding on a rapist and gets his panties all twisted in a bunch. Abe’s a smart guy but apparently he never figured out the whole sunglasses thing. Henry wins the award for the fastest vampire transformation ever. It took, what? 60 seconds?
I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out where I’d seen Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) before. Then it hit me that he is one of the creepy brothers on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia! That made me really happy. In the book Lincoln and Speed are roommates. This (literal) closeness results in a unique lifelong friendship that few, if any, other people shared with Abraham. In the movie it seemed like Speed lived somewhere else and Abe lived above the shop alone. That made me really sad. The whole thing with him betraying but not betraying and his fate on the train was so far off from the book that I have no idea what to say about it.
Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie) was a character created for the movie. I wasn’t a fan of many of the new characters but I was fine with Will. It was a little cheesy how he came back as an adult and was suddenly all BFF with Abe. It’s like they split the Joshua Speed character in two and gave half the part to Will Johnson. The way better half. I’m not really sure why they felt the need to do that (Token from South Park might) but I dig Mackie and I thought he did a good job.
Mary (Mary Elizabeth Winstead from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) finds out the truth? Huh? Again, not in the book. The first time Abe tells her he’s a vampire hunter is during a picnic. She laughs at him and chides him with an “I thought you were an honest man, Abe!” Hahaha, oh Mary, I see what you did there! Years later she finds his not-at-all-hidden journal and reads it. She gets really angry and screams that he lied to her when actually he did tell her the truth way back when. Ugh. Women. For some strange reason they decided Willie should be an only child despite the fact that Abe and Mary had two other sons. The whole idea of Mary taking action and leading silver-carrying freed slaves to Gettysburg was completely absurd. If you’ve ever read anything about Mary Todd (including the book on which this movie was based) you’d know that she would become completely incapacitated by her grief. She didn’t even attend funerals. Now, that being said, I liked badass Fake Movie Mary way more than Real Historical Mary. Shooting her kid’s toy sword into his killer’s forehead? Yes please! By the way, how did she even know that the toy sword was involved??
I couldn’t find a picture of Tudyk as Stephen Douglas but I thought this picture was an adequate alternativeWash! As Stephen A. Douglas! I got so excited when I saw Alan Tudyk that I actually yelped. I couldn’t wait to see more! Then they completely ignored his character. *le sigh* Don’t feel too bad Alan, they didn’t even mention Edgar Allan Poe or William Seward.
Jack Barts’ (Marton Csokas aka Celeborn in Lord of the Rings) role was seriously expanded and he was missing his missing arm. We also acquired a 5000-year-old vampire named Adam (Rufus Sewell) and his sister Vadoma (Victoria’s Secret super model Erin Wasson). If I remember the book correctly, there is never a clear vampire leader. Ugh. There were so many things that frustrated me about the vampires. Vampires disappearing? Vamps can’t kill their own kind?? Why no black eyes? Why do they have them turning into weird alien predator vampires?
They skipped the end of the book. The theatre and John Wilkes Booth and the fate of Abe and the hint of what became of another motivational leader. I know that not everyone likes the last few pages of the book but I do and I missed it. Throwing some random bloke in at end was not satisfying for me. I think you can only truly appreciate this movie for what it is if you haven’t read the book and it shouldn’t be that way. I loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the last six Harry Potter films despite the fact that they made major modifications to the story. It can be done well. In this case it wasn’t.
Such a bummer.
1.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!