Hot Nerd Girl

Category: Movie

  • Snow White and the Huntsman reviewed

    Yeah…probably should have taken this picture AFTER seeing the movie.

    The previews for Snow White and the Huntsman were gorgeous. People morphing into ravens and shards of obsidian, a T-1000 mirror, Charlize Theron bathing in a vat of white paint. All very cool visuals.  So I was super excited to see all of these beautiful shots come together in one stunning example of marvelous movie making.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebSZOlCnXq0]

    –

    Sadly, I was sorely disappointed.

    That’s not to say it was a bad film, it wasn’t, it just didn’t live up to my high expectations. Each scene is lovely, with superb visual fx, but the transitions between those scenes were awkward and choppy.  The movie didn’t flow. The acting was good for the most part but Director Rupert Sanders seemed much more interested in the quality of acting in the close ups than in the wide shots.  Perfect example is Charlize Theron.  She looked and sounded terrifyingly ravishing in the close ups but cheesy and garish in the wide shots.  This was a bit disheartening for me since she was the main reason I wanted to see this movie and I know just how brilliant she can be.

    Snow White has been reinterpreted countless times since the middle ages. Being German, I grew up with the Grimm’s version in which the dwarves are nameless, Snow is woken up by the Prince’s inept servants as opposed to his kiss, and the evil queen is killed when she’s forced to dance to death in red hot iron shoes. Disney went and fraked that all up. (Fun fact, Dean Stockwell’s daddy voiced the prince in the Disney version. I can’t believe I actually know that.)

    Warning: I try not to spoil things but I might so be warned.

    This version is nothing like the Grimm’s version. The evil queen has a creepy brother (with an even more creepy haircut), the huntsman is a drunk widower (who doesn’t care if he dies…except that he does care), the prince isn’t a prince (he’s the son of a duke), the dwarves live in a fairy land full of psychedelic flora and fauna (and don’t whistle, work or have pickaxes), and Snow White is far more empowered (which is always nice). The giant elk in the forest with tree branch antlers is lovely and obviously supposed to be on the same level as Aslan but the scene where Snow approaches him is a pale imitation of the Lili/Unicorn scene in Legend.

    Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna is otherworldly. She has a fantastic wardrobe that includes shoulder pads made from bones and lots of raven feathers (get it? Raven…Ravenna….?) She’s great at looking steely-eyed and has nailed the art of letting tears hover just on the cusp of her eye but not letting them fall.  Whoever did her makeup and prosthetics should be nominated for an Oscar because WOW she looked incredible the entire time. Even when she was dying she was gorgeous. It turns out that Ravenna is a total spoiled brat throwing a giant man-hating temper tantrum. Which is really too bad because I bet she’s a wildcat in the sack.

    Kristen Stewart is most definitely not fairer than Charlize Theron but she’s a very realistic kind of pretty and she does look really cute in her girly armor. To be honest, I kind of felt like I was watching one of the Twilight films during her scenes. Jumping off a cliff? Check. Being scared by giant beasts and falling backwards? Check. Having men stare at her while she’s unconscious? Check. Hair stuck to her lip while she’s saying something that’s supposed to be important except you don’t know what she said because you were distracted by the hair stuck to her lip? Check.  As I mentioned before, at least she was an empowered version of Snow White. She wants to fight and kill her evil stepmother…though where she gets the strength to do that after being locked in a tiny tower cell for 10 years with no exercise is a mystery to me. But she’s got help. Birds guide her, horses wait around for her (then nose dive into mud which was HI-larious), and people are eager to help her (when they don’t look like they want to eat her…that was weird).

    My boyfr….I mean, Chris Hemsworth brings his usual charm and comedic timing to the role of the Hunstman aka Eric. I love watching him fight. In my opinion, he’s one of the best movie fighters I’ve ever seen. The chemistry between him and KStew was virtually non-existent but it’s obvious how hard he’s trying to make it work anyway. The part where it was most evident is when he’s talking to a poisoned Snow. Without an acting partner in the way he’s able to deliver a very touching monologue to what he thinks is her corpse.  He’s dirty and muddy for 99% of the movie and somehow that just makes him sexier. God, I love-hate him. I joke a lot about how hot Chris Hemsworth is and, it’s true, he’s insanely hot, but my love for him has much to more with the fact that he plays my favorite comic book character than the fact that he’s deliciousness on legs. I swear!

    I totally thought that young William (aka the non-prince) was the kid who plays Bran on Game of Thrones. But apparently it’s not. Boo. Snow White’s little buddy grows up to be the guy from POTC: On Stranger Tides who falls in love with a mermaid. He was ok. Nothing remarkable. I was more interested in trying to figure out who plays his dad, the Duke. Then it hit me that he was the Captain in 300. I knew I recognized those eyes.

    The dwarves are the best part of the movie, especially when they are penetrating the castle through the sewer system. They are funny, charming, and I want to live in the enchanted forest with them. The most notable are Bob Hoskins, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone and Toby Jones. You can’t go wrong with any of those actors.

    The end of the movie is rather anti-climactic. You think you know which boy Snow is going to choose but they never show her making her decision…and the part where they should have shown her making her decision hangs on in weird movie purgatory for an uncomfortably long time. I wanted to shout at the screen “Stop standing there with your stupid tree branch and go kiss him dammit!” You wait the whole movie for the truly satisfying, sexy kissing action and they never deliver it. Lame.

    The ending credits were beautiful though. Kind of Avengers-esque in that it has the camera hovering over close up shots of armor and swords and whatnot. Because I always sit through the credit crawl (and you should too) I noticed that the movie is dedicated to “Little Eira White” which caught my eye because I happen to know that Eira is “snow” in Welsh.  So the film is dedicated to…itself.

    Well ok then.

    2 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • You sunk my Battleship!

    Believe it or not, this outfit was totally unintentional. I happened to be wearing this for errands and we saw the movie on a whim.

    I use to play Battleship with my brother for hours on end when we were kids. Moving our little red pegs around and gleefully shouting “you sunk my battleship!” It was a fun way to connect with our Dad when he was off on WestPacs. We kept it readily available at all times as demonstrated by this picture of my paternal grandma and maternal grandpa starting a game.

    Can you guess what year it was by the lovely carpet?

    It was obvious from the get go that any movie based on this past time would not and could not bear any resemblance to the game. There is no plot, no characters, just some gray plastic ships and a peg board. I went to see this movie for one reason and one reason only. Because movies depicting the US Navy are few and far between and I wanted to see how they depicted the life I grew up with, however unrealistic the alien plot line may be.

    No aliens were harmed in the raising of my brother and I

    Beware: I try not to spoil things too much but I’m sure I do so just be warned.

    The basic plotline is as follows: Guy is lazy but smart and has no direction in his life so his older brother forces (yeah right) him to join him in the Navy. Flash forward 5 years and various Naval fleets from around the world are participating in RimPac off the coast of Hawaii. Guy doesn’t like one of the Japanese Captains and the feeling is mutual. Naturally they get stranded together by aliens and have to work together to save Earth with the help of a pop star, a Power Ranger, and a guy who looks kind of like Matt Damon. Oh yeah, and there’s a subplot about his girlfriend who just happens to be the Admiral’s daughter (isn’t she always?) who is in a completely different area but also helps save the world with the help of a real life hero and Dr. Doom’s Assistant.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpoabtbEJOI]

    –

    I very rarely look at any reviews until after I’ve seen a movie and written my own review because I want to formulate my own opinion and I usually don’t agree with those other people anyways. Even though I still have not read any of the reviews for Battleship, I went into this movie expecting to hate it. Maybe it’s because I had such low expectations but I actually really enjoyed it. It’s no Avengers but I laughed throughout while it poked fun at itself.

    I could identify with this movie in a few ways. My Dad was stationed at Pearl Harbor from 1972-1976 during the tail end of the Vietnam conflict (and long before I was born). He loved it there and it was one of the few aspects of his long military career that he would discuss freely with us kids. During this time he participated in a RimPac in which one of the subs in his squadron played a joke on the Australian ships and nearly caused an international incident with the Aussies. So yes, it’s been known to happen. One very minor detail that 99.9% of the people watching this movie won’t even notice but that made my heart skip a beat was seeing them use wax pencils and remembering watching my Dad use them. He always had one or two tucked neatly into his desk drawer and I would use them like crayons. I LOVED tugging the string. More years than I care to admit later and I’m still using USS Samuel Gompers nuclear work procedure notepads for scratch paper.

    Duh.

    The only parts of the movie that are anything like the board game is the use of the NOAA buoys to track the alien ships and the torpedoes used by the aliens. The humans RADAR is knocked out by the aliens and, for some reason that isn’t explained, the aliens can’t seem to see them either so a screen that shows the movement of waves hitting the buoys acts as the pegboard. It was actually pretty cool. My biggest complaint is that it only lasted a few minutes before they moved on to the “they don’t like the sun” theory. The torpedoes used by the aliens look kind of like the pegs used in the game and stick in the hull for a few seconds before they explode. I got a kick out of that.

    The least convincing of the Naval officers was the main protagonist Lieutenant Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch). His attitude and complete disregard for the rules would never be tolerated (and to the credit of the movie makers, almost wasn’t). I’m sorry, but there’s no way he’d make it through OCS and be an O-3 within 5 years and be so insubordinate. That being said, I kind of dig his weird robot surfer dude way of talking and he’s got great comedic timing.

    Commander Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård) is more believable as an officer but he still seems like an actor who’s pretending to play war games. His default expression is to stare wide-eyed, kind of like Amnesia Eric on True Blood. My favorite part? The part pictured above. It was the most emotion I ever saw from him. But I love Alex, he’s defintely worth nerdgasaming over and he fills out his dress whites very nicely.

    The Admiral’s daughter, Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker) makes her entrance via a sexy slo-mo walk into the dive bar where Alex and Stone are hanging out celebrating Alex’s birthday. He immediately locks onto her position and attempts to sweet talk her but all she wants is a chicken burrito. His hilarious attempt to get her one wins her over and, I’m not gonna lie, it would probably impress me too. She’s a gorgeous girl but I have yet to see a fabulous acting job from Mrs. Roddick.

    Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales is played by Colonel Gregory D. Gadson, an Army Veteran and double amputee. He was my favorite of the main characters. He had a couple of cheesy lines that didn’t seem so cheesy coming from him. He also gets into a badass, no holds barred fist fight with one of the aliens that had me cheering. I hope I get to see much more of him in future films.

    Aside from implying that the Japanese have been spying on us all this time using our tsunami tracking systems, I thought Captain Yugi Nagata (Tadanobu Asano) was pretty cool. He likes to poke fun at the punk white kid which is all fun and games until he sucker kicks him in the face during a soccer match. That was not so cool. He makes up for it though by being a valuable member of the alien annihilation team and showing off the mad gun skillz he learned at summer camp when he was a kid.

    The thing that pissed me off most before even seeing the movie was the fact that Rihanna was in it. I mean seriously. A pop star with a history of very bad decision making as a passable Naval Petty Officer? Please. But I was shocked (shocked I tell you!) to find that I actually didn’t mind her. She did alright and I even forgot that she was Rihanna at times.

    Liam Neeson is always great. The man shows up, talks like a badass for a few minutes and goes home. What a life! At the end of the film soon-to-be LCDR Alex asks Admiral Shane if he can marry his daughter and the Admiral says no. He then beckons Alex to join him for lunch while they negotiate the terms of his surrender. I laughed out loud. That is absolutely positively something that my Dad would say.

    The rest of the non-redshirt Navy personal is rounded by Ordy and The Beast (Jesse Plemons and John Tui). I thought Ordy was hilarious. He was kind of like Checkov in the Star Trek redux. A boy wonder who looks like he’s way too young to be there but just happens to have the knowledge needed to get us back in business. Beast is the wall everyone leans on. He’s calm and collected 99.9% of the time but isn’t afraid to yell in the face of his newly minted CO when he makes an absurd decision that will get everyone killed.

    Adam Godley is the NASA scientist who creates and builds the communications array that draws the aliens to Earth. Once they get here he doesn’t know what the fuck to do so he relies on the crackpot scientist (Hamish Linklater) assigned to the satellites on Hawaii to figure it out. Cal almost chickens out but then grows a pair just in time to help out Sam and Mick.

    The best part of the whole movie for me was when all the shiny new Destroyers are *ahem* destroyed and the few remaining sailors start eyeballing the “Mighty Mo,” a battleship that served from WWII to Operation Desert Storm. But wait! They don’t have enough people to operate the ship! But wait! Thar be old salts among us! The Veteran “Old Salts” are fantastic. I could totally picture my Dad and my Grandpa (the one playing Battleship up above) reacting in the exact same way. Plus, they have some of the greatest facial hair I’ve ever seen.

    Random things I didn’t like:

    The spinning fire balls of death killing all of the Marines. My brother is a Marine. It made me sad. I also didn’t understand why the spinning balls decided that a freeway overpass was a threat other than maybe they are sadistic and just wanted to watch cars plummet to the street below.

    The slo-mo montage of pretty people. It was a bit too Michael Bay-ish.

    The weakest point was the aliens. With their armor on they were kind of a HALO rip-off.

    Which one is Master Chief?

    With their armor off they were vaguely reminiscent of the Tharks from John Carter of Mars (rather ironic since the film stars the guy who played John Carter) and Vincent from Beauty and the Beast.

    They have weird porcupine quill beards and lizard eyes that are apparently their only weakness. They were dumb.

    Random things I DID like:

    Cal Zapata (Hamish Linklater), the NASA scientist working at the satellite outpost in Hawaii. He was funny and quirky. I especially loved the scene when he’s skyping with another scientist and all the various agencies (NASA, Dept of Defense) turn up on the line.

    LT Hopper hurriedly explaining to a young boy the difference between a Battleship and a Destroyer. It reminded me of when I’d go onboard my Dad’s ships and his coworkers would try to explain things to me. It went right over my head 99% of the time but it was so much fun.

    The “I’m giving ‘em all she’s got” moment when the USS John Paul Jones fires every available weapon at an alien ship blinded by the sun.  Great visual fx.

    The joke about the North Koreans being responsible for the force field.  Hahahaha. Yeah right. As if.

    It was a totally cliché line but I like the way “Mahalo mutha fucka” sounds even though “mahalo” means “thank you” so the line made absolutely no sense in the context it was given.

    The really weird back and forth, back and forth explosion caused by the alien torpedoes.

    Mick the amputee: “we can buy the world another day!” Cal the scientist: “who talks like that?!?” This movie knew exactly what it was and wasn’t shy about making fun of itself.

    Acquiring courage.

    The Museum-to-Battleship transformation that the USS Missouri goes through has a definite Battlestar Galactica feel to it. I even made a note of it. Then, once the Mighty Mo is in full fight mode against the aliens and the force field finally comes down, the Admiral sends in a fighter jet. What is the pilot’s callsign you ask? Boomer! I have no idea if that was intentional or not but I just about flipped the frak out.

    Oh, and remind me to bring my Gompers notepad to write notes on next time.

    3 out of 5 Sci-fives!

  • Avengers Assemble!

    Thor is my favoritest Hero ever in case you didn’t know that by now

    OMFG.

    I don’t know how else to adequately describe how much I loved this movie.

    I saw The Avengers twice in 2 days.  The first time after an epic all-day Marvel Movie Marathon with my NBFF Geek Outlaw.

    And the second time on Sunday morning with my Mom and SO. Afterwards we went to Smash Burger which I thought was really funny. I’m not gonna lie, I’m probably going to go back a third time and see it in 3D. I don’t normally watch 3D movies that were converted in post-production but I’ve heard the 3D is pretty good so I’m willing to give it a shot. It was also one of the funniest movies I’ve seen. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard since Bridesmaids.

    WARNING: Spoilers ahead! So don’t read past this if you don’t want to be, umm, spoiled.

    When Thor came out I predicted that Loki would be the main villain in The Avengers (that much was obvious from the teaser after the end credits) and that the plot would center on preventing Ragnarök, a major plot point in the Thor comics. And while it wasn’t exactly an apocalypse (unless you were on the island of Manhattan), the end of the world as we know it was a real possibility so I’m going to consider myself 12% right, with an argument being made for 15%.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOrNdBpGMv8]

    –

    The basic plot line is as follows: After letting himself fall (not being pushed…but nice word twisting there Loki) Loki explores the tree of life for a bit before forming a partnership with The Other (frequent Whedon collaborator Alexis Denisof) and the Chitauri. Loki agrees to give The Other the Tesseract (aka Cosmic Cube) seen in Captain America in return for an army to conquer Earth. We humans aren’t too big on that and we fight back as usual, this time relying on The Avengers, a hodge podge team of superheroes led by Nick Fury and SHIELD, a super secret agency. Loki uses that brilliantly deceptive tongue of his to divide our heroes before they see the big picture and come together to save mankind and Manahattan (with the help of some real life Army Reservists by the by).

    Now, I’m going to be nitpicky for just a second and point out a few things that differ from the comics. Nick Fury/SHIELD did not assemble The Avengers. We don’t get to see Avengers founding members Ant-Man (Henry Pym) and Wasp (Janet van Dyne). Captain America, Black Widow and Hawkeye are later additions to the team. The Chitauri are a race of history-meddling shapeshifters and we never really see their true form. This shapeshifting ability was apparently tossed for the movie.

    And I am completely OK with all of those changes.

    Avengers assemble!

    Iron Man (Tony Stark):

    Tony (Robert Downey Jr) got most of the best lines in the film.  His nicknames for the other heroes were HI-larious.  The ones that immediately come to mind are Legolas (Hawkeye) and Point Break (Thor) but there were so many others that I can’t think of off the top of my head. He had a great bromance going on with Bruce Banner and I was happy to see the two wunderkinds drive off together at the end of the film. I thought it was interesting that they chose to completely ignore Rhodey (War Machine) since he would probably only skip this fight if he were trapped in an underground bunker somewhere, but I can’t say that I’m surprised.  There was already so much going on and you can only say “we sent them halfway around the world for their own safety” so many times. They did feature Pepper Potts quite prominently though. I’m not a big Gwyneth Paltrow fan but I do enjoy her as Pepper so that was fine. Anyone else notice that Tony wore a Black Sabbath t-shirt for a large chunk of the film? A nice little reference to their song “Iron Man” that I found amusing.

    Hulk (Bruce Banner):

    Mark Ruffalo is officially my favorite Bruce Banner. He was positively adorkable. His shy, soft-spoken good naturedness (is that even a word?) was so appealing that I never want to see anyone else play him ever again.  It was a very good call to model Hulk after Ruffalo using the same technology used for Avatar as opposed to having him be pure CGI. I read  that Hulk was a combination of Ruffalo and a male stripper from Long Island which is awesome. At the end of The Incredible Hulk it seemed like Bruce was working on controlling his alter ego. It appears that he succeeded. Much like his evolution in the comics, we see Hulk being uncontrollable when he’s caught off guard and in control when it’s his choice to change. I’m not surprised that we didn’t see Betty Ross but I was expecting some kind of reference to General Ross, especially after watching the Agent Coulson one-shot “The Consultant.” Hulk had so many great moments in this film but my favorite is probably when he picked up Loki and started smashing him back and forth before calling him a “puny god.” Harry Dean Stanton had a funny little cameo as a security guard that witnesses Hulk’s plummet to Earth and solemnly informs Bruce that he has “a condition.”

    Thor (Thor):

    How they planned on getting Thor (Chris Hemsworth) to Earth after the destruction of the Bifröst was something I was very interested to see. Loki comments that it must have taken a lot of dark magic on Odin’s part to make it happen. I’m looking forward to seeing the repercussions of that in Thor 2. Now that the cosmic cube resides in Asgard, Thor should be able to return to Earth and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) at will until the Bifröst can be remade. Jane was one of those “we sent her far, far away” quickies and that’s too bad. I would have liked to have seen her go up against flying monkey Erik and her (sure to be hilarious) reaction to Loki in all his Asgardian finery. This ordeal was so much more personal for Thor.  Within a very short time he lost his kingship, was betrayed by his brother, changed his whole mentality, fell in love, lost his brother, and had to save Midgard. The fact that he has an “only I can be mad at and deal with my brother” attitude in the beginning is certainly understandable. And his comment about Loki being adopted made me LOL. It was fun to see Thor duke it out with Hulk. It’s made clear in the movie that he’s one of the few individuals who CAN be a match for Hulk. Go figure that it would take a god. The best part; however, was the conclusion of that fight. Having been interrupted by a fighter jet distraction the first time around, Hulk took the opportunity of punching Thor across Grand Central after they worked together to bring down a Chitauri mega monster. Brilliant.

    Captain America (Steve Rogers):

    Poor Cap. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is such a smart and instinctive guy but the fact that he’s a fish out of water and placed next to two of the world’s foremost geniuses, makes him seem a bit dense (his excitement at understanding the flying monkey reference was endearingly adorable). But his leadership skills and strategic ability are never questioned by his fellow heroes once the fighting begins. This is a guy whose entire world has been flipped upside down and yet he doesn’t even flinch. People need saving and by God, he’s going to save them. This includes a cute blonde waitress (Ashley Johnson). Anyone else find it interesting that her nametag said “Beth” which is a nickname for Elizabeth? You know what else is a nickname for Elizabeth? Betsy. As in Betsy Ross aka Golden Girl, Cap’s onetime partner and girlfriend. I can’t help but wonder if that is a coincidence. Considering it’s Joss Whedon, I’m thinking it had to be intentional.

    Black Widow (Natsha Romanoff) / Hawkeye (Clint Barton):

    I seriously want to see more of the Hawkeye/Black Widow relationship.  I think they should give the two of them their own Marvel Cinematic Universe movie. There is plenty of history (and sexual tension) between the two of them to make it interesting and entertaining. I don’t know what it is about Jeremy Renner, but there is something very appealing about him. He’s not your stereotypically handsome action star but I kinda wanna jump his bones anyways. I think I’ll add him to the runners up list. I’ve always been told that Scarlett Johansson is a bit of a bee-yatch but I’ve seen her perform on Broadway (in Arthur Miller’s A View from the Bridge) and she is a fantastic actress. I also think she’s one of the sexiest actresses working today (Geek Outlaw thinks so too). She certainly holds her own with the boys in this movie. Considering Black Widow and Hawkeye are ordinary humans (albeit with extraordinary skill sets), you have to suspend belief a bit when watching them survive falls and body slams that would normally kill a person instantly but barely leave a scratch on them. And yet, I didn’t care about the improbability of it all. The awesomeness outweighed the practicality for me.

    SHIELD:

    Samuel L. Jackson is having way too much fun playing Nick Fury, creator and director of SHIELD (sorry, I don’t like putting periods between the letters, I think it looks weird) and I’m having way too much fun watching him. It’s nice to see him have more to do than scold Tony or show up in the end credits. Nick Fury started SHIELD after WWII (he mentions his friend Howard Stark as a fellow founding member during Iron Man 2) so if you’re not a reader of the comics you might be wondering why he looks 45 years old. They don’t explain it in any of the movies but his aging has been slowed by the Infinity Formula. Just so you know.

    I started getting nervous when they got personal with Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) at the beginning of the movie. That never bodes well for someone as cryptic as him. My psychic movie skills kicked in and I figured out what was going to happen to him pretty quickly. I’m in mourning. Even though his character was manufactured purely for the screen and doesn’t appear in the comics, I’m going to miss not seeing him weave in and out of the various individual films. If you haven’t seen it, watch “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor’s Hammer.” It’s Agent Coulson showing off more than his wit for once. RIP Phil.

    Had Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman flick taken off, Cobie Smulders would most likely have been cast as Diana. But that project was shelved and instead she won the role of Agent Maria Hill (beating out Firefly alum Morena Baccarin). Boy, is she a looker. Wow. She also stars on How I Met Your Mother with Alexis Denisof’s wife and Whedon regular, Alyson Hannigan. Cobie wasn’t given a trainer for the movie so she hired one herself to teach her how to act like an agent. I like a girl who does her homework.

    The 12-person SHIELD Council should be more in shadow, we shouldn’t be able to see their faces. No one knows who they are, not Nick Fury, not even each other. If we can see their faces, we can use facial recognition software to find out who they are. But that’s me being nitpicky.

    The guy on the bridge playing Galaga? Classic.

    The Helicarrier is a character in its own right and plays a huge part in the film. It exists because a mobile headquarters is much more difficult for an evil organization *coughHYDRAcough* to find and destroy and protects any potential host nations from being a target. They took it one step further in the movie and gave it cloaking technology which was totally badass and a nice little treat for this Trekkie.

    Loki:

    I’m very quickly becoming a huge fan of Tom Hiddleston. I had never seen him before Thor but he’s perfection as Loki. And this is coming from someone whose way into anything related to Norse mythology. In the comics Loki is the first villain The Avengers go up against so I was happy to see that they kept that. It would have been much easier to pick a different villain and avoid the whole magic vs. science conundrum. The various directors, producers, writers, Marvel Execs, etc. did an excellent job of making the magic scientific and the science magical so it didn’t feel forced and it made sense to the laymen. They get an A+ for teamwork.

    Anyone who leaves the movie theatre before a Marvel movie’s end credits are over is an idiot. There’s always some little nugget of awesomesauce just waiting to delight our senses. In this case we got two of them.  The first one shows The Other talking to a mysterious master about the fact that humans are not to be trifled with.  They don’t say who this master is but I’m thinking its Thanos. If anyone has another theory I’d like to hear it but I’d bet money that I’m right. The second one has our heroes sitting around eating shawarma just after the battle while the employees clean up debris in the background. No one speaks (although Bruce does start chuckling) and it’s hilarious.

    I’m a massive Whedonite so I’m probably totally biased but I have to give Joss Whedon mad props for this movie. It’ll probably go down as one of my top 5 favorite movies ever and a lot of that is due to him.  He rewrote the script and had a vision that wove together four different franchises into one seamless and elegant package.  The combination of action, drama and humor is classic Joss. I think that one of the other directors would have made an excellent film as well but Joss made it magical and I hope they are smart enough to keep him as the director of all future Avenger films.

    I hope so, Joss. I hope so.

    “These people shouldn’t be in the same room let alone on the same team—and that is the definition of family” – Joss Whedon

    5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • Hungry for some Hunger Games (movie edition)

    Chelsea and I definitely agreed it was worth a Sci-Five!

    Ok seriously, I don’t know wtf was up with the audience in my theatre but I couldn’t tell if I was there to watch a movie or at a meeting of the World’s Smallest Bladder Club.  I think the four people in our group were the only people in the entire theatre that didn’t get up to pee at some point.  And don’t even get me started on the couple who brought the newborn baby.

    Aaaaaand my bitch session has officially ended, on to the review of Hunger Games!

    *The usual warning: I actually do a pretty good job of not spoiling things but if you’re nervous about it, you may want to wait until after you’ve seen the movie to read my review.

    Oh, Katniss Everdeen.  I love you so much.  We have a lot in common, you and I. We are both tougher than we look, don’t make friends easily but are fiercely loyal when we do, would do anything for our younger siblings, and are totally clueless when someone has a crush on us.  That is, until they flat out say it…and maybe clap their hands in front of your face and set off a foghorn in your ear.

    Oh, Jennifer Lawrence.  I love you so much.  You’re the actress I would have picked to play Katniss and I’m very happy that the powers that be agreed with me.  You bring strength and vulnerability to a role that could easily have been botched by lesser actresses.  Plus your perty.

    Oh, Peeta Mellark.  You’re such a sweetheart.  You represent all the guys who are in love with the girls who say “you’re just like my brother!”  You’re quietly supportive and then completely awestruck when the girl finally starts to see you in a different light.  I’ve been that girl who has dated that boy and I root for you.

    Oh, Josh Hutcherson.  I feel like I’ve watched you grow up.  You were pretty good in Bridge to Terabithia and even better in The Kids Are All Right.  You’ve turned into quite the charmer.  Your smile is totally adorkable.  I heard about you introducing Liam to White Castle, then playing basketball so hard you both threw up all those hamburgers.  That’s really gross but really funny.  Male bonding is weird.

    Oh, Gale Hawthorne.  You’re the guy that the girls who don’t realize how awesome they are feel like they can never get.  You’re a stud but you don’t even know it.  You’re a great friend and you think of that dorky girl as a cute little sister until the day someone else starts to pursue her and then you realize that you’ve loved her all along. I’ve been that girl who has dated that guy too and I root for you as well.

    Oh, Liam Hemsworth.  You’re dating Miley Cyrus and I’m not gonna lie, that kind of turns me off.  BUT, you’re Thor’s little brother and you seem really down to earth in all your interviews so I’m willing to look past the Miley Factor.  You’re also kind of ridiculously cute.  Not as cute as your older brother, but you can hold your own.

    Other District 12 peeps:

    You might recognize Mrs. Everdeen if you watched the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica where Paula Malcolmson played Amanda Graystone. I think she was a good choice to play the mom-with-no-first-name.  She’s excellent at staring blankly and crying.  Primrose Everdeen is a character I totally love and I think that Willow Shields did a fine job portraying her.  She’s got some heavy stuff coming up in the next two films and I hope she’s up to the task.  Woody Harrelson was an inspired choice to play Haymitch, the only Victor that District 12 has ever had.  He provided comic relief but also some very tender moments that I found very endearing.  He came to SFSU when I was a Freshman to talk about SOL (Simple Organic Living) and legalizing marijuana and while Miss Mary Jane is not my thing, I really enjoyed watching him speak.  He struck me as the kind of guy I’d like to chill out and have a beer with (or, in my case, a shot of Jager).

    Capital peeps:

    Lenny Kravitz was lovely as Cinna, Katniss’s stylist and Capital BFF.  In real life Jennifer Lawrence and his daughter Zoe are best friends (they starred in X-Men: First Class together) so they already had a relationship that could be expanded upon.  I’ve really grown to like Elizabeth Banks.  I didn’t pay too much attention to her early in her career.  I thought she was cute as Betty Brant in Spider-Man but that was about it.  Then one day something clicked and I’ve been keeping an eye on her ever since.  She made for a great Effie Trinket, though I always imagined Effie being even perkier than Banks’ portrayal.  Seneca Crane is a pretty minor character in the books.  They definitely expanded his role for the movie to take full advantage of Wes Bentley and his epic swirly beard.  I love Donald Sutherland.  When I was a kid a TV movie came out called The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All and I don’t know why (probably because I’m a huge history nerd), but that movie has always stuck with me.  It stars Sutherland as an aging Confederate Captain who takes Diane Lane as a child bride.  In it he has a cold, calm demeanor with a vicious temper lying just below the surface. Much like President Snow.  President Coriolanus Snow is scary because of all the ways he isn’t scary.  He’s small with slightly snake-like features, he zealously tends his gardens, and he doesn’t raise his voice.  Quiet and calculating, the man literally has blood breath that he masks with the genetically engineered super roses he wears on his lapel.  But the Capitalist of the Year Award has to go to Stanley Tucci as Caesar Flickerman.  Brilliant.

    I wrote a post after reading The Hunger Games for the first time in June 2011.  Normally I would reread the book before going to see the movie but I’m right in the middle of A Dance with Dragons and I didn’t want to interrupt so I’m purely going off memory here.  From what I remember the movie follows the book extremely well.  A great film adaptation that I can’t help but feel is owed to Suzanne Collins helping to write the screenplay.  Two things that were different and that I really missed were:

    1. The omission of Madge Undersee, the Mayor’s daughter who gives Katniss the Mockingjay pin in the book.  The ties that bind them are eventually revealed in Book 2, Catching Fire and take the story to an even deeper, more emotional level.

    2. The dogs at the end of the Hunger Games.  In the movie they are pitbull-type and identical but in the book they are mutts with the mutated faces of the kids who have already died in the Games.  The mutt dogs are meant to be a total mindfuck for the remaining Tributes, as opposed to just being giant scary dogs.

    Respect yo

    I think that the filmmakers are relying on the fact that you’ve read the book and already know about some of the characters and situations.  Having read the books and not finding it a problem, I know this only because one of the people I was with hadn’t read the books and was very confused by certain parts, like the three-fingered salute.  He wanted to know where the heck that came from and what it meant.  I’m hoping the DVD has deleted scenes like the dubbing of the redhead as “Foxface” so that I know they at least tried to get it in there but just had to cut it for time.  Also, I cried twice within the first 50 pages of the book and probably a dozen times over the course of all three.  There is a true sense of hopelessness and despair that just can’t be captured onscreen.  I got a little verklempt during Rue’s final scene but it didn’t deliver the emotional wallop I was expecting it to and that kind of bummed me out.

    Stylistically I thought that the movie was gorgeous.  District 12 was appropriately bleak and made the surrounding woods that Katniss and Gale escape to all the more beautiful.  The Capital was gaudy, though not as much as I expected it to be.  I was expecting to see people with green skin and implanted cat whiskers and whatnot but found that I didn’t really miss them.  The flame effect was nicely done.  For some reason I always pictured their whole bodies being on fire, as opposed to just the head and shoulders.  But that didn’t really bother me.

    I really liked the Hunger Games Control Room with its sterile interior and white uniforms.  It kind of made me feel like zombies were going to break out of a holding cell down the hall.  But that’s a good thing (for once) because it means that it was creepy and the idea of people sitting around and calmly deciding how best to kill innocent children is a really creepy idea.

    If I have one complaint it’s the shaky cam.  I seriously hate shaky cam.  I saw the movie twice, once closer to the screen and once further back.  Being further back I didn’t notice the shakiness that much and I enjoyed the movie much more.  When I was closer to the screen it gave me a bad headache a la Cloverfield (a movie that I will never watch again despite my love for JJ Abrams and Lizzy Caplan).  So if the filmmakers ever read this (haha yeah right) I implore you, please ditch the shaky cam unless you deem it absolutely necessary for very small parts of the film.

    Most of all, this movie got me really, really, REALLY excited for the next two films, Catching Fire and Mockingjay.  I can’t wait to see how they handle the Quarter Quell and District 13, etc etc.  Gah! I’m trying really hard not to give anything away for anyone who hasn’t read the books yet.  If you haven’t, you really should.  They are technically YA novels but that’s kind of like saying the last few Harry Potter books are for children.  They’re really not.

    4.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • Underworld: Awakening Reviewed

    These are some of my kick ass friends. No, you can't have them.

    If there is one thing I love it’s badass chicks beating the crap out of people, or, in this case, people and Lycans. My friends told me to be honest (most of them thought it was the worst of the four Underworld movies) and it’s true that there was virtually no plot line in Underworld: Awakening but honestly, I didn’t really care.

    Give me hot chicks in rubber (or leather, or latex, or whatever the hell that awesome shiny black material is that they squeeze her into) give them a few semiautomatic weapons, and I’m a happy camper.

    I have no idea what this outfit is made of but I like it.

    Plus, even though they thought it was the weakest link, we all agreed that it was super fun to watch. As per usual I spoil the shit out of things. So tread carefully if you don’t want to be, uh, spoiled.

    I didn’t see Rise of the Lycans…which is really weird because I pretty much never miss a chance to watch vampires onscreen, but I was assured by my friend Hannah that this was ok since #3 was a prequel. Luckily, I HAVE seen Underworld and Evolution so I’m good with the whole Selene/Michael R&J-esque romance storyline.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUcrbUCWKQc]

    –

    Awakening starts off by describing The Purge, a time when the human race decides that genocide is a fantastic idea (cause it’s worked out so well in the past) and attempts to eradicate all non-human people…maybe I missed it but how did the humans find out about the Vamps and the Lycans? And how pitiful are 99.9% of these supernaturals?! They just sit around and let themselves be killed by humans instead of being all super human strengthy and opening up a can of woop ass on those soldiers like every other movie monster would have done. I mean come on guys, grow a pair for God’s sake.

    Wow. Just…wow.

    Kate Beckinsale is in fine form as Selene. I mean, really, I would kill for that girl’s legs. I just plain love watching girls kick ass but I know that some people get their panties all up in a bunch when they see scrawny little starlets in fight scenes. But she’s a vampire so even the naysayers must admit that she gets a pass. Personally, I think Miss Kate is one of the most gorgeous women on the planet. The girl’s got that icy cold vampire stare down pat and is the real reason to watch any of these films (Bill Nighy was previously a close second). She even gets naked! Well, I think she does…my friend Meghan thinks it was CGI’d and my friend Nick backed her up by pointing out that her skin looked a heck of a lot like Hermione’s did in Ron’s horcrux vision in HP7p1.

    He obviously runs with Klingons

    I don’t know what is keeping Scott Speedman so busy that he could only be in the movie for 2 minutes via old footage and body doubles. It certainly isn’t because of a Felicity reunion (which I would totally watch btw). So what gives Scott?? They are obviously hoping that he’ll return for #5 since the movie ends with them determined to find him. Michael’s absence opens up the door for “random vampire hottie with a crazy knife” David (Theo James from UK’s Bedlam). He’s really only there to fill the pretty boy void and to look wistfully at Selene who is totally hung up on the boyfriend she was with only YESTERDAY from her point of view. It will be interesting to see where that relationship goes in the next installment.

    This time Selene’s got a daughter (India Eisley)…now, this is where they really lose me. I vaguely remember something about Viktor killing his daughter because she got knocked up by a Lycan (right?) and they don’t really explain how Eve (seriously, could they have given her a more cliché name?) came about so while watching the movie I just assumed that she was a test tube baby because the last time I checked vampire women couldn’t have babies (Edward and Bella don’t count, she’s human). I can see how a Lycan would have viable sperm but aren’t vampires supposed to be all, I dunno, undead and frozen in time and stuff? Wouldn’t all of her little eggies be undead too? And if she were pregnant during The Purge wouldn’t she have said something while she was talking about her and Michael escaping? Mentioning an unborn child that needs saving seems like it would have been pertinent information.

    Anyhooters, so Eve’s a hybrid like her Daddy but thanks to Selene she’s a triple threat vamcanortal (I should really copyright that) and I have to admit, she looks freaking badass when she in fighting form. Like Abby from Let Me In but even better. BTW, have any of the movies explained why the Hybrids are blue? I kept thinking that Nightcrawler was going to show up at some point.

    Please tell me I'm not the only person who sees the similarities here

    Stephen Rea (I’m sorry, he’ll always be Santiago to me and I just can’t picture him as a werewolf) is the papa wolf Dr. Jacob Lane aka the bad guy. He’s the scientist everyone turns to during The Purge but his motivation behind finding a cure for vampirism and werewolfism is nefarious. His son Quint (Kris Holden-Ried from The Tudors) is the big bad wolf. A giant Jekyll & Hyde-type monstrosity who is immune to silver thanks to Daddy’s injections of Eau de Eve. Not gonna lie, he’s pretty awesome to look at in either form.

    Oh! And check that out, I managed to squeeze in some of Selene's butt. You're welcome.

    I totally thought that Detective Sebastian (Michael Ealy) was going to end up being a vampire since he could sense Selene and his eyes are blue. But alas, it turns out his wife was a vampire and he just has really cool eyes. Personally, I think it would have been way cooler to have had a vampire cop hiding in plain sight for the past 12 years but these movie producers don’t want to listen to me so meh.

    Charles Dance (Game of Thrones) plays Thomas, David’s Dad and resident Vampire Elder post-Purge. He doesn’t like Selene, not one bit, and makes sure she knows it. That’s pretty much all he’s good for in this movie but I hope we see more of him in #5 cause I really like Charles Dance.

    Do they make vampire viagra? Maybe then he'd like her more.

    All in all the plot (what there was of one) had more holes than Swiss cheese but it had an insane amount of gratuitous violence and totally bad ass shots of Selene jumping, fighting, shooting, scowling, putting on a jacket, etc. etc. so it was worth the price of the movie ticket.

    3 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • Immortals (sort of) Beloved

    Here’s the thing.  Does this movie have a pretty basic plot?  Yes.  Is it full of pretty young people?  Yes.  Is it worth paying the $12 ticket price?  I think so.

    I’ll admit that I liked Immortals much more than the two other people I attended it with and it’s probably because of the gratuitous violence and the over abundance of scantily clad men.  Very scrumptious scantily clad men.  (Don’t worry guys, you get to see Freida Pinto get nekked…well…sort of).  But even my companions had to admit that the film was gorgeous.  We saw it in 3D and even though it was filmed using 3D technology, it gave me a bit of a headache for some reason.  But I’m going to blame that on the theatre because I’m 99% sure one of the lights behind the screen was burned out which caused a strange shadowy hole in the bottom left hand corner of the screen.  I say this because the 3D was flawless otherwise.  Did it really need the 3D?  Probably not.  I can’t remember anything going towards the screen that would have made the 3D super obvious but it did add a richness to the gold and sepia tone that was so deftly used by director Tarsem Singh.  The plot was simple but it kept me interested throughout and I credit that to four actors: Henry Cavill, Stephen Dorff, Mickey Rourke and the Luke Evans/John Hurt combo.  Uhh…so I guess that’s technically 5 actors playing 4 characters.

    I fell madly in love with Henry Cavill when he played Charles Brandon in HBO’s The Tudors.  I mean seriously.  He’s ridiculously good-looking.  And the fact that he’s the new Superman gives me hope that I’ll finally be able to wipe that horrid Bryan Singer version out of my mind for good.  But besides being fun to look at, Cavill can act and he shows a fearlessness that other pretty boys can’t or won’t tap into.  He was in fine form as Theseus, our noble hero.  His fight scenes were epic in all their slow-fast-slow-motion glory but aside from that he showed a kindness that was very endearing.  I’m excited to see more of him in the future.

    I don’t know what rock I was hiding under but I had no idea going into the theatre that Stephen Dorff was in this film.  So when I saw him in the salt mines I almost choked on my bubblegum.  First of all, he doesn’t look a day older than he did in Blade which was over 13 years ago which was kind of strange but not surprising at the same time.  Second of all, this seemed like the most random casting decision to me.  Space Truckers and Blade aside, I will forever hold Dorff in my heart as the kid from The Power of One.  That said, I thoroughly enjoyed watching him run around and fight the good fight.  In the end he was probably my favorite character in the film.  Stavros the slave didn’t have a ton of lines but the ones he had he delivered with flair.  Plus, I’ve got a soft spot for loyal sidekicks so that probably has something to do with it too.

    John Hurt is a legend, there’s no denying it.  Most youngins only really know him from Hellboy and Harry Potter which is too bad.  The man has 172 acting credits to his name.  That’s insane.  I knew exactly who the old man was the moment he popped up on screen.  Normally I would chock that up to my weird movie/TV psychic ability but I have the feeling that I wasn’t the only one in this case.  His conversion to his “normal” Zeus state was our first taste of the films special effects and it was lovely to see the cape swirl around and morph him from an old man into a young god.  I can’t say the same for Athena’s strange Mystique-statue-that-hugs-herself-transformation.  Luke Evans is making quite a career playing Greek gods (having also played Apollo in last year’s Clash of the Titans) and was by far the best actor of all the Olympians.  He’s not your run of the mill pretty boy, he has some character to his face and I found myself wishing that he was on screen more.  I look forward to seeing what he brings to The Raven.

    I find myself constantly in awe of Mickey Rourke.  He does things I would never expect and steals every scene that he’s in.  I would be perfectly happy to hear him read the Dictionary because there’s something about his voice that is both comforting and disconcerting, like he’s dangerous but you desperately want to help him anyways.  Or maybe I just have an overactive imagination.  The point of all this is that, from an acting standpoint, he is the best reason to watch this film.  It’s like he doesn’t even have to try, he just IS.  Does that make sense to anyone else besides me?  He’s effortless as King Hyperion, a ruthless and bloodthirsty ruler who couldn’t save his own family so he wants to destroy everyone else’s.  I would go so far as to dub him the best villain of the year.  The one thing I didn’t like?  His bizarre lobster-claw bunny-ear helmet.  What the fuck were you thinking with that one Eiko Ishieko?!

    Seriously. No, seriously.

    Strangely, there seemed to be a lot of teenage vampires in this movie.  Kellan Lutz (Twilight) and Joseph Morgan (The Vampire Diaries) were fine but unremarkable as Poseidon and Lysander.  Lysander did have one particularly painful scene that even had me girding my loins.  Hey Lysander, wasn’t worth it dude, just FYI.  Daniel Sharman as Ares rounded out the male gods. At least, the ones that are named and recognizable. He’s really only notable for some whining and one brilliant head-smashing scene. 

    Isabel Lucas (aka the hot chick who turns out to be a transformer and tries to kill Sam in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) is stunning as Athena, the goddess with daddy issues.  She really is gorgeous but she doesn’t quite seem badass enough to play the goddess of war.  Y’all know I love Freida Pinto, I think she’s beyond beautiful.  As Phaedra the focus was a little bit too much on her looks.  Her makeup was way too flawless, even after taking a shower.  I mean, come on, that mascara would be running down her face and she’d be looking like a big ol’ hot mess.  Makeup that doesn’t move is perfectly acceptable for a goddess but notsomuch for a mortal imho. Also, she has a vision of a body wrapped in a shroud that is never identified.  That was dumb. 

    There was plenty of blood and gore to spare.  At one point a monk cut off his own tongue.  It was pretty awesome.  Being a total history nerd, I knew what the giant brazen bull was for but I couldn’t help but wonder if the rest of the audience knew, especially the girl sitting next to me who kept whipping out her phone to check her text messages.  I would have liked to have shown her in person what it was used for.  They didn’t reveal the inside until very late in the film and I could tell by the uncomfortable shifting of the people around me that I was correct in guessing that they hadn’t known.  They’ll probably never look at one of these the same way again. 

    A different kind of torture

    Speaking of bulls, the interpretation of the minotaur was brilliant.  One of the most inspired parts of the film for sure.  The battle scenes were AH-MAZING.  Especially the ones involving the Olympians.  The price of the movie ticket was worth it just to see them swirl and flip around making mince meat out of the Titans and vice versa.

    My biggest tiff with the film is the same one I usually have, not being accurate to the stories on which they are based.  In this case pretty much everyone mortal is portrayed incorrectly.  Theseus is not a bastard rape baby, but was fathered by both King Aegeus and Poseidon, the brother of Zeus.  Yes, he was raised by his mother, but he always knew he was the child of a king and when he came of age he set out to claim his place as heir to the throne. He could have taken the easy way by sea (especially seeing as he was a joint child of Poseidon) but instead he chose to do things the hard way and travelled by land.  Thanks to his stubbornness and the trials that resulted from it, he is famous for defeating the guards of the 6 entrances to the underworld along the way thereby contributing to his legend.  And he had three sons by two wives, not just Acamas as the movie would have you believe.  Moving on to Phaedra.  Virgin oracle?  Not so much.  More of a wife with a wondering eye.  At one point she even fell in love with her step-son.  Yeesh.  She’s also Theseus’ second wife, not his first (that honor goes to the queen of the Amazons).  The choice to make Hyperion the Antagonist was an interesting one.  Almost nothing is known of Hyperion in Greek mythology other than the fact that he was a Titan (that’s right, he didn’t release them, he WAS one).  Lysander was a Spartan, not a Greek and while he was certainly a cunning politician, he was not a traitorous minion of an invading king.

    Several of the Olympians are left out including Hera, Demeter, Aphrodite, Hades, Hermes, Hephaestus and Artemis.  However, Heracles is present which was kind of random. 

    Heracles? wtf are you doing here?

    According to the movie Ares is the creator of the Epirus Bow, the weapon everyone wants and the catalyst of the film; however, I’ve never heard of this weapon before.  I like the idea of it though.  As for the helmets worn by the Olympians….well…let’s just say that I feel kind of bad for Kellan Lutz.

    Kellan quick! There's a bug on your head!

    I’m a big fan of the 1981 version of Clash of the Titans and Immortals will not be replacing it as my go-to Greek mythology film.  However, I liked Immortals waaaay more than the 2010 version of Clash of the Titans, a lame remake that never should have been made.  Sorry Liam Neeson, not even you can top Laurence Olivier.

    Three out of five sci-fives!

  • Going apeshit for Rise of the Planet of the Apes

    Best. Photoshop. Ever.

    I’m officially based out of San Diego now and Saturday morning I started the daunting task of unpacking everything I own.  Which is a lot of crap.  Ugh.  But it’s awesome crap that I’m not willing to throw or give away so whatever.  Thanks to my OCD and my constant pursuit of organizational perfection, it took me two days just to unpack the kitchen.  As my friend Kate puts it, “I wish someone would give me a friggin’ chill pill.”  After all that hard work I decided that I needed a reward (and a break) so I stumbled over to the movie theatre for some primate prequel goodness.

    I try to be good but y’all know I give stuff away sometimes so here is my customary SPOILER ALERT!

    I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect from Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  The previews looked pretty good, if a little obviously CGI, and the music sounded fantastic…but hey, it’s the trailer, it’s all the best parts, right?

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaK6khs8aMw]

    Well, let me tell you, it was actually super good. Like, amazingly good.  Like, at least 10x better than I thought it was going to be.  As a Navy family, we were stationed in Marin County when I was a kid and I went back to attend college in San Francisco.  The movie takes place in and around the Bay Area and it definitely made me nostalgic for the fog and the giant redwoods.  Hiking and hunting for Ewoks in Muir Woods has always been one of my favorite pastimes so I was thrilled to see so much of them in the movie.

    But first things first.  Freida Pinto is seriously the most gorgeous woman ever.  It’s a little ridiculous how hot she is.  And she has one of those faces that scream “kindness” so she’s totally believable as a vet at the San Francisco Zoo.  Oh, and did I mention that she’s beautiful?

    Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to James Franco as Will Rodman, a genetic engineer who has formulated the cure for Alzheimer’s.  Not because he wants to help humanity per se, although that’s certainly a positive side effect, but because his Father (John Lithgow) has the disease and he’s a total daddy’s boy.  After his presentation to the board goes bust and the human trials get canceled, Will goes so far as to smuggle some of the drug, ALZ-112, out of the lab in order to experiment on his own Dad.  It works brilliantly at first but it’s virus-based and eventually the antibodies grow strong enough to negate the benefits of the treatment.  Bummer.  Back to the drawing board.  About 2 movie days later (or the equivalent of 10 years in the real world) Will comes up with ALZ-113, a new virus that must be inhaled instead of injected….seriously…never a good sign when something is airborne.  I don’t want to give away what happens next for those who haven’t seen it but let’s just say that I’m very happy that zombies weren’t the result.  I was worried for a while there.

    Poor Andy Serkis.  The guy has been typecast as the king of non-human CGI critters (Gollum, King Kong, etc).  Half the time as an ape!  But really, it’s because he’s brilliant.  And he is.  I just wish he’d get thrown some more roles that didn’t involve him wearing a leotard with a bunch of blinking lights attached to it.  He brings amazing life to the chimpanzee Caesar. I don’t know if the special effects peeps can measure (or follow or whatever) what his eyes do but I’m thinking that they can.  Caesar’s eyes were much too expressive to be completely manufactured.  The CGI, by the by, was way better than the trailer made it out to be.  In the very first scene of the movie I actually had a hard time figuring out if the chimps looking around were real or fake.  With a name like Caesar there’s got to be some kind of sequel to the prequel.  That name comes with a dramatic downfall attached to it thankyouverymuch.

    The “bad guys” of the movie are another father-son duo, John Landon (the ageless Brian Cox…seriously, he looks the same as he did 20 years ago, I swear) and his son Dodge (Draco Malf…I mean…Tom Felton).  Together they run the San Bruno Primate “Sanctuary”.  Now, not to go all PETA on y’all but it WAS hard to watch the apes (CGI or no) getting mistreated and experimented on.  Unlike some people, I don’t believe the
    people behind the movie had any kind of political or animal rights agenda but I can see how it could be misconstrued that way.  You’d have to be pretty heartless to not feel something when an animal is in pain.  Humans on the other hand, well, whatever, who cares.  I’ve been desensitized to violence against people since I was a kid.

    With a nephew this cute I had to get him in here somehow

    So it wasn’t as hard to witness Dodge’s fate as it was to witness Buck’s, the big silverback gorilla.  One thing Draco…I mean Dodge….does get is the iconic line from the original Planet of the Apes.  I’ll give you a hint, it involves the adjectives “stinking” and “dirty.”   I was also anxious to see the launch of Icarus and the loss of the three astronauts on board.  Speaking of which, Charlton Heston isn’t completely absent, a clip from The Agony and the Ecstasy shows briefly on the break room television inside SBPS.  Need a new drinking game?  Every time you find a primate (or human) with a name paying homage to someone from the 1968 film, take a shot or chug a beer.  You’ll be buzzed in no time.  I spotted several but I’m not going to tell you what they are so that you can have fun finding them yourselves.

    I’m evil like that.

    Four out of Five Sci-Fives!

  • Guest Review! Cowboys & Aliens!

    As y’all know (I may have mentioned it once or thrice) I’m in the process of moving to San Diego and my life is in limbo while I finish up my work in Los Angeles.  Therefore, my BNF (Best Nerd Friend) Hayden and his lovely girlfriend, fellow HNG Melanie, were kind enough to go see Cowboys & Aliens this weekend and write not one but TWO reviews of it as guest bloggers.  H&M…I heart you.

    Enjoy!

    Aliens.  Why’d it have to be Aliens?

    Hayden Gilbert:

    Let me start by saying there is no way I will be able to fill the shoes – or brazier – of the now legendary Hot Nerd Girl (although my fellow co-guest blogger Melanie definitely has a better shot in both departments).  However, while I don’t consider myself hot (in my own eyes), nor a girl (hopefully in anyone’s eyes), I can certifiably attest to being a nerd.

    I can also say without hesitation that I’m quite an avid western lover and a huge fan of anything involving visitors from another world (the cast of Jersey Shore being the exception).  Taking all that into account, I would have been first in line to see any movie with the title “Cowboys & Aliens” trailer unseen.

    As my very attractive co-blogger mentions as well, everything about this movie has a simple theme to it.  From the title itself to the premise of good ol’ fashion gunslingers taking on technologically superior creatures, Cowboys & Aliens succeeds in that it doesn’t try to be more than what it is:  A good old fashion shootout at the O.K. Corral with 10 foot tall slimy monsters that make the aliens from the Predator movies look like runway models.  Hell, what’s not to like about aliens who also lasso their victims!  Great stuff I tells ya.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/UdmupNxobP0]

    While the acting overall was not quite award caliber, I actually liked the lack of over-the-top dramatics when it dealt with the reactions of humans to their unknown invaders.  Think about it, people during this time didn’t have clue one about space people or flying saucers as this takes place during a time when horses were the main source of transport and showing ankle was considered scantily clad.

    Hot girl with a six shooter? Yes please.

    Speaking of, seeing Olivia Wilde completely wrapped up in a piece of wallpaper during the whole movie was a waste of her, uh, talents.  The nude scene of her would have made up for it had they actually showed anything of value.  Did I mention I was a male nerd?

    As can be imagined, Harrison Ford stole the show in this one.  Be it a quick line or a familiar facial reaction, your attention is always drawn to his screen presence.  Daniel Craig served his purpose of bad ass alien annihilator (say that 10 times fast after 10 shots of whiskey), albeit his character wasn’t given any major Shakespearean dialogue to work with.  I also enjoyed the 2 – maybe more? – nods given to Indian Jones in the flick.  Can you spot them?  (Hint:  It’s 007 that summons the spirit of Indy twice)

    Overall, C&A was a fun and unique ride on the combination of two classic genres.  Add a pinch of 007 and a dash of Indy with a kick-ass final scene that would make any western-lover happy and you have a flick that is almost sure to satisfy.  Just remember to check your 6-shooter and expectations at the door.

    (P.S. For those Nerdboys like myself that need an additional fixen of Western Sci-Fi, be sure to check out Brisco Country Jr on DVD… best show ‘cancelled-too-soon’ ever!  Has Bruce Campbell ever done anything bad?)

    Melanie Critser:

    Brace yourself.  There are cowboys AND aliens in this movie!  And a cast of hot men and women that only get hotter when plastered in dirt.  Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig together at last…with Craig getting more ass shots in one movie than JLo has gotten in her entire career.  And don’t worry, men, Olivia Wilde doesn’t disappoint—especially as she emerges from fire…naked.  But this movie isn’t all fun and games—oh wait, yeah it is!

    Cowboys & Aliens is everything the title promises.  The story is simple.  Our planet has an element the aliens want.  They are here to scout out the planet and give the “mother-ship” the thumbs up to “come on down.”  It’s all up to the Cowboys and Indians to stop them…seriously, was anyone expecting an Oscar nominee?  It makes no apologies for its campiness!  There were moments that had heart and moments that almost made me cheer.

    What? No speedo's in the Old West?

    I wasn’t crazy about the aliens themselves, but I suppose that was the point.  They had creepy little extra hands that unfold out of their bellies, all slimy and shaky–yuck!  Also, where was the steamy love scene?  I felt a bit cheated in this area.  I can’t imagine what possessed them to leave that out—in the words of Flight of the Conchords, conditions were perfect for “Business Time.”  To no avail…

    Daniel Craig was sporting his 007 seriousness, just substitute a clean shave and tux for dried blood and cowboy gear.  The bad-ass side of Daniel Craig hits the spot, no one wants to watch him skipping through a flower field—bring on the guns!

    Harrison Ford’s role was the most intriguing.  Is he a bad guy?  Is he a good guy?  Regardless, he can still deliver those hilarious one liners.  And you may struggle with whether he’s The Good or The Bad..but he’s never The Ugly.  He clearly hasn’t lost his charm on screen and he’s giving Sean Connery a run for his money in the “Better with Age” department.

    Overall, I don’t expect this movie to be on any top 10 (or 100) lists, but I truly enjoyed it.  Perhaps my expectations were right where they needed to be–I jumped in my seat and laughed at the cheesiness.  It was just the boost my summer needed!

    You can read Hayden’s online dating advice (it worked for him!) at Examiner.com.  Melanie doesn’t have a blog so you’ll just have to hope she guest writes for HNG again.  Like what they wrote?  Let them know in the comments!

  • Captain America: The First Avenger of Awesome

    As many of you know, this past weekend I spent my time doing my big move from Los Angeles to San Diego. Between the packing of the U-haul and the wiping of the brow from all the heavy lifting, I didn’t have time to get to the theater to catch the last of the summer superhero themed blockbusters: Captain America. But after asking everyone on facebook if I should hurry out to the theaters to catch this cinematic marvel, I decided that unwrapping my bed from the bubble wrap could wait. To the theater!

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/W4DlMggBPvc]

    And just in case I do spoil something, SPOILER WARNING!

    Now, as I’m sure many of you know, a high bar was set in terms of Captain America movies. There have been three previously, with two done in the seventies and one in 1990. And if you missed them, SyFy was good enough to have a marathon of them on Friday night. Lucky for me I’ve actually already seen the 1990’s one and, being a good little nerd girl, I’ve even seen the Dolph Lungren debacle Punisher movie from around the same time period.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/cs8rFsmhNTc]

    I had never even heard of the 1970’s sequel Captain America II: Death Too Soon starring Reb Brown. <sarcasm> Fortunately for me, I was able to catch about 15 minutes of it between throwing my fine china and Star Trek teddy bears into cardboard boxes. And I gotta say, Chris Evans had a pretty tough job beating it. Captain America throws his motorcycle on top of a prison wall but can’t defeat a pack of what looks like SPCA rejects? Phew! So tough! </sarcasm>

    Captain America II
    Totally not ridiculous looking

    If you’ve read any of my blog posts before, you’ll know that my brother serves in the USMC. Going in I was curious about how they were going to portray why Steve wanted to fight, how he was going to get into the program and how he would see himself during the whole run up to becoming the bad ass Cap that we all know and love. And I gotta say, they nailed it. As opposed to the 1990’s movie version, or even the comic book, where it’s just kind of a given that he’s getting all geared up to fight, this one takes a much longer route and shows just how much the character of Steve Rogers wants to serve his country. There were times when I actually started to get genuinely verklempt. Chris Evans played the role so perfectly of the scrawny little guy that doesn’t want to pick a fight persay, he just “doesn’t like a bully.” It really is heartwarming for a girl who’s brother is in the military. If I were to pick a part that really got me, it’s when he jumped on the grenade in training. The others guys always treated him harshly, but he was willing to die for them. How many of the rest of us can say the same?

    Overall, as just an action film is was pretty damn awesome. In the land of over-choreographed fight scenes in movies where every minor character seems to know as much martial arts as a human-turned-vampire in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, it was really cool to see the Cap do it more old school 1940’s style. Just kicking, punching, shooting and flinging that shield like he was born to do it. No huge martial arts training from some guy that was smuggled out of China to teach him the wise ways of kicking ass Asia-style, just good old fashioned brawling of the period. *LIKE*

    Could anything with this chest be bad? The answer is nothing. Ever. EV-ER.

    I’d like to say there was something wrong with this movie, but honestly, for an origin film I can’t find anything wrong with it. Being a big Marvel girl, I know a fair amount about Captain America. So I already knew how the film was going to end, which is a bit of a different experience compared to all the other super hero films that have been coming out this summer. Since The Avengers is coming out next summer, Cap has got to get frozen in the Arctic. Not that it was a huge deal, but it just gave me this lurking creepy feeling during the film. Maybe I’m alone in this, just saying.

    But is that enough to keep me from the theaters? Hell no.

    And don’t forget to wait for the special action at the end. It’s way more involved than the previous tidbits we get at the end of all the other films.

    Five out of Five Sci-Fives!

  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 – the End of an Era

    The other Incredible Trio – HNG, Hayden and Melanie

    Yes, I cried.

    Quite a bit at one point.

    And while the scenes were touching and poignant and emotional and all that good stuff, a large part of it was a sense of mourning that this was it.  No more books and now, no more movies either.  The posters and billboards plastered everywhere are clear: “It All Ends.”  Truth in advertising for once.  And for once, I’m devastated that it’s actually true.  I went through this emotional rollercoaster after reading the final book as well and it’s certainly not a new thing for me.  When I truly commit myself to a franchise (especially books) I go through major withdrawals when it is finished.

    Here’s the thing about Harry Potter and the genius of JK Rowling…yes, you know that it is a global phenomenon and that you are far from unique in your passion for Harry and Hogwarts, but it feels as though it has been written just for you and you alone.  I can think of no greater praise for an author.

    Below are some thoughts that I’ve jotted down after seeing the final film.

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mObK5XD8udk&feature=related]

    If you haven’t read the books or seen the last movie and plan to, you know what I’m about to say: spoilers, spoilers, spoilers!!

    1. Certain characters have really gotten ignored in the movies.  I’ve already lamented the underuse of Fleur and Bill in my review of Part 1 but this movie really brought home how little we’ve seen of Lupin and Tonks in the two-part finale.  In Part 1 they tried to tell Harry that they had gotten married but before Tonks could get a word out they were brushed aside for the “Seven Harry’s” scene.  A funny and awesome scene but those who haven’t read the books had no idea that they had made a huge commitment despite enormous adversity.  In Part 2 they cut out all of Lupin’s visits to Harry.  Both the one at Grimmauld Place where Lupin tells Harry they are expecting a baby and has his freak out AND the one at Shell Cottage when Lupin happily announces that they have a son and asks Harry to be the Godfather.  Without these scenes their deaths during the first battle of Hogwarts is lessened emotionally.  Not the end of the world but sad nonetheless.
    2. In that same vein…I’m not sure why they felt the need to replace the Creevey brothers with a new character named Nigel.  Nigel’s death took the place of Colin’s but it wasn’t nearly as gut-wrenching as in the book.
    3. I also would have liked to have seen Fred’s death as he fought alongside Percy, the brother who had turned his back on them for years.  A little bit of slow-motion and some sad music as the wall explodes and Fred collapses while Harry looks at the people dying all around him would have reduced me to sobbing mess.  It probably would have been a little cliché as well but I don’t care.
    4. It was an interesting choice to have the younger students running around during the battle instead of being escorted out before the fighting began.  I actually didn’t mind this choice.  I thought it added to the chaos and horror of the battle.
    5. Ciaran Hinds was a wonderful addition as Aberforth Dumbledore.  I especially loved when they showed him leading a charge in the fight.
    6. Certain locations become as beloved as characters – Hogsmead, the Burrow, Grimmauld Place.  So I was a little disappointed that Snape’s big moment took place at a boat dock instead of at the Shrieking Shack.
    7. Speaking of Snape.  He is so central to the story and yet we see so little of him.  Alan Rickman takes full advantage of every moment he is given which makes it all the more tragic that we don’t see more of the story from his perspective.  The same goes for Neville in many ways.  I would have liked for them to go in to how it could have just as easily been Neville who became The Chose One and how, ultimately, it was Voldemort who chose Harry over Neville.
    8. The Gringott’s dragon was brilliant!  Half blind and practically albino from decades upon decades of being trapped underground.  It was a heart wrenching to see the scars and open wounds from the chains and to see it cower at the threat of being punished.  I practically cheered out loud when the dragon was freed as part of the Big Three’s escape plan.  Maybe I’ve been desensitized by violence in the movies, but I find it more difficult to watch animals (even CGI ones) being hurt than people.  There’s probably something profoundly wrong with me for feeling that way, but meh.
    9. There was a ton of battling going on in this movie but I kind of wanted more.  I missed the part when Harry runs into Hagrid inside the castle and it leads him to figure out where the Diadem is.  The more Hagrid the merrier and it was a bummer to have to wait until Harry’s “death” to see some Robbie Coltrane.  I was also disappointed that they left out the centaurs and Grawp joining in on the battle.  Especially Grawp.  We barely saw poor Professor’s Sprout and Trelawny.  Thank GOD they left in Mrs. Weasley’s battle with Bellatrix and the “bitch” line!  I don’t know why but of everything else I was sooo worried they would take that out!  Thank you Mr. Yates for not letting me down!
    10. In the book, the moment when Mrs. Weasley kills Bellatrix leads us to the final duel between Harry and Voldemort…in the middle of the school surrounded by fellow wizard warriors NOT by themselves in an abandoned courtyard.  I did like the part where they flew around together and sort of apparated into one.  That was pretty cool.
    11. Call me sentimental but I love the part when Harry uses the Resurrection Stone to surround himself with loved ones as he’s about to die.
    12. I don’t think we could have asked for a better actor to play Voldemort than Ralph Fiennes.  Like Rickman, he doesn’t waste a single syllable when he speaks.  Every second is a bit of evil to be savored.  I’ve gotten a real kick out of watching him slither these past 6 years.
    13. In the book Dumbledore spends a good chunk of his time in King’s Cross with Harry explaining his past actions and what led him to change his ways, abandoning and eventually defeating his former BFF Grindelwald.  It humanizes Dumbledore and gives him a chance to defend himself against all of the horrible things that were said about him after his death.  I honestly don’t think that Dumbledore cares about what anyone thinks about him, with the exception of Harry.  He also clarifies what we’ve suspected since Hermione told us the story of the Deathly Hallows – that Harry’s invisibility cloak is THE cloak.  Readers of the book know all of this but non-readers have been left in the dark.  I could tell exactly who the non-readers were in our theatre by their reaction to the baby Voldemort under the King’s Cross bench.  I missed at least 3 lines of dialogue while they acted grossed out by it.
    14. I don’t remember Harry snapping the Elder Wand in two.  If I remember correctly, he puts it back in Dumbledore’s tomb.  That was a little weird and caused several members of our theatre audience to yell at the screen.
    15. The epilogue was done beautifully.  My only complaint here is the absence of Teddy and Victoire.

    As I mentioned on facebook, I saw this movie simultaneously in D-Box and 3D.  The 3D was a complete waste.  I dislike post-production 3D to begin with and this just goes to show you that, even when they take a long time to “do it right” it isn’t worth it.  The darkness of the movie only further hinders the 3D conversion and anytime there was white on the screen there was an obvious “screen door” effect where I could see the texture of the movie screen material.  Very distracting.  I’m looking forward to seeing the movie again without the 3D.  That, and our theatre was too cheap to get the awesome Harry Potter-shaped 3D glasses.  Lame.

    The D-Box is awesome.  I didn’t find it as effective as I did during Super 8 but I chalk that up to them vibrating our seats every time a wand was flicked.  Sometimes right before or after the wand action so it didn’t synch up quite right.  It was the most fun during the cart ride under Gringott’s and the part where Harry and Voldemort are flying around together.

    Again, I feel like I’m speaking more critically of it then I really mean to.  The truth is that I’m ecstatic that they ended the franchise with the best film yet.  The movies can’t have everything the books do and I know and accept this.  The fact that they’ve made a brilliant movie that lives up to the hype is a major accomplishment.  I’ve seen most of the films on opening night with Hayden and we both agreed that this was a seriously grand finale (although I think Hayden and Melanie would have liked to use the Resurrection Stone to bring back Richard Harris for all of the films).

    Bravo Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson for doing good by three beloved characters.  Bravo Alan Rickman and all of the veteran actors who have contributed the genius of their craft over the past decade.  Bravo Chris Columbus, Alfonso Cuaron, Mike Newell and David Yates for directing 8 wonderful films.  And BRAVO JK Rowling for creating a brilliant and fleshed out magical world and allowing us to visit it.

    Take THAT Voldemort! You're welcome Harry.

    Five out of Five Sci-Fives! Yeah!