Hot Nerd Girl

Category: Movie

  • Autobots! Roll out bitches!

    Help me, Optimus Prime. You're my only hope!

    I saw Transformers: Dark of the Moon a week ago today.  Normally you would have seen a review of it the very next day but this was not a normal week.  Laryngitis decided to rear its ugly head and, literally, by the end of the movie I went from having that sexy Kate Mulgrew voice you get when you’re sick, to barely being able to squeak when I tried to speak.

    Brilliant.

    Needless to say, I went to the doctor and was promptly quarantined for a week.   My voice is slooooooowly coming back (instead of nothing coming out, I can sort of croak…like a frog…) and my mental capacities are returning (No, thank YOU antibiotics).

    Anyhooters, back to Transformers.

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H8bnKdf654]

    Ok, I’ll admit it, I kind of dig Michael Bay.  I always know what I’m going to get and really, we need a person like Michael Bay to make movies full of explosions and boobies (not always in that order).  That’s not to say I like everything he’s ever directed.  FAAAAAR from it.  But I’ve gotten a kick out of the Transformers trilogy (that might be a slight exaggeration when it comes to Revenge of the Fallen, but whatever).

    Just sayin'

    I’ll admit something else.  I’m not a big fan of the animated movie (which is set in 2005 by the way).  Don’t hate me.  Sure, it had Orson Welles (Unicron is not to be confused with Unicorn) and Robert Stack in it, but it also killed off Optimus Prime in the first five minutes and forced us to follow some dumb kid (Daniel Witwicky instead of Sam) and a new Autobot named Hot Rod (voiced by Judd Nelson no less) that looked more like Barbie’s dream car than a bad ass Transformer.

    But I digress.

    This time around MB decided to throw every celebrity he could at us.  I won’t even try to list them all.  Seriously, it was ridiculous.  Awesomely ridiculous.  McDreamy as a villain?  Hellz yeah! Homoerotica with Mr. Chow?  Yes pleaze!  Taking orders from Marge Gunderson?  Oh, yoo betcha!  Every scene had another one.  My favorite has got to be John Malkovich.  He was pretty much continuing his Marvin Boggs character from RED but holy shit did he make me LOL.  As for the oldies but goodies, it was totally retarded how they brought Lennox, Simmons, Epps, etc, etc  all back together but whatever.  It IS Michael Bay we’re talking about.

    On to more important things.  Like Victoria’s Secret models.  Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (hereafter RHW because fuck no am I going to keep typing out that long ass name) is a tall skinny pile of walking sex.  I’m going to admit to yet another tidbit.  I’ll take RHW over Megan Fox any day of the week. Her function may be to stand there and look pretty but at least she does it with class.  I cracked up every time they referred to the crazy bitch that dumped Sam sometime between this movie and the last one.  If you ask me, Sam got the better end of this deal.  I mean, RHW is so hot she has superpowers.  Somehow, she’s magically able to survive a collapsing skyscraper with perfect hair and nary a smudge on her perfect face or her white skinny jeans.  She also convinced Megatron that he’d end up, and I quote, Sentinel’s “bitch” if he didn’t beat his ass right now. “Oh no he di-ent!” Superpowers I tell you!  My one beef with good ol’ MB and his hot little ladies?  The fact that they’re always running around in high heels.  I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that I speak for all my fellow females out there when I say: FUCK THAT.

    She likes bunny wabbits

    I’m just admitting all kinds of crap tonight, but here’s another one.  Shia LaBeouf cracks me up.  No really, he does.  I’m pretty sure that Sam Witwicky and I were separated at birth.  We’re both klutzy and sarcastic and dorky as all get out.  I wouldn’t want to date him but I’m pretty sure he’d be the most awesome gay best friend ever.  Ok, that’s all I have to say about Shia.

    Now to the most important part…the Transformers.  Sadly underused as usual.  One of these days MB is going to make a movie where they have more than 5 minutes worth of dialogue.  Don’t get me wrong, the fight scenes are EPIC and I could sit there and watch them all day (especially in IMAX 3D like I did last week) but he doesn’t give us any opportunity to really get to know them.  Not even Bumblebee.  I watched the cartoon growing up so I can fill in the blanks but how do the laymen even tell the difference between some of these robots from outer space?  All I’m saying is that when you have a voice on tap like Peter Cullen’s…use the heck out of it.

    Uhhhh…this is a Deceptibot…right…?

    Going back to the animated movie…the one thing it had going for it was Leonard Nimoy as Galvatron (aka all the Decepticons mushed together by Unicron).  MB decided that Lennie should be rebooted as Sentinel Prime and that Sentinel Prime should be rebooted as a fucking BAD GUY.  What. The. Fuck. 

    To top it all off, MB gave him a face that was some kind of eerie hybrid between Spock and Captain Jack Sparrow.

    Parlay?

    Seriously.

    Bizarre.

    But nothing can make me stop loving Leonard Nimoy.  Especially when he does stuff like this just for shits and giggles:

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dULOjT9GYdQ]

    At least he had Lennie say the seminal line from Star Trek II: “The good of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” And that was only one of MANY Star Trek references (God Bless you Michael Bay). 

    All in all I thought it was a fun ride.  Lots of explosions and boobies.

    Does anything else in life really matter?

    I think not.

    3.5 out of 5 sci-fives!

  • Super 8 + DBox = DBest movie experience ever

    Alien movies are pretty much universally awesome.  Even the bad ones have something going for them in the form of a grotesque, salivating creature bent on devouring some random buxom blond.  Most of the time though, alien movies are just kick ass.  When making an alien movie, you have two choices.  Make the alien friendly or make them fearsome.  Most of the time they go with fearsome.  JJ Abrams decided he wanted all of the above.

    I would expect nothing less from you JJ.

    Since Super 8 has been out for a couple of weeks now (sorry, went to Iowa, remember?) and I just got around to seeing it last night, this review is less of a review of the movie itself and more about the experience as a whole.

    What made this movie such an experience?

    Well, my nerdy friends, I have four letters for you.  D-Box.  Learn them, remember them, go out and find them at a movie theatre near you. Only for a completely new theatrical experience (and to hang out with Hayden, my friend, and frequent companion in all things nerdy) would I drive for an hour and a half in Los Angeles rush hour traffic.  Let me tell you, it was worth it.  I’m not revealing a whole lot of SPOILERS, but in typical HNG fashion, I always reveal something, so beware.

    You even get cool head flaps like on an airplane

    When the seat rumbles to life it definitely catches you off guard.  The first time it happened I thought I was sitting on my cell phone before I remembered that I was sitting in a specially designed chair programmed to move along with the action in the movie.  If it had been a different movie I may have been turned on by it (haha, j/k…sort of) but luckily aliens with six appendages don’t really do it for me.  At first it only moved when a car would roll by so it would surprise me every time.  But once the real action started I quickly became adapted and decided that I never want to watch a movie while sitting still ever again.  The train crash scene in particular was SPECTACULAR and I sat there with the biggest, goofiest grin plastered on my face while I got jerked around from side-to-side and up-and-down.  Afterwards, I had goose bumps.  Hayden and I kept looking at each other with those “no fucking way!” expressions you get when experiencing something totally epic.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/iBbEaEUqtnY]

    Strangely, the theatre only had three rows of D-Box seats in it so I’m not sure how the people in the regular seats behind us managed to sit through the movie without being distracted by our rows moving around in front of them.  Maybe it’s less obvious if you’re not sitting in them?  All I know is that the seats are so huge that my feet didn’t touch the floor and you can’t turn and bury your head in your friends shoulder.  That’s right, I was on my own with only my sweater to cover my eyes when Elle Fanning did her super creepy zombie impression (GAH!!!)

    The tickets are more expensive, so heads up about that.  We may or may not have pretended to be Senior citizens when ordering them online…

    I guess I should stop talking about the vibrating chairs and discuss the movie already (even though I know a lot of you have already seen it and chided me for being late to the party 😉 ).  This is one of those movies that has it all.  Humor and horror are somehow woven seamlessly together in ways that don’t feel cheesy or forced in the slightest.  The kids are hysterical.  Charles and Cary in particular.  I’m not gonna lie, it was a little bizarre watching Nan Flanagan play a Susie Homemaker but that was the only time I was pulled out of the story.  Kyle Chandler had some nice moments when he got to play action hero but otherwise I didn’t take much notice of him.  My main focus was always on the kids.  Kids who showed off some extremely impressive acting skillz if I do say so myself.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/tCRQQCKS7go]

    Is this the ET for the next generation?  No.  ET touched a collective, world-wide nerve that I don’t think can be replicated.  Super 8 has come closest though and really, it’s because of the kids.  The alien is large and scary but that doesn’t keep Joe from making a connection with him (I’m assuming it’s a him?) and helping him get home, sacrificing his most precious possession to do so.

    As Charles would say, “That was mint!”

    Hayden had a strangely alien-filled week and wanted to put in his 2 cents:

    “Due to my (hopefully) healthy obsession with anything extra-terrestrial or UFO related, I’m always up for a great alien invasion flick.  While I honestly didn’t plan on it, I ended up taking in Evolution, Skyline, Battle: Los Angeles, Falling Skies and Super 8 in such an abbreviated time period, it would have given Ellen Ripley nightmares.  Needless to say, after sitting through everything from an atrocity of a so-called movie called Skyline to the superb Super 8 in interactive motion D-Box seats, I feel like I’ve been personally probed in my hind quarters by a group of blind Predators.  While “Alien Week” was fun and educational, I’m ready to change course for awhile so please excuse me while I grab a hemorrhoid pillow and a bag of ice as I throw in a copy of Disney’s Tangled into my Blu-Ray player for the next 27 days.”

    I give the experience as a whole 4.5 out 5 sci-fives!

  • I saw The Green Lantern on the brightest screen, in the blackest theatre

    After a weekend hiatus from writing movie reviews to visit Kirk’s birthplace (oh and go to my cousins wedding), I’m back on the horse with one of the summers most anticipated comic book movies The Green Lantern.

    (Side note: if you were hoping I’d review Super 8 this past Monday, have no fear.  I’m planning to see it at some crazy new theatre with D-Box seats on Wednesday night so, if I do, I’ll put something together for Thursday or Friday.)

    I was stoked to see DC bring Ryan Reynolds’ abs to their comic universe. Wait….. no, I’ll stick with abs 🙂

    Wrong movie, you say? Ask me how much I care.

    As you know, I spend a good amount of my time grading comic book movies on how successful they are with staying true to the content of their origins. The problem this time is that I don’t really know a whole lot about Green Lantern aside from the fact that I live in Sector 2814 (*cue me hanging my head in nerdy shame*).  So this review is going to get filled in with some good ol’ fashioned fun movie judging. Sit back, relax, and see why I thought The Green Lantern was kind of a middling movie.

    SPOILERS AHEAD

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oazFv302DIM&w=560&h=349]

    I want to kick this off by saying that I love Ryan Reynolds’ abs… I mean acting. Damn. I’ll fix that I swear. He has boyish good looks, a wry smile and a charming charisma that even you boys can say you like without sounding too gay. IMHO he’s got a kind of Nathan Fillion-esque quality to him. Maybe it’s the water that they give those boys in Canada? Who knows. He pulls off the action sequences quite well, and even the more touching scenes between him and Blake Lively are pretty decent.

    "See what they did with my hair in this scene? It means that while I'm sexy and girly, I can still fly a plane."

    The main problem for me is that Ryan seems to lack a real dark side. Perhaps it’s just his innocence-exuding face but when he uttered the line “Because I’m afraid” I just didn’t buy it. No one else in the theater did either. That might just be him or the fact that I had no idea what he was afraid of. I might have missed it, but he’s a fighter pilot that has no problem launching his jet into the outer reaches of the atmosphere before tumbling back to earth but he’s afraid of… dying? That just seemed odd. And once he overcame his fear it felt very much like “Ok, well, that was nice, now I’m going to kick your ass.” It never had quite the gusto that Christian Bale had in Batman Begins. Uhh, sorry every comic book movie made after 2005, but you sort of have to live up to Christopher Nolan’s genius. Suck it, k? Cause you do.

    Which, let’s be honest, is incredibly difficult to do with this content. These are characters that have a ton of back story that needs to be filled in, from the Lantern Corps, their home planet Oa, and the Guardians that created it, you’ve got a lot that you’re asking the average movie goer to swallow.  Trying to include a giant backstory in a very short period of time can be done very successfully if you dumb it down enough (see: Star Trek 2009) or less successfully if it is hurried through at the beginning (see: Serenity). This one took the later approach and honestly, nerd to nerd, I was just mildly lost. I don’t really know any major Green Lantern fans so there was no one around to help smooth out the rough edges for me. It seemed to just cruise through certain relationships without developing them when I really wish it had.

    Moving on to the special effects…I was fairly impressed with them. Oa was awesome, the Green Lantern suit was amazing (despite what anyone might say). I even enjoyed Blake Lively. I guess what I’m saying is that I wish a bit more time had been spent mainstreaming this movie for audiences. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I felt like a lot of stuff went over people’s heads. Everyone I went with walked out kind of saying “meh.”  It did make me want to spend some time reading more of the Green Lantern comic books though, so it had that going for it.  I have my hopes pinned on the next movie, if they do one. At the very least, I look forward to Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool if that one comes together.

    It’ll have abs in it…right?

  • X-Men: First Class – you got it wrong but I heart you anyways

    Hot Nerd Girl could be a superhero name…right?

    Oh Lordy do I love me some X-Men.  After Thor, it is probably my favorite comic book series.  No offense to Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, etc.  I adore you all but I had a particular hard on for X-Men growing up.

    So I’ll admit it.  When I first heard that there was going to be an X-Men prequel, my heart sank a little.  I’m generally pretty wary of prequels.  They scream “desperate attempt to make money off of a beloved franchise” to me.  But thanks to the successful prequel-ness of the latest Star Trek incarnation, I was willing to give it a shot.  That, and it couldn’t possibly be worse than Brett Ratner’s disjointed X-Men: The Last Stand.

    I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did.  And despite the fact that it went completely against pretty much everything that’s been established by the comic books as far as character histories, I had so much fun watching it.

    So I’m structuring my review much like I did for Thor.  Because I can. Beware, I spoil the crap out of things….

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/frcCCHb9LHc]

    I pretty much fell in love with James McAvoy the instant he came on screen as Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and my love for him only deepened when I heard him speak in his native Scottish accent.  Drool.  I don’t know what it is about Scottish accents but they sure do it for me.  He also happens to be a brilliant actor.  It’s the little things about him, the slight facial expressions, how he reacts to the other actors, those dreamy blue eyes *le sigh*

    He's so dreamy…

    Anyhooters…he was an excellent choice to play a young Charles Xavier.

    Main deviation from the comic books:

    In the movie, Charles comments about being glad that he still has his hair.  In the comic books his hair is gone by the time he finishes high school.  Too much mental power for it to stick around (be grateful Jean Grey and Emma Frost, that your mental powers didn’t do that to you). The idea of him growing up with Raven Darkholme was an interesting choice.  He actually grew up with his step-brother Cain aka Juggernaut, and they most definitely did not get along.  And Hank getting all of the credit for building Cerebro is ludicrous.  Xavier built Cerebro, Hank later enhanced it.  His first students did include Beast and Angel…but it was Warren Worthington III (later Archangel) not Angel Salvadore.  Another of the first class?  Scott Summers aka Cyclops, NOT his brother Alex Summers aka Havok.  Iceman and Marvel Girl weren’t cool enough for this movie apparently so they just got ignored altogether.  I’ve been asked more than once how Professor X became a paraplegic.  Well thank you Matthew Vaughn, because now all of those people probably think I’m a jack ass. Contrary to what First Class would have you believe, Charles was NOT crippled by a bullet intended for Magneto.  He was actually crippled by an alien named Lucifer who dropped a big ol’ boulder on his legs.  MUCH more believable thankyouverymuch.

    I vaguely remember Michael Fassbender from Inglourious Basterds but, to be honest, I never really paid much attention to him.  Until now.  Damn, that boy can act too.  I liked that he looked a little older than everyone else after what he’d been through during the holocaust and the scene in the bar in Argentina was one of my fave moments in the film.

    Hey, that dorky hat comes in handy

    Main deviation from the comic books:

    Erik Lehnsherr (who was actually born Max Eisenhardt by the by) was not experimented on during the holocaust (at least, not that I remember, correct me if I’m wrong).  In a way, his experience was even worse.  He was a Sonderkommando.  For those who don’t read up on history as a hobby (yeesh, could I get any nerdier?) a Sonderkommando was a Jew whose job in the concentration camp was to dispose of the bodies of fellow Jews killed in the gas chambers.

    Yup, that’s bound to fuck you up a bit.

    He later met Charles while working at an Israeli mental hospital…around the time Charles knocked up a girl who had been in a coma.  Uhhh yeah…we won’t go into that.  Erik does get his hands on some Nazi gold that he uses to fund his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, but that was only after he had teamed up with Charles to defeat Baron Wolfang von Strucker.

    At least they got rid of that slightly slimy look

    As for the other good guys…it’s so funny to me how, in the movies, they took the scales and ran with it for Mystique.  I’m assuming it’s just an excuse to get away with seeing a hot naked chick while maintaining a PG-13 rating.  Mystique did briefly have scales in the comic books when she was exposed to radiation while saving Toad.  But the vast majority of the time, she’s just blue….and clothed…albeit scantily.  Her flirtation with Hank in the movie was cute but her true love was a blind, alien-looking chick named Destiny.  Jennifer Lawrence is a promising young actress though.  I’m super looking forward to seeing her as Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games next March.  Hank McCoy and the whole serum thing was pretty right on.  Although I remember Beast turning gray when he first sprouted hair. Nicholas Hoult (the kid from About a Boy) has grown into quite the handsome young dude!  I liked the sheepish nerd vibe he brought to the character.

    As for Lenny Kravitz’ little girl, Miss Zoe is still honing her acting chops but she did alright.  I’m just glad they didn’t show Angel laying eggs or eating her dinner like a fly.  Blech.  Oh, and she was rescued by Wolverine and brought to Professor X…not found by Cerebro. I already brought up how Havok should not be in the picture yet but I’ll add one more bit.  Much like Shaw, Alex has to store up energy in order to be able to send out blasts of plasma.  It’s not infinite.  So that whole bit about him being in jail because he can’t control himself was definitely manufactured for the film.  Sean Cassidy was another puzzling addition for me.  He had a whole life as a detective in Ireland and was involved in the whole IRA thing.  Banshee was a codename assigned to him by Factor Three who forced him to commit crimes by strapping a headband full of explosives to him.  Stylish, right?  He was later rescued by Professor X but not before he pissed off his brother, Black Tom Cassidy and lost his daughter, Siryn…all of which happened before he joined the X-Men.  I honestly don’t remember much about Darwin, other than him being a ghost for a while, but I’m pretty sure he never got killed off.

    Aaaaaaand…where do I begin with Moira???  First off, she is a geneticist, not a CIA agent.  Her last name should be Kinross at this point, not MacTaggert.  She is Charles first love and helps him found the X-Men and all but in the end she ends up with Banshee.  Seriously, my head was spinning with how off her character was.  BUT I LOVE Rose Byrne and she did a fantastic job.  And damn that girl looks good in a garter belt.

    They chose Sebastian Shaw to be the main villain.  It was a good choice.  Aside from Magneto, he’s one of the most prevalent villains in the X-Men ‘verse.  Kevin Bacon cracks me up.  He’s so good at being a snarky little shit.  He doesn’t disappoint here even though it’s a little bizarre seeing him as a Nazi.

    Emma and Sebastian sittin' in a reactor K-I-S-S-I-N-G

    Main deviation from the comic books?

    They beefed up his power a bit and I don’t remember him using his power to keep his looks youthful but otherwise they pretty much nailed his billionaire playboy attitude.  As far as I know he was never involved with the Nazi’s. He was, however, responsible for the mutant destroying Sentinels.  His first battle with the X-Men was during the Dark Phoenix saga.  At that point Sage was working for Shaw as a personal assistant while spying on him for Professor X.

    Anyone know how Shaw is connected to Iron Man’s dad Howard Stark?

    Sorry guys, I couldn't find a picture of Moira in the garter belt so you'll just have to settle for Emma. Tough, I know.

    January Jones wouldn’t have been my first choice for Emma Frost but I think she did a pretty good job.  I wasn’t hugely impressed with the effect of her in her diamond state, but as many a Twilight fan can attest…getting those damn diamond effects can be challenging.  I remember Riptide releasing little projectile stakes while spinning really fast…not so much for creating tornados and crap.  I’m not sure why they felt the need to change that, other than to bring down the stealth jet during the climax…which I guess is an ok reason.  That devil-looking guy that looks an awful lot like Nightcrawler and uses the same teleportation effect?  That would be Azazel.  And he looks like Nightcrawler because he’s Nightcrawler’s daddy.  Are you wondering why Nightcrawler is blue? That would be because Mystique is his mama…and threw him down a well after he was born.  Azazel is biblical and should TECHNICALLY be trapped in an alternate dimension.  Thanks to his teleportation skillz he’s able to come here every once in a while for just long enough to knock up a random woman.  Which he does.  Often.

    It may sound like I’m being critical but these are all details schmetails.  I really did LOVE this movie.  The Cuban Missile Crisis scene is fantastic and the cameos by Hugh Jackman and Rebecca Romijn were brilliant.

    Now please excuse me while I go drool over James McAvoy some more.

    Yup, still dreamy…

    4.5 out of 5 sci-fives

  • I prayed that Priest would be good…

    If it's a staring contest you want Mr. Bettany, bring it on.

    It wasn’t. Wow. What a great way to kick off a review. More detail you ask? Well here ya go…

    To give you a little background, yes, Priest is most certainly a graphic novel adaption as so many sci-fi/fantasy films seem to be these days. It’s set in a world where apparently man and vampire have co-existed forever. And when I mean forever I mean (according to the cartoon that plays out the back story at the beginning) this has literally been going on since man was on horseback, right through up until we created flame throwers. And man somehow was just barely able to fend off vampires this entire time until the “church” was able to create “Priests” who received special training to fight vampires, thus winning the war for humanity.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/JghQgA2HMX8]

    Don’t worry, I haven’t ruined the movie for you since they explain this in the first five minutes of film. Just know that this setup colored my view of the movie all the way through. And that may sound odd coming from someone who is admittedly on Team Edward, but the fact that guns and flame throwers were no match for vampires but one dude with tiny little crucifix-like throwing daggers could mess them up, was just too much for me.

    Then again, this one guy is Paul Bettany. And I love me some Paul Bettany. He did the same growly/dark/brooding thing he did in  Legion/Da Vinci Code, which is fine. I mean, who has a problem with watching Jeffrey Chaucer kick ass? Not me. But kick ass in 3D? That one was a bit of a stretch. A good 90% of the movie takes place in the dark. Without the multitude of colors that you usually see in a movie, the 3D in it just did not work. The added dimensions get lost in the varying shades of black.

    Maggie Q did the usual animatronic acting/fighting. Cam Gigadent was actually pretty good as the young kid who chases after his love interest. And Karl Urban, you get a pass because you’re Karl Urban and I still need to watch Pathfinder.

    Dental floss… not just for G-strings jokes anymore.

    In all honestly guys, I wanted to like it. Dystopian future ruled by the church? What’s not to like? But the execution was just tiresome and the dialogue was like it was written by a fifth grader. Oh well. At least I had fun taking some of the photos for the poster 🙂

    One of out Five Sci-Fives… (but only cause I love you Paul and Karl).

  • Thor can hammer me anytime

    Holy shit do I love me some Thor. So stop here if you don’t want to read any spoilers…. 😛

    When you grow up with Norwegian heritage there are a few things you learn very early on.  One is how to make lefse with every single female relative you’ve ever had.  Two is that lutefisk MUST have been the inspiration for Klingon cuisine.  Three is that the Gods of Asgard are a source of national pride and woe be unto the person who doesn’t show the proper respect.

    So naturally Thor would be a favorite comic book character of mine.

    Kind of like with Harry Potter I’m always simultaneously nervous and excited when a movie about a character I love makes its way to the big screen.  Sometimes I’m ok when they change the story up and sometimes I’m not.  It all depends on how they do it.

    Thor the movie differs from Thor the comic in several key points but for some reason it didn’t really bother me.  Maybe it’s because Kenneth Branagh was at the helm (hehehe) and the Shakespeare lover in me adores him.  Plus I owe him for reminding me that Thursday is named after Thor (get it? Thor’s Day?)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOddp-nlNvQ]

    Chris Hemsworth is charming and, um, impressive as the God of Thunder.  Believable as both an arrogant warrior and an amused outsider, his performance was downright disarming at times.  Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind hitting him with my car or with anything else a few times (cold shower anyone?)  He managed to make wielding Mjolnir, a war hammer that could have looked ridiculous in comparison to more modern weapons, look cool and intimidating.  Mjolnir, a character in its own right, produced a highly satisfying crunch every time it slammed into the face of a frost giant.

    Yes please.

    Thor’s major deviation from the comic book?  His lack of amnesia.  In the comics he doesn’t know that he’s Thor after Odin exiles him to Earth.  After “being” Donald Blake for awhile, he gets a whisper in his ear from Odin and feels compelled to return to a cave in Norway aka the place of his birth (oh yeah, and sorry Rene Russo, but Frigga is not Thor’s mama, Gaea is) where he finds a wooden cane.  Upon striking the cane on a rock, it transforms into Mjolnir and subsequently returns him to his Thor-ian form.  He regains some of his memory but not all.  It takes saving of humanity a few times before he gets all of that back.  Oh yah, and they sort of skipped over the whole part where Thor and Sif are young lovers.

    Natalie Portman is adorable and enchanting as Jane Foster, an astrophysicist studying spatial anomalies in New Mexico when she runs into Thor (literally).  Arrogant as he is, it would be tough not to fall hard and fast for Thor and she is no exception.  What makes her different from most Superhero girlfriends is her humorous way of saying exactly what’s on her mind, even when it’s awkward or poorly timed.  Having been there, done that pretty much every day of my life, I totally understand where she’s coming from.

    She needs to be rescued. Obvi.

    Jane’s major deviation from the comic book?  Wow.  Talk about a promotion!  She went from being a nurse to an astrophysicist!   Much like Lois Lane and any number of comic book ingénues, Jane is involved in a bizarre love triangle with two people who are actually the same person.  In the comics she’s in love with both Dr. Donald Blake and Thor, unaware that they are the same person.  In the movie, the name Donald Blake comes from a supposed ex-boyfriend as opposed to a crippled medical student.

    This was my first exposure to Tom Hiddleston, who plays the silver tongued sorcerer and adopted son of Odin, Loki.  So far I like what I see.  Even knowing ahead of time that everything that comes out of his mouth is part of a devious master plan, I still found myself believing him when he said “damn” after a frost giant provokes Thor into attacking.

    Loki’s major deviation from the comic book?  It’s been more than a few years since I read the comic books but from what I can remember they pretty much got Loki right.  In the comic books it’s a while before Loki sends the Destroyer (the nearly indestructible suit of enchanted armor) after Thor and when he does Thor is able to possess the robot (for lack of a better term) and then turns around and wreaks havoc on Hela of the Underworld…but that’s a whole different story.

    Which one of these is not like the others?

    Sir Anthony Hopkins is regal and imposing as Odin, King of Asgard and guardian of the nine realms.  His poorly timed Odinsleep allows Loki to take the reigns of the kingdom while Thor is exiled.  Oops.  There are few people who could have portrayed Odin and Sir Tony was a fantastic choice.  I don’t remember Erik Selvig from the comics and I’m wondering if the character (played by the brilliant Stellan Skarsgard) is a way of bringing in Eric Masterson way before he’s supposed to be introduced to the story.  Never you mind that Eric with a “c” is an architect whereas Erik with a “k” is an astrophysicist.  I also don’t remember Darcy Lewis being a character in the comic books, but I really got a kick out of Kat Dennings (FYI, it’s pronounced MEE- YOLL-NER not MEW-MEW, but nice try Darcy).  Darcy could have easily gotten lost amongst a cast of larger than life personalities but, to her credit, there was no way Dennings was going to let that happen.  Clark Gregg continued his meddling as S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Coulson, another character that would get lost in the crowd if it weren’t for his impeccable comedic timing.  When Coulson questioned whether the Destroyer was one of Stark’s, I literally laughed out loud.

    Sif, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg (Jaimie Alexander, Josh Dallas, Tadanobu Asano and Ray Stevenson respectively) are delightful as the lone warrior woman and the Warriors Three, loyal friends and battle comrades of Thor’s.  I’ve always had a soft spot for Sif so I was pleased when Alexander did good by her.  Part of me was hoping they’d show her as a kid with her golden hair.  It would have been a great way to introduce Loki as a trickster when he chopped it off and, when forced to make it grow back, it came in black.  Volstagg shouting “do not mistake my appetite for apathy” was another laugh out loud moment.  The Warriors Three were created for the comic books and are not a part of the original Norse mythology.  Volstagg in particular, was modeled after Shakespeare’s Falstaff, a man who is innately cowardly but boats of his glorious past.  Fandral was inspired by Errol Flynn in his glory days of playing dashing young heroes like Robin Hood.  Originally inspired by the cowboy roles of Charles Bronson, here Hogun is given more of a Samurai persona, though he stills rocks the mace.

    So perty….

    Idris Elba as Heimdall was one of my favorite characters.  Maybe it’s because he reminded me of the oracles in the Neverending Story, maybe it’s because I really dug his eyes.  I don’t know, but I really enjoyed watching him.  It’s a little ironic that Heimdall is portrayed by Elba since in Norse mythology Heimdallr is “the whitest of the gods” but hey, I’m cool with switching it up a bit.  His major deviation from the comic book?  The fact that he’s actually Sif’s brother.

    Colm Feore (really, the best reason to watch The Chronicles of Riddick) got the job of portraying King Laufey of the Frost Giants (Laufey, by the by, is actually a chick in Norse mythology, but whatever).  I can’t figure out if Laufey was all CGI or was a combo of CGI and make up.  A credit to the special effects peeps I suppose.

    Seriously good CGI.

    I really liked the interpretations of the costumes, especially Loki’s after he takes control of Asgard.  It was virtually spot on.  Although I was a little disappointed when Thor got his powers and armor back and his helmet didn’t showed up.  But that’s just me being picky.  Oh, and anyone else notice Hawkeye?

    This movie seriously had the most gorgeous ending credits EVER but the real reason to stay was, of course, another Avenger cock tease featuring Nick Fury.  This time it introduced a Cosmic Cube, which is basically a cube of pure power.  It will be interesting to see how it fits into the Avenger storyline…hopefully differently than the AllSpark did in Transformers.  Loki will obviously be making an appearance in The Avengers which makes me wonder if the plot will revolve around preventing Ragnarok.

    Ok, that’s it.  I’m calling it right here and now.  Ragnarok in The Avengers.  Because really, what would be a better challenge for the team then preventing the Apocalypse?

    Joss, all I ask is that there is a least one scene where no shirts are allowed.  Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

    Four out of five Sci-Fives!

  • Sold on “The Selling”

    Between studying theatre and living in LA, I know a few people in that crazy little business of making motion pictures. Every once in a while I get treated to a preview of a film before it premiers. My favorites are the independent ones like Milk and Teary Sockets that are dark, quirky, and downright entertaining to watch.

    I was lucky enough to get my hands on an advanced screener of a new independent horror comedy called The Selling set to premier this Friday at the San Francisco International Film Festival. (MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD!)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1A2kT1rsuA]

    The Selling is the brainchild of Gabriel Diani, a fellow San Francisco State University alumni (we’ve never met) who wrote, produced and starred in the film.  It’s directed by Emily Lou, also a San Francisco State University alumni (we’ve never met either) in her feature film directorial debut.

    Y’all know I heart me some horror comedy.  The Evil Dead series is quite possibly my very favorite campy horror film franchise of all time…in fact, I know it is and despite my fear of zombies, I allowed you guys to convince me to watch Zombieland this past weekend.  (Granted, I was still scared and still had nightmares BUT at least the nightmares were sort of funny this time.)

    Anyhooters, enough about me and my weirdness, I’m actually super excited to tell you about The Selling and I sincerely hope that you all manage to get your hands on a copy of it.  First off, the animated opening credits are a great teaser and something totally unexpected.  They made me chuckle more than once and how often can you say that about what is essentially a roll call?

    The film centers around Richard Scarry (you know, like the children’s book author) and Dave Ross, two real estate agents trying to make some quick cash by flipping a house sold to them by their beautiful but bitchy coworker Mary Best.  They very quickly discover that the house is haunted by 12 ghosts that aren’t exactly keen on having roommates (I can sympathize).

    Gabriel Diani as Richard Scarry in "The Selling"

    Much of the cast will likely look familiar to you.  That’s because many of them have been featured in one or more TV shows or movies that you’ve seen. Gabriel Diani is adorable as the protagonist Richard.  He brings a genuine sweetness to his character.  He can be a bit of a pushover but at least he’s aware of it while it’s happening.  He’s at his best when he’s showing the house to potential buyers after he’s accepted the presence of the ghosts inhabiting it.

    Jonathan Klein plays Dave, the best friend who gets them in this mess in the first place.  Once the ghosts reveal themselves he refuses to go inside again until the climax.  He displays excellent comedic timing and reacts to situations in ways that most people would…but in funnier ways…if that makes sense.  Janet Varney looks like a much prettier, much blonder version of Fairuza Balk.  I’m sure she’s a very nice person in real life but in this movie she takes her role as self-serving mega bitch Mary Best quite seriously and I found her to be the most interesting character in the film.

    That closet seems to be very spacious….

    Etta Devine (if that is her real name then she seriously has some of the coolest parents ever) is quirky and cute as Ginger Sparks (ok, seriously, how did she get the best names both in real life AND in the movie??) a ghost habitat preservationist who attempts to help Richard and Dave…mostly Richard…by making out with him…not that I can blame her.  I relate to her because I can be a weepy, horny drunk as well.

    Nancy Lenehan plays Richard’s Mom and she’s probably my favorite character in the whole movie.  Without giving too much away, there is a scene in the hospital between her and Richard that literally had me LMAO.  The person you can’t help but recognize is Brad Majors himself, Mr. Barry Bostwick.  He plays the Catholic priest, a staple in any movie featuring exorcisms.  Father Jimmy doesn’t carry his holy water in ounces, nope, he brings a liter of the stuff.  What he does, he does big.

    Oh, and Buffy fans, recognize the guy at the beginning of the trailer who’s interested in buying the house?  Yep, that’s Harry “Mayor of Sunnydale” Groener.

    Emily Lou is a talented upcoming director.  The way she frames her shots is fun and fantastical.  At times it seems as though she simply set the camera on the floor and let it work its magic.  Other times she chooses unique and unexpected angles that are surprising in their creativity.

    For an indie film the special effects are pretty amazing, especially when it comes to the ghosts.  Many of the scares are intentionally predictable (closing the medicine cabinet and seeing a ghosts reflection) and aid in the film’s comedy; however, I found myself genuinely scared a couple of times, something that doesn’t usually happen with me during ghost movies (afraid of zombies, remember?)

    I keep finding myself wanting to talk about plot points because there were so many that I found amusing but I’m trying to be very careful not to give away the movie.  The hardest part is refraining from giving away some of the best lines in the film (and yes, I actually wrote them down).  All I’ll say is that I’m totally stealing the “Sizzler voice.”

    If you’ve ever been to the movies with me you know that I stay and sit through the credits.  There are two reasons for this.  The first reason is that my stepdad is a Foley Artist and I was taught that everyone who works on a movie deserves to be recognized for their hard work.  Their faces may not be seen but their names should be.  The second reason is that there are often little snippets during or at the end of the credits that are worth waiting for.  Sadly, I’m often the only person who sees them.  If you get an opportunity to view The Selling you’ll want to stick around for the ending credits which are HI-larious.  My favorite part?  When Dave tries to open and eat potato chips in a completely silent hospital room.  We have all been there and Ginger’s reaction to his munching is classic.

    Sizzzzzzzler!

    Four out of five Sci-Fives!

  • Sucker for Sucker Punch

    {Spoiler Ahead!  You have been warned.}

    Maybe I just really like to see girls kicking ass.  Maybe I just have a really big hard on for Zach Snyder. Maybe it’s the fact that my Dad alternates between calling me Sweet Pea and Spike.

    Whatever.  All I know is that I finally saw Sucker Punch on Saturday night and I fucking loved it.  Not only did I love it, but I really don’t get why everyone is hatin’ on it.  The only answer I can come up with is that they just don’t get it.

    My Mom grew up a feminist in the 60’s and 70’s, she would get in political fights with my Grandfather at the dinner table and stand her ground against a man that is renowned for being a tough opponent in an argument.  I saw this movie with her and the instant it was over we turned to each other and simultaneously said “I loved it.”  I tell you this because it seems that much of the criticism I’ve seen has been by women that are pissed off about this movie being anti-girl power.

    Anti-girl power my ass.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrIiYSdEe4E]

    If anything, I see this movie as being about empowerment, strength, focus, and the will to fight and not take shit sitting down.  You’ve got Baby Doll who fights back against her asshole stepdad (in a fantastic opening sequence), is forced into a mental hospital and then fights for her freedom.  She just happens to solve her problems using metaphors.  She’s in a helpless and demeaning situation so she envisions herself trapped in a place that is equaling as demeaning – where girls are forced to dance and act as prostitutes – a sort of sex slave version of Moulin Rouge and a situation I sure as hell would want to escape from.

    She then takes a cue from Inception (or Scrooge McDuck) and has fantasies within her fantasy where she acquires four of the five objects she needs to escape – a map, a source of fire, a knife, and a key.  In her fantasies she battles against giant samurai, Nazi zombies, some of the orcs from Lord of the Rings, and a pissed off dragon mama.

    Nazi zombies people!

    Obvious.

    What isn’t there to like about five hot chicks kicking Nazi zombie ass???

    I might be slightly biased on that particular point.

    Like the chicas, the other main players are the same throughout each fantasy world.  The helpful old guy who guides her, hotty mctottie Carla Gugino (who I heart big time), the cook, the pyro orderly, the evil step-dad, and most evident of all, the creepy head orderly who has a thing for torturing the girls on the side.  Even Don Draper gets to play double duty as a doctor/High Roller who’s appearance provides the deadline the girls are trying to beat.

    I’m not gonna lie, I got a little verklempt when Baby Doll realized that she was the fifth and heretofore unknown item on the list and then proceeded to sacrifice herself so that Sweet Pea could escape.  I so badly wanted Baby Doll to escape as well.

    She certainly took that spike to the brain like a man.

    3.5 out of 5 sci-fives

  • A “Super” Review

    It’s been a while since I’ve done a movie review (Harry Potter/RED) of anything because quite honestly I’m one busy little hot nerd. But, when I saw the trailer for Super I just knew I had to see it.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7g74Imj184]

    Super, as I’m sure you all know because you just watched the trailer, is the latest film by James Gunn, the deviant mind that brought us Slither, about a man who has decided to become a super hero. To give just enough back story, it’s very similar to Kick-Ass but with one major difference; its way more f**ked up. Here are the main points that kind of weirded me out, without giving too much away.

    The beginning is very similar to Kick-Ass in terms of story structure. Frank (Rainn Wilson), seemingly had no real prior exposure to super hero’s before watching an episode of the Holy Avenger (Nathan Fillion) as opposed to Kick Ass whose Mom died of a brain embolism or something something SCIENCE! Suddenly, Frank has a bee in his bonnet to stop crime and does so by dressing as the crimson bolt and beating people with a plumbers wrench. He goes out, posting signs telling “Crime” that he’s coming, much like Kick Ass made a…. what was it?…. *Googles Kick-Ass*…. WTF is MySpace? Whatever…. to advertise their badass-e-ness.

    I would fight crime with him any day of the week!

    Both are obviously out of a need to feel something other than they are feeling, which kind of digs at the heart of a lot of the current super hero trend. Super hero’s become hero’s for a lot of different reasons but the most overwhelming is just to feel something different. At least as far as the movies go, some do it to get away from guilt (Spiderman, Batman, Iron Man) while others do it to make the rest of us look like assholes (Superman, Captain America)

    But those are really where the similarities end. While both movies are very, very violent, Super is more visceral in its violence. There are no sweeping ballets of Big Daddy or Hit Girl taking out numerous thugs. It’s mostly just Rainn Wilson beating people with a wrench until the very end where guns finally come into play.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NHwsrYlDHE]

    Now Libby (Ellen Page) is where Frank gets all his super hero knowledge. She’s basically like me, filled with nerdy knowledge about comic books and stuff but in a much more demented package. Kind of like a shitzu on steroids this girl does some crazy stuff. And I mean just… weird. She eventually figures out that Frank is the Crimson Bolt and forces him to accept her as his sidekick Boltie. This is the point where the movie moves from kind of violent to blood everywhere.

    Shortly, before the cat fight….

    It’s also the point not where the movie lost me, but kind of overwhelmed me. It kind of turned from watching a super hero movie into watching something more akin to Full Metal Jacket. Everyone kind of starts to lose it and by the end I felt a little…. violated. Not in a good way, but not necessarily in a bad way. Most superhero movies leave you wanting to be like the hero, saving the day and doing some good. But this ending leaves me feeling like even attempting to be a superhero would be a bad idea.

    It’s a very honest ending, that I won’t ruin, that totally falls in line with the spirit of the movie. It’s just that this movie makes me just happy to have what I have and not have to go through what Frank went through; some very serious catharsis.

    Three and a half out of Five sci-fives

     

  • Great Scott Green Lantern!

    I’m going to be blunt because, well, I’m in one of those moods.

    CGI suit? errrr…..

    The new Green Lantern does not look promising.  In fact, it looks terrible.  Normally I would reserve judgment until a movie comes out but after seeing the trailer before Harry Potter, I’ve pretty much seen the whole movie.  Ryan Reynolds was not my first choice to play Deadpool in Wolverine Origins but, in the end, I thought he did ok.  When I found out he’d been cast as Green Lantern I was disappointed.  Pick a comic book character and stick with it, don’t be all jumping from franchise to franchise turning beloved characters into lame ass versions of yourself.  I know you think you’re riding some kind of pop culture wave and it’s so cool and macho to play superheroes and I’m sure all of your agents and managers are just thrilled to death at the prospect of sequels but COME ON.  Have a little self respect.  You’re married to Scarlett Johansen for Christ’s sake.

    (Chris Evans, you take note of this as well)

    Not only did the trailer suggest a complete rehashing of every comic book movie that has come out in the last 30 years (see Daniel O’Brien’s spot on article here: http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-new-green-lantern-movie-looks-so-familiar/) but someone got a little too excited about CGI.

    There is a reason why spandex was invented.

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hTiRnqnvDs&fs=1&hl=en_US]
    Nathan Fillion as the Green Lantern? Yes please.

    Too make our incredibly hot superheroes and supervillians look even hotter.  To give them freedom of movement while in battle.  To be a form of identity so that villains and victims alike know exactly who’s rescuing and/or pummeling them with just a glance at the color of their tights.

    CGI is not to the point yet where it can replace spandex mmmmkay?

    Despite the rehashing (which, honestly, I can deal with to a certain degree) the one thing that bothers me most about the Green Lantern is the CGI costume.  It is the fakest looking, most distracting part and sadly, it takes center stage during huge chunks of the movie.  And this is the origin movie.  When the quickly and poorly put together sequel inevitably comes out this ridiculous and garish costume will play an even larger role.

    *le sigh*

    I hope that when June 11th roles around I will be proved wrong and have to shove my foot in my mouth.  But, somehow, I doubt I’ll be tasting sock lint anytime soon.

    On another note, I was so NOT excited about the new Green Hornet movie and after seeing a trailer for it I’m actually slightly enthusiastic.

    Whudda thunk?

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHr9evQP89s&fs=1&hl=en_US]