Hot Nerd Girl

Category: Reviews

  • Book Review – “The Reverent Surrender” by James Finster

    “Whatever journey he embarked on when his last breath emanated was a glorious one.”

    An old friend of mine just wrote a book. It’s called The Reverent Surrender and it’s about his Dad. It’s about tragedy and hope and confusion and pain and joy and above all, love. It’s about the lessons we learn when someone close to us chooses to end their own life and how the author came to terms with that fateful decision.

    “It’s a natural progression for someone to struggle with emotions you feel the deceased can no longer feel.”

    HNG and James in 6th grade

    I met James in the 5th grade. My family moved to a new town in the middle of the school year. Having a Dad in the Navy will do that to you. Being the new kid, I got teased some but mostly ignored. During that time, one of the few people who were nice to me was a kid named James Finster. I never forgot his kindness. All the way through our senior year of high school I perked up whenever I saw him. I genuinely cared about his well being. We all have our problems that we don’t make public but he always seemed ok and that definitely gave me a sense of satisfaction. We didn’t run in the same circles but for some reason our life paths came together at points in some very random ways.

    “I have been no saint in this life. I have many regrets, and bad decisions seem to dictate the reality that is my life at times. But I am happy and content with what I have and what I have become, though I sometimes simply wander aimlessly, enjoying the moment.”

    After high school I lost touch with 99.5% of the people I’d known. I didn’t do it on purpose but I went away to college and was insanely busy. I’ve gotten back in touch with a lot of people thanks to facebook, one of the most recent being James. I was surprised and elated to hear that he’d written a book. Then I saw what it was about and my heart sank. I’d had no idea that he’d been through this. Even though we’ve always been friends from afar, I would have liked to have given him a big hug. A small attempt at repaying the kindness he’d once shown me.

    “There are moments of despair and there are moments of happy memories. I think a lot of it depends on one’s ability to process the reality of the situation and apply it to their life without bitterness or contempt.”

    Then I read the book. And I learned so much about the kid he was and the man he had become. I’m fiercely proud of him. It’s a bit strange to read something so deeply personal from someone you’ve known and admired for so long but haven’t had contact with in several years. James has an incredible memory and as we’ve talked about the book these last couple of weeks, he’s been jogging my comparatively crappy memory and reminding me about things I’d long forgotten..

    “We must look at anyone who has passed on and see him or her for the positivity they left behind. Embrace those times you felt loved by that person and carry on their memory in the positivity that they displayed in their finest moments.”

    A page from my 7th grade yearbook

    One of the ways in which our lives collided was the fact that both of our Dad’s joined the LDS church after our parents got divorced.  Boys and girls typically participate in separate activities but we would run into each other sometimes, usually on Wednesday nights at Mutuals. My memories of this time are a bit foggy but being reminded of them has made them clearer. James remembers coming over to my house and my Dad remembers going over to their house but I mostly remember the Young Women activities.  Neither James nor I ever converted and we both have a genuine respect for the people and the religion. I still keep in touch with some of my LDS friends and they are some of the loveliest people I know. While being a Bishop in the Mormon Church played a huge part in Don Finster’s life, it plays a very small part in this memoir. It’s not a book about his job, his religion, or even the cancer that terrified him and ultimately led to his suicide. It’s a book about the relationship between a father and his son.

    “As my father’s only son, his death has left me with some big shoes to fill. The problem is, when your dad never wore any, where do you start?”

    The result is a memoir that is simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming. Each chapter is a story, a situation that happened between James and his father. Each story teaches us two things; a nugget of the wisdom Don imparted on his son and an additional clue into the reason he died.

    “The hardest thing is sorting out the teachings he offered without resorting to resentment that he gave up.”

    James today

    It’s a glimpse into the life of a normal, blue-collar guy going through extraordinary circumstances. James exposes his own strengths and shortcomings with complete honesty and a total lack of vanity. It’s raw and intense. He lays out all of his youthful misshapes and mistakes for the world to read so that it’s clear just how much his father shaped him into the man he is today.

    “He had never shown me any selfishness in his life. He was always giving, always there, and if this was the one selfish thing he was going to do in his life, I wasn’t going to let it erase all the acts that came before.”

    One story in particular, “A Message from the Other Side,” gave me chills. Another story happened at the street corner near my Dad’s house. Another one happened at the Boys & Girls Club and Foster’s Freeze where I also played basketball and ate soft serve afterwards. The wonderful thing about this book is that it’s so relatable. And not just for me or others we grew up with. Everyone can identify with one or more of these stories. Everyone understands the pain of losing someone close to them even if the circumstances behind that loss are completely different.

    “He needed rest and wanted that rest desperately. This same longing to find rest was something I had wished for my father throughout his life. He always seemed too goddamn tired, and the world he existed in just kept pushing and pushing him.”

    This is not a self-help book. People deal with death and suicide in very different ways and that’s ok. James isn’t trying to counsel anyone or tell them how they should deal with their own tragedies. This book is him coming to terms with his own grief. It’s a book he felt with every molecule in his body that he needed to write. In doing so he gives the reader someone who can identify with them.  He is not alone in this and you are not alone in this, no matter how alone we may feel.

    “I realize that I may sound so wrong throwing these ideas out there. But I have suffered, I have grieved, I am a victim of this phenomenon. This is simply my take on this mysterious condition that exists so commonly in this life.”

    At 134 pages it’s a quick but fulfilling read. It’s a poignant collection of memories, a twisting pathway of laughter, contemplation, sadness and hope. It’s a literary shoulder to cry on. I cannot recommend it enough.

    “That night I sat out back on the porch, staring at the oak trees, and drank myself to sleep with Jameson and water to get my mind at ease. I rode the waves of emotion as they pushed and pulled at my heart, confused at the comfort I found with my relief that Dad was finally at peace and resting.”

    The Reverent Surrender is available at Amazon.com

  • The Dark Knight Rises Reviewed

    I just got back from a family wedding weekend but I managed to sneak in a showing of The Dark Knight Rises while I was gone. I hesitated about writing this review because it seems so trivial in light of what has happened.

    These massacres are beyond tragic. They show us the very worst and the very best of humanity. One deranged human being shot up a movie theatre but countless real life heroes were born that night. For every life lost, three more were saved by the brave actions of those around them.

    In the grand scheme of things, no movie or fictional character could ever be as important as the stranger standing next to you in the grocery line. Life is fragile and precious and I ultimately decided to do an abbreviated review of the movie because it’s one of the lessons it tries to teach us at the end. That life and living is what is truly important. We can’t let the bad guys win but we can’t lose ourselves in that pursuit either.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8evyE9TuYk]

    –

    If you haven’t seen the movie yet this is the point where you should stop reading. I try really hard not to spoil anything but I don’t want to risk it without warning you first.

    I used to have the biggest crush on Christian Bale when I was a kid. I was a Little Women fan and he played Laurie. I’m not gonna lie, I probably would have had a crush on whoever played Laurie. But it didn’t hurt that Bale was also in Empire of the Sun, Newsies and Swing Kids, some of my favorite movies when I was a youngin. People like to poke fun at the gravelly voice he uses at Batman and I’ll admit that it’s been a little hard to understand at times, but I truly believe that Bale has done right by Bruce Wayne and his tortured alter ego. We’ve learned from past films that not many people have the chops to pull it off. We get to see many sides of Bruce in this climactic end of the trilogy. Broken, curious, humorous, tortured, reluctant, triumphant, peaceful. He is all these and more. A totally evolved human being who has seen the best and the worst that life has to offer.

    I’ve been a huge Tom Hardy fan since Star Trek: Nemesis when he portrayed Picard’s Romulan-raised clone. I think he’s brilliant and adorable. Even though I only got to see his unmasked face for about 2 seconds, I think that Christopher Nolan was smart to cast someone who could express Bane’s emotion through his eyes and mannerisms. A lesser actor would not have been able to pull off this role.  I guesstimate that they stayed true to about 50% of the comics in Bane’s back story, etc.  The Pena Dura prison was portrayed beautifully but his story was combined and mingled with another character for the film so I can see why it would be confusing to the layman/average moviegoer to see such a highly intelligent and superhumanly-strong character if you don’t have any knowledge of the comic books. Still, I thought Bane was well done. The costume/facial gear was intimidating and not cartoonish. His voice was better than I expected it to be, though I probably missed about 1/3 of what he said (can’t wait to watch it at home with the subtitles on).  The 30 lbs of weight Hardy put on made him virtually unrecognizable.  It had to have been a daunting prospect to follow Heath Ledger’s Joker as the main villain and I think that they succeeded admirably.

    I go back and forth on Anne Hathaway. Sometimes I like her and sometimes I’m not impressed. She definitely brought some comic relief as Selina Kyle aka Catwoman. Her smooth, instantaneous transition from frightened maid to sly jewel thief was pretty brilliant. And I really dug how they never called her Catwoman but when she lifted her eye wear-glasses-goggle-thingies they gave the impression of cat ears. Having her masquerade as a cat at the charity ball was another nice touch.  The only thing that really bothered me about her getup was the stiletto heels. As gorgeous as they looked and despite their seemingly practical blades and obvious stabbing properties, no woman can run around in those shoes. I’m sorry, it’s just not going to happen. However, this is movieland and not real life so I’m willing to overlook the heels.

    Gary Oldman is the shit. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of the best actors of my generation. Michael Caine broke my heart and then stitched it back up again. Marion Cotillard surprised even me. I love Matthew Modine because of Full Metal Jacket but I really wanted to punch him in the face until the epic cops-united scene. I just like to hear Morgan Freeman talk. He has the most amazing voice.

    There were times when I was very much aware that I’d been sitting in a movie theatre for 3 hours but I must say that I was deeply satisfied by the ending. It felt like closure while still keeping the story open for future installments with different main players. Certain scenes were very moving because they showed groups of people coming together and demonstrating bravery and goodness despite their bleak and hopeless surroundings. I’m a sucker for those moments regardless but they were definitely made more poignant by the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado.

    In Roman mythology, Aurora is the goddess of the dawn. She renews herself each morning and flies across the sky, announcing the arrival of the sun. She represents renewed hope and another chance at life. I’m not an overly religious person but I do believe in a higher power and I’ve been praying for those affected by the massacre. I pray that Aurora holds true to her name and that the residents there can find some hope in the aftermath of this horrendous tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with them. Always.

    4.5 out of 5 sci-fives

  • Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter reviewed

    Let me start off by emphasizing how much I loved the book Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. Fun, adventurous, perfectly intertwined with historical fact. It was truly brilliant and inspired.

    Now let me emphasize how much I didn’t like this movie. I almost can’t believe the script was written by my beloved SGS.  I’m kind of at a loss to be perfectly honest.  I saw this with someone who has not read the book. He went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised that he enjoyed it as much as he did. I went in with high expectations and was sorely disappointed.

    Warning: I spoil the shit out of both the book and the movie so stop reading here if you don’t want to know what happens.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34x6m-ahGIo]

    –

    They skipped the beginning of the book. The introduction in which the transcriber (Seth Grahame-Smith uses his own name here which is awesome) of Abraham Lincoln’s journals describes how much this project has cost him but why it was all worth it. For me it’s like leaving Daniel out of Interview with the Vampire. It’s just not the same.

    The entire first third of the book details Abe’s childhood. His relationship with his parents and his sisters, his unstable upbringing, his mother teaching him to read and write and nurturing his love of learning, his illiterate father keeping him on a tight leash and forcing him to work for him for years, hearing the story of how his grandfather was killed, etc etc.  The movie breezed through all of that in about 5 minutes and left out at least 95% of it.  His dad (Joseph Mawle aka Benjen Stark from Game of Thrones) practically came across as a great dad, which he arguably was not.

    The movie had a very strange, ethereal feel to it, like it was filmed through a filter that made everything slightly fuzzy and off kilter. I would like to know if any of the sets were real or if they filmed the entire movie in front of a green screen a la 300 and Sin City. The special effects were kind of weird but kind of beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was watching a video game half the time. Especially during the horse stampede scene.

    Hi Ho Silver!

    Speaking of the horse stampede scene… Up until this point Abe’s fighting skills are relatively realistic (like they are in the book) but when I watched him flip and ride a horse he’d just been pummeled with I literally laughed out loud. When he started running across the backs of running horses and then fell down a cliff and emerged unscathed I threw my hands in the air. Abe’s a tall, scrawny human, not a Goddamn mutant cyborg.

    That’s not to say that every fight scene was completely ridiculous. The party fight scene was spectacularly badass. It was filmed in that same slow-fast-slow-motion you’ve seen before but this time with some epic axe swinging.  The train fight falls somewhere in the middle of the unbelievability scale. It was pretty awesome and definitely demonstrated the power of teamwork.

    What? The bridge is on fire? Do you think we should get off the train?

    Speaking of the train scene… I felt like I was watching The Little Engine That Could. Seeing the train climb up the burning remnants of the bridge I couldn’t help but chant “I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!” in my head over and over again. This entire sequence was obviously supposed to replace the Jefferson Davis burning house scene in the book.

    The guy who plays Abe (Benjamin Walker) happens to be married to Meryl Streep’s daughter in real life.  Wow.  That’s got to be simultaneously awesome and hugely intimidating. No pressure on the acting front there Benji.  Aside from the fact that he has ginormous earlobes (surely those weren’t prosthetics like his nose…right?) he did ok.  Playing someone like Abraham Lincoln has got to be difficult.  He always looked so stoic in his pictures.  How do you interpret that?  I can’t fault him in his attempt. He demonstrated some very impressive axe wielding skills. At 6’3” he has the height. Unfortunately, so do a lot of other men these days. Abe never looked freakishly tall next to, well, anyone.

    Dominic Cooper (aka Howard Stark in Captain America) was given the role I was most interested in seeing, that of Henry Sturges.  Well they certainly frakked that up.  Dominic Cooper was fine, charming even, but they felt the need to change his entire history.  Why??  They could easily have kept it the same and inserted the new characters created for the movie.  The story of his vampiric conversion is 10 million times more interesting in the book and could have taken up the exact same amount of time onscreen. Fail. Also, doesn’t he tell Abe straight away that he’s a vampire? In the movie Abe stumbles across Henry feeding on a rapist and gets his panties all twisted in a bunch. Abe’s a smart guy but apparently he never figured out the whole sunglasses thing. Henry wins the award for the fastest vampire transformation ever. It took, what? 60 seconds?

    I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out where I’d seen Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) before. Then it hit me that he is one of the creepy brothers on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia!  That made me really happy.  In the book Lincoln and Speed are roommates. This (literal) closeness results in a unique lifelong friendship that few, if any, other people shared with Abraham. In the movie it seemed like Speed lived somewhere else and Abe lived above the shop alone. That made me really sad. The whole thing with him betraying but not betraying and his fate on the train was so far off from the book that I have no idea what to say about it.

    Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie) was a character created for the movie. I wasn’t a fan of many of the new characters but I was fine with Will.  It was a little cheesy how he came back as an adult and was suddenly all BFF with Abe. It’s like they split the Joshua Speed character in two and gave half the part to Will Johnson. The way better half. I’m not really sure why they felt the need to do that (Token from South Park might) but I dig Mackie and I thought he did a good job.

    Mary (Mary Elizabeth Winstead from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) finds out the truth? Huh? Again, not in the book. The first time Abe tells her he’s a vampire hunter is during a picnic. She laughs at him and chides him with an “I thought you were an honest man, Abe!” Hahaha, oh Mary, I see what you did there! Years later she finds his not-at-all-hidden journal and reads it. She gets really angry and screams that he lied to her when actually he did tell her the truth way back when. Ugh. Women.  For some strange reason they decided Willie should be an only child despite the fact that Abe and Mary had two other sons. The whole idea of Mary taking action and leading silver-carrying freed slaves to Gettysburg was completely absurd. If you’ve ever read anything about Mary Todd (including the book on which this movie was based) you’d know that she would become completely incapacitated by her grief. She didn’t even attend funerals. Now, that being said, I liked badass Fake Movie Mary way more than Real Historical Mary. Shooting her kid’s toy sword into his killer’s forehead? Yes please!  By the way, how did she even know that the toy sword was involved??

    I couldn’t find a picture of Tudyk as Stephen Douglas but I thought this picture was an adequate alternative

    Wash! As Stephen A. Douglas! I got so excited when I saw Alan Tudyk that I actually yelped. I couldn’t wait to see more! Then they completely ignored his character. *le sigh* Don’t feel too bad Alan, they didn’t even mention Edgar Allan Poe or William Seward.

    Jack Barts’ (Marton Csokas aka Celeborn in Lord of the Rings) role was seriously expanded and he was missing his missing arm. We also acquired a 5000-year-old vampire named Adam (Rufus Sewell) and his sister Vadoma (Victoria’s Secret super model Erin Wasson). If I remember the book correctly, there is never a clear vampire leader. Ugh. There were so many things that frustrated me about the vampires. Vampires disappearing? Vamps can’t kill their own kind?? Why no black eyes? Why do they have them turning into weird alien predator vampires?

    They skipped the end of the book. The theatre and John Wilkes Booth and the fate of Abe and the hint of what became of another motivational leader. I know that not everyone likes the last few pages of the book but I do and I missed it. Throwing some random bloke in at end was not satisfying for me. I think you can only truly appreciate this movie for what it is if you haven’t read the book and it shouldn’t be that way. I loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the last six Harry Potter films despite the fact that they made major modifications to the story.  It can be done well.  In this case it wasn’t.

    Such a bummer.

    1.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • Snow White and the Huntsman reviewed

    Yeah…probably should have taken this picture AFTER seeing the movie.

    The previews for Snow White and the Huntsman were gorgeous. People morphing into ravens and shards of obsidian, a T-1000 mirror, Charlize Theron bathing in a vat of white paint. All very cool visuals.  So I was super excited to see all of these beautiful shots come together in one stunning example of marvelous movie making.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebSZOlCnXq0]

    –

    Sadly, I was sorely disappointed.

    That’s not to say it was a bad film, it wasn’t, it just didn’t live up to my high expectations. Each scene is lovely, with superb visual fx, but the transitions between those scenes were awkward and choppy.  The movie didn’t flow. The acting was good for the most part but Director Rupert Sanders seemed much more interested in the quality of acting in the close ups than in the wide shots.  Perfect example is Charlize Theron.  She looked and sounded terrifyingly ravishing in the close ups but cheesy and garish in the wide shots.  This was a bit disheartening for me since she was the main reason I wanted to see this movie and I know just how brilliant she can be.

    Snow White has been reinterpreted countless times since the middle ages. Being German, I grew up with the Grimm’s version in which the dwarves are nameless, Snow is woken up by the Prince’s inept servants as opposed to his kiss, and the evil queen is killed when she’s forced to dance to death in red hot iron shoes. Disney went and fraked that all up. (Fun fact, Dean Stockwell’s daddy voiced the prince in the Disney version. I can’t believe I actually know that.)

    Warning: I try not to spoil things but I might so be warned.

    This version is nothing like the Grimm’s version. The evil queen has a creepy brother (with an even more creepy haircut), the huntsman is a drunk widower (who doesn’t care if he dies…except that he does care), the prince isn’t a prince (he’s the son of a duke), the dwarves live in a fairy land full of psychedelic flora and fauna (and don’t whistle, work or have pickaxes), and Snow White is far more empowered (which is always nice). The giant elk in the forest with tree branch antlers is lovely and obviously supposed to be on the same level as Aslan but the scene where Snow approaches him is a pale imitation of the Lili/Unicorn scene in Legend.

    Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna is otherworldly. She has a fantastic wardrobe that includes shoulder pads made from bones and lots of raven feathers (get it? Raven…Ravenna….?) She’s great at looking steely-eyed and has nailed the art of letting tears hover just on the cusp of her eye but not letting them fall.  Whoever did her makeup and prosthetics should be nominated for an Oscar because WOW she looked incredible the entire time. Even when she was dying she was gorgeous. It turns out that Ravenna is a total spoiled brat throwing a giant man-hating temper tantrum. Which is really too bad because I bet she’s a wildcat in the sack.

    Kristen Stewart is most definitely not fairer than Charlize Theron but she’s a very realistic kind of pretty and she does look really cute in her girly armor. To be honest, I kind of felt like I was watching one of the Twilight films during her scenes. Jumping off a cliff? Check. Being scared by giant beasts and falling backwards? Check. Having men stare at her while she’s unconscious? Check. Hair stuck to her lip while she’s saying something that’s supposed to be important except you don’t know what she said because you were distracted by the hair stuck to her lip? Check.  As I mentioned before, at least she was an empowered version of Snow White. She wants to fight and kill her evil stepmother…though where she gets the strength to do that after being locked in a tiny tower cell for 10 years with no exercise is a mystery to me. But she’s got help. Birds guide her, horses wait around for her (then nose dive into mud which was HI-larious), and people are eager to help her (when they don’t look like they want to eat her…that was weird).

    My boyfr….I mean, Chris Hemsworth brings his usual charm and comedic timing to the role of the Hunstman aka Eric. I love watching him fight. In my opinion, he’s one of the best movie fighters I’ve ever seen. The chemistry between him and KStew was virtually non-existent but it’s obvious how hard he’s trying to make it work anyway. The part where it was most evident is when he’s talking to a poisoned Snow. Without an acting partner in the way he’s able to deliver a very touching monologue to what he thinks is her corpse.  He’s dirty and muddy for 99% of the movie and somehow that just makes him sexier. God, I love-hate him. I joke a lot about how hot Chris Hemsworth is and, it’s true, he’s insanely hot, but my love for him has much to more with the fact that he plays my favorite comic book character than the fact that he’s deliciousness on legs. I swear!

    I totally thought that young William (aka the non-prince) was the kid who plays Bran on Game of Thrones. But apparently it’s not. Boo. Snow White’s little buddy grows up to be the guy from POTC: On Stranger Tides who falls in love with a mermaid. He was ok. Nothing remarkable. I was more interested in trying to figure out who plays his dad, the Duke. Then it hit me that he was the Captain in 300. I knew I recognized those eyes.

    The dwarves are the best part of the movie, especially when they are penetrating the castle through the sewer system. They are funny, charming, and I want to live in the enchanted forest with them. The most notable are Bob Hoskins, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone and Toby Jones. You can’t go wrong with any of those actors.

    The end of the movie is rather anti-climactic. You think you know which boy Snow is going to choose but they never show her making her decision…and the part where they should have shown her making her decision hangs on in weird movie purgatory for an uncomfortably long time. I wanted to shout at the screen “Stop standing there with your stupid tree branch and go kiss him dammit!” You wait the whole movie for the truly satisfying, sexy kissing action and they never deliver it. Lame.

    The ending credits were beautiful though. Kind of Avengers-esque in that it has the camera hovering over close up shots of armor and swords and whatnot. Because I always sit through the credit crawl (and you should too) I noticed that the movie is dedicated to “Little Eira White” which caught my eye because I happen to know that Eira is “snow” in Welsh.  So the film is dedicated to…itself.

    Well ok then.

    2 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • You sunk my Battleship!

    Believe it or not, this outfit was totally unintentional. I happened to be wearing this for errands and we saw the movie on a whim.

    I use to play Battleship with my brother for hours on end when we were kids. Moving our little red pegs around and gleefully shouting “you sunk my battleship!” It was a fun way to connect with our Dad when he was off on WestPacs. We kept it readily available at all times as demonstrated by this picture of my paternal grandma and maternal grandpa starting a game.

    Can you guess what year it was by the lovely carpet?

    It was obvious from the get go that any movie based on this past time would not and could not bear any resemblance to the game. There is no plot, no characters, just some gray plastic ships and a peg board. I went to see this movie for one reason and one reason only. Because movies depicting the US Navy are few and far between and I wanted to see how they depicted the life I grew up with, however unrealistic the alien plot line may be.

    No aliens were harmed in the raising of my brother and I

    Beware: I try not to spoil things too much but I’m sure I do so just be warned.

    The basic plotline is as follows: Guy is lazy but smart and has no direction in his life so his older brother forces (yeah right) him to join him in the Navy. Flash forward 5 years and various Naval fleets from around the world are participating in RimPac off the coast of Hawaii. Guy doesn’t like one of the Japanese Captains and the feeling is mutual. Naturally they get stranded together by aliens and have to work together to save Earth with the help of a pop star, a Power Ranger, and a guy who looks kind of like Matt Damon. Oh yeah, and there’s a subplot about his girlfriend who just happens to be the Admiral’s daughter (isn’t she always?) who is in a completely different area but also helps save the world with the help of a real life hero and Dr. Doom’s Assistant.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpoabtbEJOI]

    –

    I very rarely look at any reviews until after I’ve seen a movie and written my own review because I want to formulate my own opinion and I usually don’t agree with those other people anyways. Even though I still have not read any of the reviews for Battleship, I went into this movie expecting to hate it. Maybe it’s because I had such low expectations but I actually really enjoyed it. It’s no Avengers but I laughed throughout while it poked fun at itself.

    I could identify with this movie in a few ways. My Dad was stationed at Pearl Harbor from 1972-1976 during the tail end of the Vietnam conflict (and long before I was born). He loved it there and it was one of the few aspects of his long military career that he would discuss freely with us kids. During this time he participated in a RimPac in which one of the subs in his squadron played a joke on the Australian ships and nearly caused an international incident with the Aussies. So yes, it’s been known to happen. One very minor detail that 99.9% of the people watching this movie won’t even notice but that made my heart skip a beat was seeing them use wax pencils and remembering watching my Dad use them. He always had one or two tucked neatly into his desk drawer and I would use them like crayons. I LOVED tugging the string. More years than I care to admit later and I’m still using USS Samuel Gompers nuclear work procedure notepads for scratch paper.

    Duh.

    The only parts of the movie that are anything like the board game is the use of the NOAA buoys to track the alien ships and the torpedoes used by the aliens. The humans RADAR is knocked out by the aliens and, for some reason that isn’t explained, the aliens can’t seem to see them either so a screen that shows the movement of waves hitting the buoys acts as the pegboard. It was actually pretty cool. My biggest complaint is that it only lasted a few minutes before they moved on to the “they don’t like the sun” theory. The torpedoes used by the aliens look kind of like the pegs used in the game and stick in the hull for a few seconds before they explode. I got a kick out of that.

    The least convincing of the Naval officers was the main protagonist Lieutenant Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch). His attitude and complete disregard for the rules would never be tolerated (and to the credit of the movie makers, almost wasn’t). I’m sorry, but there’s no way he’d make it through OCS and be an O-3 within 5 years and be so insubordinate. That being said, I kind of dig his weird robot surfer dude way of talking and he’s got great comedic timing.

    Commander Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård) is more believable as an officer but he still seems like an actor who’s pretending to play war games. His default expression is to stare wide-eyed, kind of like Amnesia Eric on True Blood. My favorite part? The part pictured above. It was the most emotion I ever saw from him. But I love Alex, he’s defintely worth nerdgasaming over and he fills out his dress whites very nicely.

    The Admiral’s daughter, Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker) makes her entrance via a sexy slo-mo walk into the dive bar where Alex and Stone are hanging out celebrating Alex’s birthday. He immediately locks onto her position and attempts to sweet talk her but all she wants is a chicken burrito. His hilarious attempt to get her one wins her over and, I’m not gonna lie, it would probably impress me too. She’s a gorgeous girl but I have yet to see a fabulous acting job from Mrs. Roddick.

    Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales is played by Colonel Gregory D. Gadson, an Army Veteran and double amputee. He was my favorite of the main characters. He had a couple of cheesy lines that didn’t seem so cheesy coming from him. He also gets into a badass, no holds barred fist fight with one of the aliens that had me cheering. I hope I get to see much more of him in future films.

    Aside from implying that the Japanese have been spying on us all this time using our tsunami tracking systems, I thought Captain Yugi Nagata (Tadanobu Asano) was pretty cool. He likes to poke fun at the punk white kid which is all fun and games until he sucker kicks him in the face during a soccer match. That was not so cool. He makes up for it though by being a valuable member of the alien annihilation team and showing off the mad gun skillz he learned at summer camp when he was a kid.

    The thing that pissed me off most before even seeing the movie was the fact that Rihanna was in it. I mean seriously. A pop star with a history of very bad decision making as a passable Naval Petty Officer? Please. But I was shocked (shocked I tell you!) to find that I actually didn’t mind her. She did alright and I even forgot that she was Rihanna at times.

    Liam Neeson is always great. The man shows up, talks like a badass for a few minutes and goes home. What a life! At the end of the film soon-to-be LCDR Alex asks Admiral Shane if he can marry his daughter and the Admiral says no. He then beckons Alex to join him for lunch while they negotiate the terms of his surrender. I laughed out loud. That is absolutely positively something that my Dad would say.

    The rest of the non-redshirt Navy personal is rounded by Ordy and The Beast (Jesse Plemons and John Tui). I thought Ordy was hilarious. He was kind of like Checkov in the Star Trek redux. A boy wonder who looks like he’s way too young to be there but just happens to have the knowledge needed to get us back in business. Beast is the wall everyone leans on. He’s calm and collected 99.9% of the time but isn’t afraid to yell in the face of his newly minted CO when he makes an absurd decision that will get everyone killed.

    Adam Godley is the NASA scientist who creates and builds the communications array that draws the aliens to Earth. Once they get here he doesn’t know what the fuck to do so he relies on the crackpot scientist (Hamish Linklater) assigned to the satellites on Hawaii to figure it out. Cal almost chickens out but then grows a pair just in time to help out Sam and Mick.

    The best part of the whole movie for me was when all the shiny new Destroyers are *ahem* destroyed and the few remaining sailors start eyeballing the “Mighty Mo,” a battleship that served from WWII to Operation Desert Storm. But wait! They don’t have enough people to operate the ship! But wait! Thar be old salts among us! The Veteran “Old Salts” are fantastic. I could totally picture my Dad and my Grandpa (the one playing Battleship up above) reacting in the exact same way. Plus, they have some of the greatest facial hair I’ve ever seen.

    Random things I didn’t like:

    The spinning fire balls of death killing all of the Marines. My brother is a Marine. It made me sad. I also didn’t understand why the spinning balls decided that a freeway overpass was a threat other than maybe they are sadistic and just wanted to watch cars plummet to the street below.

    The slo-mo montage of pretty people. It was a bit too Michael Bay-ish.

    The weakest point was the aliens. With their armor on they were kind of a HALO rip-off.

    Which one is Master Chief?

    With their armor off they were vaguely reminiscent of the Tharks from John Carter of Mars (rather ironic since the film stars the guy who played John Carter) and Vincent from Beauty and the Beast.

    They have weird porcupine quill beards and lizard eyes that are apparently their only weakness. They were dumb.

    Random things I DID like:

    Cal Zapata (Hamish Linklater), the NASA scientist working at the satellite outpost in Hawaii. He was funny and quirky. I especially loved the scene when he’s skyping with another scientist and all the various agencies (NASA, Dept of Defense) turn up on the line.

    LT Hopper hurriedly explaining to a young boy the difference between a Battleship and a Destroyer. It reminded me of when I’d go onboard my Dad’s ships and his coworkers would try to explain things to me. It went right over my head 99% of the time but it was so much fun.

    The “I’m giving ‘em all she’s got” moment when the USS John Paul Jones fires every available weapon at an alien ship blinded by the sun.  Great visual fx.

    The joke about the North Koreans being responsible for the force field.  Hahahaha. Yeah right. As if.

    It was a totally cliché line but I like the way “Mahalo mutha fucka” sounds even though “mahalo” means “thank you” so the line made absolutely no sense in the context it was given.

    The really weird back and forth, back and forth explosion caused by the alien torpedoes.

    Mick the amputee: “we can buy the world another day!” Cal the scientist: “who talks like that?!?” This movie knew exactly what it was and wasn’t shy about making fun of itself.

    Acquiring courage.

    The Museum-to-Battleship transformation that the USS Missouri goes through has a definite Battlestar Galactica feel to it. I even made a note of it. Then, once the Mighty Mo is in full fight mode against the aliens and the force field finally comes down, the Admiral sends in a fighter jet. What is the pilot’s callsign you ask? Boomer! I have no idea if that was intentional or not but I just about flipped the frak out.

    Oh, and remind me to bring my Gompers notepad to write notes on next time.

    3 out of 5 Sci-fives!

  • Marvel Cinematic Universe Podcast (World’s Best Podcast)

    It could happen….

    About a week before The Avengers came out in theatres I participated in a World’s Best Podcast discussion about the Marvel Cinematic Universe films. We discussed Hulk (briefly), The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, and Captain America. We also got into why the Marvel movies seem to be outdoing the DC movies (with the notable exception of the Christopher Nolan Batman films).

    I was still sick when we did this so there are moments when my voice cracks and I sound like a 13 year old boy going through puberty. Since I typically dress like a 13 year old boy it was actually pretty fitting.

    You might also notice that I got really excited and more talkative during the Thor part. What can I say? He’s my favorite comic book character 😉

    Thanks to Isaac and the guys at World’s Best Podcast for another fabulous evening of nerd talk. It’s always a pleasure!  Hope you enjoy our discussion:

    As per usual, if the above player takes too long to buffer, just click here to listen: http://tinmanfrisbie.podbean.com/2012/05/17/season-4-episode-19-part-1/

  • Avengers Assemble!

    Thor is my favoritest Hero ever in case you didn’t know that by now

    OMFG.

    I don’t know how else to adequately describe how much I loved this movie.

    I saw The Avengers twice in 2 days.  The first time after an epic all-day Marvel Movie Marathon with my NBFF Geek Outlaw.

    And the second time on Sunday morning with my Mom and SO. Afterwards we went to Smash Burger which I thought was really funny. I’m not gonna lie, I’m probably going to go back a third time and see it in 3D. I don’t normally watch 3D movies that were converted in post-production but I’ve heard the 3D is pretty good so I’m willing to give it a shot. It was also one of the funniest movies I’ve seen. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard since Bridesmaids.

    WARNING: Spoilers ahead! So don’t read past this if you don’t want to be, umm, spoiled.

    When Thor came out I predicted that Loki would be the main villain in The Avengers (that much was obvious from the teaser after the end credits) and that the plot would center on preventing Ragnarök, a major plot point in the Thor comics. And while it wasn’t exactly an apocalypse (unless you were on the island of Manhattan), the end of the world as we know it was a real possibility so I’m going to consider myself 12% right, with an argument being made for 15%.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOrNdBpGMv8]

    –

    The basic plot line is as follows: After letting himself fall (not being pushed…but nice word twisting there Loki) Loki explores the tree of life for a bit before forming a partnership with The Other (frequent Whedon collaborator Alexis Denisof) and the Chitauri. Loki agrees to give The Other the Tesseract (aka Cosmic Cube) seen in Captain America in return for an army to conquer Earth. We humans aren’t too big on that and we fight back as usual, this time relying on The Avengers, a hodge podge team of superheroes led by Nick Fury and SHIELD, a super secret agency. Loki uses that brilliantly deceptive tongue of his to divide our heroes before they see the big picture and come together to save mankind and Manahattan (with the help of some real life Army Reservists by the by).

    Now, I’m going to be nitpicky for just a second and point out a few things that differ from the comics. Nick Fury/SHIELD did not assemble The Avengers. We don’t get to see Avengers founding members Ant-Man (Henry Pym) and Wasp (Janet van Dyne). Captain America, Black Widow and Hawkeye are later additions to the team. The Chitauri are a race of history-meddling shapeshifters and we never really see their true form. This shapeshifting ability was apparently tossed for the movie.

    And I am completely OK with all of those changes.

    Avengers assemble!

    Iron Man (Tony Stark):

    Tony (Robert Downey Jr) got most of the best lines in the film.  His nicknames for the other heroes were HI-larious.  The ones that immediately come to mind are Legolas (Hawkeye) and Point Break (Thor) but there were so many others that I can’t think of off the top of my head. He had a great bromance going on with Bruce Banner and I was happy to see the two wunderkinds drive off together at the end of the film. I thought it was interesting that they chose to completely ignore Rhodey (War Machine) since he would probably only skip this fight if he were trapped in an underground bunker somewhere, but I can’t say that I’m surprised.  There was already so much going on and you can only say “we sent them halfway around the world for their own safety” so many times. They did feature Pepper Potts quite prominently though. I’m not a big Gwyneth Paltrow fan but I do enjoy her as Pepper so that was fine. Anyone else notice that Tony wore a Black Sabbath t-shirt for a large chunk of the film? A nice little reference to their song “Iron Man” that I found amusing.

    Hulk (Bruce Banner):

    Mark Ruffalo is officially my favorite Bruce Banner. He was positively adorkable. His shy, soft-spoken good naturedness (is that even a word?) was so appealing that I never want to see anyone else play him ever again.  It was a very good call to model Hulk after Ruffalo using the same technology used for Avatar as opposed to having him be pure CGI. I read  that Hulk was a combination of Ruffalo and a male stripper from Long Island which is awesome. At the end of The Incredible Hulk it seemed like Bruce was working on controlling his alter ego. It appears that he succeeded. Much like his evolution in the comics, we see Hulk being uncontrollable when he’s caught off guard and in control when it’s his choice to change. I’m not surprised that we didn’t see Betty Ross but I was expecting some kind of reference to General Ross, especially after watching the Agent Coulson one-shot “The Consultant.” Hulk had so many great moments in this film but my favorite is probably when he picked up Loki and started smashing him back and forth before calling him a “puny god.” Harry Dean Stanton had a funny little cameo as a security guard that witnesses Hulk’s plummet to Earth and solemnly informs Bruce that he has “a condition.”

    Thor (Thor):

    How they planned on getting Thor (Chris Hemsworth) to Earth after the destruction of the Bifröst was something I was very interested to see. Loki comments that it must have taken a lot of dark magic on Odin’s part to make it happen. I’m looking forward to seeing the repercussions of that in Thor 2. Now that the cosmic cube resides in Asgard, Thor should be able to return to Earth and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) at will until the Bifröst can be remade. Jane was one of those “we sent her far, far away” quickies and that’s too bad. I would have liked to have seen her go up against flying monkey Erik and her (sure to be hilarious) reaction to Loki in all his Asgardian finery. This ordeal was so much more personal for Thor.  Within a very short time he lost his kingship, was betrayed by his brother, changed his whole mentality, fell in love, lost his brother, and had to save Midgard. The fact that he has an “only I can be mad at and deal with my brother” attitude in the beginning is certainly understandable. And his comment about Loki being adopted made me LOL. It was fun to see Thor duke it out with Hulk. It’s made clear in the movie that he’s one of the few individuals who CAN be a match for Hulk. Go figure that it would take a god. The best part; however, was the conclusion of that fight. Having been interrupted by a fighter jet distraction the first time around, Hulk took the opportunity of punching Thor across Grand Central after they worked together to bring down a Chitauri mega monster. Brilliant.

    Captain America (Steve Rogers):

    Poor Cap. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is such a smart and instinctive guy but the fact that he’s a fish out of water and placed next to two of the world’s foremost geniuses, makes him seem a bit dense (his excitement at understanding the flying monkey reference was endearingly adorable). But his leadership skills and strategic ability are never questioned by his fellow heroes once the fighting begins. This is a guy whose entire world has been flipped upside down and yet he doesn’t even flinch. People need saving and by God, he’s going to save them. This includes a cute blonde waitress (Ashley Johnson). Anyone else find it interesting that her nametag said “Beth” which is a nickname for Elizabeth? You know what else is a nickname for Elizabeth? Betsy. As in Betsy Ross aka Golden Girl, Cap’s onetime partner and girlfriend. I can’t help but wonder if that is a coincidence. Considering it’s Joss Whedon, I’m thinking it had to be intentional.

    Black Widow (Natsha Romanoff) / Hawkeye (Clint Barton):

    I seriously want to see more of the Hawkeye/Black Widow relationship.  I think they should give the two of them their own Marvel Cinematic Universe movie. There is plenty of history (and sexual tension) between the two of them to make it interesting and entertaining. I don’t know what it is about Jeremy Renner, but there is something very appealing about him. He’s not your stereotypically handsome action star but I kinda wanna jump his bones anyways. I think I’ll add him to the runners up list. I’ve always been told that Scarlett Johansson is a bit of a bee-yatch but I’ve seen her perform on Broadway (in Arthur Miller’s A View from the Bridge) and she is a fantastic actress. I also think she’s one of the sexiest actresses working today (Geek Outlaw thinks so too). She certainly holds her own with the boys in this movie. Considering Black Widow and Hawkeye are ordinary humans (albeit with extraordinary skill sets), you have to suspend belief a bit when watching them survive falls and body slams that would normally kill a person instantly but barely leave a scratch on them. And yet, I didn’t care about the improbability of it all. The awesomeness outweighed the practicality for me.

    SHIELD:

    Samuel L. Jackson is having way too much fun playing Nick Fury, creator and director of SHIELD (sorry, I don’t like putting periods between the letters, I think it looks weird) and I’m having way too much fun watching him. It’s nice to see him have more to do than scold Tony or show up in the end credits. Nick Fury started SHIELD after WWII (he mentions his friend Howard Stark as a fellow founding member during Iron Man 2) so if you’re not a reader of the comics you might be wondering why he looks 45 years old. They don’t explain it in any of the movies but his aging has been slowed by the Infinity Formula. Just so you know.

    I started getting nervous when they got personal with Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) at the beginning of the movie. That never bodes well for someone as cryptic as him. My psychic movie skills kicked in and I figured out what was going to happen to him pretty quickly. I’m in mourning. Even though his character was manufactured purely for the screen and doesn’t appear in the comics, I’m going to miss not seeing him weave in and out of the various individual films. If you haven’t seen it, watch “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor’s Hammer.” It’s Agent Coulson showing off more than his wit for once. RIP Phil.

    Had Joss Whedon’s Wonder Woman flick taken off, Cobie Smulders would most likely have been cast as Diana. But that project was shelved and instead she won the role of Agent Maria Hill (beating out Firefly alum Morena Baccarin). Boy, is she a looker. Wow. She also stars on How I Met Your Mother with Alexis Denisof’s wife and Whedon regular, Alyson Hannigan. Cobie wasn’t given a trainer for the movie so she hired one herself to teach her how to act like an agent. I like a girl who does her homework.

    The 12-person SHIELD Council should be more in shadow, we shouldn’t be able to see their faces. No one knows who they are, not Nick Fury, not even each other. If we can see their faces, we can use facial recognition software to find out who they are. But that’s me being nitpicky.

    The guy on the bridge playing Galaga? Classic.

    The Helicarrier is a character in its own right and plays a huge part in the film. It exists because a mobile headquarters is much more difficult for an evil organization *coughHYDRAcough* to find and destroy and protects any potential host nations from being a target. They took it one step further in the movie and gave it cloaking technology which was totally badass and a nice little treat for this Trekkie.

    Loki:

    I’m very quickly becoming a huge fan of Tom Hiddleston. I had never seen him before Thor but he’s perfection as Loki. And this is coming from someone whose way into anything related to Norse mythology. In the comics Loki is the first villain The Avengers go up against so I was happy to see that they kept that. It would have been much easier to pick a different villain and avoid the whole magic vs. science conundrum. The various directors, producers, writers, Marvel Execs, etc. did an excellent job of making the magic scientific and the science magical so it didn’t feel forced and it made sense to the laymen. They get an A+ for teamwork.

    Anyone who leaves the movie theatre before a Marvel movie’s end credits are over is an idiot. There’s always some little nugget of awesomesauce just waiting to delight our senses. In this case we got two of them.  The first one shows The Other talking to a mysterious master about the fact that humans are not to be trifled with.  They don’t say who this master is but I’m thinking its Thanos. If anyone has another theory I’d like to hear it but I’d bet money that I’m right. The second one has our heroes sitting around eating shawarma just after the battle while the employees clean up debris in the background. No one speaks (although Bruce does start chuckling) and it’s hilarious.

    I’m a massive Whedonite so I’m probably totally biased but I have to give Joss Whedon mad props for this movie. It’ll probably go down as one of my top 5 favorite movies ever and a lot of that is due to him.  He rewrote the script and had a vision that wove together four different franchises into one seamless and elegant package.  The combination of action, drama and humor is classic Joss. I think that one of the other directors would have made an excellent film as well but Joss made it magical and I hope they are smart enough to keep him as the director of all future Avenger films.

    I hope so, Joss. I hope so.

    “These people shouldn’t be in the same room let alone on the same team—and that is the definition of family” – Joss Whedon

    5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • Pride and Prejudice and Zombies – OH MY!

    Wanna make out?

    It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a nerd in possession of an illness must go on a Jane Austen bender.

    At least it does for this nerd.

    For someone who fancies themselves a writer (or an aspiring one at least) I don’t write nearly enough about books. Which is strange considering the rate in which I devour them.

    I don’t know what it is but whenever I get sick (I’m just about recovered from the second illness in a row) I become obsessed with something and hunt down every form of it that I can. About half the time it’s Jane Austen.

    What can I say? I’m a chick.

    So it was this last time around. I watched every version of Pride and Prejudice I own (1980, 1995, and 2005 twice), Sense & Sensibility, Emma, Becoming Jane, Lost in Austen…I even watched Vanity Fair hoping it would be Austen-esque (it wasn’t, it was awful in spite of all the great actors in it). And I finally got around to reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

    Girls! The Pentagram of Death!

    I don’t know about you but I always have a stack of books as tall as I am that I need to read.  I go through them pretty quickly but I’m constantly adding to it so the pile never really shrinks. And I just can’t bring myself to use the Kindle. I love the smell and the look and the feel of books too much. I have a BookMate and that’s good enough for me. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has been in that pile for years now. Probably longer than any other book. I didn’t pick it up for two reasons. The first being that when I got it I was on another Austen bender and had just reread the OG P&P, Darcy’s Story and Mr. Darcy, Vampyre and I was kind of Austened out. The second reason is that it has zombies. And y’all know that my biggest fear is zombies.

    And the Violator.

    And Fire Marshall Bill.

    But mostly zombies.

    But every time I went to the pile my eyes would inevitably land on the Seth Grahame-Smith redux. I knew it would be good; I’d read and fell in love with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (which I HIGHLY recommend). So on a (totally inevitable) whim I grabbed it from the pile last week.

    To my very pleasant surprise I not only loved it but it didn’t scare me. No nightmares, no heart palpitations, no slamming it shut. I even studied the pictures with glee! Though I’ll probably never look at cauliflower the same way again… but mostly I laughed. A lot.

    Mmmmmm….cauliflower brains……

    Of all Jane Austen’s characters, I’ve always related the most to Elizabeth Bennet. She’s stubborn, witty, and says things that are borderline inappropriate. I would really like to believe that, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I would rise to the occasion as a zombie slayer like the Lizzy in this version (albeit without the slow zombification of my BFF). Imagining her kicking Darcy in the face had me in stitches for a good 5 minutes at least. Seeing Lady Catherine de Bourgh make her do one-fingered handstands and fight ninjas was epic. Even the detail of modifying the questions printed at the end was hysterical.

    Take that you woeful wooer!

    And now the truth. I feel like I’m going to end up in literary hell for saying this, but I actually enjoyed it more than the original.

    There. I said it.

    Now please excuse me while I go and administer the seven cuts of shame.

    ***

    “And to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

    I do, Mr. Darcy! I do!

    On to Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters!

  • A collection of random thoughts about A Song of Ice and Fire

    I mean seriously, I could totally be a Stark! Right?!

    I finally finished reading Book 5 of the Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin (which took me an abnormally long time compared to books 1-4).  As I read and finished each book in the series I wrote down my thoughts.  Sometimes they are snippets, sometimes they are discussions I’m having with myself, and sometimes it’s just me rehashing something that happened so that I can work it all out in my head.  Writing crap like this down is just something I’ve always done.  I’m not really sure why.

    I did not edit these random thought nuggets so BE WARNED THAT THERE ARE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SPOILERS AHEAD and if you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read those sections.  As a bonus I wrote down my brain farts while watching the first season of the HBO Game of Thrones TV show.  I’m not including any of my thoughts on the second season because it’s still in progress and some folks wait for the DVD’s to come out, etc etc.

    So here you go, a glimpse into the way my brain works 😉

     

    Game of Thrones

    Having descended from Nordic peoples, I have a feeling I would totally dig living at Winterfell.

    I want a direwolf.  Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

    George, I’m not gonna lie, I’m more than a little pissed that you killed off my favorite Lord.  I’m sure his death is going to play a huge part in the books to come but I really thought he was going to get out of there and live to fight another day.

    I will comfort myself with Ned Stark cake pops

    I love Arya. Probably because she reminds me of me at that age, a scraggly, scrawny tomboy running around with all the boys having adventures.  I had no use for Barbies except when I needed someone for GI Joe to rescue from the dinosaurs. I would have loved nothing more than to have had a private “dance” instructor back then…actually, that still holds true today.

    Dance monkey, dance!

    Yeesh Lysa.  Somebody get this girl some heavy medication.

    Poor Bran.

    This Littlefinger dude is more trouble than he seems.

    “No Ser Jorah, it’s totally cool.  I’m just gonna walk into this burning funeral pyre, mmmkay?  It’s all good.”  I can see why Ser Jorah would have his doubts.

    Way to find your girl power Daenerys!

    So wait, what’s the difference between an “Other” and a “Wight”?  Ok, got it.

    Wow. Joffrey is an asshat.

    Thank gods my brother isn’t like Viserys, I’d probably kill him too.  Khal Drogo wins the “most creative way to kill a douchebag” award.

    Incest is the best, put your sister to the test. Now please excuse me while I vomit profusely.

    Theon, you sound like a sexy beast.  I kind of dig it how you smirk all the time as your way of sticking it to the man.  You might be my crush in this series.

    Clash of Kings

    GDit Theon Greyjoy, you little shit.  I used to have a sort of crush on my mental image of you with your cocky little smile and your bad boy attitude, but now I just want to go bloody mummer on your ass.  How dare you sir!  How dare you hurt Old Nan!

    Sansa is my least favorite of all the Starks…so why do I cry the ugly cry during her parts?!? I love Arya and she’s going through way more crap than Sansa is but I don’t even get verklempt during Arya’s parts.  I think it must be because Sansa is so helpless and defenseless.  Arya’s got skillz and can take care of herself but Sansa can only whimper while Joffrey is abusing her.  I will say that Sansa has grown on me though.  I wanted to strangle her myself while reading Game of Thrones.

    Poor poor Bran…oh wait, nevermind.

    So wait, Melisandre gives birth to murderous shadow babies?  WTF??

    Hodor.  Hodor?  HODOOOOOOORRR!!!!

    It’s true. Cause he’s huge. You’d probably get knocked down. Yeah.

    Sucks to be Ser Seaworth.  Say that 5 times fast.

    Valar Morghulis?  Duh.  Way to state the obvious.

    Craster is fucked up.  How do you look at the toddler running around and think, yeah, I’ll bang her in a few more years.  I mean WTF?!??  I can’t say I blame Gilly for wanting to get the hell out of Dodge.

    The dwarf gets all the best sex.  That’s awesome.  But for some reason I can’t get the image of Willow banging Sorsha out of my head.

    I think I know who Arstan Whitebeard is….I think.  But I don’t want to say yet in case it’s BS (see what I did there?)  I love a good double entendre.

    WHY ARE YOU KILLING OFF ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, GEORGE?????

    A Storm of Swords

    1000 pages of awesomesauce.

    Hell yeah!  I was right about Selmy! Self sci-five!

    Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that Gendry has a fat crush on Arya.

    Geez George, is there anyone you won’t kill??  Is nothing and no one sacred???

    Huh.  Well Catelyn, I honestly didn’t see that coming.  I’d hang all the Frey’s too.

    Still not sure what to think of Jojen but Meera is awesome.  I’d have a crush on her too, Bran.  Why are psychic kids always so creepy?

    Valar Dohaeris. Unless you fancy yourself royal.

    Always listen to your direwolf.

    So are all of the Stark children wargs?

    I wonder if House Tyrell is a GRRM nod to the Tyrell Corporation? Either way, the Tyrell women are fantastic.  I love the Queen of Thorns.  She reminds me of my grandma.  Except for the scheming and murdering.

    Wow Sansa, you get a lot done in this book.  I’m impressed.

    Jaime – loses a hand and becomes a man.

    Ygritte – I’m glad that Jon won’t die a virgin.

    Sam – you fucktard.  Making Jon Lord Commander was the worst thing you could have done for him.  Although I think you’re right that he was the best man for the job out of the people who were available.  Thank God Janos Slynt is dead.  I hated that asshole.

    Tywin Lannister = biggest hypocrite ever.  That kind of surprised me actually. Tyrion wins the “best way to commit patricide” award.

    Holy shit Littlefinger.  So you’re the puppet master.  I knew I needed to keep a close eye on you.  I kind of love to hate you.  You need to lay off Sansa though, it’s creeping me out.

    I’m pretty much convinced that Coldhands is Benjen Stark.

    A Feast for Crows

    George, I wish that you had stuck with using chronological order.  Just sayin’.

    So who’s the new Pate?  Jaqen H’ghar is my guess.  I can’t wait to find out what he’s up to now.

    Brienne is my hero.

    Oh Cersei.  Cersei, Cersei, Cersei.  You can talk the talk but you can’t walk the walk.  It’s about time karma bit you in the butt.

    Damn, Zombie Catelyn, you’re kinda batshit.

    Ok, so Littlefinger is a bit of an enigma to me.  I’m thinking that he transferred his Catelyn obsession over to Sansa and some warped part of him feels like he can screw over every other person in Westeros so long as he takes care of her.  He obviously wants to be king and he’s obviously the master puppeteer in the game of thrones. …. Right?

    I don’t have anything nice to say about the Greyjoy’s.  Even Asha has lost her appeal.

    I do; however, like Dornish women.

    I hope this whole Arya storyline goes somewhere super cool because I’m ready for her to move on.  Which is weird because I actually really look forward to these chapters.  It’s like a different book within the book.  I need the kindly man to teach me some patience.  And I love how Sam keeps running into all the “dead” Stark kids.

    A Dance with Dragons

    Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, George, stop killing everyone I love GDit!!!

    Ok Asha, I kind of like you again.

    And the recipient of the “character who went through the most crap” award goes to….Tyrion Lannister!  Holy shit dude.  You had, like, 9 lives in this book.

    It’s a relief to finally know where Varys stands in this whole thing.

    Poor, poor Quentyn.  Yeesh, I feel bad for that kid.  All he wanted was to make his daddy proud and instead he ended up a crispy critter.

    It’s about damn time Dany rode Drogon!  That was epic!  What followed was not so epic…

    NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  Not my Jon!!  And how many times do I have to tell you Stark kids not to leave your direwolves behind?  Ugh.  Littlefinger was right about you lot in that regard.

    Season 1 of HBO’s A Game of Thrones

    God bless HBO and their penchant for gratuitous nudity.

    Director Tim Van Patten’s brother makes my cat’s food.

    Robb Stark.  I’d hit that.

    Renly’s gay???  That was made up for the show right? Cause I don’t remember getting that impression in the books.  But I guess I just missed it.

    From now on, whenever I hear the Johnny Cash song “Ring of Fire” I will have a very distinct picture of Dany in my head.

    I probably would have avoided this little experiment

    Theon, you don’t look like how I imagined you in the books but I didn’t want to punch your face in right away so you’re a good actor at least.

    Jon Snow.  I’d hit that.

    That’s a whole lotta penis and vajayjay.  Most were cool but I’m pretty sure I saw Pycelle’s and that was just totally unnecessary.

    When you play the game of thrones, either you win or you die. There is no middle ground.

    And that wraps up my Game of Thrones wrap up.  Sorry if this gives you an epileptic seizure but I thought it was really cool.

  • Thirsty Games – The Hunger Games Drinking Game

    Note from HNG: Hey Nerds and Nerdettes, your favorite virtual drinking buddy is back!  You may remember Vivian’s fantastic Firefly Drinking Game post (or not, depending on how drunk you got while playing it) and this time she’s created a Hunger Games Drinking Game that will make you Rue the day you didn’t drink while reading it (what? too soon?)  So without further ado, heeeeeeere’s Vivian!

    Hey there! Guest Nerd Girl Vivian again. Since you were all so incredibly supportive of my last admission of addiction, I thought I’d share another one with you. And that is… books. Books are great. Books are underappreciated. And books are sexy. There’s a vicious cycle that I’ve been caught in for many, many years. It goes something like this:

    Step 1: Fall in love with a book.

    Step 2: Find out a movie is being made based on said book, and get very excited.

    Step 3: Be disappointed with the movie.

    In case of sequels, repeat.

    And so it was with The Hunger Games. I was a little late to this party, and I didn’t start the first book until just a few months ago. But I made up for my tardiness with unabashed, obnoxiously vocal adoration. I was that person who worked “that’s like when Katniss…” into every conversation. If woman and young adult literature could wed, I would ask these books to be mine forever. And we would honeymoon in District 7.

    I was so devoted to the books that I resisted watching the movie trailers or clips, or looking at the casting choices, until I’d finished the series. (I had the same strategy for the Harry Potter movies, which only lasted through about four of them before I caved.) I just didn’t want anyone else’s images in my head, and I also didn’t want to be disappointed. But then, immediately after finishing the third book, I did watch the trailer, and… daaaaammmn. It was so beautiful. And thrilling. I don’t think I exhaled through the whole thing. And my expectations for the movie shot sky high. To be fair, I was not actually disappointed by the film. I loved it. I had issues with it, but when a movie focuses on a girl whose major personality trait is her inability to outwardly express her thoughts and feelings, a lot of the book’s magic will inevitably be lost, and I accept that. Overall, the movie served as a sort of Cliffs Notes companion to a book I can’t get enough of. So I enjoyed every minute of it. (Well, almost every minute. I found Cinna’s scenes maddeningly boring and those damn CGI mutts were doomed to suck. Also, “enjoyed” is a really strange word to use when describing a movie about kid killing.)

    So this one-trick capitol-engineered pony is back, with a new literary drinking game for all of you who love these books like I do, and for those who just want an excuse to drink alone. Cause why should drinking games be reserved for movies? Answer: they shouldn’t. I suppose that this could feasibly be played with the film, but as a friend of mine so harshly put it “the alcohol intake would be just as watered down as the emotional impact of the movie.” Zing. So, really, enjoy a book. And a beer. Let your young adult fiction flag fly. (Note: This game is specifically based on the first book. I don’t think it would carry over to the other two very well. Or prove me wrong.)

    Let the First Annual Thirsty Games begin! And may the odds be ever in your favor!

    Drink when:

    Katniss fires an arrow. This seemed like the logical place to start. Drink twice if she misses her target.

    Drink.

    Anyone uses the words “Girl on Fire.”

    Anyone climbs a tree.

    There’s a lot of time spent hanging out in trees. Maybe next time, bring a book. And a beer.

    Katniss has a foodgasm. Suzanne Collins spends whole pages describing those meals, and it’s one of my favorite things about the book that really couldn’t be adequately conveyed in the film.

    Katniss expresses naïve statements about not understanding her feelings for Peeta or Gale. Oh, the wonderful romantic confusion of young love triangles… whilst trapped in an arena of death, broadcast to an entire nation. Sure, not an easy situation; but still, that girl is as dense as District 12 bread.

    She mentions her mother’s depression. Cause, ya know, just drink away those my-husband-was-killed-in-a-mining-accident-and-now-my-daughters-and-I-are-going-to-starve blues.

    Katniss (or anyone, if you’re going all out) incurs bodily injury (but doesn’t die).

    Drink twice for emotional injury described as physical pain. Katniss is so emotionally closed off that feeling feelings gives her chest pain and makes her throat close up. That’s my kind of girl.

    Drink when Haymitch drinks. Drink twice when he vomits.

    Here’s the big one: Drink for each tribute projected in the sky. That first night is a doozy!

    And, just for funsies, some themed drinks!

    The Capitol

    1 part Goldschlager

    2 parts Sprite

    1 dash grenadine

    serve in a highball or martini glass, rimmed with pink/green/some unnaturally artificially colored sugar

    Girl on Fire

    3/4 shot of Amaretto (almond liqueur)

    Top off with Barcardi 151.

    Light the shot on fire. (Yes, light it on fire. Be careful, please.)

    Drop the shot in a half-filled pint glass of beer, and down the whole thing.

    The Haymitch

    Gin.

    Enjoy!