Hot Nerd Girl

Category: What/Why/How

  • What I need to survive the zombie apocalypse (revised)

    HNG Zombification by Brett DeWall

    One of my earliest HNG posts was titled “What I need to survive the zombie apocalypse.” Since then, The Walking Dead has premiered and risen to cult-like status, not to mention I’ve discovered new products and had about a gazillion more zombie-related nightmares (seriously, there are nights when I hardly sleep at all because of them…bastards).

    I think about the zombie apocalypse a lot. Way more than I should. And despite my massive fear of zombies, I’ve watched every episode of The Walking Dead (and Talking Dead) religiously. I’m a glutton for punishment, apparently.

    When it comes to the zombie apocalypse, some people get it and some people think that I’m completely ridiculous and insane. I’m of the opinion that it never hurts to be prepared for a disaster, regardless of whether it’s a plague of the undead or an earthquake. You just never know.

    So I’m updating my list of must-have items. The original listincluded:

    – Two Japanese swords (katana or tachi – although I would totally take a couple of tsurugi’s) … this was long before I knew of Michonne, by the way.

    – Some grenades (in case I get surrounded)

    – One really good pair of running shoes (uhm, self-explanatory)

    – Five ponytail holders (in case some get lost and because rubber bands are really damaging to your hair)

    – One kinetic water resistant watch (doesn’t need batteries and can handle some rain)

    – One really amazing sports bra (YOU try running around with 34DD’s)

    – Water purification tablets (alas, I doubt I’ll have easy access to my beloved Arrowhead)

    – One pair of Maui Jim sports sunglasses (preferably with one of those landyards that hold them to your head)

    – One baseball hat (can’t have sun in your eyes while you’re fighting the undead)

    This is one of my faves

    – As many MRE’s and meal replacement bars as I can carry in a light hiker’s backpack

    That’s a pretty darn good list if I do say so myself. But I’ve come to realize that there are other things I’ll be wanting and/or needing. The Zombie Research Society recommends packing items like maxipads and pantyhose. They serve multiple functions and are definitely good suggestions; however, they don’t make it to my list (sorry, Matt Mogk…I still heart you). Remember, I’m a rather petite chick and plan on carrying as little as possible.

    So here’s what I’d like to add to my list:

    – A sturdy Buck knife (I have a trusty one that my Dad gave me when I became a Brownie Girl Scout…cause my Dad is awesome…and I’ve learned from Andrea that having a knife on you at all times is a life saver)

    Thanks Dad!

     

    – Pocket knife (also trusty, also given to me by my Dad when I became a Girl Scout)

    – Brass knuckles (when all else fails, PUNCH the zombies in the head)

    – A roll of Duct Tape (because it fixes everything and can be used as improvised light body armor)

    – A length of chain and a carabiner (For scrambling up fences or walls or whatever. I’m not sure how long a length I could practically carry but the longer the better. I’d settle for some rope if I had to)

    – Eye Drops (nothing puts a damper on zombie killing more than getting crap in your eye or having dry eyes. It’s a luxury item, but one I’d like to have)

    – Chapstick with sunscreen (to protect your knuckles, nose, eartips, and lips from sunburn and chapping)

    – Bar of deodorant (not necessarily for body odor, but to prevent chafing. It can help prevent blisters if your shoes don’t quite fit, or if something like, I dunno…a gun holster rubs you the wrong way)

    – Baby powder (can also be used to prevent chafing and can be used in lieu of shampoo/soap to absorb oil and grease)

    – Hand or baby wipes (I’m Obsessive Compulsive and my hands must be clean as much as humanly possible. In fact, throw a toothbrush in there too)

    – Extra socks (every military guy I know, most of whom are related to me, recommend having extra socks. Plus, I know it’s been mentioned in a ton of movies)

    – First aid kit with antibiotics and an EpiPen (Duh, this should have been on my original list)

    – Electrolytes (these bad boys come in handy when you get a muscle cramp. I take them when I go hiking and it helps prevent muscle soreness later as well)

    Electrolytes FTW!

    – Night vision goggles (couldn’t hurt to be able to see in the dark)

    – Collapsible canteens (a no-brainer and I really prefer them over the condoms the ZRS recommends carrying around)

    – A Keeper or Moon Cup (see explanation below)

    That last one might be TMI for the guys reading this, but we girls need to think about these things and there’s no guarantee we’ll have a Glenn who’s willing to risk his life for a box of tampons. The Keeper/Moon Cup is a fantastic little gizmo. You can leave it in all day and just rinse and reuse. Plus, it literally lasts for decades. I have yet to find a better alternative for dealing with Aunt Flo during a zombie apocalypse (or a day at the beach). You’re welcome ladies.

    If possible, I’d like to throw a gun and a decent amount of ammo on the list but since I don’t currently own a gun, I’d have to pick one up along the way. Luckily, I have a few Dad’s that taught me how to use guns so I’m familiar with them and can pretty much handle any one I manage to grab.

    Hopefully I’ll never have to worry about this stuff but I’m tougher than I look and could probably lead my Zombie Apocalypse Annihilation Team (ZAAT) without going batshit crazy a la Rick.

    Ready to kick some zombie ass for realz yo

    Have anything you think should be added to the list? Let me know in the comments!

  • 100th HNG POST!! “Ask a Nerd Girl”

    Wow.  This is my 100th blog post.  It kinda crept up on me.  I wasn’t sure what to do to mark this momentous (for me, at least) occasion.  Then I thought, hey! I’ll make it about the fans! They can ask whatever questions they want and I’ll give them advice or whatever.  People are always asking me for advice.  Heck, I could moonlight as a therapist for a few of my friends.

    The response was way bigger than I thought it would be and the questions very different then I thought they would be (I didn’t think there would be so many personal questions!)  Because I was pulling the questions from multiple areas I apologize if I missed any.  I tried to answer all of them.

    But mostly, I just want to say thank you.  For supporting me, for sticking by me, and for being such a wonderful community of fellows nerds and nerdettes.

    ***

    Jamie A: A Star Trek mirror universe based TV series would be awesome (but incredibly unlikely), which time period in the franchise would be best to see in the mirror universe and why?

    I’d actually love to see a TV show based on Sela.  About a week ago I participated in a podcast discussion with the World’s Best Podcast guys about how that character was sorely underutilized during the TNG years.  It would be a great opportunity to see more of the elusive Romulans and get to know Tasha Yar a bit better as her mirror universe daughter discovers more about her roots.

    Rob W: How do you feel about Star Wars: The Old Republic and the new 1.2 Legacy patch?

    I don’t play SW:TOR.  *GASP!*  I know.  Blasphemy, right?  It’s actually pretty rare for me to play video games in general these days.  It’s not that I don’t love them, I do.  I used to play them all the time and I’ll sit and watch other people play them for hours.  But I’ve developed bad wrist problems and combine that with the fact that I have ridiculously tiny hands and it’s physically painful for me to use the controllers for more than a few minutes at a time.  I know, it sucks.

    Troi D: I hear your sister in law is pretty cool can you tell us more about her?

    Well, the sci-fi gods were definitely smiling down on my brother when they handed him a girl named “Troi.”  And yo- I mean SHE is as awesome as her name.  Plus, she gave me an adorable nephew to dote on and warp into a mini nerd.  I’m super lucky in that my whole family is super cool and super supportive.

    Ian F : With the upcoming Geek Fest Film known as The Avengers coming in little over 2 weeks to North America (rest of the world gets it sooner, curse them . .) How are you preparing to come down from the AWESOME HIGH that will be experiencing that movie? or are you prepared at all?

    I’m 99.99% sure that I will have multiple nerdgasms in the movie theatre.  I kind of feel sorry for the people who will be sitting around me because there will be lots of squealing and clapping coming from my direction.  My plan is to have a Marvel Movie Marathon at my house along with Geek Outlaw and some other friends before we go see The Avengers.  I think we calculated the total running time of the 5 previously released Marvel movies at 10 hours and 1 minute.  That includes The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, and Thor. It’s going to be an epic day.

    José H: If Captains Kirk (circa 1968) and Reynolds (circa 2003) get into an argument and end up in fisticuffs, who would win?

    Oh man, that’s a really tough question Jose.  They’re both known for their bare knuckle brawling skills.  I’m going to say Kirk and here’s why.  Yes, Mal is a badass but he only ever fights humans (for the sake of argument I’m going to consider Reavers human) whereas Kirk has fought and defeated multiple types of alien species.  If I were to witness Mal kicking Gorn’s ass I might have to rectify this logic but for now I’m sticking to my guns.

    Justin R: will you go out with me?

    Kevin H: will you marry me? 🙂

    Y’all are so sweet and I’m very flattered but I’m spoken for.

    Geek Outlaw: If you could have ANY character written for yourself to play in the entire Star Trek universe, what would they be like? Name? Race? Background? Association? Personality? Level of Bad-Ass-ness?

    This question was answered about 13 years ago back when I was really into RPGing.  Geek Outlaw, I’m not sure you even know this about me (?) but I was a crew member on three different Starfleet ships at one point.  I even have a monstrously huge binder full of everything I ever wrote for all three ships as well as a print out of every page of startrek.com for reference.  My mom shudders when she looks at all the paper I used back then.  I was always a Trill and I always somehow ended up with a symbiont.  I remember being a Stellar Cartographer nicknamed “Mo” on one ship when I was at SFSU.  In High School I was Tra’cia Ru’maro and eventually Tra’cia Dax (I know, super original, right?), XO of the USS Redemption, a new class of warship that had recovered Borg technology incorporated into its systems.  Personality was always pretty much on par with the real me….with maybe just slightly more badassery 😉

    Cyric C: Nerd girl, I am a Geek in a relationship with a nonintellectual type. We have a number of things in common because I also enjoy a wide range of more physically oriented pursuits, but lately it’s just been a real drag because as I learn and discover new things that I am in awe of, she couldn’t care less. Should I leave or is there perhaps an alternative route to go?

    If by “nonintellectual-type” you’re calling her dumb then I wouldn’t worry about whether or not you should leave her cause chances are she’ll be leaving you first for being a jerk.  But if you mean to say that you’re in a mixed marriage with a muggle then I can sympathize.  Opposites attract so many of us date/marry non-nerds.  My advice is to enjoy the activities you can do together and find a group of friends that you can do nerdy stuff with.  There are plenty of guilds, groups, and reenacting clubs out there.  If that’s just not enough and she’s not willing to at least try getting into something you love then it probably isn’t meant to be.

    Kyle S: I’m a nerd guy and always dreamed of dating a Hot Nerd Girl. How does one go about finding a HNG and how would one approach said HNG? Being an HNG yourself, I’m sure you have much unique insight that could help all Nerd Guys everywhere.

    Having the confidence to approach and ask is more than half the battle.  I have yet to meet an HNG (and I’ve met a lot of them) that isn’t a sweetheart.  If an HNG catches your eye at a convention or your local comic book store and you don’t see a ring on her finger, go for it.  If she’s taken chances are she’ll let you down nicely.  If she’s not nice about it then consider yourself lucky that she’s saving you the trouble of having to deal with a mean girl.  Same thing goes for the ladies.  Nasty people aren’t worth your time or energy.

    Steve L: Well until recently people would and have been bullied for being who they are. Whether that’s being a general otaku/nerd/fan-person or just being dorky, a bit strange and weird, there are people out there that have been terrorized by being bullied, and I hate to say this but not just in school in your younger years. Oh if it were that easy, but at work and now especially on the net.  There are people scared to post up and speak out because of the ramifications that can happen, and if you speak up you’re opening yourself to being ostracized from your fellow workers for fear they might get in trouble by talking to you. I’d like to ask you what your opinion on the subject and what you can offer those out there to stop being scared, be strong, and be able to confront those bullying them and others. That’s my question for your 100th post and congrats on that by the way as well.

    Steve, this is such an important topic of conversation and one that I feel very passionately about.  I cannot stand seeing people get picked on and have gotten into a few altercations myself trying to defend people.  I feel like bullying in school is starting to get a bit better. It’s far from solved but at least we’re on the right track.  No one wants to come to school the next day and find out a kid killed themselves.  The slogan can be a bit cheesy but the “it gets better” and No H8 campaigns are making a dent and are applicable to anyone who feels they are an outsider.

    Workplace bullying is so very different. These are people who should really know better and are throwing any modicum of professionalism out the window.  A few years back I worked for a very small company that didn’t have any kind of HR department.  I’ve got a great sense of humor and love to joke around but there was blatant sexual harassment from an individual that I couldn’t continue to ignore.  In the end I left the company.  Sometimes you just have to do that.  I went on to work for another company that likewise didn’t have an HR department but who were excellent at solving people’s issues.  I never had one complaint the entire time I worked there.  It’s tough to leave an abusive situation in this economy but if you’re emotional well-being is a stake and there is no one who can help you, it’s worth it to leave.

    I feel like this topic needs its own blog because I have so much more to say about this.

    Brandon K: Tracy, Congratz on the 100th post!!!  You are making me look bad w/ my lack of writing lately – BUT, the redesign of my site is live as of this afternoon and I’m feeling inspired!!!  Background:  I am the proud Nerdy father of three Nerdy daughters (two 17yr olds and an 11yr old) and between the four of us we cover just about everything from Firefly and Doctor Who to Zombies and the apocalypse.  But enough about me – on to YOU!  (wait, that sounded bad . . . . don’t tell my wife . . . . ) Anywho – my question to you is:  If nerds across the known verse could only remember one thing about you and what you’re passionate about – what would you want your legacy to be? Can’t wait to read your answer!

    Wow, great question!  Tough though….there are so many different ways to answer this!  I’m constantly striving to remind people that there are real heroes in this world.  Men and women who would never admit that they are heroes but who are.  These are not professional athletes, they are not actors, they are not carpet cleaners.  They are the people who put their lives on the line every single day so that we don’t have to worry about our safety on a daily basis.  I think everyone here knows that I come from a military family and they are certainly my main focus.  I volunteer for Operation Gratitude, crochet scarves and write letters to include in care packages.  But I extend that out to cops, firefighters, intelligence agencies, etc.  The people who makes such huge sacrifices for complete strangers.  Thor and Superman are fantastic, I love them and I obsess over them.  But my personal superheroes are my Dad and my Brother.

    Steven K: I love this question, I was just asked it in an interview, and since I only love it sarcastically, I’d like to share the pain: How would your friends describe you?

    I tend to be very shy so I don’t make friends easily but when I do I’m extremely loyal.  I’m also very awkward much of the time, even around people I’ve been friends with for years, which is totally weird and lame.  My guy friends would tell you that I’m naïve and fit into that “little sister” niche but my girl friends would tell you that I’m an overprotective mama hen (no one gets roofied on my watch). But what people most often tell me is that I’m a sweetheart. I hate gossip and back stabbing so I don’t participate in it and I avoid people who do.  Life’s too short to put up with all that crap.  My friend Brian just called me a “closet super freak.”  I’m going to take that as a compliment… And I hope they would all say that I have a great sense of humor 😉

    Nishi D: What advice do you have for aspiring Nerd Girls struggling to make it in a Nerd Boys’ and Non-Nerd Girls’ world?

    Lisann Z: Do you have some words of wisdom for other hot nerd girls?

    Just be yourself.  That’s all I’ve ever done.  It has never been my goal to fit in anywhere and I’ve always been a bit of an outsider everywhere.  Which is just fine with me.

    Shawn H: Bang Marry Kill: Picard, Kirk, and Sisko. Go.

    Aww shit!  Torture me why don’t you! LOL.  Ugh.  Questions like this are really tough for me but here goes.  I’m gonna kill Sisko because (and only because!) he’s sort of in weird Prophet limbo-land anyways and that makes it mighty convenient for me.  I’m most attracted physically to Picard and if I have to wake up next to one of them everyday (uhh, yes please) I guess it would be him.  Kirk’s a total manwhore but the flip side of that is he’s gotta know all kinds of crazy awesome tricks, right? So as long as he’s cleared by medical I’ll bang Kirk.

    Chad E: Definition of hump day. Go.

    Wednesday, you dirty-minded man you!

    Kenneth W: What is the moment in your life that you feel pride for being a nerd?

    When I see other nerds coming out of their shells and being proud of who they are.

    Troi D: Why is Bill Murray so awesome?

    I think his awesomeness defies explanation.  It’s a gift that God bestows on but a few.

    Kevin L: Create your own super-hero (the world certainly needs one). What would your super-hero name be? What would your super-powers be, and your weakness? What would you believe in, and why?

    Wow, y’all are really putting me to work with these questions!  I’m actually in the process of creating my own unique HNG superhero costume for Comic Con so it’s funny that you asked this.  Princess Trek has been a nickname of mine for about, ohh…15 years….so I’ll go with that as my name in lieu of HNG.  I’d LOVE to be able to fly.  I dream a lot and at least half the time I have the ability to fly.  Super healing would be great too. I’m thinking I’d like a couple of badass Katanas as well.  My weakness would be the sun.  I have sensitive eyes and the sun gives me headaches so I’d need to have an awesome VISOR as part of my outfit.  It’d be cool to work for the government, like GI Joe or SHIELD and defend the US (and World) against supervillians and terrorists.

    Michael H: i don’t have a question, but I would like to request more and sexier photo shoots.

    I’ll work on that.  Though I tend to be a bit of a prude so it may require copious amounts of alcohol to accomplish.

    Ray N: Why aren’t there any HNG tees and other assorted SWAG, Tracy? 😀

    I’ve thought about it a bit but I’m not sure many people would buy it LOL.  Correct me if I’m wrong!  Maybe I should have a t-shirt designing contest.  Thoughts?

    Kenneth W: How has been a hot nerd girl made your life better? How has it made it worse?

    I’ve always been a nerd so I really can’t imagine what my life would be like without sci-fi, fantasy, etc.  I get so unbelievably happy when I discover a new book or tv show, I literally light up like a firecracker.  I am passionate about my nerdy pursuits so I feel like it makes my life better on a daily basis.  Being a girl in the nerd world hasn’t really affected me other than the curious looks I get when I walk into a convention…although…that is much less the case today.  It used to be that I was one of only a few girls in the whole place, now conventions are overrun with hot, nerdy ladies which is fantastic.

    I really can’t think of any way in which it’s made my life worse.  My look isn’t for everyone but it certainly never hurts to be considered attractive.  I mentioned before that I tend to be socially awkward.  If anything, being nerdy has helped with that.  I may not be the best at contributing to a conversation but the second Star Trek or Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter comes up I’m the liveliest person in the group.

    Helen D: When do you most wish you had the power of the Force? For example, last night after my shower I pulled back the shower curtain only to realize I had forgotten my towel on the back of the door…

    I hate it when I do that!  So annoying.  I wish I could use the Force to make meals since I’m such a terrible cook.  Either that or I need a replicator.  Either will do.

    Robbie B: What are your thoughts on Stargate SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe? I havn’t seen blog posts about them, please tell me that you have watched them! Also, have you watched any of the Warehouse 13 series? If so, what are your thoughts?

    Wow, you’re right, I haven’t written about them!  I actually just put all of the Stargate shows in my Netflix queue the other day so I could revisit them.  I’ll try to write a whole post about it soon.  But the short answer is that I loved SG-1.  I watched Atlantis in waves (har har) and that’s why I’m planning to go back and watch it from start to finish.  I need to catch up on Universe and I’ve watched Warehouse 13 only sporadically.  I wish I could skip sleeping because I always have so much going on, it’s really hard to fit everything in.

    James V: Do you like my new haircut???

    Send me a picture and I’ll let you know.

    Kenneth W: What would you personally like to change about nerd culture?

    Just that nerds be proud of who they are.  It’s easier now than ever. Being a nerd/geek has become much more socially acceptable so why deny your inner nerd?  Let your geek flag fly!

    Phil K: If you could be half human, half sausage, which half of your body would you want to be sausage and why?

    My bottom half cause then I could eat myself out.  That’s vulgar.  I can’t believe I just said that.

    Tidus J: when did you know you were a nerd?

    I don’t remember ever not being a nerd.  Star Trek has been on the family TV since I was a baby and I fell in love with comics not long after I learned to read.

    Brett W: when did you know you were hot?

    When my guy friends started telling me I was.  Probably around age 14.

    Nick J: When did you know you were a hot nerd?

    When a friend told me I needed to call my blog Hot Nerd Girl.

    Jesse L: If a gun was put to your head, which would you choose? Star Trek or Star Wars?

    Star Trek will always be my first love.  Plus, there’s more of it to watch so if I was marooned on a desert island with only one franchise I’d be entertained for a longer period of time if I picked Star Trek.

    Rick S: If you could recreate one of your favorite movies which one would it be and what actors currently still in the biz would be in it? Unlimited budget…

    Oh wow, good question.  Hmmm….I’m actually not a big fan of remakes and I would probably cry if anyone tried to remake something like Princess Bride or Legend.  Can I pick a movie that I would like to see remade because I DIDN’T like it?  Like Catwoman or FF Silver Surfer?

    Kim C: when is Shatner cooler than Kirk ?

    5 years ago I would have said “never, Shatner is a douche, viva la Kirk!” but Shatner has actually gotten pretty awesome and less douchy in the past few years.  So I’m going to say when he’s “singing.”

    Kenneth W: What instance made you feel shame over nerd culture in general?

    There are certain websites that shall remain nameless in which people log on anonymously and say very demeaning things about women and each other.  I wouldn’t say that I feel shame but I’m really not a big fan of those.  Or of people being mean in general.

    Chris T: You aren’t just nerd girl, you are hot nerd girl. With that established, my question is about your hotness. What is your favorite cut of undergarment?

    As a guy do you know the various cuts of women’s undergarments?  If so, I’m not sure if that’s cool or creepy LOL.  For underwear, bikini cut. For bras, demi.

    Brian T: What is your Zombie Apocalypse Plan?

    There’s this as well as a rendezvous point with my family members.  Let’s just say that I’m grateful I come from a family that’s full of active and retired military personnel.

    Ricky D: If they were to make Firefly season 2 (gawd I wish), would you rather it be pre-Serenity with Wash and Book still alive, or post-Serenity with River as the new pilot and a widowed and possibly pregnant Zoe?

    I’m all about moving forward, not looking back.  It wouldn’t be the same without Wash and Book, and just the thought of it makes me horribly depressed, but I don’t think you could go back in time without making it weird.

    Dan M: what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

    Talking nerdy to you.

    David F: What’s your favorite Nerd candy flavor?

    Strawberry.

    Jake S: Goku vs. Superman?

    What this guy said…

    Rob G: ok iknow its not a question for me but i would like to weigh in on goku vs superman. yes superman is fast and can shoot heat rays out of his xray eyes, and is powered by the sun thus making him one OP motha…. this being said just about every character in DBZ seems to shoot lazers out of something and can fly and are ridiculously fast. the biggest difference is in power source. superman has sun, goku has getting pissed and sensu beans. by this logic goku wins because he could just blow up the sun and instant transmission out this bitch with the rest of the planet while superman could be left scratching his ass wondering what happened. one spirit bomb, all im saying.

    Actually, I never really got into Dragon Ball Z.  That was more my brother’s thing.  So I’ll go with Superman just because I like him more.

    Mike W: How do I score an invitation to your birthday party next year?

    Hmmm….maybe I’ll have a contest or something.

    Alvaro A: Would you be open to an interview?

    Sure.

    Rick S: If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

    No, I’d say thank ya kindly.

    Jin R: X-Men vs Avengers?

    Can I have both?  Thor is my favorite but the X-Men are my second favorite.

    Jin R: sex or wow?

    Sex.

    Steven H: Batman vs. Wolverine?

    Geez, y’all ask some tough questions.  I’m terrible at choosing between two things that I love.  This came up on the facebook page a while back and I went with Wolverine then.

    Jin R: money or gold?

    Gold-pressed latinum.

    Mike C: oh man, I really want to take advantage of this opportunity. but I really have no questions in mind… and only an hour to think of one…. cuz most of the ones I’d come up with I know the answer to. Lol. Oooh ooh I got one. Of any character in the Star Trek universe….. who would you want to get absolutely plastered drunk with?

    I can see why you would have trouble considering you’ve known me for more than a decade LOL.  Easy.  Jadzia Dax. That girl knows how to party.

    Kevin L: Why do you host the HNG community? What does it mean to you?

    It all started with the blog. The community has been the best, most deliciously awesome cherry on top ever.  Honestly, it means the world to me and I’ll tell you why.  Because there are soooo many places on the internet where people go and are hyper critical and downright mean to each other (usually anonymously) and I have a real problem with that.  It’s my humble opinion that the world is mean enough to nerds and outsiders, the least we can do is be nice to each other.  The vast majority of the time everyone on the HNG page is friendly and supportive of both me and the other people participating.  I feel like it’s a safe place to congregate.  I can’t tell you how much that positive energy means to me.  Y’all make me smile and laugh every day and I love ya for it.

    Jesse V: Which Final Fantasy character out of all the series would you consider to be the best of all?

    Cid. LOL.

    Brian L: How old are you? What is your occupation? Where did you go to college? What did you study? When did you graduate?

    Old enough to do everything I want legally. Writer (an aspiring one at least). San Francisco State University. Theatre. A while ago.

    Robert H: Where can I get my very own Hot Nerd Girl? 😛

    Frequent the places they frequent.  Best place is always at conventions, they have the highest concentrations.

    Mark E: ontogeny recapitulates ??? (Milk and Cookies if you get the right answer…)

    Haeckel was a lying liar who lies.

    I can haz cookies?

    John G: Jedi or Sith?

    I’m a sucker for the good guys.  I’ll go with Jedi.  From an acting standpoint though, it’d be more fun to play a Sith.

    Shauna H: how do you choose your outfits/costumes/cosplay? Do you do period garb? Have you created any of your own stuff? What made you choose this name for this page? (thanks for answering)

    I usually do surveys.  Give a list of 5 or 6 options and tally up the votes.  Batgirl I did because I saw the costume at Halloween and I liked it.  I’ve done period garb in the past but not in several years.  I love it though and I’m dying to put together my own Valkyrie costume.  I’m just now starting to create my own costumes.  I created a Pris (Blade Runner) costume for a friend’s birthday party this past weekend and I’m starting to work on two more for Comic Con.  We’ll see how that goes.  I’m a very crafty person but that creativity doesn’t seem to extend to clothing (I’m really NOT into fashion, like, at all).  I didn’t choose the name HNG, a friend did. It took him a while to sell me on it and it still embarrasses me but I’m tying really hard to get over that and just own it.

    Jeff P: is Urkel a superhero?

    I think that Urkel started out as a great role model.  He was smart and confident.  Same with Screech from Saved by the Bell.  Then at some point both characters underwent a weird transformation and became bumbling idiots who spent half their time running into walls and falling over chairs.  I’d like to have a heated discussion with whoever made those creative decisions because I think they did a disservice to nerds everywhere.  For me the real life superheroes are the armed forces.  I was raised by military personnel and my brother is currently serving so I may be a bit biased in that regard.

    Edward W: Is there a Hot Nerd Girl boot camp my girlfriend can attend?

    Ha!  No, but that sounds like a lot of fun!  We could put each other’s hair in side buns and talk about the dreamiest Captains and have Tribble fights!

    ***

    So what do y’all think?  Is “Ask a Nerd Girl” something I should do more often?  Or was it totally lame and should be jettisoned into space?  Should it be a permanent fixture with its own page on the blog? Let me know in the comments.

  • Thirsty Games – The Hunger Games Drinking Game

    Note from HNG: Hey Nerds and Nerdettes, your favorite virtual drinking buddy is back!  You may remember Vivian’s fantastic Firefly Drinking Game post (or not, depending on how drunk you got while playing it) and this time she’s created a Hunger Games Drinking Game that will make you Rue the day you didn’t drink while reading it (what? too soon?)  So without further ado, heeeeeeere’s Vivian!

    Hey there! Guest Nerd Girl Vivian again. Since you were all so incredibly supportive of my last admission of addiction, I thought I’d share another one with you. And that is… books. Books are great. Books are underappreciated. And books are sexy. There’s a vicious cycle that I’ve been caught in for many, many years. It goes something like this:

    Step 1: Fall in love with a book.

    Step 2: Find out a movie is being made based on said book, and get very excited.

    Step 3: Be disappointed with the movie.

    In case of sequels, repeat.

    And so it was with The Hunger Games. I was a little late to this party, and I didn’t start the first book until just a few months ago. But I made up for my tardiness with unabashed, obnoxiously vocal adoration. I was that person who worked “that’s like when Katniss…” into every conversation. If woman and young adult literature could wed, I would ask these books to be mine forever. And we would honeymoon in District 7.

    I was so devoted to the books that I resisted watching the movie trailers or clips, or looking at the casting choices, until I’d finished the series. (I had the same strategy for the Harry Potter movies, which only lasted through about four of them before I caved.) I just didn’t want anyone else’s images in my head, and I also didn’t want to be disappointed. But then, immediately after finishing the third book, I did watch the trailer, and… daaaaammmn. It was so beautiful. And thrilling. I don’t think I exhaled through the whole thing. And my expectations for the movie shot sky high. To be fair, I was not actually disappointed by the film. I loved it. I had issues with it, but when a movie focuses on a girl whose major personality trait is her inability to outwardly express her thoughts and feelings, a lot of the book’s magic will inevitably be lost, and I accept that. Overall, the movie served as a sort of Cliffs Notes companion to a book I can’t get enough of. So I enjoyed every minute of it. (Well, almost every minute. I found Cinna’s scenes maddeningly boring and those damn CGI mutts were doomed to suck. Also, “enjoyed” is a really strange word to use when describing a movie about kid killing.)

    So this one-trick capitol-engineered pony is back, with a new literary drinking game for all of you who love these books like I do, and for those who just want an excuse to drink alone. Cause why should drinking games be reserved for movies? Answer: they shouldn’t. I suppose that this could feasibly be played with the film, but as a friend of mine so harshly put it “the alcohol intake would be just as watered down as the emotional impact of the movie.” Zing. So, really, enjoy a book. And a beer. Let your young adult fiction flag fly. (Note: This game is specifically based on the first book. I don’t think it would carry over to the other two very well. Or prove me wrong.)

    Let the First Annual Thirsty Games begin! And may the odds be ever in your favor!

    Drink when:

    Katniss fires an arrow. This seemed like the logical place to start. Drink twice if she misses her target.

    Drink.

    Anyone uses the words “Girl on Fire.”

    Anyone climbs a tree.

    There’s a lot of time spent hanging out in trees. Maybe next time, bring a book. And a beer.

    Katniss has a foodgasm. Suzanne Collins spends whole pages describing those meals, and it’s one of my favorite things about the book that really couldn’t be adequately conveyed in the film.

    Katniss expresses naïve statements about not understanding her feelings for Peeta or Gale. Oh, the wonderful romantic confusion of young love triangles… whilst trapped in an arena of death, broadcast to an entire nation. Sure, not an easy situation; but still, that girl is as dense as District 12 bread.

    She mentions her mother’s depression. Cause, ya know, just drink away those my-husband-was-killed-in-a-mining-accident-and-now-my-daughters-and-I-are-going-to-starve blues.

    Katniss (or anyone, if you’re going all out) incurs bodily injury (but doesn’t die).

    Drink twice for emotional injury described as physical pain. Katniss is so emotionally closed off that feeling feelings gives her chest pain and makes her throat close up. That’s my kind of girl.

    Drink when Haymitch drinks. Drink twice when he vomits.

    Here’s the big one: Drink for each tribute projected in the sky. That first night is a doozy!

    And, just for funsies, some themed drinks!

    The Capitol

    1 part Goldschlager

    2 parts Sprite

    1 dash grenadine

    serve in a highball or martini glass, rimmed with pink/green/some unnaturally artificially colored sugar

    Girl on Fire

    3/4 shot of Amaretto (almond liqueur)

    Top off with Barcardi 151.

    Light the shot on fire. (Yes, light it on fire. Be careful, please.)

    Drop the shot in a half-filled pint glass of beer, and down the whole thing.

    The Haymitch

    Gin.

    Enjoy!

  • 5 reasons why I heart Deep Space Nine

    Hey guys, what are ya talking about? Huh? Oh, Tribbles? That’s cool.

    –

    Right now my brother is halfway around the world serving his country.

    Right now I am sitting comfortably in my house in sunny San Diego.

    He is a better man than I, it’s true.

    But there’s one thing we have in common right now.  We are both rewatching that great soap opera in space, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

    –

    DS9 is the red headed step-child of the Star Trek universe.  A little too dark, a little too stationary, a little too outside the norm compared to the other series.  It started off with Commander Sisko showing obvious disdain for Captain Picard, one of the most beloved characters in the entire franchise and it continued to take the road less traveled.  You either loved it or you hated it.  I remember when the The Next Generation cast spoke of Nemesis being their last movie there was talk that Sisko’s batch of oddballs would be skipped over in favor of the Starfleet-full Voyager crew.  Obviously neither was selected and JJ Abrams took the franchise in a completely different direction.  But the message was clear, you’ve had your fun now don’t expect anything more.

    In my opinion DS9 was the most poetic of the series.  It wasn’t clean and bright.  Instead of just adventure it had intrigue.  Instead of a story of the week it had story arcs that spanned all seven years.  It marked the first killing of a major character since Tasha Yar back in the first season of TNG.

    It brought imperfection to a previously perfect universe.

    I loved it for that.

    Here are 5 more reasons why I heart DS9:

    1. The Women

    Y’all know I love strong women and Star Trek is full of them.  In Star Trek women are equal to men.  Period.  It’s what our mama’s fought for.  But one strong woman stands in a class all her own and that’s Colonel Kira Nerys.  A battle-hardened freedom fighter, Kira struggled with her new role as part of the status quo, often picking battles with her superiors and searching for a new cause to believe in.  If she lost a fight it wasn’t for lack of trying. Fiercely stubborn, she could quickly change gears and be extremely kind.

    And on the other end of the spectrum you have the Dabo girls.  Submissive, obedient, scantily clad but strong in their own way as they fought to find a place for themselves in the universe.  Leeta, for example, started off as a Dabo girl, formed a labor union, joined the resistance against the Dominion and ended up the wife of the Grand Nagus.

    All in a days work Leeta

    However, the honor of my favorite female Star Trek character ever goes to Jadzia Dax.  I’m pretty sure that we would be BFF’s if she was a real person.  I was way into RPGing in High School and College and I was almost always a Trill joined with the Dax symbiont….usually Tra’cia Dax.  I know, super original, right?  What can I say?  I have no excuse other than the fact that I love Jadzia so much.  A friend and I used to promise each other that we’d name our daughters Jadzia.  And while I don’t see that happening if and when I ever have a kid, I still totally love that name.  I named my pet rats Jadzia Maria Dax and Ezri Ann Dax.  Don’t ask me where the middle names came from; I totally pulled them out of my butt.  I even painstakingly drew Trill spots down each side of my face when I wore my TNG uniform once.  I cried the ugly cry when Jadzia died.  Not when the possessed Gul Dukat went all Pah-wraith on her, but when she and Worf said their goodbyes. Ugh.

    Sucks to be me!

    2. The Religion

    The other four series dabbled in alien religions occasionally, namely Klingon rituals, but DS9 is the only series to have it be a major plot point.  Some would probably argue that this made Gene Roddenberry turn over in his grave.  Gene was famously agnostic and had a strict no-religion rule that was stretched occasionally but rarely broken. DS9 portrayed religion as a complicated and tenuous thing.  It wasn’t always good, it wasn’t always bad.  Politics got in the way.  But even Sisko accepted it in the end.  The powers that be got away with this because it was the Bajorans who were religious, not the Starfleet officers.  Deep Space Nine itself acted as a gateway to the celestial temple and was therefore the location of many heated debates.  Bajoran piety affected everyone on board, especially Quark. He not only lost a crapload of income during the Time of Cleansing, but got bitch slapped by a brand spankin’ new union when he tried to cut his employee’s wages.  Because religion is such a hot topic in the world today, what with wars being fought and elections being influenced by them, it’s easy to see why Star Trek would want to discuss religion.  Star Trek has always taken current events and explored them in such a way that it becomes clear when we’re getting it right and when we’re frakking it up.  It took guts for the producers of DS9 to make it such a large part of the show and for that I applaud them.

    3. The War

    I’ve never been in a war.  I don’t know what it’s like to fight for a cause or to fight merely for survival.  I really hope that I never have to.  I come from a military family and I hear the stories they are willing to share.  I have stood by proudly and watched as my Dad retired and my brother graduated from boot camp.  I’ve cried when they left and cried when they returned half a year later.  I’ve never been in a war myself but I can tell you that it is not easy to send someone you love to one.  Naturally, anything with a war in it has a bit of an impact on me.

    War in space can seem remote when you’re watching it on TV or in a movie.  You watch as spaceships get destroyed but you don’t see much about the people inside them getting hurt.  Deep Space Nine took the battle to the ground.  We didn’t just see the starships battling it out with phasers and photon torpedoes, we saw the soldiers in the trenches.

    Including my favorite Ferengi

    “The Siege of AR-558” is one of the greatest hours of television ever produced.  I will freely admit that I cried like a baby the first time I saw it and every time I’ve seen it since.  It showed war for the messy, confusing, exhausting thing that it is. It didn’t sugar coat it and it didn’t try to make it seem glamorous.  Our loved ones fight for us so that we won’t have to think about these things but it’s something that people need to be reminded of every once in a while lest we forget to be grateful for their sacrifice.

    4. The Money

    In general Star Trek avoids the topic of money like the plague.  They acknowledge its existence only long enough to balk at it and proclaim that they have no use for it, that the betterment of mankind is payment enough for their service.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that.  The idea of a world without greed is especially appealing in these perilous economic times.  But there’s something very amusing about watching Quark scheme and plot for gold-pressed latinum.  Or watching Jadzia Dax throw it down as she spanks all the Ferengi guys at tongo.  Or having to pay to use the holodecks instead of just walking in, never knowing what dirty program had been played just a few minutes before.

    As much as I would like for it to be true, I just can’t imagine a life without some kind of currency.  They never satisfactorily explain how normal people within the Federation purchase clothing or food without money.  I would argue that they simply replicate everything but I’ve seen too many shops and markets and bottles of Chateau Picard wine for that to be the case.  So how does that work?  Someone walks in and they just give him bottles of wine?  Why doesn’t everyone have huge swaths of land to do with as they please?  I know that World War III wiped out much of the population but it’s recovered enough that there’s not enough land on Earth for everyone to do whatever they want with it.  I seem to remember that the DS9 crew gets some kind of allowance so that they can partake in Quark’s Bar and the holodeck for recreation, etc. etc.  But if the Federation doesn’t have money, where are they getting the funds for the allowance?  I’ve heard the term “credits” thrown around a few times but then a producer will say that credits don’t exist in Star Trek.  I finally looked it up here but it only confirmed my suspicion that no one really knows.

    At any rate, the presence of gold-pressed latinum on the station has made for some very amusing episodes and I’m glad that it’s there.

    5. The End

    I’m one of those people who likes things to be all wrapped up.  I don’t like loose ends.  Maybe it’s the list maker perfectionista in me.  As much as I love Star Trek and The Next Generation, they didn’t have proper conclusions imho.  Star Trek was cancelled before they could write one (although it was wrapped up nicely in the movies) and TNG’s left me unsatisfied (both on TV and in the movies).  DS9 has a real, honest to God ending.  Yes, it left on a cliff hanger with Sisko but it gave you the feeling that this was truly the end, the last time you were ever going to see your friends together in one place, that there would never be a moment like this again so you’d better savor it.  I wept like a baby during that final episode.

    In short, I love DS9 for all the ways in which it ISN’T like Star Trek.  Which is kind of weird because I really REALLY love Star Trek.

    Whatcha talking about? Huh? Huh? Oh, still Tribbles. Ok cool.

    “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

    – Quark, quoting Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr, last spoken line of the series

  • Firefly and Beer and All Things Good

    Remember this pretty lady? We went to college together at San Francisco State and she’s put together a kick ass guest blog for you today.  So without further ado, heeeeeeere’s Vivian!

    Hello, nerds of the internet! Guest nerd girl here, because ya know what? It turns out there are loads of us! That’s right, many of us may still hide our Star Trek box sets and take down our autographed Watchmen posters when boys are coming over, but trust me, our numbers are great and our will is strong. So I’m coming out to the world (the world-wide web, even) and saying YES, I AM A NERD.

    I enjoy so many nerdy things. I grew up on Star Trek and the Cruise-less Mission Impossible series. My first love triangle was trying to choose between Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell. I love X-Men and Shakespeare and young adult books set in space (or wizarding academies). My nerd interests are deep and vast (*dirty*). However, there is one passion that surpasses them all, and I would like to share it with all of you.

    In fact, I have a confession to make. I have an addiction. It’s powerful, and at times it dominates my entire life. I am addicted… to Firefly.

    Now I know I’m not alone in this, that there are many in my ranks, and that offers me a degree of comfort. Still, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to shake this need to have Serenity and it’s crew in my life. (Full disclosure: I’ve never tried to shake this need. But I’m pretty sure that if I ever did, it would be completely futile. So I don’t.) This sickness infects both my work life (my senior year of undergrad I wrote a final film studies paper on Serenity. My professor was not as taken as I was.) and my personal life. When surrounded by a new group of people, I will almost always eventually sneak a Firefly reference into the conversation and do a quick scan. The person whose eyes light up: my new friend. No reaction: boring times ahead.

    Oh, this old jumpsuit? I just throw it on when I don't know what to wear.

    And, fellow nerdy internetians, I have another love. Beer. Everyone has their thing. Some people juggle geese. *quick scan* As for me, there are few things in this world that I love more than a good beer. You can call me pretentious (please don’t), but I live in Los Angeles, and that means I am constantly aWash (see what I did there?) in an endless supply of “craft” “artisanal” delights. And as I’ve always said, why do a thing when you could do that thing while also drinking beer? (Ok, it’s not the most eloquent motto, but it’s never failed me.) So, in that spirit, I would like to present to you my Firefly drinking game. So put on your brownest coat and pour yourself a tall Mudders Milk. Just enjoy responsibly, like the big damn heroes I know you are.

    Down to business. Let's be bad guys.

    The Rules

    Drink when:

    Someone speaks in Chinese. Or, really, any language other than English. I tend to assume it’s Chinese. Is that racist?

    A fight breaks out. This can range from someone getting hit once to a full-out brawl. Originally I had this down as any time a punch is thrown, but as such the opening scene of the Train Job would get you pretty gorram punch-drunk.

    There is an exterior shot of Serenity. (Drink twice if there’s a shot of a shuttle detaching.)

    DRINK!

    Jayne caresses a weapon.

    I'll be in my bunk.

    Inara kicks Mal out of her shuttle.

    River cries/cowers/tears her hair. Poor, crazy River.

    There’s mention of Terraforming. Drink twice if it’s talk of terraforming side effects.

    Anyone says “Shiny.”

    This face? Totally shiny.

    Wash’s dinosaurs are on-screen. This happens more than you may think. Keep an eye on his console any time there’s a scene in the cockpit. Is it called a cockpit in a spacecraft? I don’t know, I’m a nerd, not a flight technician. Anyway, back to the game…

    Mine is an evil laugh!

    There’s a mysterious reference to Shepard Book’s past that WILL NEVER BE ANSWERED EVER. (Well, except in that one-off comic. That was pretty cool.)

    Wash and Zoe have sexy times. This can include kissing/flirting/simultaneous nudity.

    Everyone is gathered in the kitchen. (I usually exclude River from “everyone,” as she’s more often than not off somewhere else cowering and crying. *see earlier rule.)

    Specialty Rules

    Take a shot when the blue gloves show up. Not one shot per glove, mind you. Two by two… by my math, that’s a lot of shots.

    My favorite: BLUE SUN! When someone sees the Blue Sun logo (anywhere, on anything), they point at the screen and yell “BLUE SUN!” Everyone else takes a shot. The pointing and yelling is not really necessary, but mainly involuntary because you’re drunk and excitable. What? Is that just me?

    There's one! I see it! Everyone drink!

    As I play this game I also tend to take a drink for my favorite moments. This isn’t really a rule, per se, but I find it hard not to raise a glass to Kaylee calling Mal “Cap’n Tight Pants” or Jayne’s “That’s why I never kiss ‘em on the mouth.” So there’s the optional rule of “drink for awesome stuff.”

    When Kaylee talks about her nethers, you obviously drink.

    Whaddaya think, fellow nerds? These are my favorite rules, though by no means all of them. Any ideas for additional ones? Thanks for letting me share this with you. Nerd girls of the world ‘VERSE unite!

  • Best Nerdy Cakes Ever

    How did I manage to get in this predicament?!

    I’m not gonna lie, I’m more of a pie girl than a cake girl…Mmmmmm…rhubarb….but one thing that cake has going for it that pie doesn’t is it’s artistic possibilities.  Seriously, you can do ANYTHING with cake.  As a Food Network afficianado I know this for a fact.

    A friend recently sent me a photo of a Clone Trooper cake made by her friend Loriann at Ah, How Sweet bakery and it got me thinking about what other awesomely nerdy cakes might be out there.  The following cakes were made by Loriann: Pink Laptop, Steve Jobs Apple, Pac-Man, Starry Night, Clone Trooper, and Jack Skellington.  All of the rest I found via Google so if it’s your cake and you want credit for it, hit me up and I’ll be happy to oblige.  In an attempt to save some space (there were just too many that I loved!) I clumped some of them together.

    So grab your R2D2 eggs and your whisk and get ready to see some kick ass cakes!

    Let’s start with my favorite franchise, shall we?  That would be Star Trek  for any first time visitors. Here are a couple of nice insignia cakes:

    Oh no! The Klingons and the Borg!

    Phew! Our heroes are here to save the day.

    And then, of course, there’s this:

    Not creepy at all Data, not creepy at all…

    On to Star Wars.  We’ve got these familiar faces:

    And these:

    You want to see some Doctor Who? Ok fine:

    If you’re as big a fan as I am of the “Vincent and the Doctor” episode, this one is for you (add a little “For Amy” text on the cake for some extra credit):

    Nothing says “I do” like a nice Aliens wedding cake:

    This would be the ultimate birthday cake for my friend (and uber Ghostbusters fan) Hayden:

    How about we switch gears and look at some fantasy cakes.  Here’s one for the Lord of the Rings fans:

    And one for the Harry Potter crowd:

    And an epic tribute to Dungeons and Dragons:

    Are you a gamer?  Here you go:

    Or if you’re really old school:

    Or if you’re really REALLY old school:

    If you’re just into math and technology in general:

    But what about us comic book fans?  It’s ok, I got you covered.  Here’s all your favorite heroes in one delectable creation:

     

    And my personal favorite:

    I really missed the giant alien squid in the movie version of Watchmen but they definitely nailed this guy:

    Whether you’re a Walking Dead  fan or just like zombies (that would NOT be me) this wedding cake is for you:

    Nightmare Before Christmas is ridiculously awesome and also full of undead dead characters:

    If you’re a child of the 80’s like me then you’ll love these.  This Bumblebee cake is from the Michael bay movies but I couldn’t find a great Bumblebee cake from the cartoon and this one is pretty awesome so I’m rolling with it (hee hee, get it?):

    Heroes in a half shell!  Turtle power!

    And so ends are cake odyssey.  I hope that you’ve enjoyed the trip as much as I have.  I’d like to end it on this classy note:

    You're welcome.

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Klingon Blood Wine

    Bottoms up!

    Nothing says “party” like a large punch bowl full of fresh blood wine.

    Blood Wine is the favorite alcoholic beverage of the Klingons, a race of warrior aliens from the planet Qo’noS.  Originally an enemy of the Federation, the Klingons have been allies for quite some time.  Just don’t ask them about how their foreheads went from being smooth to wrinkled…they don’t like to discuss it with outsiders.  Traditionally Klingon Blood Wine is about twice as potent as whiskey and can’t be tolerated by most humans.  Don’t worry, this recipe (from the Star Trek Cookbook) is pretty tame.  The base recipe is without alcohol but you just feel free to add as much vodka as you want.  I added some and it was delish.

    You could go out a buy a bottle of Blood Wine (I got mine at the now defunct Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas) but why do that when you can make your own?

    Yup, I've also got a bottle of Romulan Ale

    So, without further ado, here is how you make Klingon Blood Wine according to Neelix:

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0MxCxKOI4o]

    –

    Here’s the recipe excerpt from page 126 of the Star Trek Cookbook (sorry, they don’t use exact amounts for this recipe so just do it to taste):

    “Klingon Bloodwine is exactly what it says it is: fermented blood and sugar.  To make an excellent re-creation of Klingon Bloodwine, you can use straight up “Just Cranberry” from Knudsen sweetened to your own taste with Welch’s pure dark grape juice.  If you want to lighten the color of the cranberry juice just a bit, use Welch’s white grape juice.  Want it to have some nice floating red corpuscles?  Run fresh or frozen cranberries or red raspberries through your blender (or chop them if you’re like me and you don’t want to have to clean your blender) and add them to your juice.  That makes it fresh and sweet, the way Worf drinks it.”

    This is what happens when you drink too much of it

     Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:

    Butterbeer

    Ambrosia

    Lembas Bread

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread

    Everything looks better with pixels

    Well, I’m on vacation in New York with a wonky internet connection (hence the lovely pixelized pictures) but it seems I just can’t quit you guys. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl!

    This time around I’m attempting to make Lembas Bread. 

    Key word: attempting.

    If you don’t know what Lembas Bread is then allow me to enlighten you.  It’s from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. It’s made by the Elves and given to the Fellowship to feed them on their journey to Mordor.

    First, a disclaimer.

    When I first saw this recipe I got so excited that I only read the ingredients, not the directions.

    HUGE rookie mistake and yet ANOTHER reason why HNG = epic fail in the kitchen.

    At least I had fun while failing

    I wish now that I had tried the recipe on the website that shows you how to make the leaf wrappings because it fits my idea of Lembas Bread better and doesn’t require special machinery that no one but the Italian Grandma down the street could possibly have in their kitchen. Seriously? A pizzelle press? Give me a break. Plus, the recipe was missing steps.  Really, it was just a disaster waiting to happen.

    Anyhooters, here is my utterly ridiculous attempt to make Lembas Bread. Now where’s Tosh.0 so I can get my web redemption?

    *side note: keep watching after the credits, I added a little bonus clip at the end.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8xSpsi0by8]

    –

    So all of you who suggested that I give baking a try…now you know why that’s probably not the best idea.

    Here’s the recipe from The Geeky Chef, but again, I suggest you try the other recipe first.  I think that I will try that other one just so that I can attempt to redeem myself.  I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

    Ingredients:
    3 eggs1 c. honey3 fruits of the Mallorn tree (kumquats)2 tsp. orange blossom or rose water (optional)

    3 oz. chopped almonds or macadamia nuts

    ¼ c. melted butter

    2 ¼ c. flour

    ½ tsp. salt

    Directions:

    Put the eggs, honey, kumquats, rose or orange flower water, and nuts in a food processor or blender. Blend on high for 2-4 minutes. Add 1 cup of the flour. Blend for a minute or two. Put mixture into a bowl and add the remaining flour and the salt. Whisk or stir until well blended. Bake lembas on a pizzelle or iron about 15 seconds each or until lightly brown. Cut into desired sized pieces. Wrap in a leaf and tie with a string!

    I smile whenever I'm plotting the demise of people who come up with stupid and incomplete recipes.

    Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:

    Butterbeer

    Ambrosia

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Ambrosia

    3 franchises represented in 1 photo. I love it.

    Remember when I told you that cooking was NOT one of my many talents?  Well, it’s about to become very obvious to you. 

    The Butterbeer recipe was the last one we shot so I had kind of gotten in to the swing of things by then (and had a few drinks…ahem).  Ambrosia, on the other hand, was the first video we shot and I was neither warmed nor liquored up yet.

    I don’t know what it is about cooking that causes all of my smarts to fly right out the window.  Give me the newest iphone and I’ve got it figured out within 10 minutes but put a blender in front of me and you’d think I’d just been handed a spaceship.  Actually….I take that back…I am absolutely positive that I could figure out the spaceship before I could figure out the blender.

    In my defense, the blender is my mothers and I’d never used it before.  I know, it’s a pathetic excuse but it’s the only one I’ve got so I’m exploiting it wholeheartedly.

    Not only did I not rehearse any of these recipes but, in some cases, I didn’t even read the directions beforehand, only the ingredients.

    Oops.

    What can I say? I like a little adventure in my life!

    On to Ambrosia!

    Ambrosia is a fancy shmancy alcoholic beverage from Battlestar Galactica that is known for being pretty potent. I like that it’s bright green, it reminds me of Ecto Cooler aka Slimer Juice.  But, you know, for adults.

    Mmmmm….green goo….

    So without further ado, this is how you make Ambrosia:

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A1ES6Jq87E]

    –

    Here’s the recipe (from The Geeky Chef):

    Ingredients

    6 oz Midori

    4 oz Blue Curacao

    2 oz lime juice

    Directions
    Add all ingredients to the Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker pitcher (or, in my case, a blender) and add ice as directed in the owners manual. Makes 36 oz. of delicious concoction. Garnish with a stemmed cherry and enjoy!

    I drank a lot of it. Gotta love liquid courage!

    PS – the next video will be of actual food, I promise!  Well…it would be actual food if I knew what I was doing…

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Butterbeer

    Just remember, you've been warned!

    I don’t cook.

    Let me repeat.

    I. do. not. cook.

    I decided a while back that I should at least TRY to learn.  And if I was going to risk setting my kitchen on fire then I wanted to do it while making food that sounded appealing to me and what’s more appealing than food inspired by Star Trek? 

    Mmmmmm….Gagh…..

    So I got out my Star Trek cookbook and thumbed through all of the recipes until I found some I thought I could pull off.  I told a friend what I was doing and he suggested I film my attempts for posterity.

    Uff da.

    THEN I saw International House of Geek’s Thanksgiving post and the recipe for Lembas bread and decided to try recipes from several different franchises.  Really, I just wanted to try the Lembas bread. I explored The Geeky Chef and between the Star Trek cookbook, IHOG and Geeky Chef, I found 5 recipes to try. One entree, one bread, and three beverages. 

    I showed the rough edit of the first video to a family member and her first reaction was: “It’s obvious you don’t know what you’re doing.”

    It’s true.  I don’t.

    So feel free to laugh at my cluelessness in the kitchen.

    Up first, my new favorite Holiday beverage: Butterbeer! 

    (From Harry Potter, in case you didn’t know)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYfAKaYWM94]

    –

    And here’s how to make it:

    Ingredients

    1/4 cup unsweetened condensed milk

    1/4 cup butterscotch topping

    2 tablespoons whipped butter, room temperature

    1 1/2 cups vanilla cream soda

    Directions
    Combine condensed milk, butterscotch topping, and butter in a glass heatproof measuring cup. Heat in microwave for 1 minute. Remove and stir until butter has melted and incorporated into mixture. Meanwhile heat cream soda in another heatproof measuring cup for 1 minute 30 seconds. Divide butterscotch mixture between 2 (10 to 12-ounce) mugs. Fill mugs with heated cream soda and stir thoroughly. Serve garnished with a cinnamon stick or an old-fashioned butterscotch candy stick.

    Enjoy!

    I sure did!

    Look for more Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl videos in the very near future!