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  • Sold on “The Selling”

    Between studying theatre and living in LA, I know a few people in that crazy little business of making motion pictures. Every once in a while I get treated to a preview of a film before it premiers. My favorites are the independent ones like Milk and Teary Sockets that are dark, quirky, and downright entertaining to watch.

    I was lucky enough to get my hands on an advanced screener of a new independent horror comedy called The Selling set to premier this Friday at the San Francisco International Film Festival. (MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD!)

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1A2kT1rsuA]

    The Selling is the brainchild of Gabriel Diani, a fellow San Francisco State University alumni (we’ve never met) who wrote, produced and starred in the film.  It’s directed by Emily Lou, also a San Francisco State University alumni (we’ve never met either) in her feature film directorial debut.

    Y’all know I heart me some horror comedy.  The Evil Dead series is quite possibly my very favorite campy horror film franchise of all time…in fact, I know it is and despite my fear of zombies, I allowed you guys to convince me to watch Zombieland this past weekend.  (Granted, I was still scared and still had nightmares BUT at least the nightmares were sort of funny this time.)

    Anyhooters, enough about me and my weirdness, I’m actually super excited to tell you about The Selling and I sincerely hope that you all manage to get your hands on a copy of it.  First off, the animated opening credits are a great teaser and something totally unexpected.  They made me chuckle more than once and how often can you say that about what is essentially a roll call?

    The film centers around Richard Scarry (you know, like the children’s book author) and Dave Ross, two real estate agents trying to make some quick cash by flipping a house sold to them by their beautiful but bitchy coworker Mary Best.  They very quickly discover that the house is haunted by 12 ghosts that aren’t exactly keen on having roommates (I can sympathize).

    Gabriel Diani as Richard Scarry in "The Selling"

    Much of the cast will likely look familiar to you.  That’s because many of them have been featured in one or more TV shows or movies that you’ve seen. Gabriel Diani is adorable as the protagonist Richard.  He brings a genuine sweetness to his character.  He can be a bit of a pushover but at least he’s aware of it while it’s happening.  He’s at his best when he’s showing the house to potential buyers after he’s accepted the presence of the ghosts inhabiting it.

    Jonathan Klein plays Dave, the best friend who gets them in this mess in the first place.  Once the ghosts reveal themselves he refuses to go inside again until the climax.  He displays excellent comedic timing and reacts to situations in ways that most people would…but in funnier ways…if that makes sense.  Janet Varney looks like a much prettier, much blonder version of Fairuza Balk.  I’m sure she’s a very nice person in real life but in this movie she takes her role as self-serving mega bitch Mary Best quite seriously and I found her to be the most interesting character in the film.

    That closet seems to be very spacious….

    Etta Devine (if that is her real name then she seriously has some of the coolest parents ever) is quirky and cute as Ginger Sparks (ok, seriously, how did she get the best names both in real life AND in the movie??) a ghost habitat preservationist who attempts to help Richard and Dave…mostly Richard…by making out with him…not that I can blame her.  I relate to her because I can be a weepy, horny drunk as well.

    Nancy Lenehan plays Richard’s Mom and she’s probably my favorite character in the whole movie.  Without giving too much away, there is a scene in the hospital between her and Richard that literally had me LMAO.  The person you can’t help but recognize is Brad Majors himself, Mr. Barry Bostwick.  He plays the Catholic priest, a staple in any movie featuring exorcisms.  Father Jimmy doesn’t carry his holy water in ounces, nope, he brings a liter of the stuff.  What he does, he does big.

    Oh, and Buffy fans, recognize the guy at the beginning of the trailer who’s interested in buying the house?  Yep, that’s Harry “Mayor of Sunnydale” Groener.

    Emily Lou is a talented upcoming director.  The way she frames her shots is fun and fantastical.  At times it seems as though she simply set the camera on the floor and let it work its magic.  Other times she chooses unique and unexpected angles that are surprising in their creativity.

    For an indie film the special effects are pretty amazing, especially when it comes to the ghosts.  Many of the scares are intentionally predictable (closing the medicine cabinet and seeing a ghosts reflection) and aid in the film’s comedy; however, I found myself genuinely scared a couple of times, something that doesn’t usually happen with me during ghost movies (afraid of zombies, remember?)

    I keep finding myself wanting to talk about plot points because there were so many that I found amusing but I’m trying to be very careful not to give away the movie.  The hardest part is refraining from giving away some of the best lines in the film (and yes, I actually wrote them down).  All I’ll say is that I’m totally stealing the “Sizzler voice.”

    If you’ve ever been to the movies with me you know that I stay and sit through the credits.  There are two reasons for this.  The first reason is that my stepdad is a Foley Artist and I was taught that everyone who works on a movie deserves to be recognized for their hard work.  Their faces may not be seen but their names should be.  The second reason is that there are often little snippets during or at the end of the credits that are worth waiting for.  Sadly, I’m often the only person who sees them.  If you get an opportunity to view The Selling you’ll want to stick around for the ending credits which are HI-larious.  My favorite part?  When Dave tries to open and eat potato chips in a completely silent hospital room.  We have all been there and Ginger’s reaction to his munching is classic.

    Sizzzzzzzler!

    Four out of five Sci-Fives!

  • Attack of the Top 10 Sci-Fi Mustache’s

    There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to decide whether or not he wants to sport some facial hair.  Trends have come and gone but one style remains a classic.

    The mustache.

    Some men prefer a classic lady tickler, others are more creatively inclined.  The 80’s sparked what I like to call the “pornstache.”  Heck, all four of my male parental units have maintained a crumb catcher at some point.

    In honor of great mustachioed men, here is my list of the Top 10 ‘staches of Sci-Fi:

    10. Guy Fleegman – Galaxy Quest

    "Who looks like a tool? I look like a tool. ALL RIGHT!"

    We’ll start with the spoof, shall we?  Poor Guy, he had a bit part in his favorite sci-fi show and therefore became convinced he was doomed to die a redshirts death after he follows the crew aboard the Thermian’s NSEA Protector in an attempt to defeat the evil alien warlord Sarris.  Instead, he helps save the day and becomes Security Chief “Roc” Ingersoll.  See what a mustache will do for you kids?  It’s like MAGIC.

    9. Zed – Zardoz

    There are no coincidences…..

    Sporting a red monokini and a fu manchu, Sean Connery tests the waters of science fiction with a confusing plotline and a trusty revolver.  Supposedly Zed is the perfect man, the result of eugenics experiments (he could pass for Khan’s brother, yah?) created to save mankind.  His inspiration?  The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  No shit.  Don’t get it yet?  The God is named Zardoz as in WiZARD of OZ.  Yup, pretty much.  The best part about Zardoz is what he teaches: “The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth . . . and kill!” Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.

    8. Admiral Adama – Battlestar Galactica

    Normally Bill would be higher up in the list of anything and everything but since he only rocked his mustache when Laura Roslin wasn’t there to see it (aka about 3 episodes), he’s back at #8.  While his people were slowly migrating to New Caprica and his kid was busy getting fat in the face (but not really anywhere else which was really weird), Bill decided that the best way to alleviate his boredom would be to grow a mustache.  If my mission in life were suddenly gone, I’d be tempted to grow one too.  As soon as life got back to it’s scary, running from the toasters, normal self, the mustache came off and everyone (and I mean everyone) went back to the look they were sporting a year prior.  I think it was their little way of saying “Fuck you New Caprica, we never liked you anyway.”

    7. Lt. Hiram Coffey – The Abyss

    Why do the movies always make Navy SEALS look like jackasses?  I’ve known a few Navy SEALS in my life (including one that was smaller than me and, no joke, sported a mustache) and let me tell you, you have to be a smart and focused son of a bitch to make it in their ranks.  Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox now.  Lt. Coffey is a Hollywood Navy SEAL trigger-happy jackass who dies trying to kill something (NTI’s) that he doesn’t understand with a warhead despite the fact that everyone around him is telling him to calm the fuck down.  His one redeeming quality?  A kick ass ‘stache.

    6. Prince Barin – Flash Gordon & Neville Sinclair – The Rocketeer

    Totally not photoshopped….

    Hot damn Timothy Dalton, you really love your fanny duster, don’t you?  Timmy gets a double mention for these two beauties.

    I’ll start with Flash Gordon.  I’m not gonna lie, I heart me some Queen and they did most of the soundtrack for this 1980’s film starring former Marine and Playgirl centerfold Sam J. Jones as a football player who gets rocket propelled into space and has to deal with alien drama in order to save Earth.  Like typical boys, Flash and Prince Barin have to fight each other before they realize that they can get more done if they team up.  Boys are so dumb sometimes.  They git-r-done and Timmy is made King.  Yay!

    In The Rocketeer Timmy switches sides and plays the bad guy.  Neville Sinclair is a dashing actor who just happens to be a Nazi spy.  Sporting a much more stylish mustache than his fuehrer, Neville meets his end after escaping a burning Zeppelin on a stolen rocket, and then crashing into the last four letters of the Hollywoodland sign (you always wondered what happened to those last four letters, didn’t you?)  The source of his demise?  Chewing gum, of course.  Take THAT you Nazi bastard!

    5. Wikus – District 9

    "Excuse me, but do I have something in my eye?"

    With a name like Sharlto Copley, you don’t even need a mustache to be cool.  But it can’t hurt.  Poor Wikus van de Merwe.  All he wants to do is impress his Father-in-Law.  Instead he gets alien jib sprayed in his face and loses that glorious mustache as he slowly mutates into a prawn.  At least he learns how to make flowers out of scrap metal.  Always looking on the bright side Wikus, it’s what I like about you.  That and your weird South African accent that isn’t quite British and isn’t quite Australian.

    4. Wellington Yueh – Dune

    Dean Stockwell is a personal favorite of mine having starred in Dune, Quantum Leap, and Battlestar Galactica.  For Dune he whipped out his trusty magic marker and drew on a rockin’ mustache.  Just for good measure, he threw in a spiffy red dot right smack in the middle of his forehead.  Yueh is a Suk doctor who has been trained to obey some kind of crazy futuristic Hippocratic Oath.  That is, until his wife gets kidnapped and he throws all of that right out the window, betraying and ultimately destroying his patron.  He sort of redeems himself in the end but it’s too little too late.

    3. Shepherd Book – Firefly

    Some people have issues with Book’s hair while it’s in its natural, gloriously poufy state.  However, I’ve yet to hear one complaint about his mustache.  Why?  Because it’s awesome and even River can’t deny that fact.  I have no idea if the tea strainer is required by his religious order or not but I’m pretty sure it could help even the most hardened prostitute find religion.  Don’t believe me?  Watch “Heart of Gold” and ignore the fact that a madman with a battery-operated ray gun is coming after them.  Told you so.

    2. Lando Calrissian – Star Wars

    Ok, so totally bizarro, but every time I think of Lando Calrissian I think of the song “Rico Suave.”  Seriously. What. The. Fuck.  I know it’s not rational and yet it happens every time.  I think I need electroshock therapy or something.  I’m just going to point to this definition of suave over at Urban Dictionary and be done with it.  Anyhooters…back to Lando aka friend/traitor/friend to Han Solo.  Don’t judge his actions until you’ve got Darth Vader all up in your shiznit.  For all we know, Boba Fett threatened to shave off his epic mustache.  That, my friends, would have been a tragic facial hair FAIL.

    1. Montgomery Scott – Star Trek

    Scotty nice mustache!

    Scotty may not have grown out his nose neighbor until later than life but he still gets the top spot on my list.  Why, you ask?  Because it’s my God damn list.  And because, above all else, I heart Star Trek and because Jimmy Doohan was arguably the most talented actor in the entire cast.  He was the source of many voices, many characterizations, and was even the original inventor of both the Vulcan and Klingon languages.  He’s also the only person on this list whose ashes have been shot into space…actually I think he’s the only one who has died…but whatever, the point is, he has earned his spot at #1.  And he rules.

    Scotty mean mustache! GRRRRRR!!!!!

  • Sucker for Sucker Punch

    {Spoiler Ahead!  You have been warned.}

    Maybe I just really like to see girls kicking ass.  Maybe I just have a really big hard on for Zach Snyder. Maybe it’s the fact that my Dad alternates between calling me Sweet Pea and Spike.

    Whatever.  All I know is that I finally saw Sucker Punch on Saturday night and I fucking loved it.  Not only did I love it, but I really don’t get why everyone is hatin’ on it.  The only answer I can come up with is that they just don’t get it.

    My Mom grew up a feminist in the 60’s and 70’s, she would get in political fights with my Grandfather at the dinner table and stand her ground against a man that is renowned for being a tough opponent in an argument.  I saw this movie with her and the instant it was over we turned to each other and simultaneously said “I loved it.”  I tell you this because it seems that much of the criticism I’ve seen has been by women that are pissed off about this movie being anti-girl power.

    Anti-girl power my ass.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrIiYSdEe4E]

    If anything, I see this movie as being about empowerment, strength, focus, and the will to fight and not take shit sitting down.  You’ve got Baby Doll who fights back against her asshole stepdad (in a fantastic opening sequence), is forced into a mental hospital and then fights for her freedom.  She just happens to solve her problems using metaphors.  She’s in a helpless and demeaning situation so she envisions herself trapped in a place that is equaling as demeaning – where girls are forced to dance and act as prostitutes – a sort of sex slave version of Moulin Rouge and a situation I sure as hell would want to escape from.

    She then takes a cue from Inception (or Scrooge McDuck) and has fantasies within her fantasy where she acquires four of the five objects she needs to escape – a map, a source of fire, a knife, and a key.  In her fantasies she battles against giant samurai, Nazi zombies, some of the orcs from Lord of the Rings, and a pissed off dragon mama.

    Nazi zombies people!

    Obvious.

    What isn’t there to like about five hot chicks kicking Nazi zombie ass???

    I might be slightly biased on that particular point.

    Like the chicas, the other main players are the same throughout each fantasy world.  The helpful old guy who guides her, hotty mctottie Carla Gugino (who I heart big time), the cook, the pyro orderly, the evil step-dad, and most evident of all, the creepy head orderly who has a thing for torturing the girls on the side.  Even Don Draper gets to play double duty as a doctor/High Roller who’s appearance provides the deadline the girls are trying to beat.

    I’m not gonna lie, I got a little verklempt when Baby Doll realized that she was the fifth and heretofore unknown item on the list and then proceeded to sacrifice herself so that Sweet Pea could escape.  I so badly wanted Baby Doll to escape as well.

    She certainly took that spike to the brain like a man.

    3.5 out of 5 sci-fives

  • A “Super” Review

    It’s been a while since I’ve done a movie review (Harry Potter/RED) of anything because quite honestly I’m one busy little hot nerd. But, when I saw the trailer for Super I just knew I had to see it.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7g74Imj184]

    Super, as I’m sure you all know because you just watched the trailer, is the latest film by James Gunn, the deviant mind that brought us Slither, about a man who has decided to become a super hero. To give just enough back story, it’s very similar to Kick-Ass but with one major difference; its way more f**ked up. Here are the main points that kind of weirded me out, without giving too much away.

    The beginning is very similar to Kick-Ass in terms of story structure. Frank (Rainn Wilson), seemingly had no real prior exposure to super hero’s before watching an episode of the Holy Avenger (Nathan Fillion) as opposed to Kick Ass whose Mom died of a brain embolism or something something SCIENCE! Suddenly, Frank has a bee in his bonnet to stop crime and does so by dressing as the crimson bolt and beating people with a plumbers wrench. He goes out, posting signs telling “Crime” that he’s coming, much like Kick Ass made a…. what was it?…. *Googles Kick-Ass*…. WTF is MySpace? Whatever…. to advertise their badass-e-ness.

    I would fight crime with him any day of the week!

    Both are obviously out of a need to feel something other than they are feeling, which kind of digs at the heart of a lot of the current super hero trend. Super hero’s become hero’s for a lot of different reasons but the most overwhelming is just to feel something different. At least as far as the movies go, some do it to get away from guilt (Spiderman, Batman, Iron Man) while others do it to make the rest of us look like assholes (Superman, Captain America)

    But those are really where the similarities end. While both movies are very, very violent, Super is more visceral in its violence. There are no sweeping ballets of Big Daddy or Hit Girl taking out numerous thugs. It’s mostly just Rainn Wilson beating people with a wrench until the very end where guns finally come into play.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NHwsrYlDHE]

    Now Libby (Ellen Page) is where Frank gets all his super hero knowledge. She’s basically like me, filled with nerdy knowledge about comic books and stuff but in a much more demented package. Kind of like a shitzu on steroids this girl does some crazy stuff. And I mean just… weird. She eventually figures out that Frank is the Crimson Bolt and forces him to accept her as his sidekick Boltie. This is the point where the movie moves from kind of violent to blood everywhere.

    Shortly, before the cat fight….

    It’s also the point not where the movie lost me, but kind of overwhelmed me. It kind of turned from watching a super hero movie into watching something more akin to Full Metal Jacket. Everyone kind of starts to lose it and by the end I felt a little…. violated. Not in a good way, but not necessarily in a bad way. Most superhero movies leave you wanting to be like the hero, saving the day and doing some good. But this ending leaves me feeling like even attempting to be a superhero would be a bad idea.

    It’s a very honest ending, that I won’t ruin, that totally falls in line with the spirit of the movie. It’s just that this movie makes me just happy to have what I have and not have to go through what Frank went through; some very serious catharsis.

    Three and a half out of Five sci-fives

     

  • Evolution of a Hero, Vol. 1

    What? He’s a monster. Shut up. SAVE ME WES!

    If you’ve read my earlier post about Malcom Reynolds and Han Solo, you know that I have a spot in my heart for bad boys. Seriously, what girl doesn’t? But the thing is, with those characters you never get the full story of how they became such kings of badassery. OK, you get a little bit with Mal in “Serenity” (the episode, not the movie) and “that one episode with the ice planet friend that dies” but they really don’t tell you much about his journey to becoming a hero.

    Lucky for us though, Joss “Is Boss” Whedon did us a favor with his creation of a mousy little man, scared of his own shadow, trying to prove himself to those around him. But by the time his clock ran out he had proved himself a bigger bad ass than most. I’m talking of course, of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, played to perfection by Alexis Denisof. Let us begin.

    Hi. I'm an ass-hat.

    When he began, he came in as Faith’s (Elisa Dushku) Watcher. A sissier version of Giles, he was very keen to do as he was ordered. His tie was straight, he played by the rules, and the thought of getting his hands dirty made this classic fancy Englishman faint. He was a character of little note, just barely a plot point in my opinion, and at one point, just a side character for Cordelia to keep busy with. That is, of course, until he left for Angel.

    Getting warmer….

    In LA, he became a rogue demon hunter. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, it took a little while before he actually developed deeper levels. For me, it was when he finally got shot while working with Gunn that he seemed to achieve a certain amount of darkness and cool. There’s something to be said for men who get knocked down but keep pressing on because they know that what they are doing is the right thing.

    Well hello handsome…
    Why are all Wes's so hot?

    The point at which the hotness scale tipped for me was when Wolfram and Heart was invaded by robbers, led by Wesley’s father. (SPOILER ALERT) By this time Wesley, who was at one point cookie dough, had been carved out of wood. (Oooo, where did I pull that quote from?) When his Dad threatened to hurt Fred, the love of his life, he didn’t hesitate to use his weapon and drop his father. That’s just hot. He knew he was right, his Dad was wrong, and just shot. No begging, no pleading, his father had crossed a line and Wes just went for it.

    There is, of course, more to Wesley’s story, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone that hasn’t watched Angel yet. Great hero’s are not born, they are made through fire and sacrifice. And Wesley, most definitely, is a hero.  At least in the television sense.

    Guys take note: this is what you should be. Ladies, take note: Wesley Wyndham-Price is the guy you want.

    Ok, so maybe not ALL Wes's are hot…

  • What is Science Fiction?

    Why was this never read to me as a child? (Borrowed form College Humor) http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1811404

    This past Friday, HNG fan James posed a seemingly simple and obvious question to me:

    Huh.

    That is an excellent questions James, and believe it or not, one I’ve never really thought about. Science fiction has been such a constant in my life since I was a small child that I never stopped to think about what my definition of science fiction is.

    When you think about it, it’s a pretty broad term that can be applied to just about any story. After all, most humans are cyborgs in one way or another. For example, everyone who wears glasses, has braces or uses a pace maker is technically a cyborg.

    So does that mean that every movie with a computer in it can claim to be science fiction?

    Merriam-Webster defines science fiction as such:

    science fiction (noun): fiction dealing principally with the impact of actual or imagined science on society or individuals or having a scientific factor as an essential orienting component.

    By this definition, a movie about a kid who mixes the wrong chemicals in chemistry class and accidentally blows up his classroom could be considered science fiction. After all, his mistake has impacted his society of classmates in a scientific way. Would I consider this science fiction? Probably not.

    Wikipedia’s definition is more to my liking:

    Science fiction is a genre of fiction dealing with the impact of imagined innovations in science or technology, often in a futuristic setting.

    Science fiction differs from fantasy in that it is based in reality. That may sound bizarre but it’s true. We take what we know to be real, say…the internet, and transplant it into an imaginative situation, such as The Matrix, to get a fictional story with some basis in truth.

    Computers were a relatively new concept when Gene Roddenberry came up with his idea for a “wagon train to the stars.” While he was in the process of fine tuning his concept for Star Trek, he consulted with every scientist he could get his hands on in order to find out what technology was feasible. 45 years later, cell phones, scanning devices and hyposprays are so integrated into our everyday lives that these so-called “devices of the future” seem antiquated in comparison.

    Science fiction can be subtle or glaringly obvious. Take the subject of clones, for example. One on hand, you have The Island, a futuristic clone farm where everyone is forced to wear white and cannot leave the confines of the compound for fear of deadly pathogens. When their organs are needed by their wealthy sponsors, the clones are told that they’ve won a lottery that will allow them to live the rest of their lives on an island free of the toxic air. The protagonists escape and fight for their freedom and right to exist.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLPdg3BXiJk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

    At the other end of the spectrum is Never Let Me Go, about a group of cloned children growing up at a boarding school in England. They live relatively normal lives until a teacher lets it slip that they have been cloned for the purpose of organ donation. As adults they are allowed to come and go as they please but they are resigned to their fate. Only Tommy attempts to change his destiny and he does so by creating art. When that fails he accepts his lot in life and “completes” his purpose. These two movies essentially have the exact same concept but they treat the topic with completely different approaches. Are they both science fiction?

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXiRZhDEo8A]

    I have to say yes. Cloning is a reality but scientists haven’t reached the point (that we know of) of cloning humans which elevates both tales to the realm of science fiction.

    Science fiction doesn’t have to be set in the future but it sure helps.

    Firefly is essentially a Western, it just happens to be set in the future where spaceships are as common as horses. Take the spaceships away and it ceases to be science fiction. Take the spaceships and aliens out of Star Trek and you have NCIS.

    My best attempt at dressing like Malcolm Reynolds from "Firefly". Anyone think they can Photoshop me into a cooler background?

    You get the picture.

    So to answer your question James, my definition of science fiction is a story that takes a reality and manipulates it through science, technology and imagination to make something completely unique and exceptionally awesome.

    And I’ll take it over real life any day.

    Now here’s a question for you readers out there.  Is there a hard line between science fiction and fantasy? Would something like “Farscape” be considered sci-fi, fantasy or sci-fi/fantasy?

  • What Every Nerd Bar Needs

    You could copy Ten Forward, duplicate the bar on Tatooine or “cmd-c” any famous nerd bar but those would all just be facsimiles. And while they would be awesome, I thought it would be better if somehow a bar could be created that, while totally being a nerd bar, could just as easily pass as a normal bar. You can order beer, wine or a little Romulan Ale without beating people over the head with patrol Car 718’s night stick.

    So here are a few things that I feel would be excellent subtle replacements for items you find in bars all around the world.

    Sports Jersey: A lot of bars have jersey’s of famous players on their walls, right? So what kind of jersey would be in a nerd bar? Since we’re going for subtle I’m not sure how good it would be to have a Caprica Buccaneers jersey up there because it just seems too overt. I’m thinking we go with something reeeeeeally obscure. Like a Buck Bokai jersey perhaps? You can all name the episode of DS9 that it’s from right? Ok good 🙂

    Weapon Above Fireplace: To replace a normal sword, how about a bat’leth or lightsaber? A shot-gun gets replaced by a clumsy blaster or phaser rifle? Or maybe, to get super cool we go with Duncan McClouds katana! That’s right. I dug so deep I hit Adrian Paul.

    Drinks: As I said before, the alcohol would be important. Klingon Blood Wine maybe? Romulan ale? As long as they have Imperial Stormtrooper Stout on tap, I’m in.

    Games: Obviously, it being a nerd bar and all, games will be offered to keep busy nerds buried in RPG or sci-fi minutiae. But what games, you ask? Obviously, some good d20’s would be for sale. And much like darts, if you want to borrow the bars dice you gotta leave your license with the bartender. It should also have assorted classic games like Pacman, Load Runner or Joust available. And if you’re really lucky, maybe even Galaga.

    from http://inhabitat.com/pacman-dining-table/

    Posters: now we’re moving into less subtle territory. A Starship Troopers poster would be way too obvious. But the ‘Firefly’ one below as well as some classics, like ‘Soylent Green’ or ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ I feel we could pull off without making normal folk feel weirded out. Especially since the ‘Serenity’ one is in German. Sci-five!

     

     

     

     

  • How to tell the difference between Cally and Kaylee

    Yah, yah.

    I am aware of the fact that I’ve been writing an awful lot about Firefly and Battlestar Galactica lately.  There are two reasons for this:
     
    1. I recently purchased every season of BSG and am treating myself to a personal marathon.
     
    2. My Mom just had surgery and, as her weekend nurse I decided that, in my expert medical opinion, a Firefly marathon was necessary to her recovery.

    (I may aso be mourning the death of the Help Nathan Buy Firefly movement…so sad)
     
    This post stems from a conversation I had with my Mom over the weekend after we had watched a few episodes of FF.  I was trying to explain to her why BSG should be her next marathon and was giving her short descriptions of the characters.  Next thing I know she’s asking about Cally in the Firefly world.  I asked if she meant Kaylee.  She asked which one was the mechanic.  I said both of them.  She asked which one had been shot.  I said both of them.  She got very confused (the Vicodin may have contributed to that) and demanded to know who the heck was who and why they were so dang similar. 
     
    So I present to my Mom (and to you) Cally vs. Kaylee.

    ***

    CALLY

    Originally little more than a named extra, the producers liked Nicki Clyne so much that they decided to make Callandra Henderson (or Jane Cally, depending on where you’re at in the series) a full fledged character.  The poor girl just wanted to be honorably discharged from the decommissioned Battlestar Galactica and go off to be a dentist.  Instead she watched the vast majority of her civilization destroyed along with her dreams of oral hygiene.  The moment I knew I liked her was when she fought off a criminal would-be rapist by biting off his ear.  He shot her in the gut and that was supposed to be the end of Deckhand Cally. 

    Instead she went on to murder a Cylon (who used to have sex with her boss), get beat up (by her boss), knocked up (not by her boss), hitched (to her boss), almost executed (by the big boss) and then murdered (by a Cylon). 

    Even though Cally turns out to be not so great a person, I have a soft spot for her.  I mean, seriously, the girl just wanted to be a dentist.

    KAYLEE

    A genius mechanic with no formal training, Kaywinnit Frye is the heart and soul of the Serenity crew.  She’s pretty much open and honest about everything and jumps on the opportunity to take the mechanic job away from a guy right after jumping his bones.  She accidentally gets shot in the gut by the most incompetent undercover cop ever and is saved by the soon-to-be ship’s doctor who bargains for safe passage with her life. 

    The poor girl somehow ends up being the brunt of the guy’s teasing, usually when she displays some behavior that proves she’s a woman under all that engine grease.  Fortunately, the ladies come to her defense, most often in the form of mad dogging the guys.  She develops a fat crush on the doc and even though he seems to like her too, he pretty much screws it up at every opportunity. 

    I liked Kaylee from the moment I saw her (how could you not??)  I mean, seriously, the girl just wants to fix things and wear a frilly pink dress.

    ***

    Ok, so let’s review here.  Both are mechanics, both have unrequited crushes on fellow crew members that are eventually requited, both get shot in the stomach and that’s about where the similarities end. 

    But it’s understandable how someone doped up on pain meds would get the two confused.

    Say yes. 

    Don’t make me mad dog you.

  • Battlestar Galacticawesome

    I’ll admit it.  I was a late bloomer to the Battlestar Galactica universe.  When it came out my time was otherwise occupied and by the time I had time it was so far in that I thought I would get lost if I started in the middle.

    Then I was given Season 1 on DVD by a friend a couple of years ago (shout out to Vetty Spaghetti) who thwacked me on the head, called me an idiot and practically threw the DVD set at me.

    She is a very wise woman.

    After getting scoffed at by a few more friends, some *gasp* not even nerds, I knew I was in trouble and rapidly losing my nerd cred.

    So I embarked on a mission to watch and absorb all things BSG.

    **Disclaimer: I wasn’t a total BSG virgin, I did see the introductory miniseries when it first came out in 2004.

    I watched 5 hours the first day and was addicted.  I watched 3 more hours the day after that.  And so on and so forth.  I threw money at Amazon.com in an attempt to get seasons 2-4 as fast as shippingly possible.

    I’m pretty sure that the moment I got hooked was when Starbuck shoved a slimy, half-biological, half-technological Cylon oxygen tube in her mouth without even flinching.  I thought, hot damn, now THAT’S a woman.  I’d like to think that I would do the same if I were stranded on a lifeless, alien moon.  I’m pretty bad ass.  I’m not sure I’m that bad ass but one never knows until they’re in that type of situation.

    Yes? No?

    And is it just me or does everyone think of Dr. Julian Bashir whenever Dr. Gaius Baltar walks onscreen??  They look like they were separated at birth.  Of course, as soon as Gaius opens his mouth (or looks over at the imaginary Cylon dry humping him) all similarities end abruptly.

    "My monogram is better than your monogram."

    As far as Dear Leaders go, ya’ll know I’m about as big a Trekkie as they come so I’m still partial to my Kirk’s, Picard’s and Sisko’s but EJO holds his own as Adama.  I could have done without the 80’s porn ‘stache he sported but other than that I have few complaints.  I do like that both he and his XO have some serious flaws.  I can hold my own in a drinking contest but drinking before work everyday?  It takes a man like Saul Tigh to pull that off.  My hat is off to you Sir!

    Back to the ladies, I may or may not have a slight girl crush on Cally.  Any girl who bites off a guy’s ear even though it means taking a bullet to the gut is a-ok in my book. Plus, she fixes things.  We have much in common.  Throw in some Dee and I might just change teams.

    I started out thinking that Lee was kind of a whiny little bitch BUUUT, he grew on me.  I definitely have no problem with him taking his shirt off.  No problem at all.  Ever.  Speaking of da boys, I have a soft spot for Chief Tyrol, having been raised by a Chief myself.  Plus, how funny and awesome is it that he got to boom boom with Boomer??

    I’m a big Mary McDonnell fan; she had alien attack cred already with Independence Day, a movie I love to this day (mock me if you must).  Her quiet strength while looking blitzed out of her mind both inspire me and crack me up.  She can pull off the bald look too.  That’s no easy feat for a chick my friends.

    And the Cylons…oh, the Cylons…I’m not going to address the end in case there are readers who haven’t seen it, but, in short, I can do without the guys but Tricia Helfer and Grace Park can feel free to stick around for as long as their little pseudo-Terminator hearts desire.  I’m pretty sure C6 is about as perfect a woman as God (or the gods) can create and if I was Dr. Baltar, I’d have constant fantasies about her too, day-glo spine and all.

    "Don't ask me where I found this, but be glad that I did."

    In short, yes, I was a dumbass for not watching the series while it was on TV but I don’t really regret it.  I got to sit back and watch them all without having to wait in anticipation for the next episode week after week.

    Winning!

  • Malcolm Reynolds vs. Han Solo

    As the pressure heats up for Fox to let Nathan buy the rights to Firefly, I realized that there too is another never-ending battle that shall live on in the annals of sci-fi history: Why Malcolm Reynolds is better than Han Solo….. and vice versa.

    I was going to take sides, but then I realized that I’d be happier to take a tour around the galaxy with either of these bad asses.  But in the name of science, SCIENCE I TELL YOU, I will put my personal feelings aside and concentrate solely on their attributes.

    And maybe their tushes.  But only a little.  And I make no promises about what I’ll concentrate on once I’m finished writing this post.

    Let us proceed.

    3 Reasons Why Han Is Better Than Malcom Reynolds

    Study up. There will be a test later.

    1) Han Has A Better Bucket: While Serenity is quite the ship, with folding toilets and all, it still lives in the shadow of the mother of all ships. In the Millennium Falcon we trust. Both have their issues and are pretty much giant buckets of bolts but the Millennium Falcon can make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. Not even Kaylee can make Serenity do that. Plus Joss has even stated in the Firefly extras DVD that Serenity IS his Millennium Falcon. Gotta give credit where credit is due.

    Point Han.

    2) Han’s Got A Wookie: While Mal flies around the universe with 8 other people, Han only needs one. And why would you need anyone else? With Chewbacca by your side people will be too intimidated to even think about messing with you. Plus, no offense to Jane and Vera, but Chewie’s weapon of choice is a crossbow that shoots lasers. LASERS. “Oh, look, he’s got a cross bow, isn’t that quaint? HOLY SHIT, IT’S SHOOTING LASERS!”

    Point Han. (And Chewie, cause sometimes you gotta let the Wookiee win).


    3) Han’s Got Leia: Unlike Mal, who can’t seem to get his shit together when it comes to the girl he’s crushing on, Han grabs Leia’s heart with little more than a smile and a swagger. She’s just as hot disguised as a bounty hunter as she is sporting her (albeit forced on her) gold bikini. But regardless of how she got it, gold bikini Leia loves him and really, does anything beat that?

    Point Han.

    (BTW you should join the “Help Nathan Buy Firefly” fan page!)

    3 Reasons Why Malcolm Reynolds Is Better Than Han Solo

    1. Mal Shoots First: Anyone that has ever watched Firefly or Serenity has never had any doubt that Mal, when cornered, will always shoot first. Whether it be kicking a bad guy whose hands are tied behind his back into Serenity’s engines or shooting an unarmed Operative of the Alliance, when he knows he’s right he’ll end you. That makes him hot. Han’s good name has now been so sullied by the Lucas re-edit where Greedo shot first that people feel compelled to make shirts about it. Yuck.

    Point Mal.

    2. Mal Wears a Trench Coat:     The Firefly-verse is a western, sure, this I’ll grant you, but I will counter with the fact that so is the Star Wars verse, at least on Tatooine. Han’s vest is a relic of the influence from the 1950s westerns, hence the fact that his vest is black. It makes him look cool and edgy.  Mal’s brown makes him look rustic and able to blend in better when he’s, you know, riding horses.

    Point Mal.

    I will never get tired of this photo…. ever…

    3. Mal Gets Naked: I’m sure that this means a whole lot more to the lady readers than it does to the male readers but I’m a lady and it’s my blog so there.  Sure, sometimes he’s getting tortured when he’s naked but even encased in carbonite, Han is fully clothed. A wasted opportunity, if you ask me.  Don’t get me wrong, Han is damn sexy but I simply can’t judge him accurately without seeing a little more skin.

    Point Captain Tight Pants.


    Oh, and did I mention that you should join the “Help Nathan Buy Firefly” Fan page? Oh good.


    Decisions, decisions…