Hot Nerd Girl

Tag: Lord of the Rings

  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Reviewed

    I’m ready Gandalf, let’s go on an adventure!

    I really need to stop burning the candle at both ends. I woke up Sunday morning with a horrible sore throat and a pounding headache that is making my head feel like it weighs about 800 lbs. But nothing was going to keep me from seeing The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.  Nothing. So I opted to see it in 2D because of my head. I’ll go back and see it in 3D once I’m feeling better.

    WARNING: I geek out a bit so expect spoilers. But really, y’all should have read the books so I really shouldn’t be spoiling anything for you.

    [youtube:http://youtu.be/nOGsB9dORBg]

    –

    The movie takes us through the first 6 chapters of The Hobbit or There and Back Again by JRR Tolkien which means that it took them just under 3 hours to get through approximately 100 pages of a children’s novel.  I’ve been arguing since 1999 that The Lord of the Rings should have been six movies instead of three. People who haven’t read The Lord of the Rings might not know that it’s actually six books in three parts. The movies were great, I can’t even count how many times I’ve watched them, but they would have been even greater had they been able to stretch out a bit more. Cuts had to be made, like Tom Bombadil, and that’s fine but a bit sad for those of us who love the books. The Hobbit  could probably have been done in two movies as opposed to three, but I, for one, am glad that they aren’t limiting themselves this time around. It means less changes while they try to squeeze in major plot points. They do still make a few changes, which I’ll mention later, but it’s mostly additions that I didn’t mind.

    It starts much like The Fellowship of the Ring did, with a back story setting up the adventure that’s about to happen. In this case, it’s the story of how the House of Durin discovered and claimed Erebor, or The Lonely Mountain, as their home. Erebor is pretty rad. It’s got a ton of precious gems and metals and giant hammers that come down from the ceiling and slam together to make golden blocks of something kick ass. They also have the Arkenstone, which is basically like the greatest diamond ever found, second only to the Silmarils (which were made, but that’s a different story). King Thrór, or as I now like to think of him, the Dwarf with the Awesome Beard Bling, becomes so obsessed with his wealth that he starts going a bit batty. His Grandson, Thorin, is the only one who seems to notice this but says nothing. Apparently, insanity attracts evil because one day Smaug, a Fire-drake (or Uruloki) left over from the days of Morgoth, decides that Thrór’s treasure would make a mighty fine mattress. *Totally random side note – maybe it’s because of my life-long obsession with Norse mythology, but did anyone else ever notice that a UruLOKI stole everything from someone named THrOR?

    But I digress.

    There are a few things that are different from the book; for example, the way in which Bilbo decides to join the adventure at the last minute, the whole Radagast part, the way the Dwarves leave Rivendell, the Orc hunting party, the scuffle with Azog during the burning trees bit, the way the group finds themselves in the hall of the Great Goblin. But you know what? None of that bothered me. Because they are splitting the book into three parts, they are able to keep the storyline line almost entirely intact. Unlike with The Lord of the Rings trilogy in which they had to cut a lot of my favorite parts out and therefore, modify parts to make it all flow. Which they did quite nicely considering it had to be squeezed into such short films (yes, I said short).

    Let’s explore the characters, shall we?

    Bilbo Baggins

    The first time I saw Martin Freeman was when he was playing Tim in the original British version of The Office  and I remember thinking, how can you not love this guy?? What is wrong with you Dawn! GO GET HIM!! (If you haven’t seen it, you really need to, it’s brilliant). Steven Moffat once said that Freeman has a way of making “ordinary people fascinating. He finds the poetry in just being ordinary, and that’s an extraordinary gift.” And it’s true. When I found out that Freeman would be playing Bilbo I literally sqee’d. It’s like he was born for this role. He is, quite simply, a revelation. And I don’t say that lightly. Every word, every movement, every mannerism is perfect. It’s lovely to see Ian Holm on the morning of his birthday party at the beginning of the film but I couldn’t wait until they went back to 60 years prior and the introduction of Freeman as Bilbo. Right from the get go his performance is charming and emotionally gratifying. Even when he’s covered in Troll snot. When Galadriel asks Gandalf why he brought Bilbo along he’s baffled and haltingly replies “Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it’s because I am afraid and he gives me courage.” Indeed, Bilbo is simultaneously the mascot, the cheerleader, the little brother and, in many ways, the most capable member of the group, all of which the Dwarves slowly begin to realize the closer they get to Erebor. One of the minor alterations made by Peter Jackson is the way in which Bilbo tries on the ring for the first time. Instead of just slipping it on like he did in the book, they decided to mirror it with Frodo’s first time by having Bilbo trip and fall. As the ring flies through the air, IT makes the decision to slide onto Bilbo’s finger.

    Gandalf

    Speaking of people who were born to play a role, the same could be said about Ian McKellen and the role of Gandalf the Grey. He’s here in all his pointy grey-hatted glory. One of the biggest differences between the book and the film is the way that the Dwarves leave Rivendell. In the book they depart with Elrond’s blessing on ponies packed with provisions that he has provided. In the movie they slip away in the middle of the night while Gandalf distracts Elrond, Galadriel and Saruman with a Morgul blade and tales of the Necromancer. As per usual, he saves the day on more than one occasion, the most notable of which is with a repeat of Gandalf the Moth Whisperer from LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring. But the best example of Gandalf’s magic? The fact that he never loses his hat. For real, it’s like it’s sewn onto his head.

    Thorin

    I never understood why Marian went for Robin instead of Guy of Gisbourne. I mean seriously, just look at Richard Armitage, the guy (heehee) is drop dead. I first saw him in the BBC mini-series North & South.  Which you should totally watch if you’re at all into British period drama…which I totally am. North & South  is my favorite of all the ones I’ve seen and I’ve seen pretty much every one that Netflix has to offer. Then, of course, he was Gisbourne in the BBC series Robin Hood. A show that I found totally hokey at first but that I ended up being completely addicted to. Seriously dudes, the end of the final episode made me cry the ugly cry. Twice. Armitage has a tendency to play brooding characters and Thorin Oakenshield, the King in exile, is no different. He’s stubborn but magnetic and majestic for a Dwarf. If you’re an Armitage fan like I am, you’ll be thrilled by the countless close-ups of Thorin with his hair blowing in the wind. No joke, they pop up about every 10 minutes or so. Let me tell you, he has nailed the art of gazing just to the right of the camera and looking all inspirational and stuff.

    The Dwarves

    This jovial band of brothers and cousins is filled primarily with relatively unknown actors from New Zealand and Great Britain, there is one that you might recognize, not only because he starred in another favorite BBC series of mine, but also because the makeup people just couldn’t seem to bring themselves to cover up such hotness and he’s got the least amount of prosthetics of any of the dwarves. I’m referring, of course, to Aidan Turner, our favorite tormented vampire from Being Human who plays Kili. The only other name I even recognized was Graham McTavish and that’s mostly because of my love for gratuitous violence. There are a couple of stand outs though. One being Balin (spoiler alert: the Fellowship finds his tomb when they’re walking through Moria) played by Ken Stott. Stott does a masterful job of being a wise and calming influence for Thorin.  If you’re not a Tolkienite, it can be easy to miss Glóin son of Gróin (bottom right in the picture collage). He doesn’t feature prominently in either the book or the movie, but he’s notable in that he is Gimli’s Daddy. Gimli, of course, being the sole Dwarf in the Fellowship of the Ring. As a whole they provide some very memorable and chuckle-worthy moments, including a burping contest and a kitchen clean-up job the likes of which have not been seen onscreen since Beauty and the Beast. “Blunt the Knives,” the comical clean up song, is quickly followed by a haunting rendition of “Misty Mountains.” Both songs are in the book and it’s highly satisfying to actually hear them for once. Many of the songs in the book get left out of the film, but the ones that are scored are brilliant.

    Radagast

    I think that Peter Jackson felt guilty about leaving Radagast out of The Lord of the Rings because he made the part of Radagast the Brown much, much bigger in The Hobbit. In fact, if I remember correctly, I think he’s only mentioned in The Hobbit. You probably know Sylvester McCoy best as the seventh incarnation of the Doctor (the one who got his wardrobe cues from The Riddler). As one of the five Istari or Wizards of Middle Earth, Radagast is the one who is utterly obsessed with animals. He has virtually no contact with other humanoids and names the animals of the forest he protects. He even lets birds nest under his hat and crap down the side of his face. This is both hysterical and disgusting. He’s got a sled pulled by Rhosgobel rabbits who can outrun Wargs and, according to a disdainful Saruman, he eats lots of shrooms. Jackson uses Radagast to introduce the Necromancer. If you’ve read the books then you know who the Necromancer is, but just in case you haven’t, I’m not going to spoil it here.

    Gollum

    Along the treacherous road to Erebor, the company stumbles on three Trolls. After defeating them by allowing the dawn to turn them to stone, Gandalf and company find the Troll’s cave and three very important swords, Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver, Glamdring the Foe-Hammer, and Sting. When Gandalf hands Sting to a reluctant Bilbo he encourages the Hobbit by telling him that “true courage is not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one.” If you’ve seen The Fellowship of the Ring, then you know that Gandalf alludes to this moment when he scolds Frodo for wishing that Bilbo had killed Gollum when he had the chance. Gandalf replies, “Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.” Andy Serkis returns as the strangely loveable Stoor, Smeagol, in a performance that defies explanation. How someone can talk in that voice for that long is beyond me. Serkis mentioned on The Colbert Report that the “Riddles in the Dark” scenes were the first to be filmed. You’d never know it. It seems as though he and Freeman have been at it for ages.

    Thranduil

    I don’t know if Lee Pace got a new agent or what, but he has certainly been making the movie rounds lately. His adorkable face is showing up in the most random places. If you’re like me your first exposure to Pace was Pushing Daisies,  a brilliant and gorgeously shot TV series about a man who can bring people back to life with a touch, but if he touches them a second time they are dead for good. Then I didn’t see him for a few years and I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him. Then 2012 rolls around and he’s suddenly in the last Twilight movie, Lincoln, and now The Hobbit  trilogy as none other than the Elvenking Thranduil (aka Legolas’ Daddy). I gotta admit, his looks are very Elvish and even though the extent of his part in An Unexpected Journey involves him riding a giant moose and cocking his head to one side while looking bemused, I know from past experience that he’s a great actor. I look forward to seeing more of him in The Desolation of Smaug in which he’ll play a much bigger role.

    The White Council – Elrond/Galadriel/Saruman

    There are a few people on this Earth who are chosen by a higher power to be a part of multiple nerdtastic franchises. Mark Sheppard is one, Benedict Cumberbatch is quickly becoming another, and they are ruled over by Hugo Weaving. As Elrond, he helps the Dwarves discover hidden text on Thror’s Map written in Moon-letters, the Middle-earth equivalent of invisible ink. He brings his usual gravitas to the role. Galadriel shouldn’t even be in this movie but I can’t say I blame Peter Jackson for doing it. I can seriously watch Cate Blanchett and her pre-raphaelite hair all day long. Sheesh she’s pertiful. Also, she has mastered the art of the dress swirl. You know, where she’s standing with her back to you and then she smoothly spins around to face you which causes her dress to do an awesome swirly thing that is the envy of brides everywhere. Saruman is only mentioned in The Hobbit when Gandalf is describing his fellow Istari (there are also two mysterious Blue Wizards who journeyed to the East after being brought to Middle-earth) but again, why pass up a chance to watch Christopher Lee?? The White Council’s surprise regarding the Necromancer is yet another variation from the book but I’m not going to get into that here because this review is getting crazy long as it is.

    Lindir aka Aegnor aka Figwit

    Way back in 2001 a random elf showed up next to Elrond at the Council in The Fellowship of the Ring. He didn’t appear for long and ended up becoming affectionately known by fans as “Figwit.” The name came from three people who worked on the film who remarked in the commentary “Frodo Is Great, Who Is That??” Voila! F.I.G.W.I.T. was born. His popularity and the mystery surrounding him grew so much that Peter Jackson brought back the young brunette elf and gave him a speaking part. He became Arwen’s Elf Escort and called after her when she ran away and returned to the…uhmmm…well, King. Nearly 10 years later, Figwit shows up in The Hobbit as Elrond’s representative and he’s got an actual name this time, Lindir (he was randomly dubbed Aegnor, aka one of Galdriel’s brothers, in a card game tied in with the trilogy). Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. OMFG, it’s Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords. I have no excuse as to why I didn’t realize it was him in the bazillion times I’ve watched the LOTR triology since Conchords came out other then the fact that I’ve never seen someone look so different without beard stubble. Turns out The Fellowship of the Ring was Bret’s big break and he’s the son of the guy who played Elendil (Aragorn’s 89-great-grandpa). Just thought you should know.

    The Baddies – Azog/The Great Goblin

    Azog (aka the Pale Orc) played by Manu Bennett, should not be a contemporary character in this movie. Period. He does belong in the flashback of the Battle of Azanulbizar and he did behead Thror, but that was way prior to the climactic battle which he did not survive. He was beheaded by Dáin, a cousin of Thorin’s. The Great Goblin Chieftain of the Misty Mountains played by Barry Humphries does belong, however. He is killed by Gandalf (albeit much earlier in the book than in the movie) and it’s his death that spurs Azog’s son Bolg, the Goblin King of Moria, to confront the Dwarves at Erebor in what becomes known as The Battle of the Five Armies (which you will see in Part 3 There and Back Again).

    The movie ends with the thrush (if you’ve read the book then you’ll know what that signifies) and that’s all I’m going to say. Overall, the movie is far more mature than the book. Peter Jackson manages to adapt a children’s novel into something that fits in seamlessly with the Lord of the Rings trilogy he started working on nearly 15 years ago. The cinematography is stunning and the wide shots of the New Zealand landscape are, quite simply, breathtaking. It’s a beautiful film and it needs to be seen on the big screen.

    4.5 out of 5 Sci-Fives!

  • 7 Guys Worth Nerdgasaming Over

    Just replace the Tribble with one of these 7 delicious men and I’ll be a happy camper

    My sister-in-law and I were at WonderCon on Friday and somehow we got on the topic of “Cheat Sheets.”

    And no, I’m not talking about the school variety.

    The “Cheat Sheet” I’m referring to is a list of people you’re allowed to get it on with and your significant other can’t hold it against you.  You both get one and the list is full of people you don’t even remotely stand a chance with.  For example, Robert Downey Jr. and Christian Bale are on my SIL’s list.  Isla Fisher and Gretchen Mole are on my brother’s list.  They are only allowed 5 each.

    Now, I’ve written a number of articles about sexy women, the 2 most popular being 10 Hottest Babes of Sci-Fi and Maxim’s Hot 100 Lucky 13 but I have yet to write a post about nerd-worthy sexy men.  This kind of blows my mind. It also got me thinking about my own list and who would be on it.  I certainly know it when I see it if I’d hit it…but can I narrow it down to a list?

    It’s was a difficult challenge but one that I was willing to accept.

    Yeesh my job really sucks sometimes 😉

    After much thought, meditation and Google image searching, I’ve put together my Cheat Sheet. I couldn’t narrow it down to 5 so I get 7.  Because I’m HNG and I say so.  So there.  Naturally everyone on my list fits nicely into the nerd ‘verse….cause that’s all I ever pay attention to anyways…ahem.  Sorry if you don’t bat for this team and it’s not your kind of list.  I’m an equal opportunity sexy list maker and I can’t (nay won’t!) neglect the fans who will appreciate this.

    So without further ado, here’s my list in alphabetical order:

    Orlando Bloom

    I studied for my college finals every December for 3 years in a row while waiting in the 5+ hour line for opening day of the latest Lord of the Rings movie.  I graduated Cum Laude so I must have been doing something right.  The first time I saw Legolas on screen I was 100% convinced that I was going to marry him one day.  Then all the teeny boppers jumped on that bandwagon (especially once Pirates of the Caribbean came out) and it turned me off big time.  But still, I can’t help it.  I think he’s adorable.  Thankfully most of those teeny boppers have moved on to RPatz.  I used to see Orlando outside my work sometimes, once with Dominic Monaghan (and cue borderline creepy stalker pic) and my heart would still leap into my throat.  So he stays on the list.

    Nathan Fillion

    Does this one really need an explanation?  I didn’t think so.  But I’ll give one anyway.  Actually, I wrote a whole blog about it back when HNG was brand spankin’ new and I stand by it.  But aside from the fact that he’s Malcolm Reynolds, Captain Hammer, Richard Castle, The Holy Avenger, etc etc etc…Nathan himself has an amazing sense of humor.  I don’t pay much attention to my Twitter account (although I probably should) but every once in a while I go on and just read back through his tweets for fun.  I’m often told that I look like Stana Katic, Nathan’s source of sexual tension on Castle.  I disagree about the physical similarities but I would gladly trade places with her and experience some of that sexual tension for myself. ….please….?

    Tom Hardy

    Five of the men on this list are foreigners with deliciously sexy foreign accents.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m as proud an American as they come, but GD I love a good accent.  There’s a scene in This Means War when Reese Witherspoon meets Tom Hardy for the first time and she asks him to say something again because it sounds so awesome.  I could not have said it better myself.  Tom Hardy first came to my attention as the Captain Picard clone in Star Trek: Nemesis.  I went to see it on opening day with about ten guy friends.  About five minutes into the movie I started crying (because I’m a movie psychic and I’d already figured out what would happen to Data) much to the horror of every guy I was with.   I will never forget the moment when the friend next to me asked me if I was ok and I looked over and saw ten grown men staring at me like I had tentacles sprouting from my face.  It was HI-larious.  But I digress.  The other thing that stood out was Tom.  He’s been charming me ever since, crooked teeth and all. Seriously, he was my very favorite character in Inception. I think I’m the only person on the planet that isn’t looking forward to seeing him as Bane in The Dark Knight Rises.  I know he’s going to be brilliant but the thought of him like that just makes me cringe.  But I’ll still watch it.  Over and over and over again.

    Chris Hemsworth

    If you’ve been following the blog for a while this will come as no surprise.  If you are a newbie, allow me to explain.  I’m a big Thor fan. 1. He’s my favorite comic book character and 2. I’m a ridiculously proud Scandinavian who grew up listening to stories about Odin and Asgard while we made lefse and sauerkraut.  The first time I remember seeing Thor on a movie screen was when Vincent D’Onofrio reluctantly accepted the title in Adventures in Babysitting, one of my very favorite movies of all time. So I had very high hopes for whoever Kenneth Branaugh cast in his Avengers set up.  I wasn’t sure what to think about Chris Hemsworth at first.  I remembered him being Kirk’s daddy in the latest Star Trek and I thought he was mighty cute but not big enough to be the God of Thunder.  Then he took his shirt off and I had a conniption fit.  OMFG.  Seriously Chris, you just have to say the word and it is on like Donkey Kong.

    James McAvoy

    I think my attraction to James mostly has to do with his Scottish accent.  And his eyes.  And the fact that he’s a brilliant actor.  And his eyes.  And his accent.  All of which I discussed in my review of X-Men: First Class. But aside from all that, he’s uber talented.  Mr. Tumnus is one of those literary characters that is beloved by fans of The Chronicles of Narnia and James did good by our favorite faun.  Plus, he rocks the Jane Austin-type stuff and you know us girls eat that shit right up.

    David Tennant

    Another choice that needs no explanation.  Easily the sexiest of all the Doctor incarnations, his 3 series and 8 specials are the most popular and well-loved of the long running Doctor Who BBC show.  Then he had to go and seal the deal with Harry Potter and Fright Night, forcing me to adore him forever.  His face is so malleable, he can twist and turn it in countless ways.  But when he just stop and smiles, your heart melts.  David, I am so sorry (see what I did there?), but I just can’t quit you.

    Michael Trucco

    Now, my brother’s name is Michael and normally I’m totally weirded out by the thought of banging someone with the same name as someone I’m related to but in this case I will totally make an exception.  I fell head over heels in love with Anders the second he showed up on Battlestar Galactica.  Lee who?  Seriously, I wanted to punch Starbuck in the face for the way she treated him.  Even the fact that he was a Cylon could not diminish my love.  It sucked when he went all vegetable and yet I would still probably hit that.  I’m a little grossed out by myself right now but damn, that is a fine ass man.  He also had memorable guest spots on Big Bang Theory and Castle (where my celebrity look alike got to have a nice little love triangle with TWO of the people on my list.  Bitch.)

    Runners Up:

    Richard Madden – Game of Thrones

    Kit Harington – Game of Thrones

    Chris O’Donnell – Batman Forever (but never ever ever Batman & Robin *shudder*)

    Patrick Stewart – Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men

    Henry Cavill – The Tudors, Immortals, Man of Steel

    Jamie Dornan – Once Upon A Time

    Jason Mamoa – Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones, Stargate: Atlantis

    Ben Browder – Farscape, Stargate SG1, upcoming Doctor Who episode

    Alexander Skarsgard – True Blood

    Ryan Kwanten – True Blood

    Joe Manganiello – True Blood

    Tristan MacManus – Dancing with the Stars (I know, totally random, right? But I’m a theatre/dance nerd too and he’s frakking adorable)

  • Best Nerdy Cakes Ever

    How did I manage to get in this predicament?!

    I’m not gonna lie, I’m more of a pie girl than a cake girl…Mmmmmm…rhubarb….but one thing that cake has going for it that pie doesn’t is it’s artistic possibilities.  Seriously, you can do ANYTHING with cake.  As a Food Network afficianado I know this for a fact.

    A friend recently sent me a photo of a Clone Trooper cake made by her friend Loriann at Ah, How Sweet bakery and it got me thinking about what other awesomely nerdy cakes might be out there.  The following cakes were made by Loriann: Pink Laptop, Steve Jobs Apple, Pac-Man, Starry Night, Clone Trooper, and Jack Skellington.  All of the rest I found via Google so if it’s your cake and you want credit for it, hit me up and I’ll be happy to oblige.  In an attempt to save some space (there were just too many that I loved!) I clumped some of them together.

    So grab your R2D2 eggs and your whisk and get ready to see some kick ass cakes!

    Let’s start with my favorite franchise, shall we?  That would be Star Trek  for any first time visitors. Here are a couple of nice insignia cakes:

    Oh no! The Klingons and the Borg!

    Phew! Our heroes are here to save the day.

    And then, of course, there’s this:

    Not creepy at all Data, not creepy at all…

    On to Star Wars.  We’ve got these familiar faces:

    And these:

    You want to see some Doctor Who? Ok fine:

    If you’re as big a fan as I am of the “Vincent and the Doctor” episode, this one is for you (add a little “For Amy” text on the cake for some extra credit):

    Nothing says “I do” like a nice Aliens wedding cake:

    This would be the ultimate birthday cake for my friend (and uber Ghostbusters fan) Hayden:

    How about we switch gears and look at some fantasy cakes.  Here’s one for the Lord of the Rings fans:

    And one for the Harry Potter crowd:

    And an epic tribute to Dungeons and Dragons:

    Are you a gamer?  Here you go:

    Or if you’re really old school:

    Or if you’re really REALLY old school:

    If you’re just into math and technology in general:

    But what about us comic book fans?  It’s ok, I got you covered.  Here’s all your favorite heroes in one delectable creation:

     

    And my personal favorite:

    I really missed the giant alien squid in the movie version of Watchmen but they definitely nailed this guy:

    Whether you’re a Walking Dead  fan or just like zombies (that would NOT be me) this wedding cake is for you:

    Nightmare Before Christmas is ridiculously awesome and also full of undead dead characters:

    If you’re a child of the 80’s like me then you’ll love these.  This Bumblebee cake is from the Michael bay movies but I couldn’t find a great Bumblebee cake from the cartoon and this one is pretty awesome so I’m rolling with it (hee hee, get it?):

    Heroes in a half shell!  Turtle power!

    And so ends are cake odyssey.  I hope that you’ve enjoyed the trip as much as I have.  I’d like to end it on this classy note:

    You're welcome.

  • Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl: Lembas Bread

    Everything looks better with pixels

    Well, I’m on vacation in New York with a wonky internet connection (hence the lovely pixelized pictures) but it seems I just can’t quit you guys. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl!

    This time around I’m attempting to make Lembas Bread. 

    Key word: attempting.

    If you don’t know what Lembas Bread is then allow me to enlighten you.  It’s from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. It’s made by the Elves and given to the Fellowship to feed them on their journey to Mordor.

    First, a disclaimer.

    When I first saw this recipe I got so excited that I only read the ingredients, not the directions.

    HUGE rookie mistake and yet ANOTHER reason why HNG = epic fail in the kitchen.

    At least I had fun while failing

    I wish now that I had tried the recipe on the website that shows you how to make the leaf wrappings because it fits my idea of Lembas Bread better and doesn’t require special machinery that no one but the Italian Grandma down the street could possibly have in their kitchen. Seriously? A pizzelle press? Give me a break. Plus, the recipe was missing steps.  Really, it was just a disaster waiting to happen.

    Anyhooters, here is my utterly ridiculous attempt to make Lembas Bread. Now where’s Tosh.0 so I can get my web redemption?

    *side note: keep watching after the credits, I added a little bonus clip at the end.

    [youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8xSpsi0by8]

    –

    So all of you who suggested that I give baking a try…now you know why that’s probably not the best idea.

    Here’s the recipe from The Geeky Chef, but again, I suggest you try the other recipe first.  I think that I will try that other one just so that I can attempt to redeem myself.  I’ll let you know how that works out for me.

    Ingredients:
    3 eggs1 c. honey3 fruits of the Mallorn tree (kumquats)2 tsp. orange blossom or rose water (optional)

    3 oz. chopped almonds or macadamia nuts

    ¼ c. melted butter

    2 ¼ c. flour

    ½ tsp. salt

    Directions:

    Put the eggs, honey, kumquats, rose or orange flower water, and nuts in a food processor or blender. Blend on high for 2-4 minutes. Add 1 cup of the flour. Blend for a minute or two. Put mixture into a bowl and add the remaining flour and the salt. Whisk or stir until well blended. Bake lembas on a pizzelle or iron about 15 seconds each or until lightly brown. Cut into desired sized pieces. Wrap in a leaf and tie with a string!

    I smile whenever I'm plotting the demise of people who come up with stupid and incomplete recipes.

    Previous installments of Cooking with Hot Nerd Girl:

    Butterbeer

    Ambrosia